I tried everything, and yet I can't get a girlfriend... Yet girls say I'm good looking?!

Question

Is there something wrong with me?  I'm 24, very built and muscular, 5'8 180lbs, worked in the oil rigs for 6 years and never had a gf.  I took some time off work to go to college JUST to find that one girl. I know, this is pretty sad. But I don't know how else to meet girls?!  I don't want to meet them at bars cause that never works out well.  School is like the only place I can think of with decent girls.  At school, I know quite a few girls, but when I ask them out for coffee or lunch, they ALWAYS make up some lame excuse!  Is it because I'm too old?! or they find me intimidating?  Mind u, all these girls are 18 and 19 year olds.  I wasn't really expecting them to be that young.  But man, I hate to say it, but I'm getting pretty desperate to settle down, and I find it's really hard to get a gf.  I don't know how all the other guys can just get any girl they want and move on. I can't even get one!   Yes, I'm confident, outgoing, etc etc. and most girls never believe I never had a gf.  So what's the deal?!  I don't understand?!  It's just my self esteem is so down now, it feels like I'm hopeless.  I just don't get girls.  ARGH  And ya, the sad thing about working on the rig is you're completely deprived of civilization. I haven't talked to girls for 6 years, and this semester at school was the first. I WAS confident. not anymore now after all the rejections.

redheadbabygirl · Accepted Answer

Awwww…you probably are just trying a little too hard.

NOT that I’m saying you shouldn’t care! Just try a different approach. Here’s a little secret insight into the female mind that is almost unfair for me to share! Lol.

1. Women don’t like the guy who seems desperate. Vicious cycle I know, desperate because you can’t get a girl, can’t get a girl because you’re desperate. Totally unfair, but such is life.

2. Women like to have the guy that everybody wanted…but they want to feel secure with him.

So, to put an end to this cycle, you’re going to have to fake it a little. Don’t jump down her throat at the first opportunity to ask for her number. Wait a little, work it into a conversation, and act like it’s no big deal—like you do it to girls all the time. This will keep her guessing, and make you seem more desirable and confident.

Don’t be available every Friday night of the year for whenever she steps outside of her palace to visit. If you can’t get a life, fake it. For example, if she says “we should hang out sometime” the best response is NOT “Oh yes! We DEFINITELY should! I am free everyday this week, when can you come over?” FAIL. Instead, try “Yeah you’re right.” Look sideways across the room and then add “I’m kind of busy but yeah we should work something out. I’ll call you and let you know.” And THEN, do NOT call her the moment you are out of sight. Wait 2 days, and then call. By then she will have worked up a curiosity.”what’s going on with this guy? I thought he was interested but.?” Keep her guessing especially in the beginning, and save your awesome-boyfriend-who-always-calls-on-time for when you’re securely locked into the relationship.

Also, have female friends. You don’t have to date every girl you are in contact with. If you have lots of female friends, not only will it make you more secure, it will teach you some really valuable lessons about the female mind! So next time a girl turns you down or makes up an “excuse,” granted, she doesn’t want to date you, but don’t give her up as a friend! You really don’t want her going around to all the OTHER girls who are potential dating material and telling them what a social retard you are—not good for your image! Girl-friends are also nice for getting you together with their friends. If nothing else, because they feel bad about not wanting to date you themselves! So now that you know some girls, even if you don’t date all of them, keep them around!

Oh, and if you want to meet some really nice girls, try and find a singles group at a church. They are almost always about 80% women, and they are just about the cream of the crop too! You should be able to find SOMEONE who would go for a great guy like you out there! : )

Good luck! If you have more questions or if this didn’t answer your question quite right, please comment. THANKS. : )

