Would you say that dating sites are bad because the people on them are legitimately not that great & think themselves better than they actually are?

[Anonymous]

I am on a site called Match. Put bluntly as a woman with self-respect, who hasn't slept with many men, etc., most of the men aren't worth contacting. And it's not for fickle reasons

Men poising like roosters in selfies, hats on backwards, etc. so obviously not mature for their age / likely not responsible & likely looking for flings. Never married but with 1 child or multiple children. "Currently separated" which means most are married, not living in the family home but not legally divorced & yet looking (no wonder the marriage didn't work), etc. As well as "is it happy hour yet", and profiles that indicate there's a problem or another.

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Am I being unreasonable? I don't think so. I want a decent partner. I'm on it to get away from the locals of this small town I work in - I am not local - as drugs, alcoholism, etc is very common

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And I've been told by a few of the more decent men that women on the site are predominantly no better - dressed skimpy, can't string a conversation together, etc., etc. - than the men I ignore.

Yes - the people on these sites over estimate their worth

No

[Carolus]

Just like other social networks, dating sites aren’t bad, only that they attract all kinds of characters and it gets hard to differentiate genuine ones from scammers. It’s unfortunate that the number of genuine single people who are after serious relationships is about 5% while others are jokers, scams, criminals, gold diggers, after hookups, married and people looking for what doesn’t exist.


You will find most genuine people after long term relationships aren’t single but divorced, separated and or with kid (s). So, Mr. single, handsome, gentleman, honest, faithful, with a good career, bank account and no kids is rare to find on dating sites. Or Ms. Prom. Queen, a lady with good career and bank account, faithful, single without a kid (s) is also rare to find.

[Asker]

My relatives have been married for decades. My parents for 40, for one. One aunt & uncle for 70.

So it's very hard for me to trust divorced on a dating site as I'll likely never see the spouse & can only trust what the man says - he may say she cheated while reality was he was fucking half the town.

Same with "currently separated". They're not legally divorced yet & yet don't have the control nor self respect - or respect for their spouse & any children - to wait until divorced before looking.

[Carolus]

Lower your expectations to avoid major disappointments. Life isn’t linear, marriages are hard and not for everyone, just because some of your relatives are married doesn’t mean they are happy by default, most marriages are about financial security & ‘family’ and couples remain in them through emotional compromise and sacrifice. Take it easy, live a day at time, nothing is guaranteed, dating or marrying someone who has never been married before isn’t guaranteed either. It’s all about giving someone who has like mind, shows some seriousness, loves and cares about you a chance irrespective of his previous statuses. Personally, am in this kind of a situation, separated and doesn’t mean I can’t love and marry another woman.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

As for me I once tried online dating & to be honest I prefer offline dating & meeting people for who they really are offline. Online it’s photoshop, filters & false advertising freaks, no thanks.

[rachel776]

i think like in real life you're just looking for the one you like in all the ones you don't

[Anonymous]

It all comes down to two things. First, most good men are not using dating sites. They don't have to.

And second, dating sites are typically viewed by many men as hookup sites. I know some guys who are like what you describe (roosters... lol), and it's always been surprising to me how much success some of them have getting hookups with women.

[Noodle_fan]

i think dating site is bad because i only met scammers there

[TroyDT]

Dating sites are a cesspool.