Girls, What would make you Show Empathy or Sympathy towards a Shy Guy?

[Anonymous]

[HappyWoman34]

It’s a good question. I think that if I regarded the shy guy in question as a kindhearted, loving sort of person, I could overlook a lack of confidence. But if a guy is trying to actively avoid me, I usually interpret it as a lack of interest and that they dislike me. So I leave them be.

[HappyWoman34]

What are your thoughts?

[Asker]

What things would make you think he is a kind-hearted loving Sort of Person if you already new he was Shy?

[HappyWoman34]

I’ll answer tomorrow. My phone’s nearly dead. Good discussion 😊. I’m enjoying thinking things through before I say them.

[HappyWoman34]

What I like is a man who listens when I talk to him, is affectionate. Someone I can laugh with, sleep with and kiss who is also my best friend. I prize patience, good listening, respect and affection. A guy who’d stand up for me if others insult me including his family and friends and doesn’t judge me.

[HappyWoman34]

Someone that is like this and generous with their money, remembers Valentine’s Day, birthdays and xmases.

[HappyWoman34]

My mum summed it up. Comparing very pretty and beautiful women to Julia Roberts character in the movie Notting Hill; ‘In the end, I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.’ She’s seen me going through unsuccessful relationships, being a late bloomer because boys were afraid to touch me; and seeing me having to make the first move with every guy I ever liked. She gets that we’re not all going around thinking we’re awesome.

[HappyWoman34]

Check that out on YouTube

[HappyWoman34]

Your thoughts?

[Asker]

What did you want me to checkout on youtube?

[HappyWoman34]

The movie Notting Hill ‘I’m just a girl.’

[HappyWoman34]

It explains a lot from the perspectives of shy men interested in women and beautiful women just wanting love and acceptance. Like other women.

[HappyWoman34]

Does it help to clarify my perspective and perhaps other women’s perspectives.

[HappyWoman34]

Would you say?

[HappyWoman34]

The point being that beautiful and very pretty women aren’t as untouchable or unavailable as lots of guys think. Sometimes it’s a lonely experience because everyone especially those you have feelings for assume you’re taken, so you end up alone.

[HappyWoman34]

Your thoughts on this?

[HappyWoman34]

Oh well. I’m guessing you don’t want to talk anymore, for the moment. Well, my final bit of advice is not to beat around the bush if you’re interested in someone. Get to the point. By not doing so, you’re permanently sabotaging any chances you might’ve had; and shooting yourself in the foot.

[Asker]

Sorry I don't quite get how you answered, What things would make you think he is a kind-hearted loving Sort of Person if you already new he was Shy?

[HappyWoman34]

Oh, well I’ll think about it and write in more detail later. I know we both are autistic. So things are not as clear to us as to others. (Me included at times).

[HappyWoman34]

Right, so what kinds of things would make me think a shy guy was kind and loving if I knew he was shy? Well, examples. I would like a guy who buys me nice gifts for Valentine’s Day, my birthday and for Christmas, for instance, a box of Guylians, some flowers, or some jewellery with semi precious stones in it. A guy who talks to me every day, or at least three days a week. A guy who spends the weekend with me, not just kissing and having sex, but talking to me and going out having fun with our friends, at barbecues, festivals, parties, yoga; picnics in the park, old movies and weekends away together. I’d like a guy who will accept me for the fact that I didn’t go to a private school and doesn’t think I’m inferior because I’m from a poorer family than him and would be willing to stand up for me if his family made fun of me or looked down on me, made comments or made me feel unwanted and unappreciated and would tell his friends off if they talked about me disrespectfully, eg. about my body, sex appeal as a woman or our sex life. I’d want a guy who’s affectionate (kisses me a lot on the mouth, in private, cuddles me, isn’t afraid to kiss me or ask for sex after a few months of dating). I want a man who shares common interests with me, who remembers little details about me; and is always there to listen if I’ve had a bad day or I’m upset about something. Someone who will tell me if I’m out of line and let me know if they need support or are hurting. So I know when to offer my support. All of these things would make me overlook a guy’s shyness.

[HappyWoman34]

Shy guys can do this. My cousin is married to a shy guy. He made all the first moves.

[HappyWoman34]

What are your thoughts on this?

[Asker]

Then he is odviously not that Shy if he made all the first moves and I'm asking it if they hardly know eachother?

[HappyWoman34]

He was that shy. He knew he wanted my cousin and he put his arm around her at the bar. He hardly ever talks. That’s how shy he is.

[HappyWoman34]

Hardly know each other? The same rules apply. You’ve just got to learn to be nicer to other women.

[HappyWoman34]

That’s not impossible to learn. It’s also not impossible to ask a woman out that you hardly know. I’d say starting off as friends. Then one day ask her out.

[HappyWoman34]

I don’t mean to be mean, but you really need to man up and learn to go for what you want. You can do this, Ben. You’ve got the charm, the looks, the personality. You just have to stop overthinking things. The only areas where I see you falling down are being cheap with money, elitist attitudes and being a bit selfish. When I knew you. Your temper too. Work on all of that, start thinking ‘What can I do for others?’ Rather than ‘what can others do for me?’

