Why does my fwb\friend goes from one minute talking to me to the next he gets ghost then later as time fly he comes back?

[Anonymous]

Why is it that every time my friends with benefits and I hook up. He then later on then disappears or get ghost and I don't hear from him for a while. Like I totally understand that he done got what he wanted and all. And I do get that he is only just a friend and we are hooking up and it's just sex. But why is it that he talks to me for a while then and there and tells me how good are sex is and how w** I got and so on. And even the next day we can have different conversations about other stuff other then sex. Then as the next day I notice it slowly starts to pull away, and are conversations become short to the point where I don't hear from him anymore. But then weeks or maybe days later or sometimes months I may hear from him or I end up sending him a massages on facebook or a text. So I don't know he hasn't said anything about are sex being bad. And I'm not sure if he is dating someone else. And I do understand that there are rules with friends with benefits. But he does hit me up even after sex or the next day. But then starts to pull away. So am I doing something wrong or is it him?

[Suhmer]

Because he takes you for granted and knows that he doesn't have to consistently talk to you to keep you on the hook, so he'll just hit you up when he wants sex. Just get out of this situation, if you're asking this question you're just not "friends with benefits" material. It will never grow into something more and the longer you let it go on, the more feelings you will develop for him, please, find someone who wants all of you not just one part of your body :(

[Asker]

What do you mean I'm not friends with benefits material. And yes I really do like this guy maybe a bit to much lol. But I guess 😊 him and I are not on the same page. And there are times he would hit me up just to see what's going on. And see that's the funny part about this crazy fuck up situation. Hw doesn't bring up sex right away as much as he did in the very beginning of last year of 2014. But he would ask me about hows things going with me or whatever. But if I do ask him about hooking up with me. He don't have a problem with that smh, but even with that he says he's tired or not in the mood. Sometimes it makes me think that he is having sex with 1 other person then me. But he says he's not so I don't know. I mean he's not my boyfriend, but I do get real curious about his behavior. And if he feels that he don't need to make time to talk to me, then why does he talk to me other times?

[Suhmer]

He asks you about generic stuff like how you are so he doesn't seem rude, it can't be "business talk" all the time. And you're not friends with benefits material because to do so you have to be completely void of emotions regarding them, and you clearly have feelings for him. Girl, I'm not judging you, I was in the position for a year. But when you develop feelings for them it's inevitable to get hurt because they will never feel the same :/

[Asker]

But see if it is only generic stuff. Then I feel like he shouldn't be saying stuff like Oh I miss you, or if I say that I'm done with us and every thing. He says will damn that hurts, or even when I told him that I was seeing someone or about to date someone. He was like Oh Well really damn that hurts. Or tell me shyt like he's going to buy me the world or married me and crap. I don't feel like he should say that type of shit if he don't mean it. He talks to me about his problems and supports me threw mind. I really don't know what he is doing or up 2. But he really needs to stop. I mean I just feel like if it is only sex thats what we are doing. Then I don't know why he just don't cut me off or make a big deal about me dating someone else. I mean he has told me many of times that he actually cares for me. But sometimes I really don't think he does I don't know. And also how did you get out of the fwb?

[Suhmer]

Wait, he mentions marriage to you? And he's gonna buy you the world? How soon after or before sex does he say this lol. I would literally just ask him how much he cares about you, because he will continue this "dance" forever, or until he finds a girlfriend at least. So either it can end now with him telling you it will never be more than friends with benefits, or you can tell him that you like him and want more something more serious and it will become that. But don't let it just continue on how it is now until he eventually finds someone he actually wants to be with and breaks your heart.. Lay it out on the table, yes you may lose him but you either secure a relationship with him or you will lose him eventually anyway.
And to answer how mine ended - he REPEATEDLY would get girlfriends, just stop talking to me, then when it ended he would hit me up again. And I'd go running back, this happened about 3 times. Then he told one of my friends something I did that I didn't want people to know (while he had-

[Suhmer]

-a gf) and I said to him what the hell have I done to you to make you treat me so horribly? And he just insulted me and called me "predictable", but that was the first time we argued and that basically ended it. I was happy with myself for FINALLY confronting him and admitting that I was upset. And then shortly after that, about a week later, I met my boyfriend who I was with for 2 years. And I got the last laugh because about 3 months into my relationship, his ended and he came crawling back to me as usual and I finally said no hahah :) Although I think he has yet another girlfriend now, although that may have just ended, I bumped into them in my work and literally RAN AWAY like I've never done that before but it was just my gut reaction, run away, he totally saw me do it lol. But anyway yeah, thats how mine ended for good... It's been 3 years now.

