Can someone explain why girls ignore positive messages with Matches but instantly reply to negative messages?

[European4Ever]

Girls that Match with me on dating apps do not usually reply to my positive messages.

But then if I reply with "You seemed like a cool girl but I guess I was wrong. Your loss since I have cuter matches. lol"

My Intention was to trigger a negative emotion in the she would reply.

She replied in 1-3 minutes. She was upset and didn't want to talk after that. I got reactions out of a lot of girls if I do that.

They end up blocking me before I unmatched with them, but I effectively won because if they weren't going to reply or be talk with me at the minimum, or at least acknowledge my messages, I suffered no loss, but I managed to at least trigger them. By blocking me, they saved me the trouble of unmatching with them.

She attempted to say that she didn't notice a single message, out of 3-4 messages, 1 a day for 3-4 days, and she was almost always online. Not really my type and we wouldn't have ever met IRL anyway. It was an "international match" on the OkCupid dating app.

Why don't most girls actually reply to positive messages from Matches, but if a guy sends them something to provoke them and hurt their ego, they reply almost instantly? Why?

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Everyone reacts differently to positive and negative comments.


Maybe when you said a negative comment, they felt the need to defend themselves, rightfully so. No one wants to hear anything negative about themselves. It isn’t something that people usually ignore, because it was rude and unnecessary.


And some people don’t know how to respond to positive messages. Plus, on dating apps, I assume those positive messages get so old when hearing it all the time. You probably need to say something different that will catch their attention.


You are definitely pushing girls away by saying negative comments to them, I can see why they no longer want to talk after that lol.

[European4Ever]

I know what you're saying but I didn't push a girl away if she never even wanted to be close to begin with. I also didn't give ordinary positive messages. That's why I just don't care anymore. If my matches don't reply to positive messages after 2-3 times, I would just sent a negative message to provoke at least a reply to that and let the whatever happens happen since I can't lose what I never had or would have had. I genuinely thought she was cool and unique, but I really didn't like how she just overlooked and ignored everything. I wasn't premium so I don't know if she read my messages or not, but I really don't care. It would have only been an online friendship anyway. And it's true that I sometimes get cuter matches.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

You sending a negative message just shows that you care and we’re bothered by it. If they didn’t respond, you could’ve unmatched as simple as that. If you get cuter matches, it doesn’t really matter either because do they ever respond to you? 🙂

[European4Ever]

I cared only because she wasted my time and me sending a negative message was more about getting something instead of nothing. Unmatching would have given me nothing. It's also because I feel like testing how people reply to negative comments if they fail to reply to positive comments because some people probably like drama or would see it as a guy doesn't care sort of thing, making girls more interested because many Western girls probably enjoy mind games.

[zeitgeist057]

@European4Ever this is good advice you are getting here. So what you need to do is put 2 and 2 together. You need to send negative messages she feels the need to respond to, that get noticed because they aren't the typical nice messages she already has dozens of, but also is not so rude and insulting that she blocks and doesn't talk to you.

This is what pick up artists and guys call "negging". It's really at the core manipulative game playing and stupid BS, but it works and so many guys are using it, that if you aren't playing games then you are going to "lose" and be that guy sending more nice messages but she'll never message you back.

Sorry about it, that's the world. Also why I don't bother with OLD, it's trash.

[MCheetah]

"You are definitely pushing girls away by saying negative comments to them, I can see why they no longer want to talk after that lol."

This is why men and women have different mindsets. Think about it; which would you rather have, a woman who thinks you're rude, but intrigued enough to keep talking to you, maybe even wanting to find out more about this man who possibly gets so many girls, he can treat any of them like trash. Or the man making an effort, who comes off boring at best and "desperate" at worst, who she thinks so little of, she wouldn't even bother typing him back a response to say she's not interested.

As a man, I assure you, all you need to do is get a woman talking and keep her interested enough to keep talking. Being rude beats being boring with women, anytime. Even if you're this schmuck.

[SecretsofKB]

Okay, so just because you send a positive message does not mean they are required to respond at all. But if you send a negative message without any reasoning, then you are much more likely to get a response... especially a negative one.

[European4Ever]

I know but that's the point because any response is better than no response. There's no point in matching with someone without having a genuine intention to talk with them, at least for a few messages to try to get a feeling of if it might workout Adams a friendship or relationship.

[European4Ever]

*workout as a friendship or relationship.

[SecretsofKB]

I get that. It can be annoying to match but the other person not respond to any messages. But that really doesn't call for negative messages to be sent to them. It is rude.

