Might be strange to hear, and even when I tell this to some women on my job they think it’s strange too, but it is the truth for me, yeah. But it’s really only the case when I’m working in a very male-dominated job sphere. When the environment is mostly female or evenly male and female mixed I do just fine, and I actually do have some male co-workers that I like, but when it comes to being in a group with guys it just doesn’t work for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love guys for all our strengths, realness, and endurance but in a group environment I want to run the other way.
I don’t know how it may be for other guys, but this is my story of experience.
Male-dominated work environments can be jock circles…
It’s no secret that in jobs where there are more groups of guys than females - especially jobs that are physical like being in a warehouse - that it’s a den for rough and tough jock behavior and attitudes, and it’s just not cool for me. I know some women in the workplace actually think this is sexy but I am a guy who is just not into all that good ol’ American 1960s locker room bologna. No doubt, I can talk with the guys about chicks we think are hot and we can talk about doing dirty stuff to them, and from time to time we can talk about politics and stuff in the news, but in the overall picture of things I don’t match with the dudes for the most part, and never have.
You deal with football nerds who can talk about nothing else, and if you’re not into it then they exclude you and think you’re a geek or uncool. You deal with the racist Republicans who like their guns and hate Putin, especially the older ones. You deal with the badasses who are popular and think they’re good-looking but look stupid with the way they dress, what’s on their heads, or how their hair is - and I’m not talking about the black ones. And the hoods and thugs are a real nightmare to work with, who perceive you as not as smart or wise as them because they look at me as another black guy and can tell I’m not a badass and not trying to be one, and in the lunch room they try to talk over you or around you with the other guys because they feel that your input isn’t as valuable or relevant as they think theirs is.
But what is interesting to see is how puzzled all these guys get when they see that I can be versatile and outgoing with all kinds of people, younger and older, American and foreign, and can talk about many different things. Just not sports, the streets, or the club.
Trying to be the coolest with the girls…
It can also be really funny to see all these guys jumping to be the first or loudest one to talk to one of the few females, or only female in the place, who walks into the area, especially if she is attractive. They’ll all have some dumb line or comment to say as a way to get her attention or get her to talk, and even I myself used to be that way at times, just because they like having a nice-looking girl talk to them and because they want other people to see and think they’re a cool guy who can get the ladies or something.
And in turn I’ve seen a good number of those females playing along with the game and want to look cool too, and of course some are the ones who are immature and can’t outgrow liking hot shots and badasses, but other times I’ve observed and can tell some of these females get tired of these guys trying to say something to them, and some play along just because they don’t want to seem like a bitch or unfun if they don’t reciprocate.
But for me? I’m not a showboater. When there is a female on the job I like and think she is attractive and I want to say something to her - and I always do - I will do it with purpose and at a time where she and I are away from others at the moment. I do it like this because I don’t want to seem like the other dudes trying to show off, and because I don’t want the dudes watching or trying to butt in so they can take her attention away, which they will try to do. They want to throw their weight around even in your business. Though it is satisfying when they get jealous and can tell that the females on the job really like me as a co-worker and can laugh with me and feel really comfortable with me whereas some of these dudes have been trying forever.
Guys are worried about looking stupid with each other…
Male bravado and tough-ass behavior is one thing I really cannot tolerate. Guys on the job love trying to be jive and smart and b-balling, and it’s interesting to see how much they’re worried about the way they might look in front of other guys. And in some sense I might understand because dudes like chuckling at you if you make a simple mistake like dropping something, tripping, misunderstanding the manager’s instructions, doing something the wrong way, etc. Yet they’re all nerves themselves if they do the same things or get put on the spot. They’re all scared of looking dumb or dorky in front of each other.
I also notice a weird way a lot of guys have where their hands shake if they’re showing you something, as if they’re afraid you’re going to bite them. It’s the same way even if they’re showing you something on their phone too. And sometimes you can even hear a slight tremble in their voices if they’re trying to help you do something or tell you what you’re supposed to do, like they think you’re gonna get mad or they’re scared they might sound stupid. It’s as if they don’t know how to be a real man in taking charge or something, but think being a sports-loving, cool-talking hot shot is how to be one.
Female co-workers are actually better for me...
Women co-workers I’ve talked about this to are surprised that I’m a guy who feels this way, while they prefer to work with guys instead. Part of me can understand because they feel like there’s more drama with other females - which is definitely true - and don’t like the gossip, so as the opposite sex it’s easy for them to prefer the other gender, and especially when some of these women actually like guys hitting on them or like being tomboyish and cool with all the dudes too. But they don’t understand how a guy might not like working with other guys. In their minds they figure all guys are buddies and don’t have problems, which isn’t always true.
For me, female-dominated work environments have their issues too but I can deal with it better. There are definitely days where a chick is moody and doesn’t want to talk or is being mean with everybody, but it doesn’t have to affect me, and the way I handle it is to just stay out of her way and not say anything to her until she’s over it. But do it to me often enough and I will cut you out altogether and stop talking to you period. And there are definitely the gossips who I just know to be careful about what I say to them.
But overall it’s easier to work with females on the job. I can be more relaxed and we can have more conversations and I don’t have to worry about trying to seem tough unless she’s one of those who likes badasses and perceives you as a weak, unsexy male. And believe it or not, you actually have plenty of women in the employment world who are looking at other guys in a sexual way too.
Though oddly enough I actually prefer male bosses over female. Male bosses will definitely be more real with you about the job and your performance, and they will tell you outright how you’re doing and how your chances of staying look. I do appreciate the honesty. Though the downside is how they can pander to female employees who are young and pretty, and sexual activity between them is not uncommon. Female bosses are more often fake and put on faces with the other male managers because they want to be like one of the guys, and overdo being strict even where it’s not necessary.
Who I am...
I’m not really a team player with guys as far as the whole frat mentality goes. I’m more of my own person and not into all the tough guy stuff. Half these guys don’t even know what it means to be a real man anyway. They depend on sports, the gym, or any attention from a female to give them that sense. But me? I learned how to be a man from the places life has taken me that most of these guys have never been or will be. So it’s not important to me to exude any kind of bravado or prove my strength to the world. And I don’t put up any pretenses or fake tough guy demeanor. I am myself, and not worried what anybody thinks about it. You have a whole lot less stress when you relax in your own shoes.
I think this is what a lot of them can tell about me, and they’re often jealous when I do nothing to make them feel that way and actually keep a certain distance from them. Even a few of my female co-workers once told me they think the other guys are jealous. Sure, I will be cordial and maybe more social with them at some moments and will always be respectful, but I’m not really interested in their jock circles.
If there are any other guys who read this and feel the same way I’d love to hear your thoughts.