Mixed feelings about my girlfriend of 2 years

[Anonymous]

So I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years and pretty much we had a healthy relationship. However for the past few weeks I've been feeling like we shouldn't be dating anymore...I guess I'm one of those nice pushover guys but she doesn't abuse me in any way, I just can't say no most of the time. I love to spend money on her and do it willingly, I also listen to her problems and do my best to make her feel better as much as driving 20 minutes to her house at 11at night to help her with a panic attack. But she has depression and anxiety she constantly fights with her mom and her dad is loving but a dictator about getting things done and forces her to take large amounts of credits per semester in college. Her stress is getting to me and I'm starting to feel more and more like just yelling at her to suck it up because there's always something about her parents every 2 days, and when it's not her parents it's her work or school that keep her depressed. Another reason in getting these feelings is because I guess she's too clingy but I wouldn't mind it if she wasn't always putting her friends and hobbies(horses) aside for me(we see each other 3-4 times a week).I really love her and I do want to stay with her but I feel like if I stay with her both of us will end up with terrible lives me constantly getting fed up with her issues and her giving up everything for her addiction of me. The worst part is I feel trapped we had a few fights and over the course of our relationship and in pretty much every single one she freaked out and thought I would break up with her even though the thought hasn't crossed my mind. She has low self esteem always saying she's not worthy or that one day ill realize I can do better. She has tried commiting suicide once before and I fear she will when I try again when I break up with her. I really don't know what to do so I would appreciate any advice you can give me.

[Anonymous]

It is hard to maintain the healthiness in a long term relationship. The most common mistake is to try and keep things the same, go back to the way things were, etc. The actual way to keep a relationship healthy - or your career going - or your friendships - is to always keep adapting and growing with each other.

If I were you (and you are a very kind patient person, which is what it sounds like), I would arrange a very brave conversation with her. Invite her to dinner to a nice restaurant, and if she asks, tell her that you just want to have a fun official date like when you first started dating. Tell her to dress up, because you want to show off your beautiful girlfriend. Playfully tell her that you don't want to hear a word from her until you pick her up at 7, because it adds fun suspense.

Have fun small talk during the appetizers, but when the entrees come, casually tell her you'd like to discuss something a little serious with her (smile, so she doesn't get freaked out), but ask you to wait tell you say you're finished before she says anything. Hold both her hands and look into her eyes.

"[Name], I love you. I think you're an amazing, beautiful, and brilliant girl. I think you have a lot of smart insights, are generous, compassionate, and I admire you greatly. Based on a conversation we had the other day, I've been thinking a lot about what you said about the state of our relationship It's really hard to maintain a relationship after a long time, because you're with the same person, and it's easy to become overly familiar, frustrated, bored, or even take them for granted. You know that saying, "familiarity breeds contempt"? Well I think, lately, we've been bickering quite a bit, and I think the source of the problem is that I feel a little overwhelmed trying to sympathize with your conflicts with your parents.I love you and I love to be there for you, but lately, it's been wearing down a little hard on me, and the last thing I want to become is resentful of you. I really didn't know how to say things, because I don't want to injure your feelings or make you feel bad or anything, because I think you are just amazing (smile), but I think it's important for couples to communicate. I think we've fallen into a routine, gotten a little too comfortable around each other, and have subsequently lost a lot of the romance. I want to bring it back! I think most of the problem is that we just spend all of our time together, that we don't leave any room for mystery any more. I think the solution is to make sure to give ourselves enough time to see our friends and do our hobbies - even if it's in priority to hanging out with each other! This helps us retain our individual identities, and gives us fun new things to talk about when we do see each other. I also think planning official dates like this instead of just staying home and talking might help. Also, I think it's really important to focus on EACH OTHER rather than our problems"...ETC

[Opinion Owner]

See how she reacts. If she agrees and changes up the grinding routine with you (you have to make a new effort to make it extra fun too!), then you just might fix your relationshp :) If she gets totally mad at this, can't listen to reason, or refuses to change for whatever reason - it's time to move on.

[toulouse]

that all sounds pretty fake. like tons of sugrcoating just to say I think you're psychotic needy and clingy and I can't breathe.

[NavyblueTacos]

its too much, it sounds very fake, I would stick with the point, but remove all that, "I think you're an amazing, beautiful, and brilliant girl. I think you have a lot of smart insights, are generous, compassionate, and I admire you greatly."

[sweetone]

sorry but I agree with toulouse

[toulouse]

wen reallyQa you shouldn't have been so pasveall thistime. now youreangey with her for doibg what she does. its nrmal for her. I itbiotheredu you shoulsveaud something longago. you werent being nice uwerebeing pasveaggressive. now you'll resenther for just being herseldf.

anywasyeither learn tocommunicreor leave. anddobt tell heritsher faylt. its both of yourfaults. if she's addicted to u, you're addicted to her being addicted to u.

maybe you like being irritated with her all the time so you don't put an end to it. or maybe you like feeling needed. are maybe you need the attention she gives you but you don't like the firm of it.

rgrdless. if something bothers you speak up or accept the consequences are your doing. not someone elses.



if she's suicidal she needs proff help, not a boyfriend. and she should tell her parents to go fck themselves. if she's so stressed out she wants to kill herself why is she even listening to the. she's over 18.

good luck.

[Marrryyyyy]

you just don't feel it anymore, and that's OK. if you think youd be happier alone than you are with her, let it go.

[toyblot]

the truth hurts so please learn from what I said and not be offended instead. you are such an ass you know that? she's obsessed about you because YOU made her turn into that, she has low self esteem because YOU don't praise her and make her feel good enough, look at what your doing to her, she feels that she's not worthy of you, you must have done something to make her feel that way, maybe its through the course of the whole period your together.

Want to know why I know? cause I was the one obsessed with my girlfriend, during her working period abroad, we talked only once per week, she slowly moved away from me and she didn't seem to care about me anymore, I try my best to listen to her problems, but she keeps moving further and further away from me emotionally, she almost wanted to break up with me but I told her that we should talk about what exactly was the problem, and how "we" should solve it together, its not a one man/woman job here, your in a relationship, stop being such an ass and expecting her to suck things up, do you have the same type of life as her? is your life worst than hers?

if it is? why would you want to see her hurt the same way you once did?

if it isnt? why do you think your better than her that you look down on her?

[Anonymous]

Yeah..you need to walk away from this one dude. Actually, run away. Your gut has been telling you to get out. Listen to your gut. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

It hard to maintain a relationship