[European4Ever]

But isn't ignoring someone also rude? It's not like my comments were actually insulting them without truth. Like, how was "You seemed like a cool girl but I guess I was wrong. Your loss since I have cuter matches. lol" There was a saying that I heard once that goes something like "the truth cuts the deepest."

[European4Ever]

She could have proven that she was a cool girl and that I was mistaken.

[SecretsofKB]

It would be rude if there was any expectation of a response. You're on the internet. There is no expectation of responses here. Yeah, she should have said she wasn't interested, but again, the internet.

Also, truth or no truth, it is still insulting and you're still rude for sending them that message.

[Vegasrunner]

@European4Ever You're actually on the right track. You're learning a little bit about the hypocrisy of women. This is part of why "bad boys" get more women then nice guys. Most women your age simply dont value you, men are disposable and a compliment is to be expected, so much so that when you provide one as an intro you're going to be ignored because you served your objective to her, which is to make her feel better about herself. When you give a negative comment you become different from the norm because you're not blindly kissing her ass which is what she has come to expect from men. Her ego forced her to respond because women are rarely able to take the high road so she has to "put you in your place" She blocks you because she wants to feel better about getting her insult in, but isn't going to risk you humiliating her more. What you need to do know is learn how to use that negative statement as an icebreaker and then follow up and lead into a conversation.

[European4Ever]

@Vegasrunner Thank you for the advice. I sort of already knew that concept but I need some practice to properly use negativity to generate a positive response.

[Vegasrunner]

@European4Ever Here's some unsolicited advice. Come off more sarcastic and aloof vs straight up mean. Your statement was a straight up insult. That's why the girl says her comeback and then blocks you. Instead come off more like a teasing big brother. A classic one is. "I really love your _________ my grandmother has one just like that" Puts her in a tough spot she's going to respond because she feels insulted but she can't really insult a guy who'se complimenting his grandmother. She'll respond something like "uh ty" and then you have to go in for the close.

[TRUKIT808]

Its rude to not respond to people either

[European4Ever]

Best answer because of my discussion with @Vegasrunner.

[MCheetah]

@SecretsofKB
Ignoring someone as if they're not dignified of a response is way more rude than someone being rude back to you. So I completely disagree with you. At that point, if someone is going to dismiss you like you're dirt under her shoe, then the person writing has zero obligation to keep being nice to you, as well. Granted, she could always block the guy. But these women are the stupid ones for only responding when a guy is rude, but then ignoring him like he's trash when he makes a genuine effort. Not to mention, it's WAY easier to get a woman to keep talking to you this way; you could give her a fake apology, troll her, or whatever; as long as you keep her talking, you gain interest in her and have a better shot of winning her over.

THIS is why men say "bad boys get the girls, and nice guys finish last." This is ALSO why most men say to never take dating advice from women. @European4Ever is right; you're way more likely to succeed with women online by being an asshole.

[AviatorTom]

On dating sites, men grossly outnumber women, and women often get more messages than they can handle. I met my SO on a dating site, after dating several other women on the site. I found the best way to get a response from a woman was to keep the message short, and clearly mention something in her profile that interested me.

[European4Ever]

Yeah, but you're old and probably going for older women who have almost no attention or guys wanting them. I would rather be alone of I can't be with an acceptable girl.

[Vegasrunner]

@European4Ever Hey man that's a great response and you are 100% correct. I'm 40 and on dating sites 40 year old women vastly outnumber 40 year old men so the entire dynamic switches.

[MCheetah]

Because they only want attention, not an actual match with any of these men. These women are so used to simps wiping their ass for them, that they think any man who doesn't is either a GigaChad or an "incel too stupid to realize what he's doing."

[Kkstarzz96]

You can message her something positive but like what are your intentions. Like when I tell a guy he's cute it usually means I'm dying to get to know you so we can become close and kiss or snuggle lol. But guys just say you're cute but you feel like they say that to every other girl and you don't know what about you makes them say that. Like is it her what? That makes me think about if I should take it seriously or just say thank you

[European4Ever]

I mentioned very specific things I thought were cute about her. For example, she was wearing a cat ear headband that made her sort of look like an anime "cat girl" and seemed really cool. That didn't work so I decided after 3 positive attempts, I would try to bait a response with what I said I sent her, which is in the details of my question's description.

