Why is it that I don't care about having friends?

Question

I for real never wanted friends, at school i am mostly lonely or listening to music while reading a cool book all by myself. Some people talk to me some don't. I rarely had girls start a convo with me and mostly guys do that. Girls only compliment my body or outfit and then talk behind my back or ignore my existence. I always thought there issomething wrong with me but lietrally nothing is wrong. My psycholosgist told me not to give much attention to that and focus on studies and i did. But I still feel like my whole life will be like that! I don't have a desire to have friends but i still am afraid that i will be lonely my whole life. Girls like to compete with me a lot, and i dont know why? I mean, why can't we just be friends? Why everything should be a competition?

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

I don’t know Marianna, maybe you are just a loner. Some people just function better when they are alone. It often happens with only children, they get SO used to being alone that the thought of being around others is very uncomfortable. I hope you seek help for this, I have found that nothing is more important than family first, then friends!

Snsl153 · Accepted Answer

Friends (or I should say, "friends") are grossly overrated. I was the same when I was in school, and now I don't need the company of others as much. Besides, the most thought-provoking and intelligent conversations I've ever had were when I was talking to myself.

alderoth · Answer

Man, I can relate to your story. I've had acquaintances in life, but never any friend, friends. I would usually be left out of things, or find out about parties, get togethers, when I just randomly showed up at peoples houses. I tried being social with people I didn't get along with and it just aggravated me to the point where now I just hang out by myself. I would say self imposed isolation is fun, but sadly it isn't.

I have bipolar II, along with PTSD, anxiety, depression, that comes from the dual diagnosis, but my therapists, and doctors all say I'm completely normal by their standards. If they weren't treating me, they would hang out with me, but that's not happening anytime soon lmao! So I've been thinking. What are some places, things I like to do, that have other people involved that I can at least tolerate for a little bit. No one is saying I have to fall in love with any of them, or become BFF's, I just need to create a social circle. Basically polish a turd in a sense lol, and that's what i'm going to do. I've been asked to take on a Peer Group Leader position in an Intensive Outpatient program to meet more vet's in drug rehabilitation, like myself. I've been sober for 2 years and 7 months now, so my doctors think I'd be good as an instructor for one of the groups, and through there I will get to meet a variety of different people. So, technically, I'll be socializing lmao!

The point is simply this. Find something you really enjoy doing that involves other people. Make yourself get around those people, AS LONG AS THEY AREN'T VIOLENT, and let the doors swing. Eventually someone has to come through that clicks with you. It's not going to happen right away, but it's basically how everyone else does it. Accept most hide their true thoughts and opinions about others, basically lie lol, in order to say they have friends, where as you will be honest, and selective. You can still keep to yourself, and meet people who respect that, while not feeling like a hermit for the rest of your life.

Anyway, I hope you find what you are looking for, you seem really cool from your question, and If I think you are cool, I know plenty of other people do as well. Take care!!

NathanDavis · Answer

you're still young... just 18

and it is just the start of another whole life, you're adult life...

maybe you'll go to college, maybe you'll go straight to work, maybe you have a chance to pursue a passion or skills, either way... more people, new people will come, different people, different things

things will change for sure, they always do... you will change as well

whatever you have going on right now, most likely will not continue to be the same forever, that's for good or for bad, or both... so you should not be afraid of things like "will this be like this forever" because it just won't

while many things in life do happen without or choice, there's as many other things in which we have choices to make... if you want to find friends, the be genuinely friendly and open as well, risk for it, because true friendships do not happen just like that in most cases, and they do not come without risks because they are worth a life time... and if you say you really don't care about having friends, then be consistent with it and don't let it bother you, do not overthink it nor worry about it

but life is just so much incredibly better with friends, so you should keep your mind open about that... good thing is that usually, you can find people that are more mature later in life, rather than sooner in life, so yes... there is always chances and there will be chances to make new friends

personally I found some great friends in this life around the time was 20, and a couple more around age 24 or so.

RavVid · Answer

I think the psychologist gave good advice. You can waste a lot of time socializing without getting much back that you are better off putting into a passion or keen interest or simply work as you did with your studies.

Also not needing friendships builds independence and self reliance and people will give you less shit. Low quality friendships are not worthwhile and good quality friendships are a bit like finding the perfect guy/girl - a relatively rare occurrence.

It seems to be a common lament by girls, that girls are very competitive and it is hard to find a good female friend. Every girl I have known well has said that. I don't know what to say to that as I guess girls don't show that side to men.

Being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. It might be worthwhile to think about what you want from friendships in much the same way as you would with a partner.

I've recused for many years as people were giving me to much trouble and I have flourished on that.

Th3ft · Answer

In my experience most girls who compete with one another are only doing it because they don’t feel confident and they need to figure out what they are doing with their lives. It will just be a phase for most of them. And as for you making friends you seem perfectly friendly so my guess is just that you haven’t met the right people yet. It seems like your “need” is more in an engaging conversation then it is in being around people and that is a great thing. Like so many people waist so much time trying to just find people who work. It it is a lot easier when you can just dismiss a conversation because it is just about boys and looking good for boys. Lol!

Sonorous · Answer

Sounds to me like you've always had a personality type that valued quality over quantity. And your environments seemingly never produced the type of quality you wanted? So since you find yourself unable to relate to most of the social games that many females your age engage in, you might rather not engage at all? Also (speculation), you might not want any guy friends because you probably know what most guys' intentions would be in terms of befriending a female?