~Katie~

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

when I first met my guy I was 18, he was 24, we've been together for 4 years now. we met in line at the grocery store. we didn't really talk that much at first, but he did ask me out, I said no because I had just met him. we kept bumping into each other and he eventually asked me out on a date again and I said yes, I decided that if the guy really liked me that much then why not and we even ordered the exact same thing at dinner. anyway, despite the rambling, my point is that age isn't neccessarily the issue, but college girls don't always want a relationship, that's why they're in college. they either want to get the degree for their dream job or they want to party. try going to book stores and coffee shops, or just going to dinner alone (be sure to dress nice, like it's a treat to yourself), some people think it makes them look pathetic to go to dinner alone, but it actually makes it easier to talk to other people there, like the cute waitresses, just don't come on to strong or you'll seem desperate and try not to go during the peak business hours, they may be too busy to chat. just don't get down because they say no, maybe they just need to get to know you more.

and if you do flirt with the waitresses, try to think of it as social training instead of trying to get a date, remember it's kind of their job to flirt with you so you'll leave a nice tip (which you should, it like your getting social therapy, 15-20% is not a bad price). and no I'm not a waitress, I just think about stuff alot. GOOD LUCK!

Simple-Simonette · Accepted Answer

I don't think you're being realistic here. It sounds like you think there are women out there just dying to jump into a relationship because you fit the criteria. Nope.

The only thing you're doing wrong is expecting a timeline with this. Seriously, some people spend YEARS looking for the "right" one - it isn't as easy as saying that you're ready. I wish! If it was, this site wouldn't exist.

I don't know what it's like for a man, but I know for a women you have to go through LOADS of jerks just to find a decent man you want to just TALK to. So I'm sure as a man, you have to go through a ton of women just to find one that will even give you the time of day. There are tons of women out there looking for that special guy - but you just can't show up and expect them all to fall for you just because you think you fit the bill. It takes time. Be patient, I think you are expecting too much too soon, which is why you're getting discouraged. Don't see finding a woman as a job or a goal - be their friends first and let the relationship naturally progress.

Another thing - I'm wondering if you are only choosing a certain type of women. There could be plenty of women out there dying to give you a chance but you're not noticing them. Just wondering if you're looking at all your options.

Good luck and be patient. You've been away for 6 years, give yourself time to catch up.

sweetycakes · Accepted Answer

mayb they find you boring and you dnt go out much mayb its ur personality I'm sure ul find sum1 goon Facebook talk to girs mayb wen you goout clubn ut dnt go for aniwun just becos you thik you cntind noe1 I'm ure you find sum1 soon.. wth me I find it hard to like sum1 I'm 18 but I dnt realli what to b commited I ur hinking o settle dwn I dnt think the age group ur going for is rite ..and I'm sure ul find sum1 membre its not actually abwt looks obbviously if ur like 40 stone noe1s going to want u.. you will meet sum1 do you like ani1 atm ? lots of men have his prblem I think.. I find it will happen to the men who show there feelings to easy  cnt dnt show weakness its such a turn off .. make it fun wen you meet sum1 dnt give ur self so easy play hard at first talk to the girl everyday meet her for the first date then leave it  at least a week if she texts you first text bk a week later ((this will get her worrying which will make you play on her mind )) then wen you text her she will be releaved trust me its what keeps the girl intrested play a bit thas why girls always go for the men who are horible and not nice becos the horible wuns dnt realli make and effort dnt show there feelings dnt show they care but still kep you there the nice wuns get boring you noe you can have him .. we all love a bit of drama .. just dnt give it up easy ..

Mr_is_fine · Accepted Answer

yeah, women are difficult to figure out. I know you are puzzled by the fact that women say you are good looking, yet you are getting rejected over and over. It seems like this shouldnt be happening if you have the desirably quality of "good looks".

here's some insight: a co worker of mine told me she thought I was "good looking, but your not my type...", basically, when a woman decides if she thinks a guy is "hot", its not all just dependent on how attractive of a face he has and what his physique looks like. This co worker of mine that made the comment goes after the rugged tattood looking types. I am not that, and this is why I wasnt her type (Im clean cut looking). This is what she meant by "not my type". She doesn't think I'm hot even though she agrees I am good looking; this doesn't make sense to men, but it does to women. women are weird and have weird complicated criteria for deciding if a guy is "hot" based on the way he looks. so you are probably getting rejected because the women think to themselves "well, he is good looking, but he's not my type". I hope this sheds some light on your struggle to understand.

