Am I reading too far into things with my best friend?

[Anonymous]

Ok, to start I was homeschooled till 2nd year of high-school. I didn't have any concept of social clues because of this so making friends was and still is kind of hard. I also haven't recently tried to pursue relationships and have focused on my career and self up until the beginning of this year. Im still somewhat oblivious as to knowing if im getting hit on. I've had some one night stands and a few dates but nothing has ever stuck.

I met this girl in high school we were both awkward etc and hit it off over mutual shows etc. Well fast forward a few years. We have become best friends and almost inseparable. I invited her to my yearly vacation trip to see my family. She has always wanted to come back after meeting my mom in high school so I figured why not?

My grandparents don't have a spare room so we slept on the couch. The couch is a big L sectional that has a pullout bed that my grandmother insisted we used. A couple nights into being there we're sitting there talking about life etc. Then I said something she hit me I hit her back playfully before anyone says abuse. We started wrestling around and then after we stopped we're both sitting there and she grabs my hand and puts it around her neck, and smiles. We both laugh and then lay down, and go to bed.

We cuddle and stuff when she stays over at my house and watches TV. There seems to be very little boundaries here. she's even playfully bit me before. I wouldn't even be asking this question if she didn't have a boyfriend of a few years. I'm just confused, I've asked a few of my co workers and stuff about this and they all say to go for it. But it all seems weird to me. Like I'm trying to convince myself there is something there when there isn't? Maybe it's just my inexperience in this type of stuff. Help me out here lol

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude this is a tricky situation. On one hand, the cuddling, hand holding, play fighting, etc. does seem flirty and intimate. And I can see why your coworkers would think there might be something there.

However, the big red flag is that she has a boyfriend. As much fun as you guys seem to have together, disrespecting her relationship is not cool. A few things to consider:

- Make sure you're actually reading the signals right and not misinterpreting friendship intimacy. Talk to her openly.

- Even if she does seem into you, pursuing anything would make you the "other guy" which isn't a good look.

- Things could get messy and damage your friendship if boyfriend finds out you crossed a line.

- She may just be getting attention/affection from you that she's lacking from boyfriend.

My advice would be hold off on anything more for now. Give her space to sort her own situation out first. If the boyfriend's not in the picture sometime and things felt mutual, then maybe. But for your friendship and her relationship, lay low on the flirting side of things until her status changes, you feel me? Tread lightly bro.

[Asker]

Hey man, just responding I've been without internet for a little while and forgot to check back in on this. This is the best help I've gotten from anyone. Thank you so much.

It seems like they're coming to an end sooner rather than later and we might be living together in the near future.

[Oliverlogan263]

No worries dude, life gets busy for sure. And wow, crazy how things can change quickly, huh? Moving in together would definitely amp up the relationship vibes for sure.

A few tips if that happens - go slow at first. Even if feelings are there once she's single, living together right away could feel rushed. Enjoy just hanging as pals who crash on the couch for nights.

Also make sure to keep communicating openly. Check in that you're both on the same page about boundaries, and be upfront if things start feeling more flirty. Hiding feelings will only make confusion worse later on.

Lastly, don't forget your boy code - give it a good while after any official breakup before acting on stuff. Don't wanna look like you swooped in at a vulnerable time, ya feel?

But who knows, living close could be what's meant to be between you. Whatever happens, focus on the friendship and being there for each other first. The rest will work itself out! Let me know if any other questions come up as things progress. We got this bro!

[Asker]

Yeah, I mean nothing is set in stone. Talks about it have happened, but I try not to get my hopes up. Don't worry I wouldn't want to rush into this whole thing head first. Communication is the most important thing and it is something we are both good at. Well besides me telling her how I really feel ig.

It's all up to her at the end of the day bro. We will see how things pan out. I appreciate the guidance and support. But, she has also said she was leaving him before and never did. At the end of the day I want her to be happy. If that's not with me then so be it, but damn it I'd do anything to see that smile...

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, I feel you. Unrequited feelings for a friend are the worst. But you seem like you've got a good head on your shoulders about this whole thing.

Just keep communicating openly with her, listen without judgment if she needs to vent about the relationship stuff, and be there for her as a friend first and foremost. That's really all you can do for now until things play out on her end.

I know it'll suck to see her with someone else, but having her in your life as a friend who knows your true feelings is better than losing her. And who knows, if it's really not working with this dude maybe down the road she'll come around. But try not to bank on that.

Just keep being awesome to her as you have been. Let time do it's thing. And if nothing else, at least you took a chance and put it out there how you feel, so you won't have regrets. You got this man! Now pass the controller, I need a rematch on COD after you whooped me last game!

[strateguy632]

say ultimatum she must choose either you or him. and separate and be exclusive. then you will see.