Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud. Who are always the most popular guys? always the loud ones.
While personally I can't think of any girl I ever met who dosent have her insecurities, pretty much everyone do. In my own case I embraced the idea long ago that nobody is perfect, Im not either, just depends how people love you and what they choose to do. An insecure person isent the same as a reacting person, many are insecure in silence.
probably, but was referring to myself really, as the unattractive one, cause something I been called a lot in life, "mysterious", And I am pretty quiet. but I would say its relativily few still who prefer that sort of thing, might be more like a phase at times perhaps.
Personally, I've been insecure for a long time, and I was extremely unhappy in relationships. Even when I wasn't taking it out on them, I always had it lingering in the back of my mind, and it is very hard to get through it. It didn't really matter how much they loved me, it was really hard to believe it.
For us it is. In women, not so much. Like it or not, women seek safety and men seek validation. When you're insecure, we not only feel like we have to protect you, you feel a bit safer and we feel validated as guys who have women that are afraid of losing them. Its probably not the most realistic point of view, but its rather satisfying.
Why does all the girls think the reason is got control or manipulation or some other evil shit? Haha. Who the fuck hurt all of you guys to get the mentality all men are just fucking manipulative monsters? 😂.
I think the guys who are like are so because they may be insecure themselves, and are a bit more comortable if she is too. I'm sure most guys would find a girl with absolute and total confidence to be a little bit intimidating.
@Prof_Don aye. Exactly my point! It dosent have to be some bullshit reason like control or manipulation. It can simply be something innocent like that. I'm similar
why are women always trying to "save" a man or change him? And whats your definition of insecure? Is it not liking the way you look or your body? So would that be wearing makeup, wearing push up bras or getting plastic surgery? Or would it be personality? Like trying to be like the celebrity all the men drool over or that popular girl in school everyone likes?
Just because they're insecure doesn't mean they're not worthy of love. And I'm sure those girls have other qualities that the guy falls for as well. But to be fair, most people are insecure about some aspect of themselves. If no one dated someone who was insecure about something, almost everyone would be single.
I didn't say they aren't worthy of love. And having minor insecurities isn't bad, but being so insecure that you act obsessive, irrational and don't trust your partner is definitely bad.
@BuchitaBuchys I speak from experience as well. My girl hated herself. She would call herself ugly and unworthy of my love. It consumed the majority of our first months together, but we got through it. Now she trusts me more than anyone else, she's confident, she feels beautiful, sexy. She knows I love her for who she is and she feels the same for me. Our relationship grew stronger out of her many insecurities. Sure, it may be "hard" to get someone out of that state but when they do, the bond you share with that person becomes unbreakable.
@VincentValens How would you like to be in a relatioship where: -She NEVER takes a compliment from you, even insults or calls you blind or a liar. -She gets angry and jealous EVERY time you look at another woman, even your cousin -She is always asking you why you like her. And then lists reason why you shouldn't -She cannot stand you having female friends, coworkers, or contact in general -She hates her body and is always comparing herself to others. Even asks you if you like certain features, and calls you a liar anyways when you say yes -Refuses to get naked because she thinks you won't find her attractive, despite you begging and reassuring her that you're attracted to her, she still refuses to believe it and you have sex always in the dark, and with at least a few garments on. You never actually see her naked despite dating her for years, -Crying and starting a fight with you every time you dont pick up the phone, accusing you of cheating.
@VincentValens Also, this lasts for years. Not just the honeymoon phase, not just monhts. YEARS. Every time you try to "fix" it. She pushes away. But doesn't want you to leave.
@BuchitaBuchys Yes, she was a lot of what you listed 😔. Like I said, it was difficult, there were many tears shed, there were so many times she told me I'd be better of leaving her for someone else. She wanted to be with me but felt inferior, she felt unworthy. We spent hours talking about it, it usually led to her crying, but at the end of each talk, she was laughing and saying how much she loves me and how happy she is with me. She was insecure, I showed her that she was secure with me. I love who she is, I helped her through that and now she trusts and loves me to no end, as I feel the same for her. Falling in love with someone insecure isn't for the weak, one must pry out every bit of strength to stay together no matter how many times they deny your love. And with that, I end my argument. When one is weak, the other must stay strong and stand by their side; that is true love 😌.
@VincentValens But you said it was for about 8 months, mine lasted for YEARS. ANd his efforts were futile. Because I always went back to my ways. Honestly, I prefer men to not go for me this way, but men seem to prefer insecurity. It's all cute and endearing until I'm accusing you of cheating for talking to your aunt in Puerto Rico. I pretty much don't have to change being an insufferable, insecure bitch because there are so many men willing to give me a chance.
@BuchitaBuchys You will meet that man, that no matter how many times you deny his words, he will do his best to get you out of that insecure state. And no, they don't go for insecure girls on purpose. They like who they like. I didn't know my girl would be insecure, but I loved who she was. When she was feeling insecure, she wasn't herself, so I helped her out of it countless times. It only strengthened our trust.
