Do men crave an intellectual connection with a woman?

[lanternhill]

Or is that mostly something women crave in a man?

[Syvient]

ideal type would be a very successful confident man yes

the rest of us, well we are still just a few evolutionary cycles up from throwing poop at each other.

i have been put in a situation where i was dating a woman who made more money than i did. i wasn't used to it. beyond that it was all nice and good until she asked me to close my business, move in with her, sell my house, and she would just take care of me

i laughed at first cause it sounded like a jokey kindof thing to just blurt out

instead i got one of those cross sideways stares (looked like chuckle again bitch) and she says, did you think i was joking.

well needless to say, that was our very last day together

so intellect wasn't the problem though monetary success vs pride and passion was
if i moved to a much larger city complex like Atlanta or Chicago, I may have to face a situation like your describing. not that i am all that and a box of rocks but im in Kentucky so yea, the inbreds in the mountains and valleys kinda keep the gene pool at a very slow percolate

[madhatters4]

definitely something i like. i think most men do want some sort of intellectual compatibility even if they don't realize it.

i'd imagine even most guys who say they don't care would change that story if they were with a girl who couldn't hold a conversation with them

[lanternhill]

Thanks - some people have told me that women value it much more than men and that makes me feel kind of bad about how maybe men value me, especially since I identify so much with my intellect and figure someone who doesn't crave that couldn't truly like me (?).

[Anonymous]

Honestly, my boyfriend, said he preferred an emotional connection that we share. I remember i was going through a really bad patch in uni and i failed one of my courses and i met him while i was crying in the library and he helped me get back on my feet when i was most vulnerable and we connected emotionally to each other. He is an engineer and i'm an English major and we have varying derees of knowledge in different fields, but its not the reason why i wanted to be with him. I fell in love with how much he loved me and was there for me when i most needed someone to support me.

I think men crave an intelligent women, but not the kind that goes over his head... i think its more about if we as girls can connect emotionally and relate to them and their feelings. My 2 cents anyway :)

[AriadneSky]

yes many do very much. they'll lose interest without it. in my experience. which is great bc its not shallow -unless you're shy and take a while to open up. they can get bored assume youve got nothing to say.

I've never actually met a guy who was ok with pointless chitchat or purely physical relationship.

I've never met a guy who didn't care about intellectual stimulation. but the its a type i wouldn't be interested in so it could be my circles.

[RJGraveyTrain]

Men who are just interested in sex, will just be interested in sex.

Men interested in relationships will need to be able to stand you, and a prerequisite for a lot of guys I personally know is that a woman be capable of having a real intellectual conversation with them.

[SensualScribe]

Most men probably do. I cannot have a relationship without it and my boyfriend has told me that if he had not felt that from me that we probably wouldn't be together. I have a difficult time even being friends with someone who I do not feel an intellectual connection with.

[Anonymous]

women THINK they crave that in a man. most of my friends wouldn't even know what to do with a clever man. and please girl, what kind of sexist crap is that? of course smart men crave smart women, cultivated women, with a broad spectrum of reading interests etc... .

[lanternhill]

It's not sexist; I legitimately thought men also craved an intellectual connection and now am finding that a lot of them find it a nice *side* benefit but don't consider it a major factor in attraction, which is weird to me.

[Opinion Owner]

if you knew it, why you asked?

[ak666]

For me not so much as opposed to a "fun connection".

I come from the science and engineering R&D side of the spectrum, and my ideal girlfriend isn't necessarily one with whom I can talk data structures and algorithms and topics like data mining the human genome (bioinformatics). In fact, that sounds rather miserable.

I'd instead prefer to get mutually drunk with a girl and dance and sing karaoke.

I do tend to like women with a passion of some sort (ex: drawing and painting). It's mainly because I take great fascination in what they're interested in. That could involve scholarly topics like if she's a historian or archaeologist, since listening to such passionate people talk or perform or seeing them create something tends to make me really interested and can teach me a lot.

One of the reasons I like women with a passion in a subject that is interesting to me (typically not STEM subjects), is because they tend to be independent. They're not the type when, left on their own, starts to want to call me for hours or text me all day long and panic if I don't respond.

So mostly it's about fun for me. I like girls with whom I can have a great time. An intellectual connection isn't a strong necessity to that goal, and in some extreme cases can almost be an inhibitor. An emotional bond is far more important to me than in intellectual one, since our ability to share feelings and thoughts is usually a key prerequisite to establishing a peaceful, long-lasting relationship.

Anyway, I don't really put intellectual connection at the top of my priorities vs. being able to have a blast together and being able to understand each other on an emotional level.

[Fearless_banana]

Absolutely. If a girl can't challenge me on a mental level or is incapable of having an intellectual conversation with me than she is automatically ruled out as relationship material.

