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How to carry on after constant betrayal? Can anyone relate?

Many of the people who have betrayed me have apologized but I can’t let go because it happened far too often. One time would have been hard to deal with but something I could overcome. A few times hurts. But I can count on both hands the amount of times I have been betrayed and it starts to hurt at some point. The reason, as crazy as it sounds, has been explained to me to be jealousy in a lot of instances. The jealousy was hard for me to accept because even though I’m pretty a lot of people are. Being good looking isn’t some rare thing but I started to learn over the years that this is how life is gonna be. I started adjusting to the idea that I just simply couldn’t trust people. No matter how I used to think about people with trust issues as pessimist’s or people who lacked accountability I started to realize that even when I picked myself apart trying to understand why it happened so many times that my only sin was that I had the wrong company. But it was frequent enough that it scarred me and scared me away from truly trusting people. Now I don’t even feel surprised anymore when people hurt me. The only thing that surprises me is when people are genuine, and it’s crazy but that hasn’t been too common in my life. When I was younger I was an ugly duckling and the loss of my friends in middle school was hard but I was able to understand that part of the reason why I lost those friends was because I didn’t try to fit in. I embraced being the weird kid which was a big mistake. And when I lost all my friends because of it I realized that I had to make an effort to be better and more likeable. But In high school and beyond the fact that people liked me caused me to get a lot of haters, many of whom were my own friends. It’s like I couldn’t win. I got a bit of popularity but oddly I haven’t made any close friends in years. Just people saying I’m pretty, likeable or asking to be friends. Being betrayed by my recent friends hurt too much to make new friends.

How to carry on after constant betrayal? Can anyone relate?
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