Why do guys get angry when we 'friendzone' them?

Question

I don't get it. Am I supposed to feel something that's not there? I don't like you that way. Simple. That shouldn't make me a bitch. 
Why do guys get super angry and go on a 'you don't know how much courage it took for me to come up to you' rant. I'm sorry I really am but, I just don't feel it. 
Sometimes it's not even personal, it could be that I just don't want to be in a relationship. 
I honestly don't get it.

Bluemax · Accepted Answer

Well to be clear, I don't personally know any guy who gets angry AT THE GIRL (that's an important distinction) when they were friendzoned (by the way, insert some obligatory remark about how the friend zone doesn't exist). They get angry AT THE SITUATION (again, that's an extremely important distinction). I'm not saying that getting angry at the girl never happens. Indeed it does (frequently it would seem), but I sometimes wonder if in some circumstances (please note I said some, not all, and not necessarily yours) people aren't mistaking anger at the situation for anger at the individual.

Now, some guys get angry at the girl because they (incorrectly) believed that they dropped enough hints and the girl should have picked up on them. Hence they feel led on. Some get angry because they haven't learned how to channel their feelings into something else. Whatever the reasons, guys (and sometimes gals) need to understand that they must not express anger at the person rejecting them. It's unacceptable, it's rude, and it's hurtful. They must learn not to push things and stop asking the person out again and again. I recommend they downgrade the relationship from friend to friendly acquaintance. If they aren't wise enough to do that, then I recommend YOU downgrade the relationship from friend to friendly acquaintance, asker. Pain makes people stupid (they've done study after study which demonstrates this). If such is the case, they perhaps the rejector should take the best interests of the rejectee to heart and do the right thing, even if the rejectee can't see it.

Now, I disagree that rejection isn't personal. It is personal, but I understand it's inevitable. Few things can be more personal than a person simply not being attracted to you. But that's a disagreement for another topic.

Since you acknowledge rejection is hurtful, how do you think this hurt should be expressed, asker?

Overactivetits · Accepted Answer

What? I'm not good enough to have sex with?

I mean you tell me what its about other than being good enough. Guys get offended because they know you're judging them, and they know you're judging them as unworthy. They're not stupid. I mean its more about you then it is about them but they know the judgements there whether you meant it personally or not. They've been taught from a young age that they have to prove to a girl that they're good enough for her so when they can't do that, they either blame themselves or blame you. And blaming you is the easier option. Easier to say i gave it my all and she just didn't notice then to think there's something i should have done better, especially when you can't think of what that thing is. And the "friendzone" is that fucked up place of having a girl keep you around cause she knows you'll keep on working your ass off trying to be good enough for her giving her all this energy and attention she doesn't reciprocate or acknowledge. If it feels like being used thats because it is.

sammy_31 · Accepted Answer

Rejection hurts everyone but not everyone knows how to handle it. They are immature if they call you a B and should get over it. You CAN'T force someone to like/love someone else, if it isn't REAL then why be in it? I have friendzoned some guys and most were friends and they were upset. Yeah, too bad I've like a guy or two and have been rejected and I am not complaining or hating them for it. That was their decision and I must respect that even if I liked them more than friends. Oh well, they need to get over it, life isn't fair and we don't all get what we want. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. You didn't do anything wrong and they shouldn't make you feel bad either.

lumos · Accepted Answer

Because they're incredibly self-entitled. They feel as though you owe them shit just because they mustered up the courage to ask you out... if they even do that. Some guys don't even do that and still expect you to somehow get in a relationship with them, even though they've done literally nothing to prove to you that they want to be more than just ~friends~.
Yes, it's hurtful. But that doesn't give them the right to get mad at you for not returning their feelings. You can't help it. They should just suck it up and move on. I've been rejected by guys my entire life and I don't give a shit. They're throwing temper tantrums over nothing.

