If we analyze this deeply, it is often a routine response trained from childhood. We mimic the responses of other people. So we might want to give a more comprehensive response to this question but observe practically everyone else giving terse answers like, "sup" or "fine". So then we conform to these responses hoping to be perceived as normal human beings.
So I think that means she desires to be a normal human being. She wants to keep how she's truly feeling like if her toe hurts or if her arm is broken or if a loved one just recently from not just you but people asking this question in general.
Because maybe it's too weird to say too much about how we really are. And maybe most people don't really care.
Yes I assumed sometimes fine is a way of someone saying they feel bothered by me
Yes I was seriously asking. Because I care about how she feels
Maybe move in closer to her and catch her when she's not busy or moving if you don't already. Be physically intimate (I don't mean you have to touch her but get in a bit closer than usual, and always with care that she's comfortable with that). Then you can ask how she's really doing.
I know for myself if I tell someone I'm "fine" and don't talk any more about whatever I'm going through - it's because I do not feel like enough trust has been built with that person. It took me until my 30s to realize it was okay to tell people I was not okay... and that was due largely to how I grew up - I was relentlessly bullied as a child but my parents and others would tell me to "get over it," or that "others had it worse than you," so I learned to hide my true feelings because I didn't want to burden anyone with any negative feelings... however, once I build trust with someone and they ask if I'm okay, I'm going to be honest with them and I don't resort to the "I'm fine."
So, it depends on how long you have been friends with this woman and her level of comfort with you as to whether or not she will be completely honest and open with you beyond the "i'm fine."
I'm fine can mean many different things, She would probably be mad or sad, and she doesn't want to talk about it with you, or is you ask 2 or 3 time then she will tell you or she is actually fine or she says she is fin but she is not fine and doesn't know how she feels, or she is rely pissted and is reedy to tare you apart limb by limb. It all depends on the tone of her voice and her body language.
Wow that’s many things. I guess asking how someone isn’t the best way to know then.
When I hear, "I'm fine... just thinking" it translates into "time to guess what she's thinking, question here without interrogation, and brace for the "what I did Wrong". And most of the time, it is a Test as is the Rejection game and now with the Criticism and why not Fine Game. If they really care, we are being vetted more often than most guys realize. The "I'm Fine with tilt head away and extended release of breathe is just another Hurdle to jump. :-) Rarely, is it a game over...
Opinion
27Opinion
Usually it means that she isn't fine, but doesn't want to talk with you about it. The greater context of the relationship is super important.
We are friends. Usually talk most days. It’s unusual for her to be so short in her replies
Gotcha. I let her know I’m not going to bother her with my last reply:
“Then I will not bother you, don’t wanna kill your mood 😒”
Because she said she’s not in the mood. I wanted to communicate that I’m giving her space
I get that your intention was good, but that is absolutely not how you be supportive in a situation like that. When this happens in the future, the way you give the person space is by literally giving them space.
Maybe she has some personal stuff going on, maybe she doesn't. Either way, she told you that she's fine, which means that she doesn't want to share whatever is on her mind with you. The way you responded presumes that she isn't being honest with you, and then expresses disappointment that she isn't comfortable enough for your liking, so it creates this weird tension for her.
The next time you find yourself in a situation like that with a friend, either say nothing at all, or respond with something totally neutral and unrelated, like inviting her to a social gathering. Maybe you see her looking anxious about something, but she tells you that she's fine, so you invite her to your favorite bar's trivia night. It gives her a way to forget her troubles, if she has any, and it makes you a stress-free way to do something fun.
Oh that wasn’t my response. When she said she’s fine
“I’m not in the mood Barry.”
Thanks, that’s my plan. I just wish sometimes people are more honest. Would clear up drama
I hear you… I always find the lines and boundaries people draw about stuff like that weird. Like why would someone be perfectly comfortable talking about one extremely personal thing, but then not another thing that I would consider way less of a big deal?
Like the woman who has no problem having sex with men she just met online, but god forbid she tell anyone her last name. 😂
I like people, but they are so damn confusing/frustrating sometimes.
Usually when i say, “i’m fine” it means i am annoyed or upset about something but don’t feel like venting about it yet. It depends on the friend. If she is close to you then perhaps she will tell whats going on and if not that’s fine too. Just give her some space until she calls you or texts you but don’t ask her again unless she’s comfortable talking about whats going on.
Thank you. I ended up giving her space as we are friends. Would it be challenging to say you feel upset?
No, deff don’t say that to her haha. Just leave it alone and i’m sure she’ll text you.
Lol oh no I didn’t say it to her. I was asking about when you say you feel fine. Would it be challenging to answer you feel upset?
No, because I wear my heart on my sleeve. I say how I feel.
If a woman is saying this, and in a short-and-sweet way, she's basically letting you know she's not okay. She might not tell you why if you ask, but she's just passive-aggressively trying to let you know she's not okay.
It can either be a manipulative tactic, especially if the situation is how she's feeling about you i. e. she's upset with you about something you did or said - and you may not have even done anything wrong but she's still upset about it and just wants you to know it. Or to see if you will keep pressing so she can have the opportunity to come out and say what's on her mind.
