Why would my friend of 14 years open up to me about her recent break up and then hit on me in the same day?

[27Shark]

I’ve been friends with this girl since 2011, and she recently broke up with her boyfriend of two years about three weeks ago. During a group vacation at the beach, she opened up to me about what happened, how he’s trying to improve himself, and the possibility of them getting back together. I listened, offered support, and pointed out how I had noticed her energy shift and his absence.

After our talk, I gave her a hug and reassured her that I was there for her. At that moment, one of our friends jokingly yelled, “Kiss, kiss, kiss!” I was caught off guard, and we just walked back to the group. The rest of the trip, she was noticeably flirtatious—laughing at everything I said, touching my arm, complimenting my physique, and making an effort to stay close to me. She even made bold comments, like telling me to “take off your pants” while we were doing yoga and suggesting we go to a nude beach together.

Later, I pulled aside the friend who made the “kiss” comment and asked why she said it. She thought we looked cute together. I told her that while I sensed a connection, I wasn’t acting on it because of the recent breakup, the uncertainty of her getting back with him, and the fact that we were on a group trip. I suspect she shared this with the girl, but it didn’t change her behavior.

So, my question is—why would she confide in me about her relationship and a possible reconciliation, yet turn around and flirt with me so openly?

[Cormac995]

It's possible it was the right setting, and she developed attraction on the spot but if you've been friends for 14 years, I actually think it's more likely she might have been harboring feelings for you for some time. It makes sense to me that maybe she hadn't said anything because she was worried, she'd ruin the friendship but after what you said, and your friends joke that might have pushed her over the edge into taking a chance.

Has she been persistent since then? Is she still focusing on you a lot? How is she talking about her Ex? Is it getting more negative when she talks about him? Honestly, I recommend that you talk to her one to one and be up front and honest with each other. You need to sort out what's going on between you and if you guys realize it's more than just stress and hormones I say go for it and I hope you're happy together.

I know that having a conversation like that will be difficult and nerve wracking but it's the best way to approach this and if you two have been friends for 14 years than you shouldn't ever be afraid to talk to her about how you feel and neither should she. That's a long- and well-established bond. There is real trust and friendship here and that is a great foundation for a healthy relationship. Good luck buddy.

[27Shark]

I mean I kinda take back the 14. I’ve known her that long but we haven’t been true friends till about 8 - 9years ago. This was really fresh (over the weekend). I’ve also been in a 4 year relationship that ended last summer.

I definitely want to sort this out just don’t want to make her feel embarrassed. We are both attending a wedding of a friend this weekend (not as dates). So I might bring up it up or just see how the night goes and just ask if she like to get a bite to eat or something then ask then

[Cormac995]

8-9 years is still a very long and well-established friendship and if both of you were dating until recently no wonder, she never said anything if she was interested in you. Now that your single that wall isn't there anymore that might be why she's pouncing on you. Like I said the setting probably had something to do with it. I think the feelings are probably real and the setting was just romantic enough or something to push what was already there to the surface. That's my guess.

[Cormac995]

I recommend you go for it. Catch a private word with her at the wedding and ask her if she wants to date and is willing to be exclusive with you. If she says yes I think this will go great for both of you.

[27Shark]

I will try for sure. But im going to most likely easy. Her situation is too soon in my opinion to go down a serious rabbit hole. But the idea of talking about it is definitely smart

[Cormac995]

Just make sure that your clear that it's not that you aren't interested you just want her to be sure. If you want something with her, be very direct and make it clear you're not saying no you just want to be sure she's not doing this out of stress. My guess though is this is something that's been a thing for a while probably at least a few years.

[Anonymous]

Dropping out of a long term relationship can leave you with a lot of feelings to deal with. A great sense of loneliness and vulnerability are two. It can also question your attractiveness and worth.
You, it would seem are a trusted, long term friend who acted as such when she needed it and asked nothing from her.
It may have been easy for her feelings to get lost in that safety for a short time. Happens all the time.

[27Shark]

The first part I can relate to. I was in a relationship for 4 years that just ended last summer and I felt that same way. She was cheated on and I guess she chose me as the only guy on the trip to trust with that info.

I’ve always been a good friend, at least I believe to be, to her. I just wasn’t expecting the shots she was taking. I would also say a little bit of liquor courage might’ve helped with some of the intrusive thoughts

[DishLady]

Sometimes you're just THERE and the person still has displaced feelings of longing (or feels insecure about their looks/personality/life) and need to feel that someone finds them attractive and desirable. She confided in you because she trusted you and also came to you for physical comfort for the same reason.

[27Shark]

Okay that makes sense. Thank you

[DishLady]

If you don't like her that way just be kind in letting her down.

[27Shark]

I mean I have thought about it but don’t see it’s right timing to purse anything.

[DishLady]

You're right in thinking that way. Give her a little time to recoup from this fellow and if you still feel something for her then go ahead and make your move.

[27Shark]

👍will do

[trumpetplayerforlife]

Maybe she needs a hook up

[27Shark]

Well I was thinking about she wants to when she was making sexual comments towards me lol

[Anonymous]

If you are friends with her for 14 years, why not ask her? We don’t know.

[27Shark]

Because I’d like to know what could be some valid reasons of her actions before I confront her about it