Why is my boss not considering my mental health?

[Anonymous]

We have a work function coming up.

We are split in departments and I asked her if I could be with my work friend in a team where I know more people.

I don't like being in large groups and there's about 40 of us.

I was honest with my boss, I said:

"I have social anxiety and would like to be with my friend who I feel more comfortable with & know more people who I see every day"

I was honest and told her my struggles and she disregarded my feelings and put me in a group where I still don't know most people's names after a year.

Now I'm going to have to tell her I won't be going & she will probably get mad with me.

I know another woman at work who hasn't been to a work do, so I don't know why I'm being forced too.

Why did she do this?

[_Maya_]

Today seems to be trouble with boss day lol. I am not making fun of your situation. I have just answered a lot of questions about bad bosses. I think your's qualifies as one too. Unless she had a reason to not honor your request and told you what that reason was she is just a bad boss. Any good boss would want their employees at there best. If that meant that you work your best with the work friend then your boss shouldn't have given it a second thought and put you with that person. She just doesn't sound like a good boss sadly.

[Asker]

Thanks lol. She always takes my friend side & give her what she wants. I guess I won't be going then. Kinda glad anyway

[_Maya_]

Yeah but that sucks though that she can't see that your potential is maximized if she would just listen to you. You clearly said you work better with people you are familiar with, told her who that was and explained your social anxiety. All fell on deaf ears. That's what I would call a pain in the ass.

[Asker]

Yeah, I don't really tell people about my anxiety either & since it was a workplace I thought she'd be more understanding & she's 6 years younger than me also. I don't think she can force me to go either. It's not in the contract you have to go so I can say that if she questions me.

[_Maya_]

Well then that is what I would do... not go. Maybe that is a wakeup call she needs.

[Asker]

I hope so too. Thank you so much for the advice & listening 🙂

[_Maya_]

Aww you are welcome! Hope things get better. That's all you can wish for. 💜

[provokeesmokee]

That doesn't sound like a mental health issue, that sounds like a "I'm scared of unfamiliar environments and I want to be comfy" issue.

Which aren't the same.

You won't always have familiar folks around you. That's just life, nevermind work.

If you need supports, see if your org has an employee health plan that allows you access to a therapist. Then, talk to that therapist. If they deem you've got a medical reason to need a break or accommodations, they'll provide the write up you need for your boss.

But frankly? "I want to work with only my friends or familiar people" isn't any sort of medical need or accommodation.

It's business to need to work with unfamiliar people. Therapy can help you accept that and build coping mechanisms and tools to help you navigate that.

If you are struggling with anxiety, they'll help provide the documentation to back you up. But more likely

[cloud9vortex1234]

Are you sure your going to be able to hold on to your job if you do this? My bosses have told me to do things that sucked from my perspective but I went ahead did what I was told. Work isn't always suppose to be convenient. It would probably be best to quit hindering yourself and get out of your Comfort Zone and try to adapt. Is that possible? Also, were you diagnosed by a doctor with Social Anxiety or are you just diagnosing yourself? If you have an excuse from an Actual Doctor then you would have more credibility about your problem. I will agree that your boss is cold and inconsiderate and its hard to like people like that.

[jshm2]

Grow up, dumbass. Work is not at your convenience, it's at theirs.

You need to use your big girl words and put forward a business case to her or HR, at how you'll perform better in a smaller setting. If you have a work plan/medical evidence for your anxiety then that is in your favor.

You also fail to consider that your "friend" probably deliberately wants away from your clingy ass. Hence why she's not put forward a business case to work alongside you.

You sound hard work, tbh.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'd have more mental health if they'd let me work from home and change my hours to 0300-1100 or 0300-1700 3x/week. They may even agree that would increase my mental health. Doesn't mean they're going to grant it. While we're on the subject, an extra 50k would increase my mental health significantly.

[genericname85]

because guess what: your mental health is YOUR responsibility. not your bosses. if you are unable to regulate your emotionas in such a way that you can fit a normal workplace, it's your responsibility to either find a jobt hat fits your individual needs or get help to fit in. that's on you. not on your boss.

[AngryCarl2]

You couldn't be more mistaken. The employer has a duty of care to their employee. However if it's an optional function outside of the normal working environment that likely wouldn't apply.

[genericname85]

@AngryCarl2 i am not mistaken at all. i am 100% correct. your employer does have some responsibility when it comes to preventing mobbing, sexual harassment and overall work safety. but he is not responsible to treat your mental conditions. that's on you.

[AngryCarl2]

I have been in a similar situation and did not attend. I simply apologised and made my excuses after the event. Probably it's just too much hassle for your boss to change her arrangements.

[boggboss]

Because she dont care about your problems or how u feel

[gorydetails]

You need to get over yourself and start acting like a grownup. It's not your boss' job to pander to your feelings.

[jahaims]

Not her job