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I think that the confusion comes from the fact that early in a relationship guys usually don't say that they are looking for a long term commitment. Crazy at it seems - your statement is probably not taken at face value.
"There is nothing wrong with not wanting to commit but this is the bs you have to go through when you want to get laid without strings"
AMEN
you get what you ask for, and it obviously doesn't have to be with words, and hardly ever is
Sounds to me like you *are* getting yourself into serious relationships with these women. Who cares what you call it? If you spend most of your time with one person, take vacations with them, etc., that's a relationship. I'm a woman, and I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now, but to me that means occasional dates, leading our own lives and seeing other people. If I started spending all my time with one guy and going on trips with him, I'd be leading him on.
Why would a girl like me want to waste my time on a guy who just wants sex and nothing else? you led tem on for 6 months, that means you are an idiot. start hiring prostitutes, man.
Maybe try taking responsibility for how you are contributing to the confusion. If you are not interested in a "serious" relationship, it seems silly to keep embarking on one (by spending lots of time with one person, getting to know them, going on holidays etc). If what you want is sex with a few frills and no commitment, just say that instead. There are other's out there, like you, who might take you up on your offer...you might not like it so much when the table's are turned tho'.
I hear what you are saying but you are sending mixed messages. If you don't want a serious relationship then maybe you shouldn't date. Maybe you're afraid of commitment because you want to play the field. It's not cool to go out with a women with the intention of having sex with no strings attached. that is real disgusting. You need to be honest about your intentions and not use that line "I'm not looking for anything serious" .Perhaps you ought to say I just want to be friends.
I agree with solsuerte, if a serious relationship is not what you are looking for, then what is the point of spending half a year getting close to someone. to enjoy intimacy with no commitment at someone else's expense? and rarely does a man think he is ready for a serious relationship until he falls in love, which usually takes place after the first date. saying I just want to be friends with benefits would be a lot more clear.
I'm a single guy who loves being single. There are a few posts on here that suggest that being single by choice makes me immature and "if I were a man" I would be able to handle the responsibility of a relationship. I disagree, being purposely single is a conscious decision that shows a lot of maturity. I would agree others though, tell her your just looking for sex. It works, but don't keep her around for six month. That's just asking for the attachment you don't want. One month and out.
If you don't want a serious relationship, DON'T ENGAGE IN EVERY ACTIVITY INVOLVED IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. taking a woman on a romantic weekend vacation or exclusively dating for half a year are both very obvious components of a serious relationship. maybe women take to heart the phrase "actions speak louder than words," and since men in general (and YOU in particular) are so bad at communicating, I think taking that phrase seriously makes a whole lot of sense.
I'm a big believer in honesty. And I'm always surprised how many other people aren't--both male and female. How many guys believe a woman when she says "No." They think they can convince her otherwise, and it sounds like the women you date think the same.
How can you honestly say that you haven't led her on. Just because you start off by saying you don't want a serious relationship, you are still leading her on with your actions. What's the point of being in that relationship anyway? Why not just sleep around? I think that you're unwilling to open yourself up to these women, you're still trying to hold on to your "manliness". It's stupid. Just open yourself up to the relationship and see where it can lead you instead of shooting it down so soon.
I totally agree with ULink's comment! why the hell do men think that they can bloody say miss you and act totally in love 2 months into dating or getting to know you, only to turn around and say hey I don't want long term commitment or marriage! idiots! they want the nice girl, the romance, quality stuff and treat the us beautiful and wonderful girls like sh*t!
I understand what you are saying and I am a women and have told men the same and believe have gotten the same reaction from them also, expecially from men my age and ready to retire from life. I think you need to find a women who is not looking for anything serious also. Maybe someone divorced with no children at home and active also...but younger childbearing women will be looking for a man offering a future.
"This communication deficit has ended several relationships I would like to have continued." - If you're referring to these 'dates' that you see for 6-10 months as relationships, then that's what they are. Call it or define it what you like, but the easiest way for you to get it across to women is not to date them if you don't want a relationship with them.
You can't have all the perks of a relationship without giving something of yourself too. Pay for a prostitute and make way for real men.
So you are looking for just sex? If you aren't looking for a relationship, then YOU are the one that is confused. Dating isn't something people who aren't looking for a relationship do. However, the girls who go on a second date with you after you tell them you don't want a relationship are also to blame.
Advice - say "I don't respect you as a human being - I view you as a vagina in which I can put my penis and if I have to buy you dinner a few times first I will." That would be very clear
Why are you saying what you don't want? Say what you do want, "I just want to have a sexual relationship with you and other women. I don't want you to be upset or complain or get jealous or have any emotions at all. And I want you to have sex with me and look hot when I take you out in public."
Whats the point of going on dates with these woman if you have no purpose or have any intention to have any ending its basicaly going in circles with someone forever. Are you truly at the end of the day not having someone, a partner that you are compatible iwth to have your back at the end of the day, someone you can go to besides your friends or anyone who will eventualy not have your back at the end of the day beacuse they will be settling down probably before the ones who says"your not ready"
You say you don't want a relationship yet you act like you're in one - seeing her regularly, going on vacation, etc. You think by telling her once that you don't want a relationship gives you free reign to act like an asshole when you feel like it, because hey, you told her, and why is she being all crazy. Dude, you're the crazy one. If you don't want a relationship, pay a hooker or find a booty call. Don't play with this girl's emotions.
I'm a woman, and I don't want a serious relationship either. If a guy I liked said that to me, I'd have both understood and been relieved because I wouldn't have had to think of a way to say it to him.
It doesn't matter if you're male or female, some of us are brainwashed with "rules for dating" and some of us are not. Some of us can't fathom wanting a fling and some of us can, or even desire it. Sheltered women may not have discovered the fun of it yet, and that's due to upbringing.
The problem here is not how you say what you want, but what you want in itself. You want all the comfort, dependability and intimacy that comes with having a relationship and none of the responsibility. You are like a little kid who wants a puppy really bad. Let me act like your mom here and say....... until you can handle that responsibility, you can't have it. Get a fish. When you're a big boy and can be trusted to take care of it properly, you can have whatever you want.