Is it safe to say that the people on "online dating sites" are the sort of people that can't get decent dates / relationships due to their own flaws?

Question

I've tried Match on & off for a bit. I haven't gone on any dates. Most of the men I've talked to really... don't have much to offer a woman aside from their bank accounts.

By this I mean they're shallow. They have no real personalities. They're easily offended. In writing style, they sometimes indicate behavior that is controlling, narcissistic or abusive.

And on Match at least there are ironically a LOT of divorced men. The only thing that bests being divorced is number of men who don't even have a Bachelors degree, putting in Bachelors degree got rid of like 30% of the men on the search engine.

RangerBlue22 · Accepted Answer

“Most of the men I've talked to really... don't have much to offer a woman aside from their bank accounts.”

Not sure what the heck you are expecting there. Are you looking for some sort of Ryan Reynolds dynamo on Match or something?

As for money. Right or wrong men are still expected to hold their own on that. Especially after the age of 30 and especially 35 men know damn well that even if we are the most the interesting man in the world if we are broke we will be always be a joke. A broke man is not only considered a financial failure but an actual personal failure as a man. Attractive women on the other hand have an incredible amount of leeway on this

The only exception is if a broke yet attractive man really lowers his physical attraction standards for a sugar mama. In my entire life I have only seen this happen twice and it didn’t last. However vice versa (sugar daddy’s) are much much more common. Most women want and expect to be “taken care of”.

So when men get older they tend to get more “boring” but in reality it’s because making a living and making money is the very top of our priority list. That’s why you don’t see us worrying about vacations, hanging out with friends like we used, doing random hobbies, etc. We can’t be ding dongs. No one will come save us if we are. We also gain respect by being independent. We feel more guilt/shame about freeloading off others (women are more likely to take advantage of government tax payer funded entitlement programs). Money ties into self respect. Self respect is considered attractive.

So I know is a rant about money. But men are expected to be protectors and providers. But the “modern” woman wants that PLUS she wants to be “entertained”. She expects the man to be interesting to her tastes, funny to what amuses her, a “buddy” who understands and on top of all of that physically attractive.

Realistically you are entitled to someone who is on par with you. You can’t have higher expectations for the man you date than you have for yourself.

Lookingforthetruth · Accepted Answer

Men who use dating sites are often men who struggle to get dates or are too busy in their life to walk up to random women asking them out. Usually, dating for men is a numbers game as shown below:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/35fiNZTVVtU

[This man had to swipe on 16k women over 4 months and only got 3 women to go out on a date with him. He's 6'3", white, college educated, comes from middle class family and is sociable]

A lot of times guys will talk to women in real life and also online to get improve their dating odds. The HVM (Chads/rich guys) may also use dating apps but this tend to be done sparingly since these men don't struggle in lining up date or use escorts.

For women, if she has trouble getting quality dates irl or online, it's most often due to her dating choice or personality that results in her getting pump and dumped/ghosted. From online data, women tend to only swipe on 5% of the men they come across while men swipe on at least 50% of the women.

To answer your question in a more direct route. A man using online dating may not have anything wrong with him physically or mentally, and could be a decent partner for relationship. He just isn't Chad. Though there is also possibility that him struggling in real life could be due to a flaw he has mentally/physically that he needs to work on.

A woman being online however is more of a reflag. Women on average have higher pool of suitors both irl and online that are interested in them. If women are struggling to find a mate irl and needs to hop online, chances are she may be too picky, have non-negotiable baggage or even an off putting personality that are scaring men away.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

When you said in their "writing style they sometimes indicate behavior that is controlling, narcissistic or abusive." Do you mind giving me examples? I would like to know what to look out for so I'm not oblivious to it. Though, I grew up with a narcissistic father and hopefully I'll be able to spot one. But I'm afraid I might be blind to it. Thank you very much!

I don't use dating websites. I've heard a lot of horror stories about them so I choose to stay away. I heard the people in there are considered low quality men/women. Not saying you are low quality, because I know there are a few gems on there that have to shift through less favorable people in order to find what they're looking for or somewhat find it.

Dating apps aren't good for your mental health. Found a interesting article about it that said dating apps take everything natural out of dating and you only look at their physical attractiveness to determine if they're worth your time. It instills shallow unhealthy dating.

Whereas if you meet the person in real life, yes you would look at their appearance but you would also talk to them. Get to know them a little maybe find out right there if you click. If they have a funny personality/are a good person.

It's a natural environment. You can't get that through a dating app, it's not the same. Especially since there's this forced expectation where you are both looking to date when you're on a app.

If you meet someone in real life, you are just talking/getting to know each other. Nothing is set in stone, you aren't even thinking about dating them you are just getting to know them. You'd be relaxed and a potential connection could form since you guys would both be yourselves without trying to impress one another.

