What happens when a girl with dirty past wants to move on?

Question

A girl during her wilder days slept with more than 20 guys - some were one night stands, some were longer relations that did not work out. She even worked as an occasional prostitute - receiving money for sex and more.
Now she has a boring day job and is living a quiet life. She meets a guy who is actually a virgin, dates her, and proposes to her. He never inquired about her past.
Should she tell the truth now? Can guys take such truth?
I think ignorance is bliss. She should marry him quietly. Truth is already in the past.

Talon364 · Accepted Answer

The only one who know about is you. I'm 48. And I have learned this. As much as you want to, do not tell your boyfriend all of your sordid past. Make it R rated not XXX.
Think about it. We don't need to know. Not necessary. And yes, it does hurt. You're not being dishonest. Here's an analogy: My ex and I broke up like 5 times in our relationship. I would go straight out and get drunk. She would go straight out and get laid. When we got back together she told me about her escapades and I get why she did. But I told her if we ever break up again; can you not tell what you do when we are apart. She laughed and said ok I understand. Some things you don't need to know, and more importantly, you don't want to know.
It would be like your mom telling you about her sex life with your dad.

GingerGuy · Accepted Answer

I disagree, she should absolutely tell him for a few reasons. First, if it were reversed, do you think the guy should keep that from you (if it were you) or from her? Wouldn't you want to know about that? Yes it's in the past, but it's also part of getting to know that person, which includes their past. If the other person can "handle" that information, then you obviously aren't a match are you? Lasting you are risking this information "accidently" coming to light at anytime, and the longer it goes as a secrete, the worse it'll be if they find out. It'll destroy any trust that has been built between you, and that may not be re-built. You kept that a secrete, what else are you hiding? (is what they will wonder)

erandal · Accepted Answer

I lived that life for a few years, I never got paid for it though, it was purely just sex for my pleasure, plenty of one night stands, a few brief flings, and then I met 'the one'.

Did I come clean? Sort of. The number of men I had sex with is a lot higher than 20 and even now after being married nearly 20 years I still don't feel that he could handle the real truth so the number he knows is a lot less. Do I feel bad about this? No, it is a past I have left behind and that is were it is staying.

Daniela1982 · Accepted Answer

Relationships are built on trust and honesty. It's better to tell the truth at the start as we know this stuff will come out sooner or later and then it will be worse as your hubby would feel betrayed and lied to. People have split up for less. So who would you rather he heard it from, you or the smear that he sees on the news or reads in the paper?

Not_Average · Answer

You’re ignorant if you think this won’t come up. Sorry if that comes across as harsh, but just because you decide to stop fucking men, doesn’t mean it won’t linger on. You’ve created a pattern to dealing with a particular stressor in your life. When you feel bad, you fuck strangers and feel better because of a dopamine kick. You’ve now created a habit. Now when you feel bad, promiscuous behavior is appealing. You don’t think you’re going to think of past partners in your seasons in which your current partner isn’t fulfilling you? You don’t think he’ll catch onto that in marriage? You don’t think you’re going to be tempted to flirt with another guy when you can’t get everything you thought out of your relationship to feel better about yourself? You don’t think someone else might slip into your mind in the bedroom when you’re with you’re new guy?

Being in a relationship means exposing your emotional self. Whether you like it or not, this is apart of who you are. When these problems arise, are you going to lie about who you are? Are you going to blindside him one day and crush him? Are you not going to allow him to help you work on these things? If no one is helping you with this, you don’t think you’ll be tempted to cheat?

I’ve been with a lot of women and I’m now married. It doesn’t just go away. It’s hurts you, and your partner beyond belief working through some of these issues. You end up damaging your partners ability to feel comfortable with you. Then you get frustrated for false accusations feel labeled and undervalued because of it. It’s something that takes a lot of work to change. People think there are no ramifications to this. Promiscuity will absolutely causes issues later on down the line. I’ve been there and done this. It’s still something I work through.

Makeushiver · Answer

I would agree with you. The only valid reasons for anyone besides yourself knowing might be to make sure no STDs are a factor and that he might feel like he's not as experienced as you. It's the kind of questions guys want to ask despite the fact that they are rarely happy with any answer. I don't think your past is "dirty". Guys will tell you they can take the truth but unless you have a guy who is quite secure, you can be pretty sure something twisted will come up at some point,. It's funny because with experience comes skills and a girl who has had an average # of lovers- and you are about average in body count- is someone who is likely to be far more skilled at giving- and receiving -pleasure. A fact that he will be the beneficiary of but I wouldn't volunteer the information unless he's never acted jealous or insecure about anything in either of your histories

Citizenkirk · Answer

I don't think she has anything to be ashamed of. It sounds like she has some growing up to do emotionally so that she can understand this. I'm never going to apologize to anyone for having a healthy libido and I don't owe anyone in the explanation for why I like sex I like it I think it's fun and f*** anyone who doesn't like that.

gamothen · Answer

You are building a relation on dishonesty, that is not a great start. If you want it to succed I think you should talk about it. What happens when you ecounter one of your clients at a mall with him? How would you explain to your husband the question "Are you available this Friday?" from a stranger?