XRabbitHeartX · Accepted Answer

Rejection hurts and sometimes it can make people bitter. They can't deal with it and take their anger out on you instead of being rational. Don't feel bad about it. It's something they need to process in their own time and eventually they'll realize it's normal to not always feel the same about someone back.

vjreejr · Answer

The male mind and almost all of his voluntary activities are dedicated towards the accomplishment of goals.
At every moment in time, we are either acting or planning accordingly. (This is why we sit on the toilet in the morning for awhile - to collect our thoughts and plan for the day in relative peace.)
Now, with respect to any goal, there is one of four stages:
1. The male sets the goal. (e. g. Man is a NFL player and thinks "I want my team to win the Super Bowl.")
2. The male is busy trying to attain the goal. (e. g. "I'm playing the best I can and need to continue doing so.")
3. The male sees impending failure or a very high probability of failure to attain the goal - the goal is almost certainly "a lost cause". (e. g. "We're down by 28 points with 5 minutes left in the 4th Quarter.")
4. The goal is not attained and never will be. (e. g. "We've lost the Super Bowl.")

When a male enters Stage 3, there is a fundamental change in his behavior. When he is in Stage 3 fully expecting Stage 4, he will stop caring about the goal. He will decrease considerably any resources (time or energy or emotion) allocated to the goal because that is a waste of resources that are better spent reallocating to goals in Stage 1 or Stage 2. However, emotionally, entering Stage 3 can have a wide disparity. If he channeled a lot of resources to attaining that goal now in Stage 3, he will be very upset because those are resources he could have allocated to other goals. If the goal was a long-shot from the start so Stage 3 or 4 was likely, he doesn't get so upset because he doesn't allocate much emotion or other resources to the goal.

Unfortunately for you, Stage 3 is what's going on when you "friendzone" a guy and his anger is stemming from having allocated a lot of emotional energy toward attaining the goal of being your BF / husband.

albundyfan · Answer

You are absolutely right, but they aren't really angry at you. They are just upset at the lost time and in some cases effort. Some girls are okay with just being friends but how can the guy allow himself to do that? its kind of cruel. Its kind of like holding a plate of bacon in front of a starving person. So most of the time we now have to break contact completely because being friends isn't what WE want, and being together isn't what YOU want. Its also a huge ego check for guys. Saying you want to be friends is like telling him "you aren't good enough". and if some people hear that enough, they start to believe it. Then you get the kind of situation we have today, where most guys just stop trying. Personally I won't stop trying, but its definitely an attractive option. I see it all the time, "why won't this guy approach?" . Well if you've shared your feelings with 20 girls and 20 girls shut you down, why would the 21st be any different? Again im not saying that ALL men think this way, or that you should just say yes to make the guy feel better. I just want to let you peer into the mindset of a large portion of guys.

Friendzoned1970 · Answer

There is really no promises about how a guy might react when You friend zone Him. You just have to tell Him no, Most Guys will get over it and move on. The Guy will feel rejected and disappointed and You just have no control over that. Why do Guys get angry over it? The reasons vary, perhaps he may have mustered the courage to ask You out in the First Place hoping for You to say Yes. Perhaps His self ésteem depends on whether You say Yes or No. Regardless of the reason it is better to be honest and say no. Men and Women will never agree when it comes to the Friend Zone, that is just the nature of the beast. Rejection is never am easy thing to accept for Man not Woman in different aspects of life. I was. recently friend zoned and Hell Yeah, it hurt worse than being whipped by thorns, no matter how many rejections when asking a Woman out on a date or for a relationship it is never an easy thing to accept despite the fact that being rejected is part of life but as the Woman being asked out You have to be honest about Your feelings just as much as the Man was about His feeling because if You accept His Proposal out of Sympathy You will not be happy and He is going to sense that and then that will be a horrible relationship. It is better to reject Him and let Him cry it out in the long run You will both be happier.

Anonymous · Answer

Could it be the way you turned the guy down?

I asked out a girl who then made a scene and embarrassed me in public (honestly, to the point of being actually hurtful), then she got pissy and entitled toward me when I didn't want to continue our friendship. She slung around the common cliches, "you're bitter" "blah blah blah" and so on, but really, she went out of her way to be hurtful to me and then expected I'd be fine staying in her "friendzone?"

You are perfectly in your right to turn someone down, that isn't in dispute. But you don't have a right to treat someone like shit and then think they're going to be okay being in the friendzone. They should do the right thing for themselves and end their relationship with you entirely.