[HappyWoman34]

Do you think I raise some fair points?

[HappyWoman34]

In the event Ben, that the relationship that you are pursuing is with a much younger woman and nothing serious, be respectful but make is clear early on that you’re not looking for anything serious. It’s bad to lead people on.

[HappyWoman34]

I respect people who have the humility to try to improve themselves.

[HappyWoman34]

Do you feel like you might have a better understanding of what you might do differently next time?

[HappyWoman34]

If you don’t, please feel free to reach out. I consider us to be acquaintances, so I don’t mind 😊

[Asker]

I suppose I do have a better understanding, But I still feel like I would be jumping out of an Airplane without a Parachute, Like so many things could go wrong.

I have seen Notting Hill and I like that seen, But it still seems unlikely that a Girl would say something like that to a Guy She likes in the real world.

Can I ask what you think of The Whatever Podcast and the Fresh and fit Podcast on Youtube and if you have seen some of their most popular videos and what you think of what they say on those videos?

[HappyWoman34]

Sure 😊. Again, I’m not intending to be cruel, (only trying to help you so you don’t miss out on future opportunities); but have you considered talking this all through with your therapist? Maybe sharing what both of us have posted? Getting her perspective on how to overcome a possible avoidant attachment and a fear of abandonment/intimacy? I am no therapist. I was diagnosed verbally with dependant personality disorder and had to overcome such fears. That’s probably why I’m not judging harshly. Also maybe seeing a prostitute? They can teach you all this stuff that you’re not sure about. It’s all just a matter of practise. At everything in life. Everyone gets scared and I’ll tell you that visiting David on the central coast and staying with his family recently was one of my treatment steps in overcoming fear of abandonment.

[HappyWoman34]

Anyway I’ll leave that for now and take a look at these other film clips you asked me about, Ben 😊

[HappyWoman34]

I’m about to have dinner soon. If I’m not back tonight, I’ll be back tomorrow for a chat, if that suits you.

[HappyWoman34]

Is tomorrow ok?

[HappyWoman34]

I get tired really quickly at night. It’s my depression and anxiety disorder.

[HappyWoman34]

I did have a look at the Whatever podcast on toxic feminism and toxic masculinity and I think it raises some interesting and valid points about how a percentage of men and women get toxic about their rights and how they see the other sex. I’ve met scary feminist types and seen them on tv and met scary guys. They’re definitely sadly a percentage of the population that may get bigger, because of the rise of political correctness. I’m hearing men are scared to kiss women without permission because of this these days. When we were in our twenties, guys could just make a move. I’m going to watch more tomorrow and I’ll comment on them, if you’re interested in having a discussion. What’s your opinion of this clip?

[Asker]

I will just send you the good ones...

https://youtu.be/sy3VwKjtW-o?feature=shared

[HappyWoman34]

Ok 😊

[HappyWoman34]

It’s true that men and women have different ideas of youth and virginity. I do think it’s harder for men to get sex than women. However, I disagree that men will sleep with anyone. That’s just not accurate. Both I find equally creepy. I think all men would prefer a virgin, wouldn’t you? I don’t think that’s wrong, but I think there is a double standard. Women put less value on body count.

[HappyWoman34]

I don’t think it’s wrong for people to have any kind of fetish for innocence or experience. In an ideal world, women would prefer men with experience and men would prefer virgins. Then, those wanting virgins sometimes complain that the virgins are boring, frigid and desperate and awkward. About men or women. Usually men do that.

[HappyWoman34]

If you meet the right person, my opinion is it ultimately doesn’t matter to the point where I’d reject someone merely for body count.

[HappyWoman34]

It seems stupid, if you’re compatible in every other way possible to throw someone away just because they’ve had sex or they haven’t.

[Asker]

Most of us Guys are not going to reject a Girl just because She is not a Virgin, But we would worry if her bodycount was over 5 or so because now the Qaulity of Sex is based on how many times She has had Sex before us so now we are going to compare.

[Asker]

If Bodycount does not matter to you Girls then why do most Women want someone with experience?

[Asker]

How come Women hardly ever Show any empathy towards a Shy and you never hear of Pretty Women deciding to have Sex with a Shy Guy just because they felt Bad for them because they are Virgins and/or Shy?

[HappyWoman34]

Body count doesn’t matter to women. Like it doesn’t matter to men. We just Prefer someone experienced, because the sex is better and they’re more confident.

[HappyWoman34]

That surprised me. What I imagine was that you were too shy to kiss or have sex with women, so they thought you weren’t interested and gave up. How can women think you want them when you refuse them if they offer it to you and actively avoid them and avoid looking at them?

[HappyWoman34]

Women worry about being seen as creepy, too. Pretty women don’t go around thinking how awesome they are. Often we’re romantically lonely. I have hang ups. Mine are the fact that I’ve always been a few dress sizes and breast sizes bigger than most of my friends and that I have broad shoulders. I’m twice the size as most women and twice as physically strong as half the men at the gym. Also I’m starting to get wrinkles around my eyes and I’ve put on some weight. Do I worry that people won’t like me? Absolutely. Do I hate parts of my body and personality? Definitely. Do I ever feel sad or insecure or just like a loser? Definitely. People just assume I don’t because of how I look and because I love people. If I’m like this, think of how many other pretty and beautiful women you’re overanalysing and misjudging?

