Is she shy or is it something else?

[Anonymous]

I met this great girl in school, and we were hitting it off well. She was really smart, funny, and super mature / no bs. We really got each other’s sense of humor, there was a good amount of innocent flirting / teasing back and forth, and had some really interesting, deep conversations where I felt like we connected. Over break, I texted her asking if she wanted to grab lunch sometime, and she said she was out of town but would love to when we were back at school. So, a couple days after school started I texted her, she said she was free that weekend, so I suggested a time and place. She didn’t reply to the message for a couple days even though we would see each other during the day at school, and would get super red every time I tried to talk to her. She responded a couple days later telling me she double booked herself and didn’t realize it. I told her no worries, but since then she literally turns red like a tomato any time I’m near her or try to talk to her. When I make eye contact with her her eyes dart away. It’s not like she doesn’t make an effort to talk to me, I don’t get the feeling she thinks I’m a creep, and my gut tells me she’s just super nervous / shy (outside of our friend group, she’s not very outgoing, and even before I asked her out she was definitely a little nervous when we’d talk, like she would blush, play with her hands, necklace etc). Regardless of what happens, she is really cool and I really don’t want there to be this awkwardness between us for the rest of our time at school. Do you think she’s embarrassed about something? I want to just talk to her about it because I’m a pretty direct person, but I have a feeling that’ll make things worse and I don’t want her to feel like I’m confronting her. My two questions are 1. From a woman’s perspective what do you think happened, is she not interested or is she just really shy / nervous? 2. How do I make her comfortable around me again? Thanks!

[SueShe]

Is it correct that you are at least 25 and that you are at school? The second thing that has me worried is that you state "... there was a good amount of innocent flirting...".

Flirting is never innocent. The definition of flirting is

"a sexual behavior involving spoken or written communication, as well as body language, by one person to another, to suggest interest in a deeper relationship with the other person".

My question to you is: What are your intentions with this girl? What is your ultimate goal?

To me, it is clear that she realized where the entire "innocent flirting" was leading and that she changed her mind. She is perhaps too shy to tell you and feels insecure and not comfortable telling you.

To answer your questions

1. The entire situation made her nervous because she realizes that there is a certain risk involved.

2. It will be difficult to make her be comfortable again because she will always associate you with what has happened.

Best is just to give it time and not to contact her or text her. If she wants something from you, she will let you know.