If I'm reading it right, lack of trust & general social disinterest might be the core of it.

But take this with a grain of salt because it's hard to answer these things accurately unless you know more about the person. So you'd be better off asking your therapist since they def know you better.

I definitely recommend taking The Big 5 test. It's very insightful & reliable. I like to take it every year when I'm at a good neutral less biased emotional state.

ohshee · Answer

Not sure only you can answer that

I think everybody needs friends there are some of us that know who they are know where they're headed and they don't need to be around people all the time like introvert extrovert I enjoy being alone I enjoy working I enjoy doing things alone but at the same time there are moments where I want that special person I want a special person to feel everything about me and when you can make it all about this person and turn her inside out to make sure feel something beautiful I think we all need that 2 I know I do because I would like to give

melanieeeB · Answer

I think you just haven't met the right people, where there is a connection and that's totally fine.

And when I was around 16-18 some girls in my class also wanted to compete and others were my "friends" but would constantly made me feel awful... i still don't understand why, I guess it's normal cause during that age girls seem to be more insecure... it definitely got better later on

Anonymous · Answer

Well, firstly there is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely.

Being lonely means that you want to spend time with someone else and cannot.

Being alone just means that there isn't anyone else there.

You can also be lonely while in company if you are not getting your needs met, if the interaction isn't working for you.

Some people are more social than others.

I would suggest that if you are happy being alone then you shouldn't be worried, as long as you can interact with people when you want or need to that seems fine and I would take it as a sign that you are good at self love as you are not seeking external validation.

Ευδεμονια · Answer

I have a friend that has a similar situation, she’s alone, has only 1 friend girl and some friend guys, she gets along well with guys and doesn’t with girls. Usually girls doesn’t appreciate her because of their envy against her physical appearance.
Basically you’re a loner since you don’t have a big stimulus in having a lot of friends, and that’s normal. But I think you’re living a situation similar to my friend’s, other girls live your potential friendship as a competition and this makes them avoid you.

big_ben_007 · Answer

Bad experiences cause bad feelings. If u have too many problems with too many friendships, u might dislike the idea of friendship at all.

Kinda like school. Some kids dont hate learning in school, they hate the drama. And thats why they hate school.

bubblegunnn · Answer

Im sorry about that but being 24/7 lonely is sucks especially outside like school cuz its where the most place we socialize and make friends as lot as we can.. at least have one bestie that we can trust and vibe together.. that will be a good memories in school we can remember in the future

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I believe people need friends even if they do not feel they need friends, just like you don’t feel thirsty when your only a little thirsty, I do not socialize either, but I have GAG, I have my community centre online, I have my family, I have limited contact online, and I have my YouTube videos - we don’t need a lot of friends or acquaintances if we’re healthy but I believe a little is important

Reaper1985 · Answer

I only have a handful of friends from childhood. I don't really need more then that in life.

but many girls are raised in a beauty pageant world where they believe. only the most attractive ones can find love and happiness. so they tend to bring each other down to feel better about themselves. in the hopes they can one day get their happily ever after. however most decent guys tend to marry or long term date girls with good personalities and attitudes over just looks alone.

Andres77 · Answer

You just described a good portion of my life.
You're selective, that's all.
You like what you like and make no apologies for it.
Don't change..
You won't be alone
You will eventually have about 3-5 good solid friends that have your back and in whom you can trust.
It'll take a few years to figure out who these are, you're going to be just fine.

DavidRaul · Answer

I for one like to spend most of time alone but its not that I don't socialize at all but with certain set of people. If i don't socialize , i don't have a problem being alone and keeping myself busy. People who like you and wanna spend time with you would initiate a conversation no matter what. So dont be afraid about it. But at least have one friend, thats all you would need for the rest of your life.

anon1903 · Answer

You are just low on social motivation. That's fine.

As a psych student myself, I'd say sometimes psychologists like to go for extra mile. I'm not stating she shouldn't encourage you to socialize more, it's just that you don't really need to worry yourself about such things.

Friends are important for sure. But some of us are just aloof.

PS. As a bisexual woman, I dig loner tendencies in both genders. Just a fun fact ig.

Sparkie460 · Answer

I'm sure you know who Billie Elish is, you remind me of her. She was a loner and look where she is now. You're a beautiful woman. Those people are jealous of you and they are trying to be better than you. When they compliment you and then talk about you behind your back, they are trying to make themselves out to be better than you to give themselves an ego boost

SAMI_DABBAB · Answer

The girls you described are the ones who are threatened by you, it could be that it's hard to talk to you since you're already subject of a lot of talk by girls, unfortunately you'll have to be the one to initiate, there's probably a good amount of girls who want to be friends with you but find it difficult to approach you, don't think you're doing something wrong, your psychologist definitely knows best, keep his advice #1 he's the one who has the real knowledge

ElvenMr · Answer

I like being "alone", so i feel the same way as you, even tho i have a few friends and even fewer close friends. I have no desire to make new friends like that, never really had tbh. If it somehow happens, that's cool, otherwise i won't force anything.

exitseven · Answer

okay- I know this sounds like something your parents might say but... when I was your age I felt the same way. I was on the outs with all my friends from the neighborhood. Even my best friend was on the outs with me. I found activities that I could do by myself and I went to movies and sporting events alone as well. When I went away to college I sort of started to join humanity again. I found a girlfriend and sort of became part of a group of kids.

Why is it that I don't care about having friends?

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