[Asker]

Asker (18-24)
1hReport
Thank you. And I am so happy that you got out of that. And also I just found out some news on his be half. So I know for sure now that I'm only just a friends with benefits to him and he don't want anything more then just that. I'm not sure if he is dating or looking for a relationship with anyone. But I do know that how he once felt about me before he was more into me more then just his booty call. Not that didn't work out do good... so he gave up and moved on. I'm sure he things I am a cool, silly, funny girl. BUT he is just not looking at me lije that. I mean in away it hurts but in another way... I don't know what to really feel. And this id after sex that he tells me this bs crap.

[Suhmer]

@asker "heard on his behalf" only take it from him himself, don't let other people tell you what he apparently thinks or says, only believe something when he tells you it himself. Seriously. (I'm just assuming someone else told you this because of that comment) If it was him who told you so at least you know where you stand now and can move on!

[TheBootyChest]

because it's a friends with benefits it's just a physical thing for him. He is just coming back when he needs it. It sounds like you are trying to have a casual relationship while trying to have a bit more too.

Am I right?

[Asker]

I'm not sure what I really want from him. But in a way yes, I would want my cake and eat it to. Is it bad to feel that way about hi?

[Asker]

I meant to sau him, not hi.

[TheBootyChest]

there is nothing wrong with you feeling that way. its natural to feel that way.

but the probably is that he might not feel that way. You need to find out how to understand if he is willing to get more with you.

You might have to tell him that you are looking for something more and that you might not be able to keep doing this if he isn't willing to get invested as much as you are.

[Asker]

Your so right. But my thing is, if he is not into me the way I am with him. I mean couldn't he just cut me off, ifvits just sex, why do he really stick arounf?

[TheBootyChest]

It's easy to want to keep coming back for the sex. If he strikes out at the bar he can always call you up for a late night booty call.

And in my eyes you don't deserve that.

[Asker]

true. And also he says he don't hook up with other girls only but me. How would I know if he is also telling the truth?

[TheBootyChest]

To keep your sanity... there is nothing else you can do to find out. He could be just feeding you a line.

Or you can stalk him and document everything. lol.

What do you really want to come from all of this?

[Asker]

feeding me line what do you mean by that. And No I'm not going to stalk him lol.

[TheBootyChest]

If he says you are the only girl he is sleeping with it's a possibility that he is jus saying that to make you feel special so you will stick around and not leave him.

I figured you wouldn't stalk him. lol.

[Asker]

Ok help me figure this one out. I feel like he shouldn't be saying stuff like Oh I miss you, or if I say that I'm done with us and every thing. He says will damn that hurts, or even when I told him that I was seeing someone or about to date someone. He was like Oh Well really damn that hurts. Or tell me shyt like he's going to buy me the world or married me and crap. I don't feel like he should say that type of shit if he don't mean it. He talks to me about his problems and supports me threw mind. I really don't know what he is doing or up 2. But he really needs to stop. I mean I just feel like if it is only sex thats what we are doing. Then I don't know why he just don't cut me off or make a big deal about me dating someone else. I mean he has told me many of times that he actually cares for me. But sometimes I really don't think he does I don't know.

[TheBootyChest]

I can understand your confusion. There is a lot of issues there.

If you want it to just be sex then send him a text message and say "meet me (here) and don't say a word while I F your brains out and then we leave seperately.

I hate to be the one to say this but even if he commited to be in a relationship with you I still think he would be a jerk to you. And I certainly don't think you should subject yourself to that kind of abuse.

He doesn't seem like a good person right now.

Does this help make a bit more sense now?

