How I stay happy single - or how I deal with the need to love someone ❤

How I stay happy single - or how I deal with the need to love someone ❤

it was a long working week for me number... I lost count. it's number over 200 for sure. Love and relationships are according to Maslows pyramid of human needs part of the third level (after safety needs, after physiological survival needs). Most of us crave love and have love to give but many times those needs aren't satisfiable.

Now. First of all you must understand, that I'm a very money centered person (since i grew up in ugly poverty) and i find my happiness in wealth, money, resources, materials and all sorts of assets. It's just what i am. You may or may not fit into this monetary based life satisfaction perspective but this is how i deal with the need to love someone.

How I stay happy single - or how I deal with the need to love someone ❤

I am back in my base (note, that I do not call it my home. I'll explain later). It's almost night. I took the balance check printed on paper from the ATM on my way back. Happy to see, that my bank's balance is vigorous like it was never before. That alone makes me feel secure and happy to a great extend. I can buy things without looking at the price tag and calculating the sum before checkout.

One of the best purchases I made was buying a big size body pillow for my bed. Pretty much with this object I do what I would do with a girlfriend (hugging, caressing, sleeping etc...). I get those oxytocin hormones released when cuddling it (for some it's remotely similar to cuddling their cat or dog).

Then whilst cuddling I listen to something nice or calming like "Kygo & Ellie Goulding - First Time" or "Unknown Brain - Why Do I (feat. Bri Tolani)" or "Axwell Λ Ingrosso - More Than You Know" or "Ariana Grande - 7 Rings" or something of that kind of music.

I begin daydreaming about amazing things, that I have done or want to do.

For example this time it was being with a nice and pretty lady on the beach at sunset - we'd be cuddling, holding hands and feel like being on vacation. I can fall asleep like that.

How I stay happy single - or how I deal with the need to love someone ❤

In effect I give the love output to my body pillow object and get the ocytocin released by cuddling it while "going on a mind wandering trip" and listening to the according music.

If free-time allows (for now it does not), I'll look into the things I want to do. I have been thinking about getting erotic massages, going to the shooting range, swim clubs and self-defense clubs as well.

In any case my primary happiness lies in the vigority of my bank account, which is dependent on my salary size. I always love to see lots of money at my disposal.

A few things to keep in mind - I was prepared for this

- i have been unofficially on antidepressants myself (SARI) but unfortunately my source closed some time ago and right now i am running out of them. Therefore i can't say whether this will keep working 48 hours after my last pill.

- I'm a realist. I don't believe in love until i see it (seeing is believing - but that does not apply to the scripted movies). Especially after i was ghosted by somebody, who did a good job in being a poser to be someone, who "loved me very much".

- I have tried dating for months both online and in the real world outside. My problem is fundamentally different from you all. I am a German migrant, who is stranded in a strangers country (in the east) and work for a local IT company with English speaking clients and English speaking coworkers. I speak German and English but i don't speak the official language of my residence. More so I do not feel, that where I am now I can call home (hence I said base earlier). I'm not going to blame but this is something, that people mostly won't understand is a dating barrier (because this simply does not happen a lot). I do however wonder if it would be easier if i was a woman in such a situation.

- And finally - I understood the moment, that I was migrated where I am, that my dating chances would be virtually 0. I expected this. I expected to stay single. I expected to be ignored. I expected to be undesired. I expected to be not spoken with. You will make the incorrect assumption, that I made it happen so because of my expectations. But I rather let myself be surprised when the result mismatches my expectation. So much less disappointments will happen. If a gunman pulls out their gun, I expect the gunman to fire at somebody and not that the gunman will holster. It's logical.


For some reason I can sense the irrelevant "whine whine complain i-dont-need-no-woman man up" comments coming in. But will there be anybody, who will see this for what it is? How I live happily single and how I apply the correct measures? And that's not the MGTOW/WGTOW style!

