She wants to be friends after the first date? What should I do?

Question

We went bowling as a first date. We laughed, teased each other, and had a great time together. It ended with a hug and I gave her a kiss on her forehead. I felt like I found the perfect person. A day before our 2nd date she texted me saying how I'm a great guy but we should stick as friends. I'm obviously not looking to be friends but I don't know how to reply back to her after that. What should I do? I'm so confused right now.

LightEnd · Accepted Answer

She is not sexually attracted to you. You should tell her "thank you for the offer but I have enough friends"

This is the only way to maintain your frame as a potential romantic partner.

Most people get into romantic relationships to gain the following : Sexual access, companionship, attention and resources (time and money)

When you examine "the friend zone" of men and women it is interesting to notice the subtle differences.

When a woman puts a man who is interested in her into the friend zone she usually gets attention and resources without having to provide sex.

When a man friend zones a woman who is interested in him, he typically does this to get access to sex, without having to provide the "relationship".

Most women, especially more attractive women, have a group of men that are interested in her which she will keep in her "friend zone". She wants to maintain a friendship with you to gain the things I listed above while also keeping you in her back pocket as a backup plan in the case that she has no other "better" men who she can lock down into a relationship.

Even if you do get into a relationship eventually, it will not work out because she isn't attracted to you. Don't be that guy.

If a woman is sexually attracted to you she will make it plainly obvious to you. If she wants a relationship she will actively try to get commitment from you.

As an example, when myself and my current partner were in the talking stage. I made a comment to her that she could do whatever she wanted because we weren't in a relationship yet and she responded saying "we're not? I think we are" which was my opportunity to either commit or refuse. I accepted.

Never, ever ever try to get a woman to commit to you. Always leave it up to her to "lock down" the relationship.

Hope this helps!

raw_is_war99 · Accepted Answer

Sheesh people don't need to be so ruthless on here. I'm not a girl but I'm assuming she said that because maybe things are moving to fast for her. Every girl is different, I've had girls who want to send nudes within the first weeks of talking to her, I've had girls who are completely committed to not doing that stuff unless the guy is her boyfriend. If she wants to be friends but agrees to meet up in the future then that's a good sign. It's a sign that she will give you a chance. Usually a girl's attraction grows for a guy when you distance yourself from her. Therefore, in the meantime, don't do anything, focus on your life. There's a few more weeks of summer, there will most likely be another lockdown, I'm assuming by September or October so just stay busy. I really liked a girl who liked me and then all of a sudden she closes her social media account and that's it. Last time I spoke to her was June, do I miss her a bit? Yeah, I want to talk to her but if she doesn't or will not then I have to move on, that's the sad, tough reality of life.

It's just like weather, not everyday is going to be filled with hot, sunny day and a nice cool breeze to mix. There will be days of gloomy, depressing days. Just got to get over it. If she contacts you, take it slow and apologize for advancing. I know girls are confusing. In the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and early 2000s, girls predicated on guys/men approaching them and being forward/direct. I'm not saying girls/women don't want a man to be that way today but like I said everyone is different. Imagine if you were unsure of a girl and she kissed you on the forehead, wouldn't your first initial reaction be, "Woah, what just happened?" Girls take things slower because some girls assume if you do stuff like that, you're just going after her solely for sex.

Secure12 · Accepted Answer

Perhaps there is something in her that suggested for the two of you to just be friends. You may not know , but something might have turn her off for her to suggest that even after having a good time together. If you want to know her better then you can stick around and show her that you mean well, perhaps she will learn some qualities you might have that will change her mind. I remember once refusing to get to know someone until that person told me he just wanted to be friends and a year later I accepted his friend request and I finally gave him my number and with time as I got to know him better I realized he was a great guy and it was too late for him, he have finally moved his emotions to just being friends.

Moimaris · Accepted Answer

She wants to stay friends can mean she doesn’t feel attracted to you but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by being to hard. I did make up an excuse sometimes after a date by saying I wanted to stay friends.

BUT: it can also mean she is figuring out how she feels about you. She still wants to keep in touch. Remember that women mostly need some time. We don’t have the same first attraction as men have for women. Keep the contact and see if she keeps contacting you back. If she doesn’t reply it was an excuse. If she does keep replying she has her options open and you have a change. Yes we girls can be hard 😂

justlookin69 · Answer

First, get your mindset in RP mode. Don’t reply; no calls or text, block her number and if you see her again, act as if you vaguely remember her at all. If you do contact her, then she’ll know she has you when ever she wants. No bueno! More than likely, she was choosing, meaning she had previously more than likely went on another (2 or 3) date (s) and you lost.