Going to be frank--women can be just as entitled about keeping their friends, even after a rejection, as guys can be about going beyond friends.

So think back--how did you actually handle the situation? With grace and charm? Or were you rough around the edges?

Agrojag · Answer

Think about it. There's no way it's not personal. Boiled down you're saying that you don't think they're worth it and that's a very traumatic experience. Some handle it better than others. What may even make them angry is that you seem to make a disingenuous offer of friendship. If you're going to be friends be real friends or don't. Making a false offer and then not living up to it is the worst thing because it's like being rejected twice and makes you look like a liar. The guy should know better than to even want to be your friend but if they don't want to let go you should sum up some courage and say it's better to go different ways.

Vennie · Answer

I think it's probably because they just want to hear the truth that there is either no chemistry, you're just not interested or you're not attracted to them. I don't know any guy that just wants to date to seek female companions and talk about trivial topics, esp if he's attracted to her and assuming they've been hanging out on many dates.

I guess one way to look at it is if you've been working for a long time at your speciality and they never promote you... then you'll feel as if they were saying ''Sorry but you're not good enough''.

Lastly, feeling you're not good enough sucks for any gender. No one (man or woman) likes rejections. We do get rejected too and is just as bad.

bigsteve21texas · Answer

Ok, just to clarify every guy is thinking about sleeping with almost every girl he knows. They pretend like they don't but they do. Yes even their friends girls, etc. Now, the friendzone offically says, "Hey, you are never going to get to be inside this... Unless my man dumps me, and you let me cry and confort me 100 times, and I just get really desperate and do you... then you will beg for more, and I will have to be mean etc..." Now girls, we put you in "friendzones" too, but we do not call it that, we say "Damn look at the ugly girl, that won't stop blowing me up, all on my jock..." Which means, I am leading this girl on, and trying to impress my friends with her.

kheserthorpe · Answer

Boys are steered to expressing - and feeling - all negative emotions as anger.

Another reason in some cases is some guys think its been obvious they've been courting her and she's been playing along to take advantage. That's similar to girls who sleep with a guy assuming it means he's interested then accuse him of being a player who lead them on.

In some cases they're right. In some cases they're delusional.

Tommy789 · Answer

There are quite a few women who have an over inflated who when they learn a Guy likes them. The rejection itself is bad enough but when friend zoning a guy is something a Woman does to boost Her own Ego, that is wrong. If I had a dollar for every Woman I came across who has to constantly brag that Guys are hitting on Her, that woman is an egotistical B. Most Gous will just move on if a woman rejects Him. There are plenty of Women in this society who go on an Ego trip when She knows a Guy likes Her and that is probably why a Guy gets pissed when he gets rejected. It is a disappointment when the pretty women a guy asks out turns him down and while this happens either the Guy who gets rejected is being persued Gay Men and Women who are Fat stinky and filthy to a Guy this is one of the worst insults known to the universe.

DodgersGM · Answer

It depends on the guy of course, but most men that act this way either:

-feel entitled in some way. The "I was a nice guy therefore I deserve nice guy things" can rear its head here,
-feel like they were lead on in some way. Sometimes this is actually the case, but most of the time it results from poor non-verbal recognition on the part of the male,
-feel like they get rejected non-stop, and thus have a heightened sense of frustration.

Mysterio421 · Answer

Hahah so pathetic. I don't get mad or anything. I am actually happy because I know it wasn't meant to be and I saved money and time. I know I can get a hotter and better girl so I move on simple as that. Usually that girl regrets it, especially seeing and hearing me being successful. 😎

Modernhippy · Answer

yeah I hear ya. the scenario kinda sucks for everyone. but i think the truth is most women make it very clear when they dont like a guy. women make it clear when they dont like u and men make it clear when they like you i think. I've never been freidnzoned because i can tell when a women isn't interested and dont bother... i think a lot of men struggle with that and dont take the hint.

trojanDevil · Answer

Friendship is natural and comes with time. When you tell a guy that he is "just" a friend that means he isn't attractive to you. That is a turnoff. Guys don't want to be friends with someone they like. It's weird to act like a friend when you don't intend to.

