Guys, gals, so I have an odd situation happening and am just looking for advice from both sides. For a while now I was up north (near Canada) and this girl lives way down south. We've known each other for a long time and have dated over 10 years ago. We decided to take another shot. I believe she is worth the work. However with that being said, she's also been talking to another guy which I didn't know about until I uprooted my life and moved 1800 miles away to be with her. The very next day she started acting like I was nothing and she was all about this other guy which she didn't say anything about me to until the day I arrived. She hasn't been out of a relationship for that long maybe 6 months or so. Personally I feel like she is getting close to the other guy because he is friends with her ex. However she and I live together and she acts like we are in a relationship without all the mushy love stuff. If she's worth it should I play the game and compete or turn my back and ignore all the games? When I was still up north she and I would text everyday, talked on the phone once in a while. It honestly feels like she went to this guy because he is close to her ex.
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With all this advice, I have decided to jump ship, cut ties, and start a new fresh life away from this girl. Thank you to everyone who responded.
Competing for a girl is pretty cringeworthy to me. The only time I ever dated a girl or given her my efforts is when she showcased clear attraction and made herself very available. I think guys get the pursuit of women wrong. As a man, you should focus on conquering, establishing yourself, and moving up in the world. Women don't come into that equation at all. When you're killing it in life, beautiful women will all of a sudden make themselves available. They will make it very easy for you to date them. Only then should you pursue. If this girl you're interested in is seeing another guy- then have some self respect. Tell her you're interested in her, and if she still wants to fuck around with someone else... then MOVE ON. She ain't worth the distraction in your life.
I would have to say that if you're killing it in life and that is when women start to come up to you that that is also a wrong time to pursue them... If a committed relationship is your goal. Women are caddy, women are conniving and women are emotional.. and most definitely there are a lot of women out there who are gold diggers. I'm willing to bet that this girl has some pretty heavy issues with self-confidence and while that alone it's not a good reason to not be with somebody, it's a really good indicator of the level of stress you will feel in a relationship with that person. If she was talking to you because you were across the country while talking to some other dude whose friends with an ex then I would say that you are being taught a life lesson for sure.. That being said, I will give you a completely honest blind assessment lol... She doesn't find you attractive. You give her a much-needed amount of emotional support and that's what she likes about you. That's why she was able to talk to you about moving out there with her and then once you got there she was like nevermind.. women let emotions get the better of them and when we find a guy that we can confide in and who listens and here's what we say we automatically start to have heart flutters and it isn't until we are presented with the idea of a relationship being put right in front of us that we realized okay so there's no attraction I just feel an immense amount of support. .. But here's a little secret.. women like it when men act like they don't notice us so if you guys are roommates and she walks out in a towel or half naked don't react if she confides in you or complains to you about other guys listen and if she asks for your opinion give it to her. If she wants to hang out and watch movies then if your schedule is free sure why not hang out and watch movies... But
under no circumstances should you cancel any plans that you have already made just so that you can appease her, do not under any circumstances react emotionally or lustfully towards anything that she says or does. Tell her that you like her and your idea of the relationship you two have is clearly different from the idea that she has. Tell her that you don't have a problem with her having friends but while she is busy figuring out who she is you're going to do the same thing.
If you don't mind I'd like to give you some of my own life experience lessons and observations... Exes are exes for a reason.. if there was something that was going to save the relationship or help you guys see eye to eye about things then it would have happened the first time around. When we think about good times that we had with an ex we always mistaken the feelings associated with the memory as being feelings associated with the person. For example: I can have amazing memories with you while at the same time have an outlook on life that is negative in your opinion and therefore brings you down. So you don't miss me but you miss the things that we did together... You miss the way that you felt during that moment that you're remembering of the memory.
I have changed my direction even though I already moved I decided to completely back off from a relationship and am just focusing on myself now, getting work, and all over make myself better without the need of her. Everyone thank you for helping me realize what a mistake I made. Dating has always been a difficult task for me and this community has helped me so much thank you all so much. Time to kill this life thing in my favor.
You're welcome and i don't mean to be some 'positive poly' that sounds all high and mighty or something LOL but you didn't make a mistake. Relationships are not easy for anybody.