Find another chick that’s smart, hotter & sexier than her, and enjoy life. She’ll be wondering if she ever come in contact with you again. Don’t ever chase a female.

hannahjo022 · Answer

I would respect her and just be friends. I have female friends who friendzone many guys. Most of them stopped talking to her and looked else where. When my friends saw that the guy they friendzone ended up with someone else besides them, they all got upset and realized they made a mistake friendzone guys they turned down. Find someone else who is more worth your time and don't kiss a girl on her forehead on the first date that's weird. Take the next girl out besides bowling and try to get to really know her. You can take the next girl bowling after several dates. You need to get to know someone first

Aethereal · Answer

I think it would be for the best if you (clearly) let her know that you want to be more than friends If she can't see anything like that happening between the two of you, it's best to walk away now. Since you are romantically inclined toward her, I doubt you'd be happy to see her dating someone else down the line. It's not too much of a stretch that she found someone else she wanted to be with more, but doesn't want you to disappear since she had so much fun with you on the date. I know someone who went through a similar thing.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Why did you kiss her forehead? Go for the lips to convey interest in these instances if the chemistry is there and the flirting has been taking place and been received well.

You came off as a friend in your actions, that is why she is saying this.

Tell her you are looking for more than friendship and that if that is what she is offering you instead, turn her down and say you are only interested in finding a woman you can be intimate with. Then the hard part, walk away and be olay with not seeing her again and don't reach out afterward because then you are saying you are okay with being her friend. If you want a girlfriend, you have to come off as a lover, not a friend.

darkfoxjj · Answer

Obviously we've all been there and it sucks.
It's hard to stay grounded when feelings are already that high, learn how to open and close them up more. Personally I would take a few weeks off and practice datingskills a bit more before possibly reengaging contact. In the meantime don't say or do anything boring again.

About your date;
A hug and forehead kiss? She thought you were too nice and boring probably no sexual tension.
Escalate asap, you only have that 1 chance, the 1 moment. Always make excuses to break that ice. With bowling you could have done the classic tandem bowl - how a dad teaches a kid. Always be more on the wild side, man to woman.

Furthermore always see her a bit and treat her as a hypothetical younger sister.
Stay playful and a tease.

As long as you are communicating you can try and show her this flirting playfullness

kitty71 · Answer

First of all you are 31 years old a mature guy how can you not know that you are just getting to know each other or pretend to be more than friends just after the 1st date. The 1st does not imply anything serious, you are 2 getting to know each other one date does not make a big change into more than friends. And also a kiss on the forehead makes everyone believe you just want to be friends. At leats if you 2 would had made out, that would had give her an idea you are more interested and want to hang out more to see what happens.

Browneye57 · Answer

Tell her don't need any more friends, you have plenty already. You were looking for a partner, a lover, a mate. If she's excluding you from any possibility then it's simply untennable. And say thank you and goodbye.

Like any red-blooded guy wants to be in the friendzone. What a fukkin bimbo.
Friendzone = I think you're nice but I have zero sexual or romantic attraction to you.

And quit being so 'nice'. Women like edgy, and tough guys, they want to be entertained and desired. Rev up your passion, let them know how attracted you are. They'll either respond in kind, and it'll go somewhere, or you'll get friendzoned.

loveslongnails · Answer

1) Apologize for kissing her on the forehead, grandpa. LOL Do it in a funny way, but make it clear you didn't mean to your first kiss to be like that.
2) I take it she canceled the 2nd date, right? So ask her "If I'm a great guy, why do you just want to be friends? Was it the forehead kiss, or do you just not see me as boyfriend material?
3) Tell her to be honest, you're a big boy and can handle it, so I'm presuming you CAN handle whatever she says.
4) If she's just not interested, accept it.

I don't have enough info to know if "friends" really means she wants to be friendly, or it means "I've no romantic interest in you, so there's really no point in getting together again".

backblueblack22 · Answer

Sorry man but that’s a BAD sign. Friends first usually means friéndzone forever when most women say that nowadays. This might of been a different story decades ago when women actually respected chivalry. But only a minority of women respect that nowadays.

I would be be straight up with her and reply back with this “Hey so so I can respect that. But you have to respect where I am coming from. I am looking to date. I’m fine with taking things slowly and getting to know you. But you need understand that when you say “friends first” I’m hearing “friendzone” which I have no interest in doing. If you need time to think this through I can understand. I’m honestly not just looking for a hookup but we have a solid understanding that I am looking for more than this” you understand?

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Either 1. Say thanks but no thanks. See you around.

