What if she asks that if I had gotten over her already or that if im still struggling with it?

[Myprofile187]

She asked because she cares about my well being. Is there any real reason behind this?

[SteveSmith1985]

Depends entirely on your relationship with this person. It could 100% be a friend just checking in on how you're feeling. It also 100% could be a friend who has romantic interest in you, and is asking if you're over your ex, in hopes of pursuing something romantic with you.

Either one is equally 'valid'. Which one it is... depends on your specific relationship. If you think it MIGHT be the romantic interest option. It is that option. 🙂

[Myprofile187]

Thank you for taking your time and write this reply.

She is actually my “ex”, my bad if it was unclear

[SteveSmith1985]

Oh wait, it was your ex asking if you were over HER? (like... you're still friends?)

[Myprofile187]

Yes, like that

[SteveSmith1985]

That's... a way more complex scenario. Again, it COMPLETELY depends on the nature of your particular relationship with this ex. That's going to include your history, as well as however you've related to each other since you broke up.

It could be:

1. She's just genuinely trying to be a friend, and check-in on how you're feeling. She might just be wondering if you're still experiencing negative feelings as a result.

2. She could be asking becvuse she is thinking... maybe we should look at getting back together (and she's hoping you tell her you miss her and are still all broken up over the breakup)

3. Or it could be the exact opposite. Maybe she is thinking about getting together with someone ELSE, and is hoping you tell her "you're all good, and completely over it"...(thereby leaving her to move-on guilt-free)

This... really basically depends entirely on the context in which it happened. But... I KNOW you've got some idea of why you SUSPECT she asked you this (even if it's not something you can defend). That knee-jerk reaction is likely correct. Like if you think "she's asking because she's thinking about getting back together" even if you have no concrete reasons you can point to for thinking this... odds are your gut is right.

[Myprofile187]

But if i were ti say that i miss her, i think it will be a bit bad, not sure. Last messages were if asked how she feels, she says I don't know and replied somewhat the same, but her response was “is there something wrong that uou don’t know how u feel”. Basically playing a game right now, lol. But i greatly appreciate for taking your time with this. And i agree

[SteveSmith1985]

Yea... this sounds like a situation where you're both being a bit silly... and hedging about telling the other person how you feel (each of you are doing that). Personally, I cut through that bullshit by just sucking-it-up and being honest. If you miss her. And she's asking... might as well tell her you miss her. That might make her feel comfortable enough to be honest about missing you too. (which... I'm assuming to be the overall nature of your situation)

[Myprofile187]

You were right, she posted a reel on insta saying how its diff to say how you really fell especially to someome you care about the most, i just replied to that “true”, I don't know what else to say, tho..

[SteveSmith1985]

What is required is for one of you to ""take the leap" and be the first one to open-up, be vulnerable, and honestly talk about how you feel. If you take that leap, all-of-a-sudden you've just given the other person permission to be vulnerable TOO (they won't go FIRST). Then all of a sudden you're in a real-talk, where you actually might get somewhere. This fucking works. Every time. It just requires you to have the balls to be the one to jump first. 🙂

[Myprofile187]

Omg, you are so right. May i ask how come u know so much?

I’ve basically took the step in asking if she can’t sleep because of someone she likes or not, she said, yes you can say that.

[Myprofile187]

So apparently she finally opened herself up, and said she wants me be happy, but dhe can’t sleep at night because she think she really hurt me, even if you had good intentions, but i am unsure abut my decisions..

Seems like a riddle to me

[SteveSmith1985]

haha, that's not QUITE what I had in mind as taking that leap. I was suggesting something or other where you "put your cards on the table" by being totally honest about how much you miss her. Then she would feel free to tell you how much she misses you (neither of you would be hinting anymore, you'd just be having a frank-talk)

At the end of the day, it's really results you're after. So if things seem to be working well with what you're doing, then great! But, that's all you... I can't take credit for anything... you didn't end up taking my suggestion (which is fine!)