@BarryLiverstone It's great that you two talked. Try acting like nothing happened just for starters and see where it goes, and if it still seems shaky you can ask how she's feeling. But you never want to keep asking a woman too much how are you, how are you, how are you, is everything okay, etc. It does get on their nerves, and you will make yourself become that guy who she'll eventually just regard as an emotional support pillow, or even a punching bag.
If you really really REALLY care about her, you will want to still try and find out "why" she didn't tell you.
Don't focus for now on "what" she didn't tell you.
Focus on WHY she didn't tell you.
- Is it that she's scared of trusting you?
- Is it shame?
- Is it anger towards you?
- Is it trauma?
After figuring out "why" she didn't tell you, keep your focus on that.
Let her understand by your ACTIONS that you're not interested in digging into her secrets. But that you're interested in the open communication.
That's how you work on a relationship.
u If you and this chick are living together, it usually means that you need to pack up your shit and be ready to go on short notice.
she's a friend. I live in my house alone
In that case, "I'm fine" means that she wants you to ask her to tell her what is wrong. She wants you to be the dentist trying to extract the secret from her.
Ty., I proved as you suggested yesterday and she didn’t share anything so I am giving her space
Please let us know how that works out.
"I'm fine" is most off a non-committal answer to someone. It generally means they may be ok, maybe not, and they really don't want to talk about it, one way or the other.
So best to leave them alone right?
That's a good idea... yep!
She's not "fine", and you won't find out what that means until she she's worked through whatever isn't "fine" enough to want to discuss it.
Be a clever partner and just bring her something that gives comfort... chocolate... wine... lasagna... whatever it is for her... and then give her a little space.
It could be interpreted in many ways such as she's sad, angry, wants u to notice she's not ok and care for her etc
Ya I care about her and gave her space. But after that asked what does she need from me and she said nothing. So it’s confusing
Thank you, just did that
Don’t think so :(
It's not bad but it could be worse and ur making worse by asking can't u see me holding back the water works here. That's what I mean. Or if it's something my boyfriend did that upset me but he didn't notice I just say I'm fine so the conversation doesn't prolong and I say something harsh I will regret. Or I have no idea what u' m doing but too embarrassed to accept your help.
Sometimes girls say "I'm fine" when she's really not and expect you to pick up on some silent subtle cues. You meet a woman like this... RUN! If something's bugging you, you don't try all this silent Morris code BS, you just outright say something is wrong or "No I'm not fine." Simple.
Depends on the conversation you had after that. Did she seem to show genuine interest in the messages sent after or was it a mellow tone?
After that I wanted to verify she felt ok and her answers were very short
If that's not her usual tone. Then she probably isn't okay.
Thanks, that’s what I’m feeling. So I should just not talk to her today?
If you think she's not okay because topics unrelated to you then you should give her some space.
Otherwise talk to her but at the same time let her open up. Don't probe too into it.
I wouldn’t know if topics unrelated to me have her feeling bad as I’m not a mind reader. She now said she’s not in the mood so I should just stop communication right?
Yes just give her space that's all.
Thank you. That’s my plan. Just not sure if next time I could do anything better
It means you aren’t currently at a level of receiving that intel. It’s classified. Or she just doesn’t want to talk about it at the moment.
It means you’re an asshole, that you should know she’s not fine, not only that you should know why she isn’t fine. Because apparently we’re mind readers. So no she’s not fine. You can tell by the minimal conversations, the short answers. The I’m going to bed, I’m not hungry, etc.
Could mean anything from I am fine to I just want it all to be over.
Which isn’t helpful if a friend asks how you feel
Sharing your feelings with someone who cares about you is never a burden
She’s ok. She could be good but chose fine.
Oh she’s good? I wasn’t sure
Feeling okay or fine are negative stuff
Feeling okay or fine is like gray sky
Oh when I feel okay I’m calm and chill
Yes it means everything is level. I’m not stressed much or worried or feeling negative. Now it doesn’t mean I’m really happy or excited. It’s just kinda standard mood and default.
"I'm actually not fine and am really pissed off or extremely sad, but I'm just gonna act like I'm fine to keep you from worrying about me."
Come on dude, 'I'm fine' means anything but.
It means:"you best read my mind and figure out why I'm upset."
Yep and when I did follow up and ask if fine meant she feels ok she confirmed
Never really fine, in fact if she’s married and says that then something is wrong or if you’re in a relationship
I don’t think she’s married. Yesterday I apologized and told her we would talk today
That’s good, communication is helpful
Right I thought it was good to communicate. But when I talked to her today she said she’s fine. And isn’t taking much whereas I’m using complete sentences
According to mi... it means everything is going good... and even something wrong he/she will tell mi
In my case, I'm not fine but i'm not in the mood to talk about. Barely ever I say I'm fine and mean it. If I do mean it, then you can probably tell
From men, It means what it says. From women it could mean anything, and almost never good.
So she doesn’t feel ok?
