Why was she being hot and cold with me? Does she like me but is trying to hide it or does she hate me and is being fake nice?

[Anonymous]

My friends planned an all-day hangout, but I couldn’t join until later in the day. When I catch up with the group, I greet everyone, but one woman in the group (Caroline) ignores me. She then turns to the 2 women sitting next to her and asks “where was he” and “why didn’t he come earlier”.

Next, we go to do an escape room. Throughout the game, Caroline keeps coming up to me and brushing up against me, but doesn’t say anything. We completed the escape room with 5 minutes left and take a group photo to celebrate. Caroline was in the back but she tells the photographer to wait and rushes to the front. She bounces between both sides of me before deciding to stand to my left and mimic my pose.

After the escape room, we go to dinner. At one point during dinner, it’s just me and her at the table. She asks me what I do for work. I tell her and she says that there’s openings for my specific role at her company. I asked if she could refer me since I’m looking to change jobs. She said yeah, just send her my resume. I sent it to her and she scoffed saying “Uh huh. Whatever.” Such a weird response.

After dinner, everyone makes their way back to where the parking area is. As I’m about to go up to the 2nd floor where my car is parked, she asks me how I beat her back. I just said I walked the same way she did, maybe I walked faster. She shrugged.

I can’t tell whether she likes me but is trying to hide it or hates me but is being fake nice for the sake of the group. She went from not greeting me to wanting to be right next to me to recruiting me to join her company to being annoyed that I actually sent my resume to questioning me. There were 10 of us. Everyone else was even-keeled the whole night. She was the only one that was off.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, this Caroline chick is confusing as hell! I swear girls are so hard to figure out sometimes. Based on everything you described though, I'm pretty sure she likes you but is trying way too hard to play it cool.

The ignoring you at first is classic denial behavior. Then constantly finding excuses to be close to you physically - like during the escape room and photo - that's a dead giveaway she's into your vibe. Asking about your work and offering to refer you is another way of showing interest while keeping it lowkey.

But the hot and cold dismissal of your resume and questioning how you walked faster just screams insecurity. She got weirded out that you actually took her up on her offer, like she wasn't expecting you to. Plus some girls play headgames when they start to catch feelings.

My advice would be to just act normal around her from now on. Don't give her hot/cold behavior any reaction. Play it chill and friendly. That will drive her crazy wondering if you like her back! She'll either expose herself for sure or get over it. But don't stress - she's feeling you for sure, even if she sucks at showing it smoothly.

[Asker]

I hung out with her tonight one in one. It turns out the other so-called “friends” were telling her bad things about me and she didn’t know how to act around me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that totally explains her weird behavior then. Your other "friends" were being lame trying to mess things up between you and her.

I'm glad you guys hung out one on one and she was able to see for herself that whatever they said wasn't true. Sometimes people just want to start drama cause they're bored or jealous.

How did the hangout go once she knew the truth? Hopefully she sees you're a cool guy and those other friends just caused problems for no reason. As long as she had a good time with you alone, I bet she'll forget what they said.

Just play it cool from here and don't bring up the other people again. Keep hanging with just her more so your real personality can show through. Seems like she might be interested now that the negativity is cleared up. Fingers crossed things go well! Those so-called friends aren't real ones if they tried sabotaging you like that.

[Summeroflove]

It’s really hard to say with people and some people honestly don’t know how they feel themselves. Maybe she was trying to joke when she said whatever.

I would directly and bluntly ask her why she’s acting this way. If you are interested then express your interest if she rejects you then move on, if she plays games and doesn't give a direct answer the balls in her court, and if she says yes just go slow and tread carefully if she starts playing games immediately break it off.

If you don’t like her very much then just ask her why she’s acting that way and express how it makes you feel. You should express that anyways and if she doesn’t stop she may be someone you need to just get rid of from your life. Whether she’s just faking being nice or she’s being toxic. You don’t have to deal with that. If she can’t stand you being around then she can remove herself from the situation and so can you.

[Asker]

I’m neutral on her. She’s physically attractive, but I don’t know if I’d ever actually date her. Next time I see her, I’ll be direct and try to figure out what’s going on with her.

[Summeroflove]

Yes asker just be direct and if she is still playing games. She’s not even worth being your friend much less any sort of romantic interest

[Asker]

I hung out with her tonight one in one. It turns out the other so-called “friends” were telling her bad things about me and she didn’t know how to act around me.

[Summeroflove]

So that gives you a much better idea on what’s going on. Is what they said true? And what did they say? And does she still want to be around you even as a friend

[Summeroflove]

I’m glad you did talk to her one on one though

[Summeroflove]

And what’s the motive behind saying stuff? Are they jealous of her thinking you’ll end up with her or are rheh the roomer type. I would definitely confront the friends

[Asker]

I think it’s all a misunderstanding blown out of proportion. I planned an event for just the guys to hang out back in March, but some of the guys were inviting women. I called them out on it and they were like, just have the women come this time and we’ll be guys only next time. There was some back n forth, but eventually it was only a guys thing and everyone had fun. There was another time where I took time away from the friend group because my grandfather died and rumors started about me being too negative but I was going through a difficult time. Outside of those 2 situations, I can’t think of anything else. She said that they told her that I was too negative and they feel like they need to walk on eggshells around me. Some of the guys have guy only hangouts and they don’t invite me. It seems as if every time I plan something, they don’t want to do it. I’m not even going to bother confronting them because it’s not worth it. I have better friends outside of this circle. I’ve had a weird gut feeling for a while that something was off but I couldn’t put a finger on it besides the occasional guy being off with me as in not talking as much or even saying hi when we meet up.

I think there could be some jealousy too because she was dating one of the guys in secret of 5 months. She has a particular fashion style and her ex said she dresses like she’d date a guy that looks like me and not him. He told her to change to look more like a wifey. Whatever that means.

She said that now that she’s gotten to know me away from the group, I’m nothing like what they say about me. She said that she was glad she texted me to hang out and she wants to watch a movie tomorrow.

[Summeroflove]

It really sucks that they knew your grandfather died and they called you negative. That doesn’t sound like good friends unless you did shitty stuff to them which I doubt you did. Any normal person
Would be feeling something

[Summeroflove]

It’s also weird that they’re just changing plans on the fly. Especially if it’s a guys night out and you’re expecting only guys. It’s not that women are bad or just aren’t welcome. But girls also sometimes enjoy spending time with other women who seem to get each other

[Asker]

Exactly! I’m thinking it’s best to leave this friend group alone all together.

[Summeroflove]

Asker unfortunately it is sometimes what needs to be done especially if they’re too cowardly to just tell you they have a problem instead they run around to other people

[Summeroflove]

Plus people overly jealous about a woman (or for women a dude) are just weird toxic people who obviously can’t find anyone so they just get jealous when they see someone who can