My friend was 30-40 minutes late for our dinner plans last weekend, but didn’t tell me why until she arrived. I was nice about it. Now she’s flaky?

[Anonymous]

So I made a dinner reservation for 7:15 at a nice restaurant. My friend told me she’d be a “little late.” There I am, sitting at our table for like 25 minutes and I called her asking what’s wrong. She told me her car was towed and a whole bunch of things went wrong that day. I was really understanding about it and just said “yeah no worries let’s put it behind us.” So the rest of dinner and hanging out seemed to go fine. She wanted to go to this one bar after but I couldn’t drink anymore so we just hung out at my apartment lounge. But anyway I texted her the next day and was like “hey let me know if you need anything. Also let’s go to that bar some other time for sure!” And she just said like “no worries! It was great seeing you last night!” And I asked her last week if she wanted to do something and she just said “hey! I’m out of town so I can’t.”
What’s up with so many people acting like this? Especially other female friends. I have some who are awesome and don’t act this way, but I have no idea whether to excuse this or just take it personally. I keep thinking I must have said or done something wrong but I can’t think of anything.

[SueShe]

Whatever kind of relation you are in with that girl, she is slowly distancing herself from you.

I don't believe that car towing excuse for a minute and to me, it is indicative that she felt she had to change her mind after you called her to ask about the situation. Another reason that leads me to believe that something is not right is the fact that again, she is finding excuses not to go out with you.

If she genuinely had a good time at the restaurant, she would have phrased her sentence differently and mentioned something like "I had a great time" but not simply saying " It was great seeing you last night". That sounds really as a lame way of saying she did not really enjoy the evening.

[Asker]

Well it’s pretty weird then because she literally initiated contact with me every time about making plans. It was her idea to do dinner and also a workout class another time. She approached me first and said she was new in town and wanted to meet more people.
I’m not sure what’s up but it’s uncomfortable because we go to the same workout studio and I don’t want to run into her.

[Asker]

I’m not sure if I’m doing anything wrong because I have some genuine friends who ask me to do things and enjoy my company. But I’ve had it happen so much before where people say things like that to me I don't know if it’s normal.

[Asker]

It was also weird, @sueshe I called and texted her again a couple times cuz once she was like “I’m right around the corner” and another time was like “I’ll be there in 5 minutes” and like 15 minutes lapsed.

[SueShe]

Did you ever give the impression to others that you were not reliable in terms of keeping a certain time after you made appointments. Some people also don't really take time seriously.

Next time just be adamant about meeting a certain time. If people realize that they cannot be late, then they will make sure they are on time. Just tell them that you are willing to wait an extra 5 minutes past the appointment time and if they don't show up, you will simply leave. That should make it clear to them.

[Asker]

I’ll set the bar going forward for that. Anyway no every time I make plans I stick with them and show up in time. I’m reliable with my plans and keep my word.

[TommyMountainFigure]

It's hard to say. Some people are just rubbed up the wrong way for no reason.
I wonder though if she took offence to you saying "no worries" when she had trouble with her car etc, because that would explain why she said 'no worries' back

[Asker]

She showed up and apologized and I was just like oh hey don’t worry about it. Lets put it behind us.
The rest of our time seemed to go well.
I’m not sure if I understand the no worries thing and taking offense to that. I was just signaling to her that I understand and that we can move forward.

[TommyMountainFigure]

What I meant was, she had a terrible time leading up to the dinner. Maybe she was looking for sympathy?
That isn't to say you were not sympathetic, but 'no worries' is like saying, oh well never mind, you're here now and that is all that matters..

[TommyMountainFigure]

AND, that was what I meant about some people being rubbed the wrong way.

[Asker]

I didn’t just say no worries. I even texted her the next day and checked in. But ok.

[Asker]

It didn’t seem like she wanted to talk about it.

[Asker]

I don’t think I did the best time explaining in the description 😂

[TommyMountainFigure]

Text sometimes just doesn't work... I get it now though.. Thank you for explaining it so my walnut of a brain can understand. :)

[Avicenna]

It’s understandable that she wouldn’t want to focus on it. I wouldn’t dwell on it if it isn’t a regular occurrence

[In_Trance]

I don't think it's that big of deal

[Anonymous]

I bet she's always been flaky.

[Asker]

It was our 2ns time hanging out. She was 10 mins late to first time lol

[Opinion Owner]

Then cut her some slack.