I honestly dont know, It depends on the conversation. I lucked out. My wife has something called Aspergers syndrome. so her honesty about what she thinks and feels is never in question.
So more context would be needed before i can give a good opinion.
Yesterday I felt upset after my college football team lost. She didn’t think a “stupid football game” was a valid reason for me to feel upset. I told her it wasn’t a good time to tease me but she kept pushing my buttons. So after a bit I apologized and said I don’t want to keep talking as I might say something hurtful and I would talk to her today. So today I asked how she felt and she’s “fine”
"Yesterday I felt upset after my college football team lost." I get what you mean. Its the opposite with my wife and i, she's the sports person and im not. She occasionally takes the loss out on me, and i had to get firm with her that it was simply not acceptable to behave like that. On that same token i would never tease her because i understand how connected she feels to it.
The "im fine" statement in that situation is likely because she still thinks its stupid for you to be upset. Which she is incorrect in that assumption. You need to have a conversation about it. Explain that you dont appreciate being teased about that kind of thing.
Will do. I did explain yesterday that I didn’t want to be teased:
“Not the best time to tease me. The Sooners just lost their football game and I’m frustrated by it. Sorry 😒”
And after saying that she continued to tease me. So I should have a conversation with her about it later on?
You should explain why its so upsetting. Dont rehash old stuff just explain why its so upsetting. Specifically why the loss of the game is so upsetting.
Ok I’ll do that. I’ve already told her how my passion for sports is firstly related to my family and how sports ties our generations together.
But when we talk again I’ll remind her why it’s so important to my life. Yes obv a random sports game isn’t a reason to have an emotional reaction but when it ties directly to your dead grandfather and the sacrifices he made in life to allow us to enjoy sports then the emotions are real.
"but when it ties directly to your dead grandfather and the sacrifices he made in life to allow us to enjoy sports then the emotions are real. "
Thats the part she needs to understand.
It was the same in my wife's family. Her entire family was very sports oriented. My brother in law for goodness sake is a Bro Baseball player. So its in the blood. So its either i be understanding of it, or i dont get along lol.
Think you are right. She understands all that but she still hates football. Thanks for the advice, not feeling motivated to keep talking to her if she can’t respect the things I’m passionate about.
you're absolutely right.
it depends on the person. could mean she's fine. or for me it means i have no fucking clue on how to express my feelings and don't want to get into it so i'll just say fine.
Depends on the individual and their maturity level. LOL Often times it means "I'm not fine, I want some attention, so drag it out of me and show me you care".
when someone says that to me i'll specifically ask them are you sure and if thay say yes my final reply would be speak now or forever hold your peace where if they bring up the topic months later it's irrelevant and void
It means I am not fine but it’s ok. I will survive
Wouldn’t it be better to say you are not ok?
Either they’re fine. Or they’re not fine but don’t want to tell you about it
I think it’s different for everyone. “I’m fine” for me usually means, “I’m not fine but I’m not going to talk about it”.
something else and usually a mountain of emotion behind it. probe more... at your own risk:)
Women love emotional support, if they are open.
So just be fun and engaging. girl/womens moods go up and down with rhythms of nature (cycles), as well as events of the day, past traumas, media, etc.. You have to roll with it and be supportive but not let it make you off balance.
There's no way we could possibly know that..
Would she say she’s fine when she feels upset?
Yeah I think many would. You don't just dump all your problems onto someone when they greet you.
I agree with you. In this case we talked yesterday. So today when I asked how she felt she said she’s fine. However she only sent short (one word ) replies for several min after. So I was checking if “fine” really means she’s ok.
Dint push something out if her she's not ready to share. Let her come to you with something like that. Just be genuine and done make her feel pressured or forced.
Thank you, that’s what I decided to do. I am trying to be open and communicate rather than assuming. So just let her know I would not bother her today so that she can feel like she has space
One of the examples of how terrible most women communicate. Women here are translating what it means 😂
It means that I'm going to take her at her word and accept that she is fine.
If she isn't fine, then she needs to use her adult life skills and tell me so.
Sometimes we are actually fine but mostly we are not actually fine when we say oh I’m fine how are you we are not fine
It means "I'm not fine but leave me the fuck alone"
Thank you. I did tell her bye
But how would any of us know if she meant that she's actually fine or something else?
That’s why I asked if it means ok. After asking if she was ok I didn’t get an answer
Yeah but whether SHE meant she's ok or not - how would we know?
Usually means fuck off or I’m actually just fine 🙂
Ha ha so gotta pick one
Fine could be like nothing wrong nothing good. Or maybe it's bad, but not worth mentioning. In my opinion.
It means she doesn't want to talk about or at least is uncomfortable getting started talking about it.
It means you're so screwed
Why?
Because it means she has a problem but she has decided you're not going to be able to help the situation... And if it involves you, cutting you out of the situation may be part of her solution.
Usually when it comes from a female, it means the total opposite.
Means I'm alright/okay/good.
She’s not ok
Oh so she lied?
She gave an evasive answer
Correct, she wasn’t honest
It could mean literally anything.
I'm fine another way of saying not to bad
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