[HappyWoman34]

It surprises me that you get shy. You seemed so confident and you’re handsome. But that’s me generalising based on outer appearances too.

[Asker]

I'm Shy, That is the only reason I'm single.
THE ONLY REASON.

I have been told before I'm Nice and I'm Attractive on Numerous Occasions, So to most that is Women that is not good enough to just have Sex with let alone date me.

How many Girls do you know that are about my age that are Virgins?

Other than looks the the Number 1 thing us Guys find Attractive in a Girl is Effort.

Did you agree with what She said in the end of that second Video?

[HappyWoman34]

I’ll take another look. I’ve met guys that I didn’t appeal to, looks wise or personality wise. I understand that not everyone is going to want me. If anything, I feel a bit awkward approaching men for a date. For all the reasons mentioned above. The other side was I scared decent guys off by the way I look and my outgoing nature and the only ones brave enough to approach me were guys that wanted to put notches on their bedposts (besides the 5 decent men I knew, 2 of whom were handsome, three of whom became my boyfriends).

[HappyWoman34]

What do you mean by effort? Determination to pursue a guy?

[HappyWoman34]

You’d be surprised to know that I know a few virgin men and women. I can’t tell you whom, but you’d be surprised.

[HappyWoman34]

Check out the Bridget Jones’s Diary official trailer 2001. That’s a good preview of how I see myself.

[HappyWoman34]

Also check out Bridget Jones’s Diary “All by Myself.”

[HappyWoman34]

YouTube

[Asker]

What I mean by effort is the Simple act of asking a Guy on a Date or at least telling him that you like Him, Most Women cannot even do that even when they are more Confident than Him.

You would be Suprised How many Guys would be willing to have Sex some of those Girls you think that are Ugly, That's why you see a lot of good looking Guys with Ugly Girls because they more than likely made the first move, So you Girls like Confidence just like us Guys like Effort.

A Shy Girl who is willing to show Her Vulnerabilities to us but not anyone else is Attractive.
Why would any Guy want an Independent Woman who is self reliant and Confident and unwilling to submit to anyone?

[HappyWoman34]

I don’t see myself as ugly. Just not as attractive as some others regard me. Nor as interesting. Certainly I’m no Jennifer Hawkins. So yes I’d agree that some of the guys that’ve been interested were better looking than I was (in my perception). I just see something different when I look in the mirror. We’re all our own worst critics. I was certainly nothing if not persistent with guys I liked. 😊

[HappyWoman34]

Also, sometimes I found it strange that they noticed me or stranger if they married a really plain woman. I always grew up believing that men are more shallow than women.

[HappyWoman34]

I think all men are looking for something different, like all women.

[Asker]

What do you think is more Shallow to reject someone because of how they look and how they treat you or how Confident they are and how much money they earn?

I personally think it's more Shallow judging them on their Confidence level and how much Money they earn.

[Asker]

Women will judge women on who they can be and Men will judge Women on who they are?

[HappyWoman34]

I actually agree; because I’ve rejected men to whom I’m not attracted. What I mean is that I think some men aim too high, in terms of what they feel entitled to and what they’re likely to actually get.

[HappyWoman34]

I think that depends on each man and woman as an individual. I’ve had friends try to fix me, make me more straight and upper class in my behaviours and views. I’ve had some really great male and female friends and I still have them.

[HappyWoman34]

It usually was my female friends who did that…

[HappyWoman34]

I think confidence level…it depends on how inactive the guy is. If you sense that he’s interested (and you feel like you’re not just kidding yourself); and he rejects you repeatedly when you’re right out there about your interest, that’s a sexual and romantic mood killer.

[HappyWoman34]

But if people are mistaken about your interest, you should never feel obliged to settle for someone out of pity or desperation. It’s not helpful to either party.

[HappyWoman34]

Examples of guys aiming too high are (usually); ugly middle aged guys hitting on women young enough to be their daughters or younger; and women who are much prettier and smarter than the guy and the guy only insists on dating women of that calibre. I don’t think you’re unrealistic for wanting a beautiful woman. Like I’m not unrealistic for wanting a man who is cute.

[HappyWoman34]

Do you think I raise a point there?

[Asker]

Let's face it at the end of the day who is going to get Rejected the most, A Guy who tries to Approach Girls or a Girl who tries to Approach Guys?

So in today's society an obese Women who maybe Rude and Unattractive is more likely to get Sex and/or a Relationship, than a caring Shy Guy, That's just a fact.

[HappyWoman34]

That’s probably true. Only because men are hornier than women and more varied in what appeals to each man as an individual. I still think if you want sex, or more, to go out and have it. Get some experience. If the only thing holding you back is shyness, try doing something romantic for a woman you’re into. Try giving her flowers on the first date. Try to kiss her on the second date.

[HappyWoman34]

Do you even know what you want? I think that’s what you need to decide first.

[Anonymous]

The "Shy Guy" is back with another anonymous account.