I lied to my girl friend and we broke up. Is there any hope of fixing this?

[sumsy]

Overall this is the the case. Me and my girlfriend where in a long distance relationship. Overall I have never told her a lie in my life and I never did lie at all before hand. After dating for a few month I began to lie to her. I would tell her that I was at work or busy with something else but in reality I would be playing games and flirting with another girl. I the only thing I did was still remain faithful to my girlfriend. I never slept or kissed any other girl I just talked. And I never told the other girl I loved her or anything. We would just joke around and get to know each other. Where as to my girlfriend I continued to say I love you and etc. The main problem is I continued to lie to my girl friend about this for about a total of 3 weeks. And I hated my self for it. She wouldn't question me and would just accept it. I told the other girl I was single at first but instantly said sorry I'm seeing someone. And we just continued to flirt and I viewed her as a friend. The problem remained that the way I talked to her was the same way I talked to me girlfriend before I asked her out. But on November 8th I got fed up with my self because I couldn't stop lying so I decided to get help from a therapist. The problem was there was no opening for appointments tell the 27th so I thought ya I could wait tell then. Overall my talking reduced with that other girl for a bit but I still did lie and it slowly continued. On the 23rd my girlfriend broke up with me. She didn't give me a reason but later on told me it was cause she logged on my Skype and it confirmed all her doubts. She didn't know I was planning to go into therapy to fix this problem. I never had a lieing problem before and thought it might be linked to my school. (Final year of engineering) But so far from my sessions my therapist says it was due t my fear of commitment and its a common case. I know I emotionally cheated on my girlfriend and it break me inside everyday. We talk a lot less and we still talk slightly. I told her I want to get back together and that I well work on getting her trust back. As it stand she says she doesn't know. That I hurt her really bad and she doesn't know if the trust can come back and she doesn't know the real me anymore. I told her that I'm getting help now and seeing a therapist. I told her that after my first visit on the 27th. And then just yesterday the 29th I told her everything. I didn't actually talk to her as we don't talk as much but I left her a Skype message explaining why I decided to go into therapy and when I decided to. I lied to her for about 3 weeks out of our relationship and I promised her I would not lie any more. I'm continuing to see my therapist and I tell my girlfriend what goes on in my therapy. I see him every other day since it using my school insurance I have to be forced to see them every other day as the problem may be affecting my schooling as well. So overall I'm wondering if it is possible to rebuild the trust and get back together.

Updates

+1 y

Also to clarifiy by everything I mean that I told her that I told I booked my therapy appointment while we where still dating. And told her how I felt about it. And how it had broken me down. She means a lot to me and I do hope to get with her but the main reason I need to do this is cause I broke my own morals and its something I should never do. I was planning on telling her everything once I started therapy but it hit the fan before hand.. She does mean a lot to me..

Updates

+1 y

Ya my therapist has really been helping my through and helping my understand why I i did all this. He said I wasn't physically cheating but I was mentally cheating. I know it still counts cause I wasn't emotionally there for my girlfriend but I'm doing my best to get this all worked out. I truly do love her. I just wish I was able to do this earlier and let her know. I just can hope that it works out.

[marshnewb]

It's going to take some time and work but I think you can. Lying is something that can be easily recovered from. Going to therapy and keeping your girlfriend informed is a good move, she seems like she still cares. I doubt that she stopped loving you because of it but you still lost her trust, she wants to trust you but you need to work for it, and you are. After a while of therapy and keeping your girlfriend informed start talking to her again. You can flirt a little bit with her, but keep it simple if you do. Just compliment her, small things and not excessively. Comment on how you like what she is wearing or something. Take small steps at first like just talking, then maybe take her on a date again. You aren't starting over, but you are rebuilding, use what you know about her to help you.

[vmw2008]

"Lying is something that can be easily recovered from."

In whose world? Lying is immensely destructive. I imagine you wrote this post sitting in the seat of the boy getting caught, but flip it around and pretend this was your girlfriend flirting and she lied to you. Is it that easy to recover from? Lying ruins trust which is the foundation of a relationship. It's huge.

[marshnewb]

Easy in the sense that it's possible. When dealing with things that are in the realm of impossibility, such as recovering from abortions or months of cheating, if something is possible, I'd call it easy.

[vmw2008]

That depends on the person though. For many women, lying which involves another woman is not possible to recover from.

[sumsy]

@vmw2008

I know that that is why I'm going through therapy to change that. At the time I didn't know why I lied but I never do lie or I never use to. I know it going to be hard but if its possible I want to try. The therapy has been helping me. It was a big step for me to admit I need this help I just hope it helps in some way. But I also don't want to get back together unless I know it well never happen again. She means so much to me and I can never put her through that again.

[Sabreena]

Its hard for her to forgive you cause you were lying to her not cause you were with your frens or anything but cause you were with other girls! Give her some time.. She still loves you but you broke her trust, might take some time but she might forgive u..

[sumsy]

ya I know that, and I want to make sure I never lie to her again which is why I went into therapy. I hope it helps and I hope it helps rebuilt our relationship.

[Sabreena]

try explaning to her, she might understand. all the best.

[Allie3156]

Hahaha you are a lier and cheater you sound exactly like my ex boyfriend David!

[Allie3156]

Lier hahaha your cheater skank.
😂🤣😂

[ilovebread]

I don't ever forgive cheating, ever.

[sumsy]

the thing is it wasn't cheating it was the string of lies. I didn't cheat I never touched the other girl never told her I loved her nothing like that. It was I would make up excuses to distance my self and hide from my girlfriend while spending time with this other person just playing games... For example I'd tell my girlfriend I was at work but in reality I'd be playing skyrim and talking about it with this other person. I know its petty and that's why I'm getting help.

[ilovebread]

I don't forgive flirting with another girl and I don't forgive lying about it. I wouldn't ever cheat, and I don't lie either. It is too unfair, and I cannot trust someone like that. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough to make him feel complete just being with me that he seeks for another woman's companion. My boyfriend and I are right now at a LDR, and if he ever flirts with another girl, then it's done, no more.

[Anonymous]

just tell her the truth.

[sumsy]

Ya I told her everything and atm she wants her space and I also told her I think that's the best and that I need to focus on fixing who I am with my therapist. So I told her that yes I love her but the me who I am at this time is not the best fit for her and that if she can wait tell after therapy and wants to give me another shot that I would always be there. I told her that if I try to contact her before the 10th to cut all ties for me because it shows I'm not serous. It took a lot to say that..