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I work with this one girl who I don’t hate but I’m really not a huge fan of her. She’s very pessimistic and I’m very very close to another girl there my age. This rude coworker is a year and a half older than me and my close work friend. I’m really close to this friend like I said and there’s like sparks there between us romantically and everyone knows we’re close and sees that things are happening with us but things are still being worked out.
So this other coworker works in the back thank God but every once in a while she’ll come to where my friend and I work and say hi or something. She’s not a horrible person but she’s been really rude to me and others before. In the past she’s been extremely dismissive towards me and my lesbian crush which hurt my feelings and I talked to her about it one day at work and she apologized and said that she thinks I’m too attractive for my crush and that’s why she acted that way and we seemed to start fresh. She even sent me a text the next day saying being at work reminded her of our convo and she wanted me to always come to her if I felt upset and she’ll work on her delivery. I appreciated that and we moved forward. We’ve had deep convos but occasionally I just still feel on eggshells like she’s very critical and if I say the wrong thing she’ll judge me lol. She invited me to her bday and I didn’t make a big deal about getting her a gift because she’s never given me a gift for my bday or my graduation but I’m going because my close work friend who I mentioned is going lol and she gets along pretty great with our coworker. I’m going to go and try to have fun but I do feel like she treats my close work friend differently than she treats me. I got her some stuff as a gift but I texted her happy bday like an hour ago and she hasn’t responded which is fine but Ik she’s in close contact with my close work friend for stuff for the party. How do I get through this?
We’re all girls by the way lol.
So this other coworker works in the back thank God but every once in a while she’ll come to where my friend and I work and say hi or something. She’s not a horrible person but she’s been really rude to me and others before. In the past she’s been extremely dismissive towards me and my lesbian crush which hurt my feelings and I talked to her about it one day at work and she apologized and said that she thinks I’m too attractive for my crush and that’s why she acted that way and we seemed to start fresh. She even sent me a text the next day saying being at work reminded her of our convo and she wanted me to always come to her if I felt upset and she’ll work on her delivery. I appreciated that and we moved forward. We’ve had deep convos but occasionally I just still feel on eggshells like she’s very critical and if I say the wrong thing she’ll judge me lol. She invited me to her bday and I didn’t make a big deal about getting her a gift because she’s never given me a gift for my bday or my graduation but I’m going because my close work friend who I mentioned is going lol and she gets along pretty great with our coworker. I’m going to go and try to have fun but I do feel like she treats my close work friend differently than she treats me. I got her some stuff as a gift but I texted her happy bday like an hour ago and she hasn’t responded which is fine but Ik she’s in close contact with my close work friend for stuff for the party. How do I get through this?
We’re all girls by the way lol.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Ahh dang girl, work parties with people you ain't totally feelin' are always tricky. But look, just focus on havin' a good time with your girl!
Who cares what Miss Judgy thinks – long as you two are laughin' together that's all that matters. Grab some drinks and dance it up, don't even worry about her.
If she tries to start stuff just be all "whatever dude" and change the subject quick. Or my favorite – nod and smile real big like you don't even hear her mess! Drives bitches nuts.
And if she asks like why you never around much just play it cool – "oh you know, keeping busy!" Don't bother explainin' yourself.
She wanna invite you, girl you showed and got down! You're too fly to let anyone ruin your vibe. So polish off that gift, show up lookin fab and own it with your head held high next to your lady. You got this sis!
There is no other way for me to say this that you won’t take offense, but you sound very self centered and fake. You and this woman you have a crush on are like your own little best friend clique, the other is completely excluded and you keep creating friction that you expect her to apologize for. Not like you’re making efforts and strides to befriend her you’re lazer-focused on you coworker. You don’t really like her, talk all kinds of shit and gossip about her here and where ever else, yet have the audacity to attend HER party that you don’t even really want to be at outside of your crush going as well. Then you’re so childish for this, not getting a gift because she didn’t get you one and all that. It’s just so nonsensical and you’re so young-minded you just tuck in lol’s to water down your bad behavior. If only she knew how you really felt, that’s all I can think. So many of us will never have any idea we consider someone a friend who talks like this behind our backs.
And to be clear because I feel like it’s not, I know you said you got her some things but this came after your thoughts about not getting her something because she didn’t get for you. On its own I’m glad you ultimately got her some thing but in its entirety it’s just childish and mean girl behavior. You may not realize that because you’re in it but from an outside view that’s how it looks.
I’m not a mean girl at all. I don’t intentionally exclude her every time I see her, I’m so nice to her in fact overly nice to her. You’re not there in person so you don’t see her facial expressions or read her vibe and I’m very intuitive and can tell when someone doesn’t like me that much especially when I’ve seen her treat other people like shit and tell me that she thinks they’re annoying. I’m trying to be nice and make amends. You think me bringing her stuff for her party and bringing her gifts is me being a mean girl? If anything, I’m being the bigger person here. The way that I feel around her is a reflection of how she’s treated me in the past.
Also fyi my close friend and I have invited her numerous places in the past. Her bday, and my bday and my graduation party and she often flakes
You think you’re being the bigger person by showing up to someone’s party that you don’t even really like and getting her a few random things you hope are her style so that you wouldn’t have to feel guilty showing up empty handed? Come on now honey. I just don’t think you’re very self-aware, make a lot of excuses and lack accountability. You perceive yourself as being overly nice all the time but clearly she is getting some interpretation of your behavior as well, and from an outside view I can see why. I know what I say comes off as blunt but I’m very straightforward and I think it’s because I’m outside of the situation I can give an unbiased take on how this actually looks. There’s so much miscommunication, things unsaid and somehow she’s apologizing for it all, trying to win your favor. She must consider you a friend yet you and your friend gossip and talk behind her back, all this shit man it’s just sad. Even sadder that you are just so unable to see it. You holding a secret grudge over how you felt she treated you in the past doesn’t justify things now, you are adults you should be more mature than this.