What If I Just Want To Be Me?

rudybooty
I am fat.

How many of you can straight out say that? No, not chunky, chubby, big-boned, or whatever-- I am able to come out and admit that I am fat.

I know that doing something like that is difficult because for all my fats girls and guys out there, from childhood we were taught by the media and fellow people to hate our bodies and to get skinny and be like the girls/boys in the magazines if we want to make it anywhere in life. Once we grow older and we're passed that age where we're completely care-free, the criticism begins, from our peers and, at times, even ourselves. Believe me, I know. All throughout school, kids teased me and made me look twice at myself.
"From childhood we are taught by the media people to hate our bodies and to get skinny if we want to make it anywhere in life."

Kids, and people in general, can be very harsh when it comes to being different. I realized that the quote, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" was a lie. Words do hurt-- they can hurt a lot. The trick is to just not take any of them too personally.

Also, some people expect a fat person to be depressed, but you know what? There are plenty of skinny girls in the world who aren't happy with their bodies either. Some people try to say they understand what I'm going through, but then I ask them if they've ever been my size and if their answer is no, then I know they probably don't understand.

Going to the doctor's office was a nightmare for me because it was just like school, except this time, I had adults calling me fat. And that hit me twice as hard. I remember sitting in the chair as the doctor talked to my mother. Then, when my mom wasn't paying attention, the doctor leaned in and she told me that she was pretty sure I was going to die before I was 20. I'll never forget that. And some people just don't understand that some fat people do try and lose weight-- some people do it because they want to "look good" or to just be healthier, but not all diets work and some people can't afford these crazy diets that people are claiming work.

I believe people who hate on fat people need to understand that not everyone is rich, and that it's a fact that all those fatty foods are cheaper than healthy food. I hate how the government keeps complaining about the rise of obesity-- I think if they just realized that not everyone has a lot of money and lowered the healthier foods' prices, obesity might decrease. Think about it.



Anyways, school was a pain. When kids would call me those awful names, I would believe them. My morning consisted of taking a shower and getting dressed, but by letting all those kids' words get to my head, I would stop and look at myself in the mirror and wonder why I couldn't just be like all the other kids.

"Why did I have to be fat? What did I do to deserve this? Why can't I be skinny?"



I would call myself awful names. I would stand in front of the mirror and judge myself and as I did, those kids' comments would play like a movie in my head. I became depressed. So here,I was not only fat, but depressed. I had pretty much given up hope.

"All of a sudden, I realized that I'm my own enemy. I was beating myself up. "
School kids still called me names, people gave me dirty looks, kids would sometimes even go to drastic measures to make fun of me. Though I did have a lot of friends, I still felt so alone. One day after school, I didn't want to do anything. I wished I could just go to sleep and never wake up. But then, all of a sudden, I realized that I'm my own enemy. I was beating myself up. I called myself names. I realized that it was time for a change.


It was hard, I must admit, but instead of focusing on the things I couldn't do, I focused on the things I could do. I started being thankful for what I did have-- I had a family, friends and from that point on, I told myself I would never say I hated myself ever again.

Yes, kids still made fun of me and when they did, I just told myself, "You have a family that loves you, you're good at crafts, you're a good drawer," just things like that. And it started becoming much easier. So basically, what I am trying to say is yes, you might get made fun of, and yes, people might make you feel like shit about yourself.

But when it all comes down to it, you must remember that you don't have to live with those people who call you names and mistreat you, but you will always have to live with yourself. Don't let people control how you feel about yourself. You might not have control over your weight, but you can have control over how you see yourself. And yes, it's very possible that a fat person can live a much happier life than a skinny person because being fat isn't all that bad once you're comfortable with yourself.

Don't expect anything less and don't be ashamed of what you are.
What If I Just Want To Be Me?
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