How I stay happy single - or how I deal with the need to love someone ❤
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Anonymous
    Couple things here... there is a small population who are surprisingly like you and they are young and female and very sexy... And would l love to have sex With you. They are referred to as prostitutes but for one reason or another they have to do what they do and it's usually poverty so you can relate with them. I recommend you get one that's barely legal and do not talk about money with her because you dont want to be guilty of soliciting prostitution just tell her you will give her a handsome gift to spend time with you at your motel. You already know you are going to relate with her and you can put a smile on your face because you know you're getting some young pussy. I recommend getting std screening before it's amazing what having a negative HIV result a couple days ago will do to get you laid. Yea its risky but ask her point blank when you're taking off her panties if she is clean and if she immediately responds yes hit it raw and cum inside. Most you'll get is gonorrhea, that's a shot and 7days no sex. Next there is a hiro healer in LA who cures depression and he is the only one I know of that does... spend some of that cash and get cured and get on with your life. Get a safe and keep half your cash with you, looking at figures on screen is bs! If it ain't in your pocket, it ain't yours jack.
    Is this still revelant?
  • TahoeHiker
    Thanks for taking time to write a very well written story/ question. I'm glad to note you answered a few of mine along the way.( Except the assumption parts)
    Personally and unprofessionally, I think you've done remarkably well and overcome conditions and upbringing that I only try to imagine. I think you have gotten through the worst and have set yourself up for positive things to start falling into place.
    One thing about love, it has no boarders, preferences or expiration date. I know you'll believe when you see it. Being the realist you are and so am I, I believe you will feel it before you see lt. Good luck.
    Peace. Danny
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girls

  • DailyIntrovert
    It's about learning to be happy with yourself. Even if you did get into a relationship at this point I don't feel like it would bring you the fulfilment you're craving. I've been single for 3 years and honestly at the beginning I was miserable but I've ended up using this time to be my own person, spending my money on myself, doing things that make me happy, I found a good therapist and grew mentally. I'm ill, mainly housebound, don't have friends I talk to or see very often and don't have much interaction with the outside world by all accounts I should be miserable but I'm not in the slightest because I'm happy just spending time with myself. So my advice is start treating yourself how you would a partner and see what it does for you. Also I'd recommend delving a bit into philosophy (the Alan Watts lectures on YouTube are good place to start), expand your inner world and explore the connections you have to the universe. You may find the fulfilment you're looking for there.
    Is this still revelant?
  • Y3llow
    I recently went through this and learned I absolutely love being single but it was hard at first. The most helpful thing I did was to focus on myself. By that I mean, I began focusing on goals, and things I've wanted to do or learn for years. Things such as begin to learn Italian, start going to the gym so I can get enough muscles to take pole dancing classes, and have began working more so I can reach my work goals and dreams. This helped me feel more confident and accomplished. The second thing I did was get back out there. I started going on dates, meeting new people, and making friends with benefits with multiple people who impact my life greatly and help me grow.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Ninjazzed
    Independence is learned.. most people in general who are insecure crave intimacy and attention to fill their own voids, they have low self esteem and are incapable of being happy on their own. But in your exception, you may just be a hopeless romantic.. don’t be in such a rush.. but understand that your partner is human and will eventually hurt you but it’s up to you whether or not you decide to talk things out.
  • Sarisalive
    You have to learn to be happy with your own company. Learn to focus on the positives of being single instead of the negatives. Focus on improving who you are as a person and bettering your life. Spend time with friends and family. Get out and enjoy life.
    • Borne

      100% agree. If I don't love myself, how can I trust someone else to love me?

