Do guys like being chased?

[itslo]

I'm just wondering this. I get shy guys don't like making a move or approaching girls. But seriously when is enough enough? When I like someone I make it obvious. But I think after a while of showing interest and not receiving the same back ill start losing interest. I just hate feeling like I'm chasing after an impossible. When is it the risk worth it?

Updates

+1 y

What I consider showing interest is the following. Constantly making an attempt to start a conversations, I'm not really a touchy person so I don't do that, but ill always try to make the person smile, and I always smile. I'm not really much of a shy person . I don't know how else to put it.

Updates

+1 y

I should have specific the "shy" guy part...

Updates

+1 y

And I was just speaking more in general. Sorry if I confused you guys.

Updates

+1 y

Please refrain from answering in a demeaning manner or insulting way. And

Updates

+1 y

thank you guys for answering my question.

[Seireikitsu]

I'm going to be "brutally" honest.

Possible Reasons You're Having This Problem:

1. He doesn't like you.

2. He does, but not enough to want you for his partner.

3. He's not ready for a relationship.

4. He's not interested in having a relationship.

All four of those point to it being a dead end.

Shy men can and do pursue women when they're interested, and don't you dare insult their manhood by assuming otherwise. At least half of my boyfriends were shy, and many who've pursued me to face rejection were also shy. In fact, some shy men continue to try after being rejected multiple times.

Further, if he rejects you so much as once, move on. Women have a long fertility cycle, and we might reject a guy during certain phases of it, so it could make since for a man to ask a woman multiple times for a month before giving up. However, there is no such justification to continue bothering a man after one rejection.

If you do try him, and he rejects you, do not try to force it. If a man forced you into having sexual relations with him (it doesn't matter if he did so while getting you to consider him you're boyfriend, fiance, or even husband), it would be recognized by most as rape. Well, dear, it's also rape when a woman forces herself on a man, so if he says no, listen.

As for if guys like being chased... The ones who do also enjoy keeping a harem, and are not worth you're time. Unless you like it when a man can't tell you apart from any other similar-looking woman.

[itslo]

Your talking about the fertility cycle like my intend is to reproduce. I have no future plans on having babies like ever. And I'm not someone who will push myself on anyone. I think you missed the whole point of my question.

[Seireikitsu]

You subconscious intent is precisely to reproduce, that's how it is for ALL human, it's a scientific fact. You think dating is just to pass time? You think sex is just a thing of fun? Dating and courtship are to part of the life partner selection process, and sex is about reproduction. Sex evolved to be fun so you would do it, it's not that it started fun and decided to then add babies.

Get educated. & It's obvious you just want answers that support what you already wanted to do.

[Seireikitsu]

I'm tired, so my typing of that was all messed up... It doesn't change my point, you clearly don't care what people say in these answers, unless it supports what you're already doing. And, you have no interest in facts or reality, just what you already decided to do. Have fun in a dead-end relationship, it's obvious you're the type who will ignore it if he doesn't really like you.

[Seireikitsu]

If you don't want to be given real advice, from people who actually know about the subject, maybe you shouldn't even be on a site that evolves around asking and answering questions. Either you want people to help you, and to listen to people who actually know the subject, or you don't. And, it looks like you don't.

[Anonymous]

If by showing interest you mean

Talking to them a lot

Texting them

Looking at them sideways

Blushing when they're around

"Flirting"

Laughing at their jokes

Odds are they have no idea you like them. The thought could be there, but for some reason guys like to assume the girl doesn't like them, just to be safe.

However, if by showing interest you mean

Saying "Hey, I like you, wanna go out sometime?"

Then I'd say they probably really weren't interested. You can't get much clearer than that lol

[Seireikitsu]

Really? So, directly, obviously flirting with a man doesn't tell him the woman likes him. You DESPERATELY need to learn about human body language and relationships.

If you were ever that obvious with a guy, and he didn't bite, he didn't like you. You should not be handing out advice when you don't even know basics.

[JSmuve]

@Seireikitsu: That was uncalled for. Many guys can't explicitly discern between her being friendly and overt flirting. What anonymous described is to women very obvious but is only obvious to guys with experience and know what to look for. Those who don't will have a lingering doubt that she could just be being friendly. You shouldn't be criticizing people when you don't even appreciate the complex dichotomy between how each gender perceives and reacts to signals.

