I now know how women feel when overly eager guys hit on them!

So tonight, I had this guy come up to me and wouldn't stop talking at the bar. He seemed REALLY eager to be my friend. In a really weird, awkward way, like it was his mission or something. All I can do is be nice, especially as a male, cause he seemed half nervous, half eager. It really was like a guy hitting on a woman at a bar. If he wouldn't stop talking about his wife and kids, I would've assumed he was gay.

He spent like half an hour with me, and was super eager I do things with him, like talk about the town with him, and talk sports (which I actually don't like), and play two games of electronic darts (and also do shots with him, which I declined). He was also an older white guy; like 40-something and married.

I could tell he was a nice guy, but it really did cross the line between being nice and trying to "make a new black friend", and being overly pushy to where I just wanted him to go the hell away. He must've asked me ten times if I had any questions about anything. He didn't even seem drunk and didn't smell of alcohol. He really got annoying when he kept wanting me to do things a certain way "because that's how we do things here in [this town]". If I wasn't nice, I really would've told him off. I think he just has pet peeves and kept forgetting that we aren't friends and I don't know him, and he came up to me to start talking, and wouldn't just go the f*ck away, so he eventually apologized (kinda sorta).

The thing is, I'm introverted and was only there at the bar because it was my friend's birthday and she was celebrating. I'm also about to move next week as well, so it's my last week in town. Any attempts to make things work between us failed, however. I really felt like a woman being hit on by a guy who wouldn't take no for an answer, and I'm a dude who's also taller than him (although I'm not tall at all; he's just short).

It was just awkward and uncomfortable for me, especially since I must've made a woman feel this way at least once in my life, if not more. However, I've NEVER been this bad and lacking awareness. He was just so damn aggressive and pushy. And he kept talking about himself and I couldn't f*cking care LESS! I didn't want to be rude to get him to leave, and didn't want to tell him, "I'm good, now leave me alone" cause I can tell he doesn't talk to people much, cause his social skills are awful.

As I said, this was half an hour this guy was with me. And him being a married man trying to make a Black friend, made things even more awkward. I'm really not afraid to get rude, but I can tell he was trying his best, as super f*cking annoying as he was!

It really did make me empathize with women tonight. When a pushy guy with no game starts talking to them and you're too nice, and too sympathetic to tell him to please go away. I just wonder if there was a better way this could've been handled, though. I gave hints I wasn't really trying to chat with him, and barely responded to anything other than one-word responses and disingenuous head nods. Again, I feel sorry for every woman who has to deal with pushy guys like this at the bar or club. And what's worse is, I can KINDA understand his side as well, despite me never being that aggressive before. It was just an awkward uncomfortable situation and I'd have rather been left alone.

I now know how women feel when overly eager guys hit on them!
I now know how women feel when overly eager guys hit on them!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Anonymous
    Men are expected to be the ones who approach women. We have to "make it happen", because if we don't, it simply never will.

    That is a two-edged sword for women. They certainly benefit from it. It makes things a hell of a lot easier for them than men, but it also means they occasionally have to endure experiences like the one you describe.

    But at the end of the day, if women are honest, I'm confident most of them would still much prefer to be in their shoes rather than men's.
    Is this still revelant?
  • Lliam
    Interesting MyTake, MCheetah. It does give insight into what woman go through when they show no interest but a guy just won't take a hint.
    I probably would have handled it the same way you did, although I might have looked for an escape at some point. Like excusing myself to go to the restroom or pretending that I needed to talk to my friend.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • FictionalCharacter
    Thanks for this MyTake.

    Since you pointed out the man’s age and his wife and kids. It reminded me of my dad. Now, I’m not bad mouthing him. I do love him. But I have seen him talk for long hours with strangers, mostly guys. About everything, including personal stuff. That I could tell the other person is not interested in hearing about him. And me being annoyed, embarrassed and uncomfortable.

    But I understand where my dad is coming from. By my mother. She becomes jealous and insecure in her marriage. There is always bickering and arguments from my parents. That neither of them are allowed to have friends cause of their distrust with one another.

    I also see my mother point of view, cause of my dad history. I sympathize with both my parents. My dad is a friendly guy with everyone. But my mom has already made it perfectly clear, my dad is not allowed to have female friends. So she could trust him. So what’s my dad to do? Go to guys and open up to them.

    I’m glad you were patient with that man talking to you. But most people, especially guys. Don’t have anyone to open up to.
    • There’s another story

      From what I witnessed, while being at a auto shop with my mother. We were sitting down waiting for our car.

      That a middle age guy comes in and sits down next to a guy. A shy guy. That the middle age man was talking and talking to him. Telling him his whole life story of joining the military, to becoming a firefighter and a cop. That now he wants to travel around the world, before he passes away. Since he found out months ago, he had cancer. He could tell the shy guy wasn’t interested in listening to him. That he said: “look at me man. Live your best life that you can, cause life is short. You can become anything. I know I did. If I knew I was going to get cancer, I probably would’ve done more... But it was a pleasure meeting you.” Then he shook his hand and left.

      Maybe, whenever a random stranger is talking to you about life. That, is life talking to you and it’s good luck.

  • spartan55
    I had that happen to me a few times in my 20's when I hit the bars frequently. They ended up all trying to pitch Amway, Herbalife, or some other bullshit MLM.
  • Needy guys are exactly like salesmen. You can feel them trying to get you to approve of what they are saying and it's super annoying.
  • Stoner710
    Yea I a lot of extroverts are like this, (I’m one my self). We need social interaction otherwise we get depressed. Now I live by my self the way and I would talk to people at school all the time now that it’s online I get board since so I don’t get the social interaction I’m use to and now bars are closed here as well no one can do anything because of covid again. So this time is hard for extroverts who need that social interaction. Yea it gets annoying this is why we tend to hang out with other extroverts. Covid has been a bad time for people like him and me
  • John_Doesnt
    Do you know how a woman feels when she twists my nipples? Aw, they're so tender!
  • Anonymous
    Lol poor costanza
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