  • DiamondHu
    Either you should find someone else to love, or to be happy single:
    - Go to the gym (relieves stress)
    - Increase your self esteem
    - Do things you enjoy
    - Go out for a drink once in a while
    - Hang out with friends
    - Hang out with single friends
    - Make it public, but also joke about it to make it brush off easier
  • Jacqp
    Get a dog !! Lol. No but seriously the unconditional love they give you can be better than anyone else.
  • trent7957
    All these women talking about "loving yourself" well that only works for some people. I've been single for a while and i do love myself but i still have the need for someone to show my love to. And I'd get a dog but my apartment doesn't allow the kind of dog i want.
  • First of all thank you for this interesting and enjoyable outtake. I was able to imagine every letter you typed and walk through the world you painted in those lines. Yes, I know it is an old post but thought why not sharing my thoughts on the matter :)
    One of life's brutal facts is that it does not bend to as we would desire. Meaning we cannot control who do us wrong and who doesn’t. But sure we can handle them and learn from them believe it or not. Yes we will face rejection, manipulation, unfairness and infidelity when seeking love. As we cannot live in total isolation as human beings. We were not designed or built to anyway! The trick lays in being able to stand back up whenever someone betray your trust, your love, and your body. To build resilience as you grow older along with a better understanding of how good should look like when it comes your way.
    So to answer your question, you can only achieve your optimum happiness in solitary if your mind, heart and soul are aligned. When loneliness is absolutely is your desire! Otherwise you are suppressing your true self, your true wanting and true needs. And they will eventually purge out to the surface like a force of nature. That is if they are not met and buried down your core.
    Maybe the truer questions are what void are you trying to fill with your lifestyle? Or more accurately, what is it within you that you are running from? Self-medicating can be a dangerous path of not trap and I wish you nothing but well and happiness. And I don’t speak of the temporary type of happiness and buzz that you get when you buy something. But the one that gives your heart peace and warmth. The one that ignites your world so all this evil that lingers around cannot lead you stray or stop you.
    Being realistic is basically a survival mechanism in which you are overprotecting your heart from being let down yet one more time. A mechanism in which you lower down your expectations so you don't get disappointed or made a fool of again (or so you would think). But realistically, you can never avoid hurt and disappointment. It will hit again when you're 50,60,70,... when money adds a lesser value to your happiness and well-being. You need to be by then equipped with the resilience needed and peace to say: 'well... That’s just life' with a smile and peace in your heart.
    Your question, does not propose two alternatives to the same predicament. In contrary, it has two deep interpretations. The first: ''How can I stay happy single WHILE dealing with the need to love someone?'' and the second is "How can I stay happy single? AND how can I deal with the need to love someone?''. See my dear, both alternatives you offered are not contradictory to each other to be placed as options. You desire love and you deserve to be loved. And from your writings it is clear that you are way ahead of your age. Open your heart to love NOT because you trust the world. No, but because you trust your ability to always survive, stand back up, and take the right decisions when needed. Trust your ability to find you a right woman and to keep her. Trust that you are deep thoughtful individual who was made to share so much memories and life with another human being.
    My advice to you would be to stop going against your 'true self' and keep on growing. Deal with the need to love someone by not being afraid of loving. And be happy single by being true to your heart, mind, and soul so regardless if love comes or not, regardless if the money stays or disappear, your heaven is found rested in your heart from within. And no jail, borders or language can take that away from you.
  • curiousmanguydude
    Stay busy outside of work. Since you dont have to worry about the responsibility and timing you make for someone else. Work out, read books, try new recipes for meals, enhance your lifestyle in what may benefit and interest your own well-being. That could come in handy later on when your ready for that other half.
  • arabgoddess
    Where you find closed doors, God will find a way to open them.. Just hang in there for god's right timing. Focus now on other things, like how you can make more money, or how you can use it to help others, or how you can find a place to call home! Then one day love will come knocking on your door, they won't have to speak for hours to convince you... it will be written all over their body language that they have a higher love for you.. Just don't go putting money as priority, otherwise forget love!
  • redted
    Yes enjoy single time, but also be open to a possibility of a date or friendship that could turn into something more. I'm independent too, but having someone is nice.
  • jamzrokhrd
    I likeep being single with female friends with benefits. But not secretly. They have thier freedoms and I have mine.
    If they find a partner they wanna stay in a relationship with. I'm happy for them and I'm still able to be friends with them and they stay part of my life.
    • b-radd

      I sense great pain in you! Your ego has built a huge Wall preventing you to get to a place where you've always wanted to go. You might have visited this dream a few times in your life , always to return to the Wall! This is normal and this is your routine, whether you learned this lifestyle from your friends or you saw this from your dad. the happiness you seek is on inside of your Wall you have built.

  • Julian608
    You're responsible for being a loving person so that others can reciprocate, don't try protect your feelings from being hurt instead strengthen them so that no one can stop the way you feel. It will hurt still to be unappreciated or rejected but you'll bounce back faster everytime. And be your own person don't belong to someone and don't try to own them
  • jennifer_bloom
    don't give up - I know two guys - who had over 400 failures before finding their partner. Now happily married to the person of their dreams.
  • kailex
    Being single living without worries.
    But having a relationship when Ur ready to commit to the new page of Ur life to create meaningful for Ur life
  • Prof_Don
    You absolutely must exercise self-love.

    Self-care is full-circle. Daily diet. Spirituality. Physical activity. Sleep. Mental health. Social life.

    All of it matters!
  • Barbarian8
    Are you a German? If yes I understand you because I am migrant in Austria and still not German well. So the language barrier here is a huge wall in having relationship. But I have the feeling that , as I assume you are in the USA, American women are very friendly and I wouldn't miss a chance to date American if I find where I live because they only care about your person and not where I am from?
  • Borne
    Wow, it's crazy how I can relate to some of this so damn closely! There's certainly some value in having substitutes and supports. We humans are social creatures.
  • coolhandroo
    It all comes back around to being ok with yourself. It's a sad man my friend whose living in his own skin and can't stand the company. If that's the case you won't be happy either wayand if you fix it you will be happy either way
  • Jltakk
    There is no "style" to MGTOW. You pretty much just go your own way. Any way you do it is relative.

