Frustrating Situation With Uncertainty?

[Anonymous]

Why is it that girls push and pull than get upset with the guy for not understanding but in reality he’s probably not the problem. I’m in a situation where I used to work with a girl for about 2 years and we used to work together as well and texted each other a lot went on a few dates and she always stared at me with admiration everyday we worked together. I left that job because of her and 4 months later when I see her she all of a sudden interacts with me she has rejected me multiple times but keeps showing up in my life. I don’t know what to do I’m just done I have sent her multiple messages but she hasn’t answered but when she sees me in person she bothers with me.

[Anonymous]

“I left that job because of her and 4 months later when I see her she all of a sudden interacts with me” so just because she has rejected you multiple times, she can’t be friendly? She should act as though you don’t exist and ignore when she has no issue with you?


You haven’t seen her in 4 months but she “keeps showing up in my life”? You have “sent her multiple messages but she hasn’t answered” so wouldn’t you be the one who keeps trying to show up in her life? I don't know dude it sounds like you’re creating an issue where there isn’t one. Sounds like you had romantic feelings that you never properly communicated and expected her to be a mind reader so when she wasn’t then it was a problem.

[Asker]

Interesting perspective I have autism makes things much harder when I don’t think like everyone else but I appreciate the response.

[Asker]

I just want to understand her intentions because I’m blunt to the point with people. It doesn’t always work like that.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s ok, my ex was autistic too so I get how it goes to an extent. I know everyone is different. I’m sure there’s context missing but from where I’m standing, it doesn’t seem like you were blunt at all but avoidant. Like you left your job because of her, does she know that? Even for dates, we’re these actual dates or were you just inviting her to hang out? Like “hey wanna go grab a drink?”, if you two started as friends and never clearly stated that you were dating, she may have seen that as a friendly outing. Then it looks like you ghosted for 4 months, left your job without word to her. You never expressed having a problem with her, never gave her that conversation and seem to expect her to just know. She has no idea of this battle in your mind, just that she you’re a coworker she’s become close with then you quit.

[Opinion Owner]

Have you ever asked her if she likes you? Have you ever told her you liked her and wanted to get serious? How transparent were you about your feelings?

[Asker]

She has mentioned that i was cute and sweet. I told her i liked her upfront. I asked her out on a date she didn't hesitate and said yes when we went out that same night she asked me out. We talked a lot that day and when she brought up religion i got uncomfortable and she saw that but instead of talking to me she just continued on than expressed that she didn't want a relationship with anyone but ended up with a guy and still talked to me. I can't pick up social cues or when to make a move.

[Asker]

I never mentioned the autism i didn't think it would have affected it and on top of adhd and having had 4 back surgeries. I probably am the problem. Im 22 just starting life I should just leave her alone. Let her be with someone who can give her a life thats better. I got no money or anything of value i just have myself. Girls dont want guys that have these problems or are good and honest.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for being open, I was just trying to understand the situation better. I’ll be honest, you strike me as someone who just sorta shuts down or backs off when it comes to women and if you think you screwed up. Like the moment you fumble you start second guessing and devaluing yourself which honestly may be messing up your opportunities more than the actual autism itself. Like I said I dated an autistic dude but similarly to you he was his own worst enemy and it ruined he relationship in the end. Women don’t care so much about your autism or being on the spectrum at all, as long as you can manage it and do the work for you to stay in control. With this girl you’re talking about, I wonder if the fact that you got so outwardly uncomfortable when she talked about religion that it ask made her feel awkward. That could’ve been a good opportunity for you to clear the air, or get the conversation back to a better place.

[Opinion Owner]

**that it made her feel awkward** I don't know why ask was in there lol

[Asker]

Maybe one day me and her could talk face to face about everything but thats probably not ideal or going to happen. I left a lot of context it was all filler anyways but actually im very blunt and i just start flirting if i feel attracted. I appreciate the comments thankyou

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe if you both wanted closure but since she’s seeing someone now it probably wouldn’t be appropriate to have a conversation about all that. I’d just look at that whole situation as a lesson learned and apply it in the future.

[Screenwriter]

Oh. One of those. If you lose interest, I'm interested. If you show interest, I'm not.

RUN AWAY! Block her on your phone and all social media. Find someone who likes you ALL THE TIME and responds to your liking them!

Something wrong with her. Not worth your time!

[Asker]

I don’t really want anything with her romantically anymore I was just going to keep a friendship. She brought out the good in me and I’d rather have people in my life like that. Thank-you for the response