You aren't waiting for a reply, you can gauge by their real life replies if they're someone who's lying, faking it or for real. They don't have time to think up a smart witty reply. It's all right there.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Not necessarily. People can use dating sites for a plethora of reasons: not just because they're socially awkward or have bad luck in real life.
Don't get me wrong, for some people, those are the primary reasons they prefer dating sites, but not always.
I'll use myself as an example-
When I used to use dating sites, I had NO luck with dating locally, even on a freaking college campus! Plus I'm from a small town, so dating is difficult... especially as you get older and the vast majority of the city is already married, taken, or flat out not interested in you.
So what do you do when you live in a small area and the demographics are against you? Online dating...
I had no luck on there either 🤦‍♀️ BUT! At least I met and interact with way more guys than I did in person.

Also consider if an individual has children, busy with work, school, or has a life that makes conventional dating difficult. Online dating allows you to look for potential partners around your needs and wants.

BlueScorpio · Answer

Maybe or they just feel like it's easier/faster to find someone since online dating is still somewhat popular in finding dates thanks to social media making it popular over the years.

AviatorTom · Answer

No, that's not universally true. I met my SO on a dating site (7 years ago) and I know several married couples who met on dating sites.

Guy13 · Answer

Or scared to get out in real life in the mix of things…

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

Let's put this into context: you're an over 30, unmarried woman. If you're saying that the people on these sites are low quality, does that not also indicate that you're also low quality (who's to say that you have comparatively a "real personality").

Dating sites are the main avenue to find a significant other for most people of dating age (18-40). We no longer have widespread social clubs, have church communities, and know enough people to be able to meet someone through these channels- which is how it was traditionally done. Many people have few to no friends, go to work, and possibly a gym. None of these places are good to find a potential partner; so, invariably people go on dating sites.

AdithyaR · Answer

Well I don't think that's entirely true.
Some people can be on dating sites cause they're shy and have trouble initiating, the app kind of provides a situation to meet new people.
Or their schedules are tight and find it easier to use a dating so get to know a person before scheduling a date.
Plus apps do generally help you find people who share common interests, considering that's pretty important for most people. Dating apps kind of help find a demographic of people you'd get along with better.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Probably a lot of "losers", but there's some decent guys out there that I've known over the years. I was there briefly at times and I know of some others. I had my stuff together for the most part. it's a painful and exhausting experience. If one isn't prepared for it or have the right perspective, it is not worth it, better off meeting people in normal life.

Thankfully I'm married now and don't have to deal with it.

ryanrhino · Answer

No, it is not safe to say that based on your experience.

I am sorry that most of the boys you have chatted with aren't men. I found my wife online simply due to caring for my daughter during my divorce at the time.

Finding the right partner is worth the hunt and don't give up!

Luv2BRealExotic13 · Answer

I’ve also had terrible dates with people I met out. I don’t think there’s really any correlation, it’s just unfortunately like you said most people having personality traits of controlling, narcissistic, abusive. It sounds like you are able to pick up on it faster through text than someone in person possibly playing the long game.

Anonymous · Answer

I didn’t read the whole thing
By now & soon to be 2023 we should know online dating is more advanced than face time face meeting or friend vouching etc
Online dating is normal same as in person meeting sometimes better than in person and we have to accept it

Rollingstones84 · Answer

I would say that a lot of the ones on dating sites considered conventionally attractive are full of themselves and highly selective over who they match with. And that may be part of it, because they're so highly selective, they have a better chance of finding equally attractive people on an app without putting in the extra work to find someone outside the app

Lionman95 · Answer

I would say yes many of them are. The rest are people that have a harder time building a connection in real life because they are shy, not self-secure or generally don´t spend much time with women.

So it takes time and patience.

exitseven · Answer

I have never used social media until GaG but I always suspected that most people on these sites exaggerate about themselves and post pictures of good looking people they found on the internet.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

I usually find better women online than real life tbh but I'm also an expert in marketing and have ways I use online dating very different than the average user.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Eh... I think people are pretty awful about dating just in general. Online dating exposes you to a larger cross section of that awfulness though.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Not having a B. A or B. S. is a flaw? I know guys who don't even have a GED who earn over $200K in passive income annually. Still losers in your eyes? LMAO.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

That's life, hon. The hardcore mfers are the ones who graduate college. The sensitive ones don't make it through.

AsaKyo · Answer

Or it could just be that there's no one eligible in their area

Anonymous · Answer

If you routinely have same problem at some point you have to entertain the possibility the problem is not with THEM.

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

This is quite an amazing question!

ChefPapiChulo · Answer

I’d rather die alone

Is it safe to say that the people on "online dating sites" are the sort of people that can't get decent dates / relationships due to their own flaws?

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