it was a long working week for me number... I lost count. it's number over 200 for sure. Love and relationships are according to Maslows pyramid of human needs part of the third level (after safety needs, after physiological survival needs). Most of us crave love and have love to give but many times those needs aren't satisfiable.
Now. First of all you must understand, that I'm a very money centered person (since i grew up in ugly poverty) and i find my happiness in wealth, money, resources, materials and all sorts of assets. It's just what i am. You may or may not fit into this monetary based life satisfaction perspective but this is how i deal with the need to love someone.
I am back in my base (note, that I do not call it my home. I'll explain later). It's almost night. I took the balance check printed on paper from the ATM on my way back. Happy to see, that my bank's balance is vigorous like it was never before. That alone makes me feel secure and happy to a great extend. I can buy things without looking at the price tag and calculating the sum before checkout.
One of the best purchases I made was buying a big size body pillow for my bed. Pretty much with this object I do what I would do with a girlfriend (hugging, caressing, sleeping etc...). I get those oxytocin hormones released when cuddling it (for some it's remotely similar to cuddling their cat or dog).
Then whilst cuddling I listen to something nice or calming like "Kygo & Ellie Goulding - First Time" or "Unknown Brain - Why Do I (feat. Bri Tolani)" or "Axwell Λ Ingrosso - More Than You Know" or "Ariana Grande - 7 Rings" or something of that kind of music.
I begin daydreaming about amazing things, that I have done or want to do.
For example this time it was being with a nice and pretty lady on the beach at sunset - we'd be cuddling, holding hands and feel like being on vacation. I can fall asleep like that.
In effect I give the love output to my body pillow object and get the ocytocin released by cuddling it while "going on a mind wandering trip" and listening to the according music.
If free-time allows (for now it does not), I'll look into the things I want to do. I have been thinking about getting erotic massages, going to the shooting range, swim clubs and self-defense clubs as well.
In any case my primary happiness lies in the vigority of my bank account, which is dependent on my salary size. I always love to see lots of money at my disposal.
A few things to keep in mind - I was prepared for this
- i have been unofficially on antidepressants myself (SARI) but unfortunately my source closed some time ago and right now i am running out of them. Therefore i can't say whether this will keep working 48 hours after my last pill.
- I'm a realist. I don't believe in love until i see it (seeing is believing - but that does not apply to the scripted movies). Especially after i was ghosted by somebody, who did a good job in being a poser to be someone, who "loved me very much".
- I have tried dating for months both online and in the real world outside. My problem is fundamentally different from you all. I am a German migrant, who is stranded in a strangers country (in the east) and work for a local IT company with English speaking clients and English speaking coworkers. I speak German and English but i don't speak the official language of my residence. More so I do not feel, that where I am now I can call home (hence I said base earlier). I'm not going to blame but this is something, that people mostly won't understand is a dating barrier (because this simply does not happen a lot). I do however wonder if it would be easier if i was a woman in such a situation.
- And finally - I understood the moment, that I was migrated where I am, that my dating chances would be virtually 0. I expected this. I expected to stay single. I expected to be ignored. I expected to be undesired. I expected to be not spoken with. You will make the incorrect assumption, that I made it happen so because of my expectations. But I rather let myself be surprised when the result mismatches my expectation. So much less disappointments will happen. If a gunman pulls out their gun, I expect the gunman to fire at somebody and not that the gunman will holster. It's logical.
For some reason I can sense the irrelevant "whine whine complain i-dont-need-no-woman man up" comments coming in. But will there be anybody, who will see this for what it is? How I live happily single and how I apply the correct measures? And that's not the MGTOW/WGTOW style!