2. I felt the same way. Pick out her biggest flaw. Ie looks or annoying laugh or failed at school whatever and just say i got along great but i dont think my parents would approve since you dropped out of college or i just prefer girls who make fitness more of a priority. Etc.

This is how you make a girl re analyze the situation because she will now feel like you denied her and not the other way around. Makes you seem more attractive and makes her reconsider.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

Of course you have to move on, if you have no interest in friendship. You should never do a forehead kiss my man. Just go in for the real thing. Women, more specifically American women don’t date friends. So never stay at the friendship distance for women you are attracted to. So next time just go in for an actual kiss and if the woman rejects you, you won’t have to worry about any confusion.

K-I-S-S · Answer

"Thank you for letting me know early on, but i'm looking for a partner.

Hanging around, as friends, with a great woman who i also find attractive would be detrimental.

And thanks for the fun date, i hope you find who you are looking for."

And you move on. Friendzone is not a place you want to be with somebody you like.

Flower7 · Answer

You might as well not even reply to her text if a “friendship” isn’t something you’re interested in.

Just out of curiosity, why did you decide to do a forehead kiss instead of a real kiss? That makes it seem kinda like you only saw her as a friend also.

Anon621 · Answer

I would recommend staying friends with her so you can have another friends. I agree with what other people are saying, she most likely told you this since the feeling wasn't mutual but she still likes your personality most likely which is why she asked to stay as friends

Adam1978 · Answer

It's simple your a guy and you should reject the proposal. If she is putting you in the friendzone she isn't willing to work on your relationship but want to date other men. That isn't what you want. So see it as a the rejection it is and find another girl willing to put in the effort to see if there is anything there. Don't waste your time on her. You going to be need it to improve yourself or finding that other girl.

igaveyouanickname · Answer

Kiss on the forehead is a big let-down to a girl.

She may think you don't have the experience and don't know how to make a move.

The best thing is say "sure", forget about her, and date more women. When she finds out other women are interested in you, she'll suddenly become very interested.

greyislife · Answer

If you have it in you, you can try to objectively ask her why. I have never done this myself but my sister used to do this after failed ates and often times men were willing to be honest and tell her. That way you can see yourself from another’s perspective and potentially improve for your next situation. It’s also possible that it’s just on her and has nothing to do with you or she’s also dating someone else who she wants to be more serious with.

Daniela1982 · Answer

You friend zoned yourself with the forehead kiss. I would have been offended if at the end of a great date he kissed me on my forehead. Who wouldn't want to kiss these luscious lips?

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

Thank her for the good time but tell her you were interested in her romantically and being friends just makes it awkward. Then move on.

If I had to guess, she put you in the friend zone pretty quick, so don't be her fallback guy.. Nothing is worse than if you end up with her knowing that you weren't her first choice.

Anonymous · Answer

If I were you, I would probably just say, "Thanks for letting me know" and leave it at that. I wouldn't say anything about the friend suggestion. I wouldn't tell her that you can stay friends, but I also wouldn't flat out say, "I don't want to be friends with you" either. in my opinion, that sounds childish and like you're super upset.

_Troian_ · Answer

If she already sent u a message like that then what happened is happened. Dont beg her to "give you another chance" sometimes u just have 1 bullet to take the risk and shoot the target, if you miss it then its gone. I say move on, if u really want to know the reason just ask it but it seems she couldnt get the energy she was looking for.

StunningANDbrave · Answer

>we should just be friends
Translation
>I have no desire to fuck you because you're too passive
Your solution is to lose her number and try again with a different girl and not do what you were doing with this one, kiss on the forehead? Fuck out of here with that go for the lips.

Jfranco12 · Answer

Just say “thanks but I’m not interested in being friends, if you change your mind feel free to hit me up. I wish you the best.” And do not contact her anymore

Anonymous · Answer

….. sigh……it means that the feelings are unfortunately not mutual. And I’m sorry you’re going through this. Just reply to her “I was actually going to suggest the same thing!” That’ll throw her for a fucking loop lmao.

rjroy3 · Answer

"I'm all good on friends. Best of luck out there"

Then leave it. You don't wanna be friends. She doesn't really either other than a niceness to you if that's what you want. Easy situation to part on good terms.

The-Wise-Phoenix · Answer

Tell her stright up you are not looking for a friend and that you like her as a woman. If that doesn't work... Walk away and have nothing more to do with her. The friendzone is a dead end.

