My girlfriend rejects my help and support?

[alonrazmo]

My girlfriend has a bigger stomach than other girls, and while it isn't a game changer for me and I dont rlly have a preference about it she feels fat a lot and im trying my best to help her.

In all of our almost 5 months relationship I've been trying my hardest to help her and even suggested to do a diet together so she won't feel alone in this when she started her diet

Now she told me right before she left to her friend that she won't fit into a pair of pants she did a month ago and as a pretty decent boyfriend I did my best to help and clear things out and telling her what I think about it and stuff, and in the end I tried doing another diet with her.

she refused and said itll make her feel bad that im doing her "because of her" and that she will do it alone, so I said what I think any reasonable man would say "then ill be here by your side and support you"

she refused my support in what felt rlly cold.

"I dont need you or anybody's support"

and then she left to her friend and I was there looking at the message and I still wonder if there's something I did wrong. or was it something I said?

Guys (or girls), Did I do something wrong? or was there something else I needed to do?

[Anonymous]

Your intentions are in the right place. This is one of those situations where it's not really about what you're saying but HOW you're saying it. This is gonna be a bit of a ramble but hopefully the point comes across enough that it helps you improve this situation and future situations.

Since you're still a teenager, I'm going to assume she is too and there's a lot you guys haven't learned yet because some things can only be learned through experience. As teenagers, we are put under constant pressure from family, friends, school, part-time jobs, and (most impactfully) media and social media. I don't know a single teenager that has ever felt comfortable in their own skin. Females get put under constant, overbearing pressure to be skinny and pretty. It doesn't matter how thin or fat you are, how pretty or ugly you are, how amazing or awful you are. As a female you're always made to feel like you're never enough. You can always be thinner, prettier, better. If you're not fitting into this perfect little bubble, you're not worth anything. And the more you try to fit, the more you tear yourself apart because it's quite literally a vortex of self hate. You're always forced to fit into this impossible ideal mold that society has created. Why? Because feeding off people's insecurities is a trillion dollar industry. The shittier you feel about yourself, the more money you'll spend trying to fix whatever insecurities you have so you don't feel as bad. Media pushes this message the strongest to children and teenagers because they know if they create that cycle early on, those children will be lifelong customers. They force us to believe we have to be a certain way, look a certain way, act/talk a certain way. And as teenagers, we are so vulnerable and ignorant that we blindly believe it and follow it.

Your girlfriend is clearly extremely insecure about her weight/looks. The root cause doesn't matter because she's already fallen into the belief that she will always be fat and ugly because she isn't fitting into society's perfect mold. Encouraging her to diet, talking about her weight or looks, saying anything related to the issue will only make her more insecure. To get around that, you should stop talking about it. Don't ever mention it or share your opinion on it with her outside of telling her how amazing and beautiful she is and how much you love/adore her. When you two hang out you should take her to a park, go on a hike, walk around town, go to the zoo, go swimming. Literally just force her to be more active without being obvious about it. Tell her you like the fresh air, you like nature, whatever makes her believe you like being active and want to spend quality time with her. The more active she is, the more likely she is to lose weight. If you guys have mutual friends, you could even get a group together for a couple hours and play sports for fun. If you two eat together or have dinner together, choose healthy options and that will encourage her to eat healthier too. Again, NEVER talk about her weight. Even when she brings it up, just show/tell her how much you like her for who she is as a person.

The reason she's responding negatively to your attempts is directly related to her own insecurities. The more you try to push the issue that weight doesn't matter, the worse it will get because her mind is telling her that you're lying. When you offer to do it with her, her mind is telling her that you pity her or you have to suffer because she's not good enough. When you mention diets, her mind is telling her that you think she's fat and validating her insecurities. That's why you should not speak on the matter. Just listen to her and find ways to act on that. Good luck.

[misogynistic_pig]

It is simply a technique to obtain validation.