Also, your age is not a problem, women actually prefer men older than them.

And no, I doubt you are trying too hard.There's nothing "trying too hard" about striking up conversation with college girls on campus and then asking for their phone number when the conversation ends and the two of you go your separate ways. (I assume that is what you are doing)

And redheadbabygirl gave some bad advice about being a challenge when making plans to go out. Playing those stupid "call in 2 days, play hard to get" games will not turn a woman who is not interested in you into a woman who is. And if she is interested in you, then you won't need to do such stupid strategies; you already have her. If she asks you out for Friday night, agree. Just don't call her everyday, smother her with attention and be her "bitch"; give her some space.

Keep trying, don't give up. It is a numbers game. There's bound to be women out there that see you as "so their type", keep trying, and you will eventually meet them.

Nutz76 · Accepted Answer

Looks and money have this much ---> <--- to do with getting girls. It's all about personality and social savvy. If you want to learn how to generate attraction, pickup the book The Game by Neil Strauss to see what's possible. As for an actual how-to, I suggest his other book Rules of the Game. It's a very short 30 day workout program for your social skills. At the end of the 30 days you're almost guaranteed to get a date with women of your choosing. I also suggest reading The Mystery Method by Mystery and The Female Mind by Louann Brizendine.

For more info and links to some very good resources just check my blog: link

dbautista_23 · Answer

Ok this is gonna be probably the best advice you ever gonna receive in your life and to every male with the same problem so pay attention to it and follow it I expend years reading and looking for ways to get a girl cause I'm very sensible to rejection and shy and also in a social disadvantage and I for raciasl issues and I have a mild case of genophobia I found a method that I believe its universal every man can get a girl with this method and I found that the more simple a thing is the better OK so first you need to be CLEAN whether you perceive yourself as ugly or not is irrelevant just be clean second you need to gain CONFIDENCE and adopt conversational SKILLS but in a way that it is not so hard on you do this by visiting this website www.gamezer.com and play pool you know relax maybe get a beer from the fridge then start chatting with the girls by saying hi then after she say hi say how are you and that's it you've started a conversation it might seem hard at the begiining like anything but with a bit of practice you will notice that girls will start to like you and you would get any kind of girls ugly pretty hot fat old young you don't know what is gonna get hooked  the point of it is just so you BELIEVE more in yourself I guarantee that you will get your first girlfriend there and much more you'll know what I'm talking about eventually OK but chances are this girls are not your neighbours so now that you know how to talk to a girl this is what you do in a real life scenario OK now you are clean well groomed with your own style, you have the conversational skill in the back of your mind even if you think you don't, so what you need is to approach simple just scanned the girl or girls that caught your interest (I advice you to have a wide variety of choices) then just use your body language to get those girls attention by looking at them frequently until she notices the interest but in a subliminal way after that start eliminating the ones that your INSTINCTS tell you that don't seem very open for a future approach the ones that they do just when you see em again (is preferable not to do it at once better wait a couple of days so the girl has time to think on you after you show her interest with your body language) the this girls some will come to you and flirt to you first and you will get surprise at the beginning but most will not and those are the ones you want so what you do is the most SIMPLE think on earth since the girls already has a 70% of certainty you like her by your body language eye contact or just looking at her repeatedly and you have a 50% of certainty that she...