Mik3ydatguy · Answer

The best thing you can do is just respect what she is telling you. I know it may suck because the date and everything seemed like it was going exactly how we wanted to until we get hit with the your a great guy in all. The best thing to do is give her that space and if she changes her mind she knows we’re to find you

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Pretty much what everyone else said. “Friends” doesn’t mean much in your 30’s unless you happen to have a lot of hobbies and stuff in common. Nothing will ever come of it and you’ll probably end up watching her get married to another guy.

Scaren · Answer

If after the first date, she asks to just stay friends. That is her saying that she still wants to hang out but she realized that she doesn't like you in that way. Maybe it was a curiosity thing. Only she knows. If you still want to have her in your life don't burn your bridges by getting upset or getting upset she didn't wanna pursue that kind of a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

The forehead kiss might have given the wrong impression... she probs didn’t wanna be ‘just friends’ but feels that you do so she wants to avoid you friendzoning her, so she friendzoned you

say ull b friends but next time u see her make a real move

Starwitch23 · Answer

Just say you're not interested and move on. She might be testing you.

Bjornasey · Answer

Classic tactic by women, she's reserved you as a backup simp, this is a very common tactic women use.

Anonymous · Answer

Why would you kiss for head at first date? I mean she's woman she has pussy we have dick we suppose to have sex with them not kissing their forehead. Lips All the way. I assume you're good guy with no much of experiences which not that bad however I think it's time to take the red pill take a look on that link

Take a look on DARIUS M YouTube channel

andreasderjuengere · Answer

If you want a relationship, there's more harm in ''rushing'' than good. Stay on the slow lane and let things unfold. For faster delivery: try Amazon :)

mvpverona · Answer

Just tell her how you actually feel. If the feeing isn’t reciprocated then move on. Remember there are other fish in the sea.

Ninjazzed · Answer

It means she isn’t sexually attracted to you for whatever reason. Move on.

Kaamraj · Answer

Who paid for the date? Anyway tell her clearly that you're uninterested in being friends and you'd like a sexual relationship. If not then move on.

AdithyaR · Answer

So she isn't interested in you as a romantic interest. While you don't have interest to be a friend. Just tell her you aren't comfortable with that and move on.

Anonymous · Answer

Just dump her and move on. In the same manner she doesn't have to be in a relationship with you if she doesn't want to, you don't have to be just friends with her if you don't want to

mike5150 · Answer

Just tell her ok and go about your buissiness. She doesn't feel the same so please don't drag it out since you only seen her once.

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

Did you really think 1 date screamed we are together or she's perfect? You don't even know the girl. You're moving too fast sir

FlutteringFeelings · Answer

Ask her ‘How come?’ and allow her to tell you if it’s something that you did.

hahahmm · Answer

Move on. You two are not compatible. When you find the right one this won't happen.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Why are these discussions conducted via text message instead of an actual phone call?

Heckpupper · Answer

Would you like to be friends with her? If it's too much torture, turn down the offer and move on. I've been through too many games to recommend anyone else do the same.

the_kisses_of_sun · Answer

You do realise that kissing her on the forehead gave her the sign of you wanting to be friends.

Anyway, tell her the truth. Tell her what you want. If she doesn't accept it, then move on. Don't wait for her to change her mind.

exitseven · Answer

She was pretty clear about what she wants. It sucks bit it happens. You just have to deal with it.

007kingifrit · Answer

1. tell her what you just told us. you had a great time and you don't understand why she just wants to be friends 2. you tell her no, being friends isn't a useful thing for you

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Due cut the cord , state clearly that you don't want to be friends don't be a standby to her

MountAverage · Answer

What exactly is the confusion? You don't want to be friends with her. So that's what you need to tell her. How is that complicated?

DeltaCharlieEcho · Answer

Cut and run. Don’t waste your time on a bitch that’s going to back burner you. You know your worth more than that.

Guanfei · Answer

She found a chad to fuck, and a sheep to pay for whatever she wants. Sheep being you, of course. End it up, move on, find someone else.

Solstice77 · Answer

Simply move on. She doesn't value you enough to give you a chance so why would you want to waste your time being friends with her?

Anonymous · Answer

women are prostitutes no point in dating if you must put money into a women like a machine  she is not worth it

DoneThat2 · Answer

Who doesn't want another friend? Just don't try to be her only friend.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Send her a reply agreeing with her. And then leave it at that.

ThatNoUVAtYourEyes · Answer

A kiss on the forehead means 'friends only'. She is doing what you asked her to.

Tstrbrainer · Answer

Kiss on forehead, big mistake.  Avoid her that's all

pleasestopthis · Answer

Tell her you're not interested in a friendship.

Anonymous · Answer

I would ghost her but it is up to you. do you need another friend?

She wants to be friends after the first date? What should I do?

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