MzAsh · Answer

If you’re approaching marriage, then I’m assuming you have a pretty good idea about how he’s going to take this info. If you can honestly say you have no idea then you haven’t been with him long enough or had enough conversations on values.
What if the shoe was on the other foot? How much would you want to know?

ohshee · Answer

I don't think that's a dirty pass I think that's wanting to learn something wanting to experience something wanted to feel something deeper I don't care how crazy it was I think that's just life so I think you got to just let it all go and move on it's not a big deal

RearEntryGuy · Answer

Marriage is about love and trust.

And some thing is best settled before tying the knot.

Honestly in this area may gain his trust. But of course, if he's looking for a virgin then you'll lose him.

Truth won't change. Tell now or submit to an uncertain 30 40 years worrying he may find out and then not knowing what will happen after kids arrive. It's complicated isn't it?

Hence I suggest, find a good time, tell.

kyleelyn199723 · Answer

I have a past quite similar only I wasn’t a prostitute and my body count is not that high, but living a lifestyle like that CAN affect your relationships. If affected mine for quite some time, especially because I am young still. If he hasn’t popped the question to her past, then it’s something he doesn’t care to know about. He is definitely at fault if he chooses to create issues in the relationship after proposing to her

HighValue · Answer

She should tell him. The truth will come out eventually and it will be worse if she hides her past.
Also, someone with a past like that shouldn't realistically expect a good person to want them or take them seriously.
Find someone with a similar/compatible past.

Anonymous · Answer

I married a girl like this and i knew her past.
I personally think, If the guy truly likes her, It wouldn’t matter.
The past is the past, And thats it, no changeing it.

I knew my wife had a slutty past, But I didn’t know the extent of it til after we were married and she came clean about everything.

Everything between us worked out.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

And what if her past somehow catches up with her---and him---after their marriage? Who can guarantee it won't? Have you ever thought of that? Would you want your man to lie to you like this? If you had a bit of the past and you're about to marry a VIRGIN, then you're under moral obligation to be straight with him from the start---he has the right to know what he's about to get involved with---and let HIM make the informed decision to continue with you or not.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

She should tell him. Most men won't accept this. Maybe he will accept it but if you don't tell him someday he will find out and then he will almost certainly divorce you or just be super shitty to you. What to do? I don't know. Its a bad situation no matter what you do, this is why its such a bad idea, there is no right answer how to move on with a normal life. Find a broken man (which if he is a virgin he probably is) and one who will accept you. Good luck.

shanshu · Answer

I'd keep it quiet unless he brings such a subject up.

So your not lying, he just hasn't asked, if he does ask then tell him the truth.

I doubt he will ask the prostitute type question, not unless a guy from your past talks to hi or you and you might have to explain.

Anonymous · Answer

My guess is you can take the girl out the whorehouse but you can't take the whorehouse out of the girl. She can remain silent about her past but people don't change at their core. She'll probably do something to betray her new "persona" that will show who she really is. Hopefully the guy sees it at some point before she locks him down.

Agape93 · Answer

No, she doesn't have any obligation to do so. If she has an std, disclose that but she doesn't have to disclose how she got it. That's private and in the past.

Guys won't like what I said, I honestly don't give a shit

MTC29 · Answer

Never mind 20 guys, I've slept with at least 100 women. What's in the past is in the past. Trust me. There is nothing to be gained (and everything to lose) by coming "clean". Don't say a word.

Anonymous · Answer

Most females live this bullshit.
They act like whores in youth and feel their past can just be erased when they get past their expiry date.
Your actions in your past dictate your future.
A person who is trash in youth does not deserve to have a good life in the future.

If you think otherwise, tell the prisons to let all criminals out including pedophiles.

Anonymous · Answer

If it's not affecting your relationship I don't think he needs to know. Just don't sleep with other guys and express your dirty side with him. He'll love it!

Berethor · Answer

Once a hoe always a hoe, she hiding an important dark past from the guy.

Mangospacho · Answer

Now is probably a good time to tell him. If you tell him the second time you’ve met him, he might get freaked out but you can tell him you’re done with that lifestyle and he’ll probably understand

What happens when a girl with dirty past wants to move on?

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