mehdialaoui · Answer

Dude I'v been with A LOT of girls but now I am with my Girlfriend since 1year and a half  and I'v never been happier. first of all is it you can't find a "GF (relationship)"? or you can't get a girl at all? if it's the "you can't get a girl issue" the solution is simple. It's all about confidence, taste, some physical,  and most importen SMILE ;)! I never had this problem but my best friend kinda had issues so I'll just repet myself and maybe it will workout for you too. First of all you said you are  in college well I'm actually in Barcelona for college but I have some experience with U.S college girls. What you want is to find a girl you like (usually physically for now) and don't talk to her just find her. You said ur good looking so the first part won't be a problem. Now what you want is eye contact, so if ur in her class (best option) or any where were you guys are in the same room try to get her attention by ether walking close to her or anything that will get her to look at you( don't make a fool of yourself by falling or anything awkward). When you finally have this  eye contact (try to be kinda far form her but not too much let's say 3 or 4 tables or chairs away) KEEP IT DON'T LOOK AWAY immediately and give a little smile ( without teeth plz... you are just insinuating "hey there you look good"). She will probably go on with what ever she was doing  but then you have officially grabbed her attention. Try to repete this once or twice  that class but DON'T STARE and if  she likes  you' she will probably look at you too and if she does you can do this really stupid thing that has always worked out for me wave... I know it sounds stupid but most times I got positive responses when I went to speak to them after class or in a break. When you wave she will probably laugh give a little laugh too and stop the looking. now class is over go up to her if she is alone ( be confident don't put your hands in your pocket body language is very importen the first time you speak and please have a good breath) when you are there just say hi and ask any decent question that would range from where did you get your book to anything ( DON'T SAY SMTHING STUPID) The point is you want to end the conversation with a BTW my name is "TOM" and you want her name. Now you want to wait for a day or so . the Next time you see her in class or anywhere where you guys are actually sitting down go up to her again and ask if you can sit next to her. once there just ingage in any common conversation like for example how do you like it here. Believe me The conversation will go on by itself so no need to prepare be yourself. At the end of class or at the end of the actual conversation ask for her number and tell her you would love having coffee/ lunch with her. If you make it to this level send me a message I will be more than happy to help but I'm sure you will be fine. Look be yourself dress well be confident look at her in the eyes be polite, gentleman she has to feel respected. I'm out gdluck

nn_aa_rr_aa · Answer

well hi there

u sound that you look great btw ;) I would love to meet you lol

well there is something wrong diffently!

u think too much man!

relationships with high standards don't work!

people and specially girls are afaid to be in a relationship with u

ex: I have the same problems but with girls! gfs to hang out with I mean!

iam too smart .. too confident... if I don't like some thing with the girl iam talking with I tell it to her as in a way of me being hounest! .. the other day I was chating with a girl I know.. we became sorta like friends! so I asked her directly! why no girls wanna hang out with me.. have fun with me! and she answered that iam tooooo confident! and people who wanna hang out with people hate to see too much confident! hate to see that you can beat them at any mental issues or analysing things or so!

so maybe you have the same problem..

u are too much demanding here!

u want a decent girl

not a bar girl

u want her be be educated

not some loser

will .. when people "girls" see you they think you are a cute guy! but when they see the look in ur eyes that says " iam not any one.. iam some one who wants to meet a great girl.. and I have to ability to kick any one ass if I don't think they are good enough for me.." so they run away!

so loose up a bit.. let ur standards be as they are don't change them.. but change who you talk or react to others behaviours!

maybe it will help you

tc :)

hope I helped

dbautista_23 · Answer

she likes you back then just say hey what's your name but normally like you have the POWER and you don't care if she give you a weird look or don't say anything chances are that those might be the ones you want cause won't be easy prey and will give you huge points to your confidence if you get one like that so then she might say wendy or whatever name then where you from if she look from other place or some other question at the same intimate level of this one then say oh OK and wait and then just tell her straight up  you have a boyfriend no matter if she looks like the virgen mary you have a boyfriend she says yes OK cool no need to say why you ask or anything she says no then tell her do you want one even a temporary one or stuff like that if she says yeah then just ask por her number if she doubts just tell her don't tell me now think and let me know some other time or here take my number if she says no then nothing happend keep talking normal a bit and go some will come back to your door when you least expected some will never this is my method and is very easy simple stress free it can be learn in about a week depends how badly you want it good luck man

dfg456 · Answer

Maybe your approach to them is too desperate and needy? Your age might also be a problem, your 5-6 years older than these girls in first year courses, the only girls your gonna find that will be closer to you are in 3rd and 4th year courses. I think you gotta try joining clubs in college to find someone for you, not just class.