James0 · Answer

There a my take I was reading that would answer this nicely, some guys think being nice equals a relationship/sex. When they are showing signs he likes her, they assume she likes him back when it might not be true. Also guys feel like they aren't worth anything when they get friendzoned, no one's like rejection. They also claim to be led on and having time/money wasted

evenlift · Answer

The same reason that girls get angry when guys sex-zone them.

They shouldn't feel that way, but they do. Those situations are avoidable. If I like a girl romantically/sexually, I don't become friends with her.

Nuns_in_Heat · Answer

Because they're immature. They don't understand that the "friendzone" actually means you just aren't into them... They think that because they've been "nice" and "respectful" to you that you should automatically like them back for that. They need to grow up.

Harrison4073 · Answer

Because a lot of them feel entitled to you because they like you. That's what I gather from my female friends anyway and what the guys say to them when they get rejected.
I can understand being upset but there's no need to take it out on the other person.

KillerTaco · Answer

Why do girls get "sensitive" when a guy friend zoned them or rejects them? It goes the same way. You know the reasons you are hurt after rejection its the same concept.

Folklore · Answer

I think a lot of it has to do with the way women bitch about men to them. They complain that there aren't any good guys out there so when you tell them you're not interested, it can be a huge blow to their self esteem.

Crazyced · Answer

@evenlift is right on the button. Both feel dejected because they are not getting what they want out of the relationship.

The simple solution is to simply leave relationships you do not find fulfilling.

Watermelonoma · Answer

seems obvious to me. Rejection hurts... especially for the uninitiated. You don't have to "feel" anything. The point is when you fail at something, it sometimes burns, especially something close to the heart

TheEmma · Answer

Because they think they're entitled to sex and that we owe them something just because they're "nice"

SakuraChii · Answer

Exactly! This one guy tried to ruin my life and break up my realationship in middle school because I didn't like him

Anonymous · Answer

Because when it's friendzoning, you're essentially saying "you're not ATTRACTIVE". I like you but I don't think you look good. It's insulting. You wouldn't want to be friendzoned by a guy you find attractive, right?

XNicholeMariex3 · Answer

Perhaps it happens to them a lot and they are just disappointed/fed up.

Anonymous · Answer

Guys who do this have issues with entitlement and emotional regulation.

Worthy · Answer

Well why do girls get mad when they get friendzoned? rejection is never fun

micheal727jovanie · Answer

Because they didn't know that friendship is the first step towards a relationship.

Ricky_Bobby · Answer

I dont get angry, just depressed, unless they have an awful reason for friend zoning me.

Klaatu51 · Answer

Personaly id not mind. Nice to have you as a friend! XD

dudeman · Answer

I just stop talking to them I dont get mad but honestly its been a decade since I've last been rejected.

genericname85 · Answer

its kind of part of the process.. first you are shocked, then you feel empty, then you get sad, angry... some can´t deal with it.

Supermosh1990 · Answer

It's the fact that you put us there is hurtful some guys get really attched to the girl he has a crush on.

Ihav2fart · Answer

I'd only get irritated if I felt like I've been lead on.

Anonymous · Answer

Some guys just can't take rejection. Don't feel bad. You don't HAVE to go out with someone just because they have a penis and a pulse.

StickStickity13 · Answer

I don't get angry, just don't get angry if I don't want to be your friend either.

IAmCluelessToo · Answer

Getting led on, hopes up and then annoying disappointment maybe?

Anonymous · Answer

Well do you make a good friend though? And are you interested in male friends or you misunderstand them?

Keyspirits · Answer

LOL! Cuz they can't get to score u xD Funny isn't it huehue

Anonymous · Answer

The 'NICE GUYS' get angry. They're expecting your love in return for their kind acts

justbe · Answer

I've never been in that zone before

Your_boss960 · Answer

I know right!!! Ahhh it's so annoying

kangy · Answer

Because it means rejection

front2back · Answer

Because they're f**k boys.

SurströmmingLover · Answer

Why do girls get angry when we friendzone them?

Anonymous · Answer

Because theyre insecure?

Anonymous · Answer

Bc we probably really like u

Why do guys get angry when we 'friendzone' them?

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