[phoenix2000]

Lol good point. I would also dislike someone who isn't able to challenge me.

[Fearless_banana]

@phoenix2000 You're already ahead of the game if you are thinking like this.

[lanternhill]

I need to be challenged - and I need to feel that they care about that in me too. I guess I was worried that guys seemed to value sex and emotion but not so much the woman's ability to engage intellectually - I've heard that.

[Fearless_banana]

Well sex is important but when it comes to a relationship she needs to separate herself from the rest.

[phoenix2000]

@Fearless_banana ☺

[SomeGuy37]

I LOVE smart girls, TOTAL NERDS, with glasses even!! but that doesn't mean I can't like other women!!
I'm not 'Exclusive' with 'Smart Nerdy Women with Glasses', But I do, honestly prefer them!
I like their unique 'quirks' of personality, and if they are 'Star Trek Dorks'!! I like women that have something about them that STANDS OUT!! Something that they like, and makes them unique!!
I'm more interested in HER, and her personality, and what we share, and things we like, than all the other sht so many focus on!!

[Brontosaurus]

I would much rather have a good girlfriend than an intelligent one.

Being smart is a nice bonus, but it doesn't make you a good partner. I've dated a couple of the most intelligent women in the world, and they were terrible girlfriends.

In practice, I've seen no evidence that intelligence makes someone less likely to be selfish, spiteful, negligent, dishonest, or disloyal. In some cases, when somebody believes their intelligence entitles them to a higher quality partner or to special treatment, it can even be a negative.

The fact of the matter is that I can find stimulating conversation in lots of places. Love, commitment, and someone who can bake me cookies are much harder to find.

[ImDeadpoolBaby]

It's always nice to have a nice intellectual conversation without having to speak with someone with an IQ of a ant. But being smart is a double edge sword as people fear smart people and often reject them. See someone talking to me can talk about cars, motorcycles, spaces, physics, chemistry, conspiracy, politics, programming, more programming, ways to improve the world, more programming, a bit more programming and porn :D

[lanternhill]

See I don't see why smart people should be feared in everyday conversation etc.

[ImDeadpoolBaby]

Well I find most common topics among most people is: talking trash about others, bitching about some useless shit, bitching about more useless shit, and talking about next party. I often hit a major road block with woman on one ground. I don't drink and don't go to parties/clubs and that somehow magically rubs one in and this woman turn sour on me. Then on dates the conversations are pretty stupid, especially if I magically meet someone who tries to talk gangster to me and I'm just sitting there and going "fuck when will this torture end"

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends on the "intellectual" converstion but my guess is this is more what women want. There are some guys to but I don't "crave" intellectual conversation ever with anyone lol. It depends what you mean by intellectual connection also and if I have any interest at all in the topic of conversation, a good chance I don't lol. Like, I'd never want to sit down with my partner and talk politics for example. Not happening. At least not a long in depth conversation I'd be so unbelievably bored in no time.

[lanternhill]

Thanks for your honesty - yeah I crave it in a guy and always feel weird when I find that it doesn't matter as much to them

[Opinion Owner]

We kind of find it weird that women do also lol. But women are stimulated by their minds in a huge way, guys aren't at all usually. Yet another huge difference between the genders. It's a wonder any of us are together.

[lanternhill]

Yeah seriously - and my reasoning goes something like "I identify a lot with my intellect so if someone doesn't crave that how could they truly like me"

[Opinion Owner]

Well don't think like that. Not the word "crave" anyway because very few guys are like that (I think?). We can appreciate that part about you though and therefore "really like you". We just don't need it as guys, not like women that's all. But there are some guys who "crave" that just as much, just not as many. I can't think of a specific "good" example right at the moment but it goes both ways. There are things guys "crave" women don't as well, but we don't think "how can they truly like us?" It's just the differences between men and women.

[tbm1986]

For hookups, no but huge lack of intelligence is hard-on-crippling and patience-trying. For relationships, of course. I had a relationship with a girl who was low in intelligence, had no go in her and expected everyone to do everything for her. Never again.

[lanternhill]

Wow *shudder* that sounds painful

[tbm1986]

The hard-on-crippling or the relationship?

[lanternhill]

Hahaha the relationship

[tbm1986]

It was. I was relieved when she left me to try again with an ex. To my annoyance, she was back two weeks after, wanting to try again with me! Clearly her ex had had enough of her too. She just didn't get that she'd already blown it.

[MrShinyPants]

I do, there are times id enjoy a smart conversation, something that isn't about clothes or stupid celebs or tv or boring politics etc.. Like convos about the speed of light and science and minerals, smithing, how things are made etc..