[Myprofile187]

Yeah, i feel like i was being used

I had asked her if she felt good after saying that and which decision she meant, just left me on read, damn

[Myprofile187]

But thank you regardless, appreciate all the time you put into this

[SteveSmith1985]

Oh you're quite welcome. I hope you and your ex give things another shot. You obviously miss each other. Good luck! 🙂

[Myprofile187]

Thank you, and not sure now since she left me on read hahah

[SteveSmith1985]

haha, SEEE that's why the "put your cards on the table and be honest" thing is so great. NO bullsht, NO confusion, NO wondering. Only answers. You STILL really ought to give it a try! (although, I am pretty sure you two are on-track to get back together regardless) 🙂

[Myprofile187]

So fast forward to today, we are in some type of limbo where we at least can talk normally again, and she always sends first. Do i just go with it or do i have to initiate something

[SteveSmith1985]

I'm glad you're talking normally again. As for whether you need to initiate something (I assume you mean 'initiate' something towards getting back together, as opposed to 'initiating' the text conversation--which you should also do by the way)

I think you absolutely could initiate something, if you feel the timing is right. But also, there's nothing wrong with 'going with it'. If you guys are talking regularly something will end up being imitated by you, or by her at some point... if you just keep talking and 'go with it'. (do text her first too though, it's a sign of interest).

[Myprofile187]

Thanks for the prompt reply, always appreciate it.

And yeah, i generally has the assumption that when guys text first, her interest will be gone or something. But good to know that we can text first as well

[SteveSmith1985]

I am literally talking to a girl (on here in my DM)... right now...(who actually seems like a good one). She believes that ONLY men should text first. SHe made the same argument you just made in reverse. Unfortunately, I... argued too hard, and... it's not really a subject I would be wise to bring up right now...

But... I am REALLLY wanting to send her a link to this question (so she can see a guy make the EXACT argument she makes, but in reverse). I won't though. But I want to.

Yes, absolutely. Ideally both people initiate some of the time. It tells the other person that you were thinking about them, and would like to talk to them enough to send a first message. It's a back-and-forth of continuing to let the other person know they're important to you, and you're interested in them.

[Myprofile187]

Sheesh, it kinda worked. We talked for a bit and then she opened up about me but in a third person and referring to me as “him”. But she said she doesn’t know what to do. Move on or get back, etc. Its just a short version of it. Main thing is thst she is conflicted between a choice

[SteveSmith1985]

She wants your input. SHe wants to know how YOU feel about her choosing either option. I mean... you really need to open up to her too! Does she even know you want to get back together? Help her make her decision by telling her YOURS (that, if it were up to you, you'd get back together.)

Honestly man, this sounds like an EASY situation to save. You just need to find the courage to tell her how you feel. (If, as I'm assuming here, you haven't been crystal clear with her about your own feelings)

[Myprofile187]

Hey Steve, been a while, thanks a lot for your knowledge.

So, we’re talking again and she proposed to plan 2 meet-ups to do some fun stuff, but sometimes she gives signal’s on text and when i try to act on it a bit, she backs off and says we are friends I don’t understand.

[Myprofile187]

So, seems like she is still unsure about her feelings because its only been a month or two from her last relationship (i didn’t know this) but she still likes me and wants to talk to me, even if she isn’t yet over her ex, what should i do?

[OlderAndWiser]

Are you broken up, or just toying with the idea?

If you have REALLY broken up and you want to move on, you cut all contact with her and the only time you see her is when you're looking in your rearview mirror.

If you HAVEN'T really broken up, first be honest with yourself, and then be honest with her about what you really want.

How can anything that is good for you be base on anything less than honesty?

[PatriceONeal]

She asked for only one reason. To boost her ego. She wants to kniw you miss her becuase that translates to value in her tiny woman brain. Don't feed her, she's already a monster.

[Myprofile187]

Yea, i ignored the Q. Just asked why she asked and she said cuase she cares aboht my well being

[Myprofile187]

So i just asked how she was doing and she said “not sure”

[PatriceONeal]

Lol. Fuck her bro. Its depressing but you gotta take it on the chin and move on. Many women operate like this when they live such a spoiled life. Too many options and not enough time, poor girls.

[Anonymous]

She's either curious, or still wants you.