I can give an example of a situation where I fear I was somewhat clingy, I'll give you my theory based on my personal feelings.
Me and this girl consider ourselves a bit unsocial respectively. I felt some good chemistry at first and things were going nicely. But the main difference between us is that she can appreciate being alone, but I on the other hand feel a desperate need to break out of my shell and become more outgoing. I show my interest in her constantly but she seemingly doesn't feel the need to show interest in me as much. You said in the comments that you usually just "encourage and smile from afar".
So my question to you would be: How much affection do you show for these guys?
If I don't sense a girl giving me any emotional response, be it good or bad, I will feel preassured into taking the next step to see where our relationship really stands. This is where suddenly "sh*t GETS SERIOUS" as you put it. In other words I'm always at risk of becoming clingy if I feel my girlfriend is being distant. And I don't normally like rushing a relationship either.
My suggestion is to just be clear on what pace you wanna go at and at the same time take into account what pace your partners wanna go at.
These guys are just unaware of your intentions and probably think its what you want, and to not lose you to lack of interest, they try hard to give you what they think you want. So try and make it clear in conversation of your past when you start another relationship, and add in a few lines like, "So the last thing I'm looking for at the moment is anything to serious" but make it also clear that your not looking for a jerk who is going to shag around either, so together you establish your needs and expectations and he is aware of what you expect from him. I do think though its a lack of communication, because most worthy guys wouldn't want to rush anything to quickly, because of changes that suddenly happen top the honeymoon when it seems so bloody awesome at the time lol, so stick with your initial nice guy, because you will have your talents recognised by someone worthy of them eventually, good luck,x
I seriously think there's a serious role reversal thing happening in our world atm where the guys are becoming the clingy ones who constantly want to be together and with their unwillingness to make the first move.
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Well, whatever it is, it's definitely a generational thing... When I was still single, back in the mid-90's, this would have been unheard of. In fact, it used to be the other way around.
Question: Are you asking these guys out, or are they asking you out? Because typically, this sets the stage for the rest of the relationship, i.e., nature of the relationship, speed at which it progresses, level of intimacy, etc.
Also, are you sending signals to these men that you want to get serious right away? Are you coming across too boldly, for instance? Are you playing hard-to-get a lot?
What do you do wrong?
In what way. What do you want in your life?
If you want to fight for proposal for few years and fight the guy to care for you at least a bit for whole relationship and then after marriage he will just sit on sofa and let you do all the work, then go for jerk.
If you want to fight a guy to be able to not propose to you and take things lightly. To wait a little. Not to get too personal right away and to know you. To make him fight for you and do hard thing for you and to take care for himself, then go for a nice guy!
Of course with first you won't get into clingy trouble and the second will care about you. Guess every man has positive sides and negative ones. So in the end it is your choice but don't get into impression that jerks are that good.
Interesting I would have the opposite problem. I guess I'm a nice guy and I can be close for a while but then I have to withdraw into solitude to recover. Maybe you should find a nice Asbergers boyfriend who you like but he withdraws from time to time give both of you a break.
Damn. First off, if you are just the casual, I just f*ck around type please tell the guys. I was kind of these dudes you are talking about. But I didn't get clingy til the girl acted like she wanted more just to take it all back kinda.
Do you act like you want more?
FYI I didn't ask her to marry me lol.
As long as you would never get attached to someone at this stage in your life than look for other people that aren't focused on making a long term thing happen right now. Find someone more mellow that lives life day to day like you!
Start acting less nice lol that will scare them away
"You can not offer a castle when owning a little cottage"
youre picking guys that want something different than you..its the luck of the draw (whether they're mean or nice)
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