I'm writing this as I have seen too many questions from shy guys recently. I thought maybe I could help them out as a guy who was shy before.
The backstory
When I was 15, a girl came up to talk to me in a party, out of nowhere.
She was so enthusiastic, "Oh heyyyyyyy, How are you, you good?".
I looked at her, looked at the ground, looked at her again. Looked at my shaking hand, looked at her. Smiled at her, opened my mouth to talk. Nothing came out. I panicked. I ran off.
I remember her face. She took it personally. She looked confused, shocked, hurt, angry, distraught....I don't think the word exists to be honest. Whatever you call it.
This was quite normal for me. Whenever I liked a girl, the first thing that crossed my mind was that I was never going to have her. I knew that even if she wanted me, and asked me out, I would still blow it like in the example above.
There were confident guys, great guys, average guys, bad guys, shy guys, then hopeless guys, and then there was me and Raj from the Big Bang theory.
We were in our own league of shy.
Fast forward 6 years, I'm 21 now.
This month in August so far, I've gone on a date on the 2nd, 7th, 14th, yesterday and got one lined up on Friday. This is my second girl of the month (not that I'm a player).
What happened?
Well, let's go back to August the 14th 2015. The day I asked a girl out for the first time in my life.
I met this girl 4 months before in a wedding, we spoke and exchanged looks for a long time.
Should have made a move.
Didn't.
Saw her again 3 weeks later. We spoke and she flirted a little.
Should have asked her out.
Didn't.
Saw her again in early August, she kissed me on the cheek.
Should have asked her out.
Guess what? Didn't.
A few days later I saw her again, she kept touching my arm and hands. Kept talking to me. Randomly came up to me.
Should have asked her out.
I asked her out.
She said yes.
The love fairy probably thought of me as a moron.
Romeo and Juliet were turning in their graves.
It took me about 2 days to digest what just happened. But when I did. I would never be the same.
I was no longer trying to take off, I was flying over the Pacific, like a bird that was just freed from prison.
What did I realise?
That no ones opinion matters. Not hers. Mine. The man on the street. My mothers, fathers, her parents. Anyone.
Not even hers. If she rejects you. She rejects you. If she accepts then she accepts.
Let me explain
Before asking her out, what was going through my head?
You don't know what you're doing.
you're gonna embarrass yourself.
If you embarrass yourself you ruin your chances with her, but if you don't she still likes you, you still got a chance later.
What if people find out?
What if she says no, how am I gonna look at her face again?
What if she tells her friends?
What if she says this to other girls? No one will date me.
Everyone is gonna laugh at you when you say dumb shit.
I was a loser.
I cared about what others thought.
Let me tell you this, you shy people.
Talking to a girl, is like riding a bike. No one can teach you.
Nobody can. NOBODY.
To learn, you get on the bike, you fall, you get up, you ride, you fall, you ride you fall till you learn it.
Once you learn, does it mean you never fall?
Everybody falls.
People get rejected. People break up. They divorce. It's natural.
This is what you guys have to understand.
Stop caring about what others think.
ESPECIALLY, the girls opinion. The one you're going to ask out.
When you ask her out, she'll like your confidence. She'll give you an honest answer. And she may say yes just to give you a chance, even if you don't look amazing. She'll appreciate your willingness to date her.
If she doesn't then she wasn't worth having anyway, think of it that way. You should be glad she said no.
You never hear of people say that guy is stupid for asking her out. You always hear people say how stupid that guys is for NOT asking her out.
So you not asking her out for the reasons I mentioned above is not stopping you from embarrassment.
It is embarrassing.
Ask her out.
What can you lose?
Would you rather ask her out, get a no and know what you coudn't have done anything more? Or do nothing and always wonder what if, filled with regret?
Once I realised this, everything went uphill.
I was angry at myself at how simple things were, despite looking so impossible.
Do I not get rejected? Of course I do, everyone does. But you can't even get a date if you don't accept rejection.
Thanks for reading.
Most Helpful Opinions