5 points on what it really means to be a Gentleman, in my view!


The term of gentleman in today's society may prompt many different images in your imagination. A courteous man of good social standing, a sharply dressed and neatly distinguished older fellow, or if your connotations are more negative, a snobbish elitist. I however, being inclined to consider myself a gentleman, have ruminated on the real reason for, and meaning of my chosen adherence to principle and iconic attire.

5 points on what it really means to be a Gentleman, in my view!

1. A gentleman is idealist in attitude, but realist in rationale

To me, being a gentleman, and a lady for that matter, denotes the belief in mankind being able to be something more than what it might appear that we are at face value. Something noble and more profound. In attitude a gentleman strives to be cordial, calm, collected, slow to anger but nonetheless swift to action. He does not boast, he does not make wanton use of violence to show off, nor does he engage in criminal activity, unethical practices of any kind. He treats women with kindness and care, from opening the door to defending her should she be accosted in any way, robbers, rapists or the like. These are idealist attitudes, but a gentleman should also be understanding of reality, a realist rationale in that he does not act naively nor expects everyone to act in accordance with his own principles and therefore be wise, shrewd and discerning.

Ser Arthur Dayne, a fictional medieval gentleman, and dangerous.
Ser Arthur Dayne, a fictional medieval gentleman, and dangerous.

2. A gentleman should not be harmless, but he should strive for peace

"Not being capable of violence is not being a good person, that's being harmless. A good person is a dangerous person who elects to not be cruel."
-Paraphrased from Jordan Peterson
A gentleman should be a man in the true sense. He should be more than capable of defending himself and others, be physically strong and able, and not shy away from vehemence when he needs to confront it. But he should never seek out conflict nor incite it. But aspire to live in peace with his fellow man.

The Kingsman.
The Kingsman.

3. A gentleman should dress his best because he is confident in himself, and comfortable in his own skin

To dress sharply and up to par with classical outfits is not about flaunting status or superiority to me, but to exude confidence and an air of responsibility as a person. It is an expression of respecting yourself and others to the degree that you dress to display dignity and morale. It is to be yourself in the best version.

The cultured gentleman
The cultured gentleman

4. A gentleman ought to be cultured, and knowledgable. But not puffed up!

Knowledge is quintessential for a good humanity. A gentleman should be aware of the world around him, knowledgable about history, science, culture and politics to some degree and be able to discuss them properly. But he should not be arrogant nor puffed up by what he knows, as if it makes him better.
“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”
-Ernest Hemingway

The assertive gentleman.
The assertive gentleman.

5. A gentleman ought to be assertive, but not a bully!

There is a sure difference between not being a push over, and being demeaning. A gentleman should know to value himself enough to let his views be known openly, and stand up for them. Defend his position if he is challenged, but be humble to concede should a factual matter be proven that he is in the wrong about.

And there it is. My review on what it truly means to be a gentleman in my own view.

5 points on what it really means to be a Gentleman, in my view!
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  • Not_Average
    I tend to agree with you, but I rather just be myself rather than strive to meet social standards. My goals were considered entirely unrealistic until I actually achieved them. I wore shit clothes for a while to buy more rental properties. I was cheap for a long time. I became obsessive and wasn’t balanced for a while. Averaged 3-4 hours of sleep a night and abandoned my social life. I tend to still obsess on particular facets in my life, but these flaws make me- well me. I constantly strive for self development, but only do so to make myself a better person for me. So that I can accomplish more goals that I set out for myself. These standards seem specifically tailored the criteria of what women want in a man. Straight out of a Hollywood movie. I choose to live life for myself, and if a beautiful young woman wants to join me along my journey, then she’s welcome to. Glad I found that woman 😎
    Like 1 Person
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What Girls & Guys Said

  • itzmera
    there's a differendifference between saying/writing about being a gentleman. if you are truly doing all those things, then sure you're a gentleman. but those things that were listed, are something all guys should be doing... definitely should be a normal thing.
    Like 1 Person
    • I agree. All men should strive towards the ideal of the gentleman.

  • AmandaYVR
    Well done! I applaud you. 👏
    I believe you, you are a true gentleman, and you understand it perfectly.
    You must keep it alive. You are the future.
    Like 1 Person
  • DizzyDesii
    I agree with all except #3. Just dont care for the suit/tie facade on a guy
    Like 2 People
    • Whether or not it's a facade depends on the man I'd say, but I respect your opinion.

    • Maybe facade wasn't the right word to use but i just dont care for a man in a suit, not even in church. I like a casual down to earth appearance

    • I understand, it is a matter of taste ultimately. And the attire is not a criteria for being a gentleman either, but a common addition.

  • PeterAyre
    In my view it is the philosophy, the stocism and the adopted attitudes that make a gentleman. The dressing well is more of an awareness of how they come across to others and how others may perceive them. We should judge a man not be the suit he wears but by the content of his character, it is not simply enough to play dress up and pretend. You have to read, learn and change. Look at the Knights, educated in all these things, the 20's gentleman also educated. Anyone can be, or can pick up an education from life (If you are lucky).
    Like 1 Person
    • I wouldn't say that stoicism is a necessary part of being a gentleman. Nor do I agree that any gentleman who adheres to the tradition of the suit "dresses up and pretends", that isn't something you can judge by simply looking at them, as per your own logic on character.

      As I mention in my take, being knowledgeable is highly important.

    • PeterAyre

      My dear friend, I did not say it was necessary as I said the necessary education can be picked up from life. However I would recommend you Google the 4 virtues of stocism. I said it was not *enough* to 'dress up and pretend' not that anyone who follows tradition is pretending. Perhaps I should have included some paragraphs for easier reading.

    • Well, you did say that stoicism and adopted attitudes "make a gentleman", so that did suggest necessity in semantic terms to me. But if that wasn't your meaning then it's alright.

      I am actually versed in stoicism.

      On the last point I misunderstood you then.

    • Show All
  • Josephinemunich
    A Gentleman is just someone that REALLY cares for others. Like genuine interest on others, being nice and well-mannered :)
    Like 2 People
  • Marco10
    Good list. I might add: a gentleman does not respond to every dog that barks. He simply kills them with success and buries them with a smile.
    Like 1 Person
  • Yuuibtony
    Open the door for women apologize when u in the wrong trwat her like a human being and not simp over her respect her boundaries treat her like a lady and be nice, etc
    Like 1 Person
  • Hispanic-Cool-Guy
    I consider myself a gentleman. Ladies, like nice guys and gentleman so I try very hard to make ladies happy with me. 🙂
    Like 1 Person
  • msc545
    Interesting Mytake, and very idealistic. The way men are treated by society these days attaining all these goals would be a rare thing.
    Like 1 Person
  • taveuni
    Nice guys finish last
    LikeDisagree 3 People
  • MzAsh
    Nice take! Sounds like an ideal kind of guy.
    Like 1 Person
  • Splintercell
    I agree, very well spoken.
    Like 1 Person
  • Kayla45
    Based article but sure I guess.