I have a friend, who is 27-years-old, and she is attractive. There are older men who give her gifts and do things for her. She never asks for anything and even tells these men that she has a boyfriend (even though she doesn't) and tells them that she isn't available. My viewpoint is "Good For You!"
However, I have another female friend, who is 19-years-old, and she is attractive. She also had older men give her gifts but her Mom made her give the gifts back. Her Mom said it's not right to accept gifts from these men because they have ulterior motives. When you accept these gifts it lets the man know that he has a chance.
What is your viewpoint?
What's Your Opinion of A Woman That Accepts Gift From Men She Isn't Interested In?
I don't think one is "better" than the other. They each have different qualities. Our class president is a very nice woman and she has diplomatic skills. She is a pleasure to be around. The VP of our class is rough around the edges and no fun to be around. One isn't better than the other. Just different. One is "finer tuned" about people the other isn't. One is more sophisticated.
That's how I view a woman who won't accept gifts from men she isn't interested in compared to one who does accept gifts from men and doesn't give a damn about his feelings. One isn't "better" than the other, just different. One is "finer tuned" or sophisticated when it comes to men and the other isn't.
In my Psychology class, Sociopath people are on the raise. These are some of the traits. Not understanding the difference between right and wrong. Not respecting the feelings and emotions of others. Constant lying or deception. Being callous. Difficulty recognizing emotion. Manipulation. Difficulty appreciating the negative aspects of their behavior.
There's many different reasons why a man will want to give a woman a gift. Either as a way to supplicate to get her to like him, which has nothing to do with the woman. Supplication could come from a low self-esteem or because they think the only way to stand a chance is to 'buy' them. Otherwise, as one of the five love languages, gift giving is a way in which a person may show his affection/interest. Alternatively, he could just genuinely want to give her a gift because that's what he feels he wants to do. If she's not interested in him, however, to not give him false hope she should politely decline it. This will let him know she's not interested. If she constantly accepts them, it could be seen as leading him.
I was taking a difficult class at the college I go to and this guy, who is taking the same class, told me he belongs to a fraternity and he has access to this professor's old tests. He offered me one and I accepted it. As it turns out a lot of the questions on the mid-term were the same questions on the old test. So now this guy is asking me out for dates and I decline and he gets angry at me. If I declined his gift I wouldn't have gotten an A on the midterm.
@Cathy7734 Yip, sounds like he's go the mindset of 'I helped her with the test, so now she SHOULD be saying yes to the dates' and feels like he deserves it. Don't feel obligated to go on these dates with him. If he made no inclination that the only reason why he gave you the test was because he wanted to go out with you, then you've only interpreted his gift as a good deed without an ulterior motive. It's not okay that he's getting angry with you, set your boundaries and don't let him make you feel guilty or whatever for not going on a date with him
It's not my intention to "attack" or judge. I'm trying to understand. If you accept a gift from a guy shouldn't you assume he is doing it because he has hopes? Even if you tell him otherwise? So you should expect him to ask you out.
If he's given you any signs that he's interested in you on that level and then given you a gift, then definitely, you'd need to use your discretion and decline it if you knew it was driven by hopes of something more and you didn't feel the same. It's so easy theses days to mistake kindness with flirting (without giving a gift) and sometimes it can be misinterpreted
@moniquetlc "If he's given you any signs that he's interested in you" Offering you a gift, or in this case, an old exam that's exclusive to that fraternity (I'm assuming) is a sign that he is interested in you.
"It's so easy theses days to mistake kindness with flirting (without giving a gift)" I once asked a woman why do you think this guy is offering you a gift? She said he is just being kind. Well, if he was just a kind and generous guy, why isn't he offering it to that obese woman or that ugly woman over there? It seems to me that if a guy is offering you a gift, and not offering it to other people, it's a sign that he is interested in you.
@MoniqueTLC It doesn't really matter what reasons those guys give them those gifts. These girls are telling the men that they are supposedly not interested but still enjoying the benefits. That is more inappropriate than the men giving them gifts in the first place, especially for the one who has a boyfriend. Because the girls are still taking advantage of it even though they aren't interested. It's a form of being a passive user.
As long as the woman is clearly communicating these are going to be one-way gifts that will receive no reciprocation and that the woman is not available, I think they're fine in accepting it.
I don't really have opinions on the women in this. They seem like they're fine and normal.
I do have opinions on the men. Namely yikes and gross. But hey, at least they're giving gifts.
I'd just be very careful. These kinds of men are also the types to stalk a woman, and rape/kill her. They're letting their emotions and their libidos take control, they're not resisting it, and if sufficient rejections happen they are likely to get angry and lose control (even more than they have) of their emotions.
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From what you wrote, this is one reason why a woman shouldn't accept gifts from men she isn't interested in. She never knows what the man's true intentions are. He might end up harassing her, stalking her, etc. I can understand if the woman is young and still learning about life that she might accept these gifts. But 27 years old isn't that young.
Yes, but at the same time, rejecting a gift from a stalker still means he's gonna stalk you. Guys like this don't really get a hint - I had to deal with some like this and... Ugh. Really can't take a hint.
I know that there are those types of men out there. With those types of men, I still think it's best not to accept the gift. I don't think it makes sense to say, "Well, he might stalk me whether I take the gift or not, so I might as well take the gift. I might as well get something out of it."
Because if it escalates and the woman calls the police they will inquire about the relationship. She will have to say she did accept those gifts. It just seems to me it's more problematic. I would stay away from those types of men and not accept anything from them.
Most people will accept gifts regardless of the pretexts. Men or women, same same. It’s the givers that i frown upon. They’re throwing off the balance of sexual dynamics. Women who receive gifts they didn’t earn or don’t reciprocate will inherently have an inflated sense of value. When the time comes that she may be ready to settle down or her options are naturally more limited, she’ll be grossly inadequate for quality men and likely offended when men who aren’t lonely and desperate don’t shower her with gifts. Similarly, those lonely but resourceful men will never satisfy their needs by essentially buying false intimacy. There’s only one way to achieve real intimacy. It’s scary and painful, but there’s no known substitute. And this dynamic damages the overall dynamic because everyone appears to be lazy and selfish in “love”.
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From what I've read in your statement, women who accept gifts from men, whom they aren't interested in, have an inflated sense of value?
Her mother is right. However, both of these girls accepting gifts from those older guys are no better. They might not be interested in the men, and the one girl has a boyfriend, but they're still not refusing the gifts like they should. They are actually worse than the older men.
Cause kindness doesn't entitle you for anything. Real kindness is be kind without especting anything in return, (not saying that you dont deserve to be loved and respected). But kindness is not a currency, especially not for sex.
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