I can't say that I know how you feel, I can imagine what it would feel like though.. it saddens me that you think that it was a mistake though. A mistake is moving the decimal point over twice instead of once; or calling a current partner by an ex-partners name during a fight. Moving across the country for a girl you thought was worth it it's not a mistake it's... .. actually romantic.. and a huge stepping stone for your life's direction, that's for sure 💜 but if you look at it from your emotional point of view then it's only going to hold you back. Instead maybe you can try viewing it as a lesson in what you are looking for in a relationship. Your behavior can teach you what you bring to the table, the amount of commitment and dedication that you have to offer and reflecting on her behavior you have the opportunity to learn what it is that you want your partner to bring to the table and the amount of commitment and dedication that you want them to have for you and the relationship. Relationships are hard and they take work and I know that that's such a cliche thing to say but it's true. And with the next girl you might still get it wrong about what it is that you are looking for and can offer but those things will change over time that's life, that's growing up, that's becoming wiser that's living and learning..
I didn't move across the country for the relationship that I'm in or was in but I have currently found myself in a situation where we broke up but live together and I have to make myself not care when he's talking to other women and going on like we never existed. And granted that's a lot different from your situation but it's also a little the same maybe LOL.. I hope that you will not grow resentment or a fear of Love or committing to another woman because of this. And if anything that I have said makes any sense or what's helpful in any way should you ever decide that you want to talk message me I'll be here
Absolutely, thank you for the kind words and advice that everyone has given me, especially you, I can relate to being broke up with someone and living together. That was my last situation that I left up north. And yes it did hurt a lot. With that being said I'm the kind of person that tries to see the good in everything. Sometimes it brings me down pretty hard and sometimes it's worked. I don't have a resentment for love or a future relationship with someone new. It's scary and I think that's why I've gone and done what I did. Thank you I will def take you up on that when I need someone to talk to whom understands the struggles that I've been through.
Yes I am a hopeless romantic, I fail in a relationship, I dust off heal, and try again differently. Sadly it hasn't worked yet lol, but I know one day it's going to work out in the end. I just keep holding on to that belief. I'm not saying I'm perfect in any way shape or form. a lot of times it has been my fault for losing a relationship. I just know it comes with the territory.
If you have to compete, cease all contact. No woman is worth competing for... EVER! You just falling for game.
You once moved for away, so yea she was well within her right to seek out someone else. Now the both of you live together and she acts like you're a couple? I don't get where exactly you're going with this. You shouldn't have to compete at all.
It was odd we reconnected a while back, we were talking everyday and the situation I was in was also a very toxic relationship, so the girl I moved for, both of us had feelings brew back up and we planned my move here. Once I arrived she stated she didn't want a relationship right away because she wasn't ready. Plus she didn't mention to him I was coming down until the day I arrived as well. And therefore the competition started
Sounds like she hasn't made her mind up yet, but it sounds really shady and weak. I would just ignore it and if it seems to be escalating, start making a backup plan for if she decides to date the other. You really don't deserve to be second after moving all that way specifically just for her.
I don’t play those game no I don’t compete with girls over a man that’s ridiculous like she’s some kind of a prize like a toy she either talk to me alone and no body else or I don’t waste my time with her. That sounds like a Golddigger a woman that talks to several men at once
I've had a gut feeling she has been testing me but I've never properly been able to identify when a woman was testing me or just being a shitty human being.
I haven't said much or even reacted negatively when she says anything about him. I even asked her if she was going to invite him over so I could meet him, sadly she declined to do that.
Now it's all starting to make sense as to why I allow myself to get into situations like this. I will be more cautious then to make decisions like this in the future. Appreciate your input.
@Soulflyer80. Actually it is. Your story is common as are the results. When a woman realizes she has this kind of power over you it fundamentally changes how she perceives you.
@Soulflyer80 No, it's single edge with the sharp side aimed at you. I would fully expect for her to get more and more distant and she will start picking fights with you over NOTHING.
Would love to, unfortunately I have about 10,000 dollars worth of tools and other supplies for work that I can't just pack up and leave. Or else I would.
Good man. I had a girl try to test me by openly making me jealous. Jealousy is not a gentlemanly trait, so i just stepped out of her life. Let her deal with the loss.
It's sad that people try to trigger jealousy in another person either for their own selfish gain or just to mess with someone sadly this is the second time in a row it's happened. Last one did the same exact thing.
It's always been really tough for me to make that decision due to the fact that I'm loyal to a fault. And when I do come to the decision to finally be done the damage has already gotten so bad that it has usually ended badly. And this is something that is I consider a character flaw in myself. But I will always be loyal to one no matter what they are putting me through.
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