[Asker]

Yes it does 😊. And yeah sometimes I can be a bit confused, not about what you been saying. You been such a big help, but for his behavior that he's been putting off. Maybe I'm just to caught up in my feelings for him at the moment. But this is not the first time he has done this or maybe I really don't get friends with benefits type thing or maybe I'm just to attracted to him. But all I know is if he's not going to talk to me after a week of having sex. Then he mine as well not come back or make a big deal about why I'm cutting him off. And you ate right he's not the guy for me I figure that one out since like last year smh. But I don't know... He's a guy so he's going to end up seeing others or dating someone sooner or later I just feel it. But I also feel that in my gut that he would still try to keep me around or if I end up dating someone myself he may be feeling some type of way. But like you said sometimes I really don't even know what to believe anymore from him he could just be saying stuff.

[TheBootyChest]

It sounds like you are understanding what kind of a guy he is. He is not worth your time or effort to get inside your "gold mine".

Friends with benefits is all about people who get together to have sex and can hang out like friends without the emotional attachement. friends with benefits don't care if you are with other people.

No matter what type of relationship you are in friends/ fwb/ or romantic, NO ONE should ever talk to you the way he does. If I was your friend (or just a guy who say him do this to you in public) would certain stand up to him and make sure he was put in his proper place... the gutter.

[Asker]

Aww thank you. That's so sweet and yes for sure I need to put a stop to this before it gets out of hand and someone really truly does get hurt. Rather if it's me or him. I'm really not sure on how he truly feels for me. But it has been just one time I told him that him and I can no longer be friends with benefits or friends at all. He asked me why? I said well because I'm talking to someone else and maybe him and I may end up dating. And he was like oh damm bae that hurts. But he did say well I wish nothing but the best for you. Then when that situation didn't work out right 👉 for me I ended up coming back to him a few months later, and asked him to meet up with me. He didn't seem so mad, mad, but more confused 😖 like he said what happen to your boyfriend kinda of being a smart ass lol. And I said well things didn't work out the way I wanted it to. And he gave me this off the wall look and said uh huh. But question is, why would he say it hurt him when I was trying to get to know the other guy and maybe date

[Asker]

Like he didn't say anything rude or mean or anything. But that damn that hurts kinda of thing: Was he saying damn that hurts because him and I are not able to hook up anymore, or was he saying damn that hurts because he was going to miss are sex?

[TheBootyChest]

in that situation it can be one or the other.

If you don't think this guy treats your right then leave him. Don't even contact him and just ignore his calls/texts.

But if you think it was a one time thing and he is a nice guy then you need to tell him that you want a real relationship with him.

[Asker]

Your right. I don't need a person like that. I mean he has been nothing but sweet to me and nice. But the way he does come off and do stuff and treats me like I don't have feelings or his back up.

[TheBootyChest]

Can you message me so I can ask you a quick question?

[Asker]

In your inbox or text

[TheBootyChest]

a GaG message.

[Asker]

Oh dang. My phone is about to die, let me charge it a bit. AND ALSO THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP 😊

[TheBootyChest]

Glad to help you out. I will look forward to your message.

[Asker]

Thank you. And I am so happy that you got out of that :). And also I just found out some news on his be half. So I know for sure now that I'm only just a friends with benefits to him and he don't want anything more then just that. I'm not sure if he is dating or looking for a relationship with anyone. But I do know that how he once felt about me before he was more into me more then just his booty call. Not that didn't work out do good... so he gave up and moved on. I'm sure he things I am a cool, silly, funny girl. BUT he is just not looking at me lije that. I mean in away it hurts but in another way... I don't know what to really feel. :/

[TheBootyChest]

You should feel good about this... in a sense. You are not free to find someone that wil fill your heart with the love you need. I know it sucks cause you want to be with the guy you already know. But this guy who once had feelings for you has changed the way he feels about you. There is nothing you can do about that. You have to focus on you and how you are going to bounce back from this. How will you find the way to overcome that pain and make room for new love. A good thing you can try is to think about what you want inside of you. What do you want a man to do for you, how you want to feel when you are with that guy. The things that are important to you. Think about that for the next little while as the next guy is out there looking for you.

I'm here if you need more help.