[OpenClose]

I think Seireikitsu is having a rough day, TBH. We go through spouts of frustration when a certain topic hits the wrong buttons.

But yeah, I totally agree with anonymous. We generally assume a girl doesn't like us, because if we start assuming a girl DOES like us...BAM we're guilty of sexual harassment.

Making a move on someone who isn't interested has been labeled offensive, so unless we are 80%-90% sure she's into us, we'll keep our feelings to ourselves.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks guys.

@Seireikitsu: I've been in a relationship for four years. I think I know what I'm talking about. Also, reread the last few sentences before you tell me that I don't know my basics. Men don't analyze things like women do. You shouldn't expect them to. They're men.

[itslo]

Hahaha guys I think @Seireikitsu misinterpretation the question or something. Cause apparently I have plans on reproducing by raping a guy.. Wtf...I was informed of that last time I checked no babies for me. Anonymous girl your right men don't analyze things like women do.

[Freetobe007]

Yup. In fact, I think many people like being chased because it makes them feel desirable and highly valuable. It's a self esteem boost.

[TheMasterDebater]

While it is popular in our media to depict men as having the tendency to be put off by being chased (as it breaks the gender role of women being shy and modest about their feelings while men are depicted as being more assertive and thus the instigators of relationships) as our society has evolved away from those traditional stereotypes it has become much more common especially considering the facts that a lot of people (men and women) are scared to death of sharing their true feelings. Personally If I was to be "chased" my first reaction would be one of relief as it is much easier (and less stressful) to make the decision between reciprocating these feelings or not as opposed to having to make the first move and hope for the best. You may be chasing after the wrong guys or not waiting long enough to get to know them before beginning your advances. Sadly my personal experience on this subject is limited so I can't of too much help here.

[itslo]

Thanks for your honesty. I like it when people can be honest but not come off in the wrong way.

[Seireikitsu]

Gender roles are not social constructs, and you're understanding of why those gender roles exist is not based on anything real or historical. There is no stereotype of women being more shy.

It's a genetic evolution, not a social construct, so it is impossible for us to have evolved away from it in such a short time. You're completely ignorant of science!

[askq21]

What risk are you talking about? and by obvious, do you mean you just say it as it is. I guess in that case, no shy guy would like to drag that chase, at least once he is aware for sure.

[dgc12367]

most shy guys like to be chased or just have really low self-esteem so just be patient and tell them outright when it feels right

[Seireikitsu]

If you're not shy, you should not be speaking on shy people of either sex's behalf. We can speak for ourselves, we are not children.

[itslo]

Your answer makes sense. Feel free to express your opinion I don't care for wrong or right answers :)

[native65]

I love a woman that shows interest, but as soon as I see it, I give it right back if I am interested.

[Anonymous]

if a girl wanted me she would have to "prove" herself to get me, I don't want a girl to be there for a one time thing and she leaves like it never happend, its not that we don't like to be chased, its more guys want to be desired, you say "When you like someone you make it obvious, well its not in any way obvious to the guy(s) in question

[Seireikitsu]

No, it's more that you obviously hate women, and think we're a load of sluts who'll run out on you.

[OpenClose]

Sierekitsu:

I don't think this is the case, necessarily.

I hear women say that a man has to prove himself and his loyalty before she'll give him the light of day. It's called the traditional dating scene, and it's the reason guys are still often expected to pay, and have to "earn" her presence.

[Seireikitsu]

The "prove it" matter in question is not about men proving they're competent at male things, it's about proving worthiness of trust. No one, of either sex, is going to get anywhere by starting the relationship already suspecting that the other person is disloyal trash. That's a sure way to get loyal men/women to walk right back out the door they entered into your life through, not wanting to be accused while innocent.

[Malcom_Reynolds]

Me, I'd rather a girl be upfront and obvious instead of trying to make me guess. I like the feeling of being chased, I can be won over by it sometimes. I can't really speak generally for all guys though, only for myself.

[itslo]

hahaha I think people like feeling that they worth being chased

[Malcom_Reynolds]

That's pretty much it.

[pixiestix123]

a lot of guys are lazy these days. women have the power of seduction, we bring men to us or we make them chase us. men are created to chase but a lot of men are to lazy to chase and want women to chase them.