    With that said, not MGTOW, but very well versed in it and MRA movements. Interesting topics to read about when you're bored at work.
  • Synikal
    Fall in love with the person you are building. By person... I mean u. Can't love anyone or expect someone to love u till you know how u want to be treated and how to treat yourself. There's only one u afterall.
  • little_bird1
    You are taking antidepressants and you cuddle with your pillow. How is that being happy? No, I don't think you are happy, you are just handling the loneliness the best you can and it's mostly working. It's a defense mechanism, we all do it.
    Dating and socializing takes effort. A LOT OF EFFORT. It takes going out, approaching other people, talking to people, all of the things you probably don't wanna do. But you have to, because a perfect girl is not gonna fall out of the sky into your bedroom while you're cuddling your pillow.
    It's true that some people are privileged with good looks and don't have to make a lot of effort to be approached, but others have to. It's pointless whining about how life is unfair but you just gotta suck it up and change!
  • Adrian2306
    i have no idea man... im just as like... if you are like this and ask this kind of question difficult that you will be happy single... i know what you mean... time will come :/
  • NerdInDenial
    Unfortunately, there is no magical formula to happiness; it is in fact all dependent on how you see things in life. So, if you want to be happy, create the conditions that make you happy or change your perspective. One issue that I see is you are putting love on a pedestal and reality is never like that love that you seek. So, you will be ultimately disappointed. If you observe how narcissistic society is, can you truly believe that someone will stay loyal to you for the rest of your life?
    For me, I find the joys of the small good things in my life. I am physically able to function, travel, and enjoy the many facets of entertainment. Listening to good music and enjoying good food satisfies my happiness. The freedom and ability to go whenever I want without having to worry about others is nice.
  • epicology101
    So i think u learn to love urself and others will gravitate to ur energy
  • MrsDahmer
    The only person I truly need love from is myself. Anyone else is just a bonus...
    • sean1234

      What about Jesus?

    • He is in Mexico taking a shit

    • sean1234

      @vald9inches No, that would be satan.

    • Show All
  • skygoo
    One of the pieces of advice I learned was that you need to learn to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with other people
  • OddBeMe
    Keep hugging your body pillow and leave the women to those who can please them.
  • OhThatsMorgan
    You should start thinking about making YOURSELF happy. What are somethings that you like to do without the need of a partner? There are so many great things in this world. You shouldn’t be thinking about relying on a person to make you happy, you should be the only one that knows yourself best. Reward yourself, take care of yourself, maybe get a pet, spend time with your family, use THIS TIME to organize your life, and set goals on what YOU want to improve on. Think about the what you want to accomplish, your future... You don’t always have to rely on someone to make you happy. Be strong, independent, and use this time to learn more about yourself, or about life. The world is in your hands and you are capable of doing anything!

    -xo morgan :)

    (Sorry I made this so long, this was longer than expected but I felt like I needed to share what I learnt in my life to you. That special someone will come. Just be patient)
  • Djaay

    Fear of commitment ) of every kind is you're ongoing struggle.
    You're fear driven by your own fears.
    You can't love anything untill you face your fear of it.
    Stop listening to your fear driven self so much and let others be the judge of your actions instead of yourself. You are your worst enemy.
    Changing all this is very simple. Creating your immediate atmosphere around you with those in your close vicinity , opens up others to focus on you and you given personality rather than you becoming invisible instead.
  • Wildmanjohn
    I'm not single by choice. I do need to love. Can't rush it though
  • KristaGrym
    I am. not. gonna read all these
  • neurolove
    Good read.
  • You go out and find someone
  • erestyl
    Thank you for this
  • PartRaptor
    Desperate man of gag part 8,938,933
  • jwsstein
    I just love myself
  • itsaed_94
    I gotta buy that pillow!
  • Joker_
    Thank you for sharing
  • trupzz
    Yes... Learn to love yourself!!!
  • I don't know
  • CaptainKaraoke
    We're a lot alike.
  • Anonymous
    You have to enjoy your own company and be happy with you life in general, even without anyone to share it with. And, there are advantages to being single also, I remember those things. Also be happy you're not in a bad relationship.