I'm getting mixed signs, how do I proceed?

[Anonymous]

There is this girl I barely know from high school and she's confusing the hell out of me. I want to provide full context so the professionals can do their work. The first time we spoke was not long ago at a coffee shop, we were waiting in line and we just talked about teachers, and school stuff and it was chill. Second time we spoke she was sitting at a table when I walked by and she called me over just to tell me I have the appearance of a musical artist as crazy as that sounds. I responded by asking her what she meant by it, and she demonstrated that she was incapable of explaining in the moment. This all sounds strange so far but I was also very confused at this point. Context matters, and the thing about this girl is that she isn't very extroverted or she's just really laser focused on her studies when she's at school. She almost always sits away from the rest of the girls and doesn't talk to anyone. So anyways, after that odd interaction I approached her a couple days later as she was sitting alone working. We talked about school once again and the state of the world, I did have her full attention and she seemed to enjoy the conversation (though she looked slightly nervous or uncomfortable), when I asked about the remark she made earlier that week she said it was a compliment, and the reason she beleives I look this way is due to my hairstyle and clothing. We talked for like 15 minutes then she said that she needed to finish her school work before the day ended which was completely her choice and no teachers were involved. This last part CONFUSES THE HELL OUT OF ME. Why didn't she want to continue talking? The likelihood that she had to finish her school work before the day ended is super low, should could've just taken it for homework! We haven't spoke since.
She is single
Anyway that's a lot to digest but I think every peice of it matters due to how little I know her. Does she like me? Should I approach her again? It feels weird going up to her a second time.

[DoggyDude]

I think your putting undue pressure on the poor girl. A girl should be able to idly comment you look like a musician without being given, figuratively, the third degree as to why she commented it. Such enquiry leaves a girl feeling very awkward and disinclines them to speaking with you more (though every guys done this sometime in their life, and some guys never move past it).

I get the sense your trying hard to figure out if she's seeing you in a romantic capacity to decide how you want to respond? right?

What you need to do is chill more. Just accept her for her surface interactions and straight forward meanings without trying to read more into them; Just enjoying your moments together. What you've done here (as described) is sort of sour her interests (not ruined anything, just she will feel under undue pressure by your asking her what she's meaning by what she says when probably she's not even too sure just yet how she feels about you either).

Any girl that doesn't quickly try to escape a conversation with you, after you initiate one, has some level of interest in you (ranging from neutral "oh okay" to "ooh good"). Your behaviour can push that either way (increasing it or reducing it). So, what you need to be doing is relaxing and making your times together enjoyable such that is what she remembers and in time she may come to see you in the way your looking for.

Don't worry overly about approching her. Do read her body language to determine if she's open to you but other than that, just relax and interact.

Try to keep your interactions shorter than longer because its easier to develop a raopour when you leave her with a sense of having a good interaction and it not quite being enough or slightly too short (though try to end each one with a reason for going thats due to external forces, like needing to be somewhere so she doesn't get a sense your trying to get away from her).

Best of luck, hope that helps.

[Asker]

I mean you're pretty correct it seems. The main reason I continued to ask about the remark is because it seemed like the most interesting thing to ask about. I felt like I needed a reason to talk to her specifically over other girls by asking about what she said earlier, BUT now that you put it like that I can see how I might've emberrassed her or made her regret saying it.

I appreciate the advice.

"Don't worry overly about approching her. Do read her body language to determine if she's open to you but other than that, just relax and interact." how am I supposed to interact with her given the circumstances? She isolates herself from everyone, I think I have to approach her again right?

Maybe I'm wrong for this, but I don't want to come off as a guy that is physically interested in her. I want to get to know her more, get a feel for her and then tell her about how I feel. When she made that comment it almost acted as a gateway for me to approach her and just talk to her out of curiosity whcih led into a convo.

I'm pretty new to talking to/approaching girls in a space that isn't online.
I don't want people to think I'm "flirting" with her, I just want to get to know her on a freind level first. Or until she makes her intentions more clear.

[Asker]

Like I would totally go all in and like ask her out and stuff, but if she does say no I can't just swipe and block her. We go to the same school every day and I don't want to put up with that awkwardness, therefore I'm trying to play it safe.

[DoggyDude]

Well, even shy people have good moments to chat to them. It can be difficult, especially if she really likes you she might get more shy when your about (and its difficult for you as well, because its also how she might act if she's wanting to avoid your attention too).