[Kkstarzz96]

If you gave her specific compliments then you should tell her you appreciate her or you would like to get to know her 1 on 1 then she would get the hint. One time I thought a guy was just being nice to me cause he pitied me cause it was at work and no one really cared about helping me when i was new, other than guys, but one guy in particular always made an effort to talk to me and I asked him why he was so nice to me cause no one else talked to him except other guys and then he told me he appreciated me and I felt like it was a sign cause a guy never says he appreciates you even when you're his wife lol but in the end he had a girlfriend but maybe it was some admiration I'd like to think

[JamesDiaz11]

It’s not positive/ negative, but how many hey/ how are you/ you’re beautiful messages do you think the average (let alone actually pretty) gets each day. They get 10x your number of matches- they’re not thinking positive/ negative, they’re thinking boring/ interesting.

[cookiecrusher]

Most women use and like this app for the free constant attention and validation.

Any tiny amount of criticism and their inflated ego falls like a tower of bricks.

There aren't many decent women on tinder and on other similar apps.

Talk to women in person.

[TRUKIT808]

Amen, fuck online dating. Or go date older women like I do lol.

[JSmuve]

Drama. Women love the emotions that drama creates in them. When you message them something positive, it's boring and does nothing for them. But when you message them something negative, that triggers their emotions and they feel compelled to respond. Give a woman an emotional roller coaster and she'll never bore of you.

[TwinkleLily5]

Men do this as well. She didn’t reply to your positive message because she’s not interested in you and there’s no need to entertain you and waste time. She replied to your negative message to defend herself etc.

[TwinkleLily5]

If you verbally attack someone you are more likely to get a response.

[TRUKIT808]

Yea on a dating site you can use your words like an adult n say your not interested.

[TwinkleLily5]

Thats what people should do, but more than likely it’s not going to happen just like most men would rather ghost a woman than saying there no longer interested @trukit808

[Vegasrunner]

@TwinkleLily5 I believe the original posters point is he doesn't care what the response is he just wants a response and he realized he gets more responses when he's negative. What's happening is at 24 he's now figuring out that what he's been told about women is a lie. Most guys dont figure this out until about their mid 30's. Now he kinda understands why girls prefer dicks he just has to figure out how to use that info to collect more girls.

[European4Ever]

@Vegasrunner Yes, that was my point. I figured if I wasn't going to get a positive response, I would at least accept a negative response acknowledging me. I am now trying to figure out how to use that knowledge that I discovered to actually create a real positive benefit.

[Vegasrunner]

@European4Ever That's smart. For one thing what you've done is eliminated the notion of women online simply get to many messages to respond. So hopefully next time your dealing w/ a girl and she is slow or doesn't respond you'll understand why. You're actually using online dating the way guys should be which is simply as a way to meet and learn about as many women as possible. You're going to crush it just keep doing what you do and ignore the hate that you're going to get.

[IMuser]

Girls get an unbelievable amount of positive messages in both real and virtual life. If she isn't contacting you back, assume she lost interest

Just keep on messaging different girls. It's always good to be in surplus than deficit

[lrina]

i'm assuming that the positive messages act as an ego boost, while the negative ones get on their nerves and they feel the need to respond. not sure though, just a guess.

[MCheetah]

Yup, that's female nature, in a nutshell. "Nice guys finish last."

[Anonymous]

Dude online dating is a waste of time. Women don’t want to meet you otherwise you wouldn’t be having this issue. It’s not you, it’s them. I suggest trying to meet someone in real life.

[European4Ever]

Do I just go up to a random girl that catches my eye, try to start a conversation with her, and then get her number to try to setup a future date?

[Opinion Owner]

That’s how it was done for decades.

[jshm2]

You mean your negging tactics work. But still you score no pussy.

Hence your net is still zero, kiddo.

[European4Ever]

That's not a factor. I don't have easy sex because I am not a man-whore. I mainly wanted to have a conversation and if not get her to acknowledge me. My net is not zero, I got a reply out of her, and apparently she was rather upset about my message. My net is that I got some useful experience, provoked a reply, and triggered her by inflicting some damage on her ego.

[Anonymous]

If u want to attract a girl in a good way, just say something the least bit interesting.

[European4Ever]

I did 3 times. 1 a day for 3 days. She was always online. Then I sent a message designed to provoke a response and she instantly replied.

[MCheetah]

The problem is, most women (if not, humans in general) are boring, and the more boring they are, the harder it is to interest them. Although here's the secret: Boring people are really only interested in themselves. So just ask a woman about herself, if you want to keep her talking. (I wouldn't though; I don't like boring people.)

[TRUKIT808]

I don't know sounds like to much games. Im oldschool. Meet people in person or on dating sites where they actually want to date you.

[Jltakk]

Great question. It would make my day if someone just said "hi" to me.

[rayanderson]

Wow that kind of a girl is something else