Girls, Friends first... Can you help me solve the biggest dating mystery of my life? What does she want or see in me? I don't know what to do anymore?

[Anonymous]

I met a girl while going out. First time she started the conversation, not me. We instantly clicked and had huge fun every time we met. She was flirting with me sometimes but also flirted with other guys. I took her on a date but nothing happened, which was my fault. She told me she wanted to be friends first before committing to something serious. And that she never had a serious boyfriend. On another date I went for the kiss but she rejected me. I was very hurt and sad. After some unimportant interactions I decided it was better to cut ties and I broke contact. After some months she came to me and told me in a friendly tone "if I think that she doesn't recognize if I unfollow her". We had a lot of fun again. I wanted to go further again and she said just friends again. I told her that I have no interest in staying "just friends" and broke contact again. Months after that she saw me while going out and I had like 5 beautiful girls around me. She looked very sad and I said hi to her. She didn't say much, and was pretty drunk. I wanted to call a taxi for her and suddenly I couldn't find her anymore. I searched her, found her, and told her to not go missing when she's drunk and alone "because even if we are not doing things together anymore, you'll never be indifferent to me". She kissed me passionately. Her friends came and she wanted to go home with them. We started doing things again and had great fun. I tried it again and nope, still friends, still not more. I wished her the best and broke contact again to finally let go of her. Months after that she reached out to me and I said yes in a weak moment. We drank too much, and I said something really stupid. "That we should have sex already". She looked sad and later made out with a dude so I could see it clearly. I texted her nasty sh*t and apologized the next day. Months later I met her again while going out and she said, almost crying, "I'm not a wh*re" and we made out. Now again "just friends". Wtf does she want?

Updates

+1 y

Update: This whole story goes over a timespan of almost 5 years. Now I'm 28 and she's 22. So she was pretty young when we first met.

Updates

+1 y

Update: She has nearly no male friends that she spends time with regularly. And in the no-contact-phases she dated other guys, which all don't have anything to do with her anymore as far as I know or even have other girlfriends now.

[SueShe]

So, if this went out over a period of 5 years and she is now 22, that means that she was still a child (17) when you attempted something with her. You should have left it and not try to be more than just friends when she was a minor.

Obviously, you are falling into her trap rather than to distance yourself from her. It seems that you never learn your lesson and you get "weak" every time you meet her.

What is so difficult in just avoiding her and not even talk to her? I have the feeling that you still want to get into her pants after so many rejections. Learn from your mistakes and cut off all contact even if she meets you "accidentally".

[Asker]

She was 18 when we first dated. Just to make this clear. And thanks for the answer.

[Asker]

And yes, I’m ending this wasteful chapter once and for all. Never looking back. Thanks!

[devilish-cutie]

Hm, im not saying anything is your fault but maybe she just wanted things to go slow and she didn't want to kiss/have sex but just "date" in a way that you are firends first and then more. If you want something with a girl you usually need to make her feel comfortable and safe. She did kissed you id say everythime she was drunk, so it wouldn't be sober but it proves attraction is there. So maybe your pace was too fast for her and she thought you just want to get in her past. Maybe she has bad experience of being used. I know it may be hard but why not just be her friend, at least for a while and see, as breaking it off didn't resolve whatever you 2 have.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. What do you mean with “get in her past”? Furthermore I don’t want to do the friends stuff anymore because other girls are waiting for their chance already. I have like 5 different potential women who want to date me and I could give a chance. But I think it’s unfair to them if I keep contact with the other one as a friend, because as you said, attraction is there. And this wouldn’t end well…

[devilish-cutie]

It was typo, i meant get in her PANTS... as of potential women out there, it doesn't matter how many people may be interested in you if you are not interested that much into them and can't see being with them.

[Asker]

True, but these are 5 women I would be interested in. 10-15 in total, so around 10 of them I’m not interested in. I dated one of those 5 amd it already feld very good and I like her caring personality. The doesn’t drink, never smoked, loves to cook and bake, and is family oriented.

[Asker]

But the friends stuff with the girl in question would be a problem in the future I think…

[Asker]

*and, *felt, *She 😂

[devilish-cutie]

if you are satisfied with your options i dont see then why would you bother with one that doesn't want to date you unless you like and want her the most

[DizzyDesii]

She keeps playing games and you tend to throw jabs when hurt. y'all are not fit for one another. she's a waste of time

[Asker]

You’re right. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she’s too young for you.

[Asker]

Age is just a number. I’ve dated 30 year old immature women also…

[Opinion Owner]

Age isn’t just a number. Not when you’re dating an immature young woman who’s got the maturity of a teenager.

[Asker]

Just a number. I know very mature 18 year old women also.

[Opinion Owner]

Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. This is going nowhere.

[Asker]

Yes. True. Thank you.