Also when your trying to find a girl, somehow there will be no girl for you. However if you try to improve yourself then somehow a girl will notice you and find you instead, well that's from my own experience.

Maybe you should try online dating to find someone instead of college.

FitzCarly2008 · Answer

Oh don't feel that way sweetheart. I mean the truth is that most times you can't find a girlfriend until that girl is ready to find you. The universe is constantly moving and changing but you need to be patient. Most times that special someone finds you when you least expect it. I am going through a similar situation with the guys in my life but I have come to the conclusion that you can't rush perfection or what is meant to be. Its when you go out searching desperately is when you stumble on hard times. Just hang in there I understand that being single can be lonely but being stuck with someone who you really don't want is even lonelier.

Bambi xoxoxo

Ps. Even with the little bit of description you gave I can tell that your looks aren't anything to worry about.

Fireandskill · Answer

I’ve been on stage playing lead guitar and singing, I’ve even written my own songs. I smell nice (I’ve been told) I wear expensive aftershaves, I dress very well and I sometimes get compliments about how well I dress. I’m funny (I’ve been told), I have a job, I have my own place and I don’t chase women or act a dick round women and I’m told I am, “handsome”.

My longest relationship has been 2.5 months. No women look at me. I’m not that fussed but I wrote this just to let people know that the cliches don’t always work...

I tried everything, and yet I can't get a girlfriend... Yet girls say I'm good looking?!

cuagain24 · Answer

this is my theory: they probably think your a player. a lot of muscular hot guys are players. but its your chance to show them your different. be sweet and gentle, and try to co ntain your flirtiness. lol I know a guy whos so fun to talk 2 and a flirt, but a lot of girls thinks he's self absorbed because he's good looking. just because your hot, does not mean your a player. they are just afraid to get hurt!

dejavu27 · Answer

i have a sister but she's so far away..she just graduated nursing last last march 09 and yeh she has same issues like you..shes in other country..you guys try to talk..hehe ps:i just want really guy for her,she never had that much experiences either.dont be afraid and just wait..she might come over her to work..hehe good luck

ladytiger15 · Answer

just a quick answer here. . don't give up. . everyone always tells me plenty of fish in the sea. . if they arnt willing to date you then make new friends with diff girls. . age shouldnt be the prob don't give up be sweet nice. don't act desperate. .just have fun . everything happens for a reason maybe none of these girls are likin you because the right one is out there wwaitin ya never know!

Anonymous · Answer

well I'm to young but I've read plenty of books. you sound like a gud man, any1 would be lucky. Mayb,  because dey not ready for a relationship or are not up to your caliper. tru that sum club girls don't work out. if you want a gud girl shell come to u.

TwilightXO · Answer

There's nothing wrong with you and you're absolutely right about not wanting to meet girls in bars.  All I can really say is hang in there and maybe just take a break from the search.  You're only 24 so what's the rush to settle down?  The best way to get a girl in my opinion is for the guy just to completely be himself and enjoy life.  The best pick up line is hi and most girls really do like to get to know the guy before they're asked out.  You'll do fine and don't worry so much!

nosweat2012 · Answer

Hi man, sorry I dont know lomg ago this was posted, but please, google Nofap, and read about the benefits, It has changed my life each time I have done it, and hopefully it will change urs too. If you do it right, ur comfidence will reach new levels

Openbook92 · Answer

maybe your intimidating ? I don't know you sound hott

Anonymous · Answer

maybe  because you worked on oil rigs for 6 years lol. that can f*** up ur perception on reality (or the lifestyle change back in normal society)

Christina_20 · Answer

love comes when you least expect it...trust me I know! You can't go loooking for her, you have to let her come looking for you...sounds weird I know, but it works...

Anonymous · Answer

You might want to try finding a girl to a be friend with and not a date, just explain part of your story. Like how you have been away from women for 6 years and your looking for another friend other than a guy.

Anonymous · Answer

All the good ones are taken. Good luck

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