As someone who isolates myself, generally speaking, I mostly aprechiate when someone comes to chat to me when I'm in a public space. I'd say you would have to find a way to chat to her again, but since your aware she isolates herself, you can try to reflect that with how you open your conversation. Maybe make a smiling comment, and see how she responds. If she picks up the topic keep chatting, but if she seems reluctant, you can show your concerned and say "oh sorry, am I interrupting you?" its a good one because it shows your ready to go at a moments notice, and if she into talking she will say "no, its fine" or something; If she's neutral or not interested she will say, "yeah sorry" and you can appologise and move along (then leave the next interaction down to her).

As she's shy, just leave yourself open a lot. Meaning, be doing something you can be interrupted from. A good thing you can try is to arrange to meet some friends about 20 minutes after you know she's around, then go down 20 minutes early and hang about ocassionally maybe checking your phone if you feel awkward. If your alone it might give her the in to try talking to you.

I recently was trying to meet the girl of my dreams again, that I know works a few floors down so I was doing something like this. It worked but I met three other girls I wasn't interested in lol.

Anyway best of luck, just remember trying is good, just try to be natural with it. I made a mistake of trying to re-create a natural run in with that girl I just mentioned and I think she just go the idea I was hanging around waiting for another girl. So, best if its just a part of your day that happens to coincide with a time your likely to have her about.

[Asker]

Great advice, thanks. I highly doubt that she is going to approach me with how nervous and introverted she is. I'm probably just going to wait for another oppertunity to chat with her naturally, and if things go well I'll just ask for her snap so I don't have to keep playing this positioning game. Appreciate it bro, good luck with your future endeavours.

[strateguy632]

it was just an excuse to do something else. but she was busy, not break up.

[SueShe]

No, you don't approach her again unless she starts the conversation.

I mean, what is your ultimate reason why you even want to start a conversation with this lady? What are your motives behind wanting to talk to her?

I presume that your motive would ultimately be to get into her pants if things would move the way you want. Just don't because she is the kind of person that prioritizes her studies over a relationship. You would only do her a disfavor because she could not fully concentrate on her studies as she would have to divide her attention between school and you.

Until she has her degree in her pocket, let her concentrate on her studies and don't try to divert her attention.

[Asker]

She was in a relationship she told me, she went on about how traumatized she is about her breakup cuz her boyfriend used to abuse her. Therefore she probably has time to make new connections, no one said anything about having sex, I'm pretty lonely after school and outside of my work. I'd love to have someone that I can share deep connection with and tell secrets to while simultaneously developing a relationship that can become more serious over the years. Dating young isn't a foreign concept, the problem is that many people do it with the wrong intentions. I probably won't be in her life once she has that degree, or another guy might end up with her by then. All I can do is take the oppertunities that are available to me in the moment. You're missing the point, she's CLEARLY shy and introverted, she has made conversation with me just not frequently because we're often in our own space and like I said she seems very introverted. If I don't approach her someone else will, all I'm doing is being freindly so it's at no ones loss! She enjoyed our conversation the last time I spoke with her, and she does talk with her new school freinds sometimes (she's new to the school as am I) so she has time for light convo. Yea I don't know what kind of guys you're in contact with but if you think our only intention is sex you're mistaken. If I take your advice I'll be lonely forever, thanks!

[SueShe]

So, if I get you correctly, you are willing to take the risk for her to fail her degree?
So what if another person is responsible for that. At least you have a clear conscience and know it is not your fault.

She sits apart from the other girls and she is focused on her studies. That should be enough to want to respect her decision to concentrate on her studies.

I understand that you are lonely but does that warrant to possibly destroy her future by attempting to get her attention at all cost?

I am like her as well. I prioritize my studies and will not let anyone interfere with them and that is why I fully understand her.

[Asker]

"She sits apart from the other girls and she is focused on her studies. That should be enough to want to respect her decision to concentrate on her studies", I THINK SHE'S AN INTROVERT. She is in her senior year like me, if I take thirty minutes of her time no one will die. As far as a relationship goes, it would be the grounds for us to get to know eachother more, not cling on to eachother so much that a resulting factor is our detachment from our main priorities. Getting to know someone doesn't take long, if I noticed that she lost focus for a day or two due to our "relationship" I'd back off and tell her to pay more attention to high school. But who knows, maybe all the signs she gave me meant nothing.

[Anonymous]

I am not surprised. You give me total creep vibes.

[Asker]

You don't even know me... How am I creep for analyzing a situation?

Also, what are you "not surprised" about? You give me horizontally challenged vibes

[Hayley-Jade]

Navigating mixed signals can be confusing, but trust your intuition and communicate openly. Consider having a direct conversation to clarify where you both stand and what you're looking for. It's important to be honest about your own feelings and expectations while being respectful of theirs. Ultimately, clarity and honesty pave the way for understanding and moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her