[lanternhill]

Awesome - and my reasoning goes something like "I identify a lot with my intellect so if someone doesn't crave that how could they truly like me"

[MrShinyPants]

Same, i find interlectual conversations more stimulating because i love learning new things and telling and teaching others things I've learned

[hellionthesage]

I preffer it, that's actually a problem I can't seem to find women whom I have a strong mental connection with. I think its important for everybody just to what degree depends on the person.

[mwin2030]

Absolutely. Personally I very much enjoy having an intellectual connection and conversation with a woman. However, it is not the yard-stick I use when determining if I want to be with someone. Its merely a great benefit to it overall.

[lanternhill]

Hmm - see for me it's a necessary element.

[mwin2030]

And there's nothing wrong with that. You are who you are. What is absolutely needed for you to make the needed connection with someone, may not be so important to another person, even if they would prefer it or enjoy the benefit of having it. We're all unique, which makes us all the more wonderful, because of our uniqueness. It adds flare and excitement to the mixture.

[lanternhill]

Well the thing is, my reasoning goes something like "I identify a lot with my intellect so if someone doesn't crave that how could they truly like me"

[mwin2030]

Because you are not the sum of your parts. You aren't just your intellect even though you identify with it a lot, it is not all that you are. Therefore, it stands to reason that someone else might like you for another part of what makes you---you---over this aspect of your personality, even if it is the one you most associate yourself with.

[lanternhill]

I guess I'm so used to thinking of myself more in terms of intelligence than almost anything else (I don't mean that arrogantly by the way - I was always the class brainiac thank God) and I live in my head so much that it's hard to look beyond that to other traits

[mwin2030]

Don't get down on yourself because you've discovered revelation about yourself. There is nothing wrong with being the way you are. It's simply how nature and nurture have designed you over time to the point that this is the way you see yourself and how you preconceive the world around you, especially when it comes to potential lovers and relationships. Personally, I admire intelligence, especially in females, I just don't limit my likes and desires to intelligence alone with I'm selecting a potential lover. That's me. You're you. We're all special and beautiful in our individual make-up. As intelligent as you are I'd say don't over think this, but as intelligent as you are, I know you already can figure that out for yourself. :)

[lanternhill]

No no and I don't limit myself to intelligence, I just consider intellectual connection extremely important in choosing someone.

[mwin2030]

Then stay on that path and be sure that whom ever you choose to partner up with fits the parameters you need in your life. If that's intellectual connection, by all means, seek out what you desire, especially since you don't limit yourself just to that. You're doing what makes you happy and that's the most important part.

[lightbulb27]

Crave? I certainly want to have good and stimulating conversation, feel like we have something to give and grow. Not sure about crave though... There are women I value because of their intellect.

so women crave that? makes sense, I've seen that in a few women at least.

[BiscuitesSwag]

I see it as part of the overall personality, and since everyone needs to be compatible with a person personality wise before entering a serious relationship with them, I think it matters.

[ParamountArmada]

yes of course, but to a certain point you dont have to have the same "exact" interests such as favorite animals or colors etc, its more the compatibility intellect you need that has to do with your desires in love, sex and relationships, and how you view/perceive it. thats what i crave anyway all the other stuff is just a bonus.

[FakeName123]

To get sexually attracted? No.
For a relationship? Partily. Yes, intelligence has a certain value - but I think many people overstate it. Both partners doesn't need to be on the same intellectual level as long as the one who is "lower" is capable of grasping what the other partner says - meaning they shouldn't be too far apart.

[meatballs21]

Yes, I want someone intelligent I can discuss things with.

Whether you think it's fake or not, there really are girls like the one in this video and it's both physically and mentally painful trying to discuss anything with them more complex than reality TV and celebrity culture:

https://youtu.be/13qX3jp6Z5U

[Shpongolia]

Yes. I hate conversing with dumb girls. A girl who is intellegent will make a good lifelong partner as I can trust she will make good decisions and I won't have to worry about her making dumb mistakes over and over again.

[Try6Curious9]

I don't know that I'd always need an intellectual connection to sleep with someone, but I do crave it for a satisfying relationship, even if that's a more casual relationship. I'm not sure if I could even do a recurring booty call/friends with benefits/f*ck buddy situation with someone if I couldn't make some level of mental connection.

[DaddyRollingStone]

I suppose it depends on the context.

I would like someone who is able to understand things I like and able to have conversations with them about more abstract things but I've noticed especially with women, they always feel the need to prove how smart they are when ever they can. That puts me off a lot.

[DodgersGM]

I do, yes.

I think this is one of those things that most dudes want, even if they don't really know it/don't want to admit it.

[AleDeEurope]

Most men do crave that.
Don't listen to movies or what girls online say. Listen to men, you'll see how many of us crave something like that.