Boyfriend is lying about whereabouts, calls. What to do?!

[Lilygreenrevolution]

Hey guys, I will present my problem in the most objective way possible: my boyfriend (living together for 7 months now) during the past two weeks has been arriving much later from work than usual. He clocks out at 10:30pm every night, and it takes him 10-15 minutes to arrive home. He´s never arrived home later than 10:50 since we´ve lived together. For two weeks he´s been arriving at 11:30 at best, he says he´s been working late, but when I asked (after two weeks of this) if he was telling the truth, he got mad and wouldn´t talk to me, so I didn´t insist. In general we both go out with our friends (girls night-guys night out) and we text once or twice to let each other know where we´ll be, or if it looks like we´ll be out late. He had a party last night, didn´t call or text. I texted him at 01:30am asked if he was OK and how the party was. Never answered, so I tried calling at 2:00am, no answer. I woke up at 5:30am, still no call or text and tried to call him again, no answer. He arrived at 6:00am, and said he´d tried to call several times, but the calls didn´t go through. I checked his phone after he passed out and the call log only shows my missed calls, no outgoing calls to me. I shouldn´t have checked his pone, but I felt in my gut he wasn´t telling me the truth, and he isn´t. How should I take this, is this little lie covering up something bigger? How can I get him to tell me the truth?

[Anonymous]

Ok I'm going to give you a women's point of view. I am 29 and have been through it all, so here goes. First of all you have to listen to your gut feeling, as women we have these feelings that are trying to tell us to be careful and pay close attention to the situation. I was married to my first husband and we had kind of the same situation, minus the bars. He would come home the same time every day for four years, and then one day he came home an hour late. I didn't freak out or lose trust in him at all. But it became a daily thing, he even began working on the weekends and going to out of town meetings. After about 3 months of this I started to get suspicious, so I decided to investigate (spy). When he was in the shower I looked at his phone, I never felt like I had to before this, but what I found was like a punch in the gut! I found numerous text messages between him and three other females, they were all bad too. I saw his pants on the ground and a piece of paper sticking out, so I looked at it and it was from a girl "Angel eyes" she called herself. It basically said Thank you for last night, I've been having a great time with you lately and maybe we can try some of those new positions you have been talking about. So I had plenty of reason to freak out! I confronted him and he cried and said he sorry for being weak, and said it would be best for him to move out for a while. So he moved out and his female cousin moved in with him, I thought he was just trying to have some time to sort things out. But one day me and his grandma went to his house, while he was at work to get some of my boxes he accidently took. We found his underwear on top of hers! So right then and there me and his grandma realized they were screwing! They are second cousins too! After about 9 months he begged me to try again, stupid me said yes, he was my first everything. So we tried to work on our marriage for about a year, then one day I found out from his sister, that he was still screwing his cousin while he was at work! So I finally Divorced him and moved on, I am now married again. The funny thing is that when me and him divorced, him and his cousin became official and have been together for five years now, and they have a daughter together. In conclusion, I don't want to give you any reason to think he is doing something wrong, I just want you to be aware and careful as you go further in the relationship. I still carry issues with me in my current marriage, and I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. But you don't want to be the faithful girlfriend while your man is out acting like a fool. I wish you the best of luck.

[cheeky_starfish]

In trying to give you an objective answer, it is possible that he was working behind... If he's working shifts or if there was a large volume of work in that day/week, then he may be stopping behind to finish off. He may have got angry at you simply because you clearly don't trust him and that can be quite upsetting for a person.

As for the party he attended, perhaps there was no phone signal where the party was taking place, meaning that he didn't receive your texts/calls and was unable to get through to you. As for the absence of his call logs to you, I'm not sure how the phone works, but if he tried to call you and there was no signal what-so-ever, then would it actually register that a call had been attempted with no answer? If not, then he may have been telling the truth, or maybe he used a different phone to try and contact you.

There appears to be a lot of circumstantial evidence here... However, I'm going to flip it slightly and say that often when someone feels that something is not right, our instincts are often correct! Not always, but often. Therefore I would not ignore everything that has happened, but it sounds to me like you need something more substantial to make what would be a very big and difficult decision about your future together.

The only immediate solution I can see here is to let him know in advance that you want to speak with him and that you want to have a conversation without him getting mad and running off. Present him with all that you have found, all that is worrying you and get everything out in the open... Try to get all the facts behind what is happening here! Good luck and I hope that everything works out for you! :o)

[cheeky_starfish]

Ps. He may have told you that he tried to call you simply because he forgot to do so, but didn't want to upset you. That's a possibility, but only one of many I'm afraid! Again, I hope things work out for you! :o)

[Lilygreenrevolution]

Thanks! I know he did have a signal, he was downtown and a mutual friend texted with him last evening around midnight to set a date for a bbq this weekend, I wasn?t sure if my boyfriend had to work so I told our friend to ask my him directly and let me know. I?m waiting for him to sleep it off and talk later today. Wish me luck!

[cheeky_starfish]

No problem! :o) There are a number of possible reasons why he didn't actually try to call you, but I guess that's part of what you need to find out! It's horrible when you feel that something's not quite right, but you just don't have all the facts. Yes, I definitely wish you good luck and I hope that one way or the other you get the truth, because that's definitely what's most important here! Once again, good luck! :o)

[Attila33]

Yes something is bugging him. Getting later home then usual its not that bad maybe he has some drinks whit friends co workers from work . Not text ting back during party or answering you phone yes its definitely something there . I'm sorry I can't help you how to figure out what his up too, I never followed no1 or start asking his friends co workers what is he doing and so on ... My opinion keep asking him find a way to tell you what's wrong, don't be mad when you ask not like police interrogation, calm normal asking what's the problem.

[Lilygreenrevolution]

lol yeah thanks, I would break things off before going psycho on his ass following him or bothering his co-workers, I agree somethings up and I will keep trying to talk to him. Thanks!

[Attila33]

np "))

[Anonymous]

I think the problem here is that you're suffocating him. He may have strayed, sure. But you're his girlfriend not his jailer.

Any guy is going to feel the chafe if his girlfriend is plotting every move of every minute of his day.

How can you get him to tell you the truth? I'm not sure you can. If you bring things to a head, you're essentially admitting that you never trusted him. That's a death blow for any relationship. If you don't bring things to a head, he'll continue doing whatever it is he's doing, and you're not going to put up with that.