[Ichron]

Not at all. You're throwing all guys into one category and all girls into another category. There are many guys who, just like girls, appreciate the girl showing initiative and approaching first. Maybe the guy didn't notice her before, maybe his confidence isn't so high as to think she's attainable so he doesn't bother but when she approaches he changes...there are a number of things that could go into it.

[native65]

lol I agree with Ichron... You're gorgeous.. If I saw you, I would probably get arrested for stalking! ;)

[pixiestix123]

i said a lot not all. I saw on Dr. Drew show this relationship guy was on there and he said something that I agree with. he said in order for a relationship to work the guy has to want and love the woman more than she wants an love him. if I approach the guy it makes it seem like I wanted him more,that the relationship was my idea and that I loved him more.

[pixiestix123]

thank you native65 that was so sweet haha

but I don't think ichron called me gorgeous

[Seireikitsu]

It has nothing to do with one wanting and loving the other more for a successful relationship, that's "gaming" BS, terrible advice, and a horrible way to think about it.

No, the real reason is simply that men evolved to pursue, and women evolved to be pursued. All species evolved to have their own unique courtships, and ours is that men pursue, while women reject, or accept. When someone reverses it, it often causes problems. Men aren't evolved to know who to reject, and who to accept.

[pixiestix123]

you said it girl, I agree

[Anonymous]

"When I like someone I make it obvious."

Unfortunately, for most women, that means "casting glances at him from across the room".

I'm curious what you're doing to "make it obvious".

[Seireikitsu]

"Casting glances at him from across the room" is in fact a signal of women that they are interested in natural human courtship. We're not going to turn into men for you, so if you're not gay, you should learn about women's signals instead of saying we should act like men.

[OpenClose]

Let me clarify for him:

"Make it obvious" implies little or no ambiguity.

Casting glances is ambiguous. VERY ambiguous. You can't tell that a girl likes you just because she is looking at you.

If casting glances was a legitimate sign of interest, guys would have no problem showing interest in women. And any time you buy something at the store, you would be flirting with the cashier unintentionally.

Imagine every guy came up and started hitting on you just because you looked at them.

[itslo]

I' m not like most girls ill tell the guy. Or you know in other instances where I'm semi interested then sometimes I start the conversations every now and then.

[Opinion Owner]

"Casting glances at him from across the room" is in fact a signal of women that they are interested in natural human courtship."

No. It REALLY isn't. The fact that you WISH it was does not make it so.

[pandaninja]

what girls consider to be obvious signs of showing interest shy guys or guys that lack confident might interpret as something else entierly

[Seireikitsu]

Incorrect, but they might not visually see it, because they might not be looking, because they're shy.

Those of us shy often feel uncomfortable looking at others, so we can miss signals. But, you're idea that shy people can't read body language when we do see it is both incorrect, and hints that you might prejudicedly believe shy people are somehow stupid.

[OpenClose]

In every one of my relationships, the girl has approached me, at least at some point.

One complained that I was totally oblivious to her interest.

I saw her interest and I saw the non-verbal cues. I just refused to act on those alone, as do many guys. Shy guys often do see the interest, or pick up on hints of it. It just takes extra guts and extra certainty before they'll act on what they're seeing.

[kheserthorpe]

Give us an idea of what 'showing interest' means to you.

[kheserthorpe]

That's not obvious to most young guys, or shy guys of any age.

[ashtonm]

Woman activist groups fought hard for a long time to battle gender roles. I find it ironic that there's girls in here placing men in them.

[Seireikitsu]

If you knew anything about women, you'd not call it ironic, you'd instead be asking how TF feminism got women to want to work 24/7 between mothering, house chores, and 1-4 jobs... Let alone to be single parents, so they don't even have a loving husband to help them deal with the stress of such suicidal lives.

[ashtonm]

There are gains and losses to all actions. What you're saying is irrelevant to my point.

[sikoo31]

everyone likes being chased

[Seireikitsu]

What about people who are frightened by it?

What about people who are put off by feeling objectified by it?

What about men who don't like aggressive women who ignore the fact he didn't take interest in them and try to throw themselves on him?

Clearly, many people, especially men, could not possibly like being chased.

[sikoo31]

clearly you're thinking of being chased as being harassed. but there's a difference.

[TokusatsuComicLover]

tired of girls insisting that guys are hunters

[Seireikitsu]

Sorry, but love harem animes and manga aren't reality, five cute girls without brains are not going to randomly land in your lap.

[TokusatsuComicLover]

why do you insist that guys are hunters?