Is rejection personal?

[Bluemax]

I have often heard people say something along the lines of "rejection isn't personal," or "don't take it personally if someone rejects you."

I've always thought this was rather odd, as I can see few things more personal than rejection. Now because it's personal doesn't mean it's bad, but I find it hard to see how not liking a person romantically or otherwise isn't personal.

However, I could be wrong, so I'm open to hearing what y'all have to say about it.

[RedThread]

Yeah it's personal to a degree but I mostly think of it in terms of compatibility. If a woman rejects me it doesn't mean that I'm not worthwhile or that I'm not good enough or anything it just means that's she's into different qualities than mine. I'm no less of a person for getting rejected and my self worth is still just as high because I know that I will find a woman who is into the qualities that I possess. People like to think they're not good enough instead of realizing that we are all attracted to different things and these things aren't always better or worse than other things. It's like people think there's a universal code for attraction and if someone rejects you then you're lacking completely as a human being which I don't think is true in my experience.

[Bluemax]

I tend to very much agree with you, RedThread. I never liked the "not good enough" attitude. I never really understood it.

[Agrojag]

@RedThread interesting take. It gave me something to consider but I'm still of the opinion that it is more of an evaluation. I think it also depends on the girl. Others are more superficial than others and perhaps my pov is derived from my experience with those kinds of girls. Interesting answer though.

[RedThread]

Thanks for MH.

[Bandit74]

Well its personal in the sense that you making yourself open and vulnerable and asking the other person for acceptance just to be turned down because you aren't good enough for them/aren't what they are looking for. So in that sense it is very personal.

However when people say "don't take rejection personal" I think they mean, don't look at it as if the person rejected you just to be mean or out of spite and don't let the rejection hold you back. Just because you weren't what that particular person was looking for doesn't mean you are exactly what someone else is looking for. That's what I think the expression is really saying.

[Bandit74]

*aren't exactly*

[Bluemax]

I believe for the purposes of this question I should have limited it to rejection when the person rejecting does not already have a SO.

[Bluemax]

I'm sorry, my first response wasn't intended for your opinion, Bandit74. I meant it for the opinion below yours.

Personally, I find compassionate rejection somewhat personal, whereas meanness I never really found personal. don't know why. That's just as I have always viewed it.

[JackieGraves]

It is personal. I know from being a woman that we are taught to blame ourselves and EVERYTHING else in regards to rejection so that we don't make it seem personal. Guys are typically expected to make the first move, so it's hard to reject them since we're aware of the courage it takes, so we sugar coat it.

Well, I don't completely. I am very honest about it, but I avoid things like: I am unattracted to you or I find you really annoying.

[Bluemax]

Of the two ("I am unattracted to you or I find you really annoying") which do you think is less personal?

[JackieGraves]

I think unattracted is less personal.

[harakiri]

it is TOTALLY personal!

the other person is basically saying: "there is something fundamental to your being that i absolutely cannot accept or tolerate, and hence, we must part ways. i am sure there is SOMEONE out there who will be accepting of that trait (s)."

it's incredibly personal.

[Bluemax]

In many cases I tend to agree.

[penetrationstation]

Rejection is rejection it's what u make it n how u deal with it

[Agrojag]

@Bluemax we sort of discussed this in a previous question. I think we are in agreement on this subject. The person rejecting is essentially saying that the other person isn't good enough for whatever reason. Whether the intent is malicious or not there's no escaping the fact that it is personal because that person is essentially assessing you and finding you wanting. Even if it's just in a moment. In my mind there are few things less personal.

[Bluemax]

Well, we don't entirely agree. I've never thought anyone I "isn't good enough." I do think it does tend to be personal, in a way, but not for the reasons you mentioned. I think I'm more on board with RedThread on this one.

[Agrojag]

I'd honestly rather you and @RedThread be right in this case. But it's always how I've felt after a girl has told me no. If it wasn't an evaluation of worthiness, what other answer is there?

[Anonymous]

i think it can be both. if a girl is single and ready to mingle, and she rejects you, then yes its personal.
if she is in a relationship, or just for whatever reason doesn't want to date at the moment. how can it be personal then?

[Bluemax]

I believe for the purposes of this question I should have limited it to rejection when the person rejecting does not already have a SO.

[Agrojag]

I've been rejected by a girl who "rides solo." Her words not mine. I took it personally at the time but now I kind of understand wanting to be single. At the same time, why would she remain that way unless she judged me unworthy in some way? That I still take personally. She wanted to be friends but no more. I don't understand why she would want to be friends yet wouldn't give a relationship a chance.

[ccthecurious]

@CuriousEddie

[CuriousEddie]

What did I say?

[ccthecurious]

I just read the question, check ur inbx now x

[Bluemax]

Care to weigh in on the question, you two?