@VincentValens I stated it beforehand, to both my exes and they STILL pursued me. Also, nope. I don't want to date until I'm not insecure anymore because I don't want to put anyone throuigh a living hell
@BuchitaBuchys My girl also told me that she was very insecure. She warned me on the first day of admitting we liked eachother in that way, I assured her I would not leave her because of that.
@VincentValens Im not looking for love lol I already said I dont want to date because Im not confident in myself and it's honestly cruel, selfish, and inconsiderate to expect a guy to put up with my insecure shit.
@BuchitaBuchys If the guys you were with truly loved you, they would stayed with you to the end. It wasn't meant to be with either of them. The reason those relationships failed was because you weren't truly in love with them. When you truly fall in love, you will come to realize that what you had for those guys was just mere infatuation
@VincentValens No. I would have stayed had they not cheated. And no, you can't truly love someone who doesn't love themselves in my opinion. Because you dont really know them. And you can't love someone you dont fully know.
@BuchitaBuchys exactly, they did not love you, they cheated, there is no more to be discussed about them. They are weak men that don't deserve someone like you, someone looking for true love
@BuchitaBuchys It's not f****d up, we're only human. And yes, learning to love oneself is a first step. You seem to think a lot about the past, which is good since you're learning from it, not living in it. You're an inquisitive individual, the man who truly falls for you will be a lucky one. Goodbye now, continue learning and growing as an individual, love will find its way to you in due time.
A lot of what women express that they call "confidence" is actually rather obnoxious. I think a lot of women call their arrogance confidence and project their attraction to confidence onto men, whereas it's not really that big a deal for guys honestly.
There's humble and the insecurity that floats around it. But then there's aggressive insecurity, that's the unhealthy type. When you're always questioning who they're with or getting super jealous, that's toxic. People feeling bad about themselves isn't really hurting them. Very different kinds of insecurity. I don't think many men will stick around with the crazy type.
That's the interesting thing, is that for women confidence is an absolute must-have in a partner. Guys usually don't care ANYWHERE near as much about confidence in a woman, he cares more about being wanted and desired.
@Prof_Don Agreed. I find the best word to articulate this is "acceptance." That's what guys are looking for. I'd wager women also expect to be desired on top of any demands about confidence. I don't think it's a matter of one or the other for them.
@askuser No. Men and women need reassurance. If it's needed a lot then that could be a sign of insecurity. And if a person is insecure, that can be perfectly fine. Reassurance doesn't get put straight into the normal toxic or category. Again, it really depends on what type of insecurity you're displaying. You can be a reasonable, not-crazy person that just feels a bit insecure and like they want a bit of extra reassurance, that's perfectly fine. But if you are the crazy girl who flips out when she doesn't get the reassurance or attention she demands from others, *then* you're toxic.
@rogerthat123 lmao it's his same name, Randomusername and random digits in end. Sww him on last night and forgot to message lmaooo dude still think ima let him in frat parties lmao
I guess it's like why women date bad boys, because they think they can change them. Men tend to have a protective nature towards women, so an insecure woman may bring this out and make him want to protect her and make her feel safe.
Then there's others that just want to take advantage of that, since insecure women are easier to have them eating from your hand.
It's because im not shallow and don't back down from some problems a girl has. Just because someone is really insecure or has other problems doesn't mean they can't be really great people. I have problems myself and it would be stupid if I were to turn a girl down because if they have problems. I would be a huge hypocrite. Also you can help them by getting them to see therapy.
How is that shallow? Lol wtf. Y'all are getting ridiculous.
And I never said they can't be great people. But sometimes it's something not for relationships. I feel that men romanticize insecurity but it is seriously one of the worst traits.
It might not be a good trait and sure it could be romanticized. But for a person like me with problems of my own and who have good patience, I don't mind girls like that. Sure it may be romanticized a bit but I don't mind being with those kind of people in general cause I know myself enough. Also i'm not saying that you dating a girl who needs therapy REALLY badly is a bad thing or shallow. Sometimes it's best not to date people who need therapy more than relationships. But if it's a girl with a little or some insecurity then it can be being shallow.
How would you like to be in a relatioship where: -She NEVER takes a compliment from you, even insults or calls you blind or a liar. -She gets angry and jealous EVERY time you look at another woman, even your cousin -She is always asking you why you like her. And then lists reason why you shouldn't -She cannot stand you having female friends, coworkers, or contact in general -She hates her body and is always comparing herself to others. Even asks you if you like certain features, and calls you a liar anyways when you say yes -Refuses to get naked because she thinks you won't find her attractive, despite you begging and reassuring her that you're attracted to her, she still refuses to believe it and you have sex always in the dark, and with at least a few garments on. You never actually see her naked despite dating her for years, -Crying and starting a fight with you every time you dont pick up the phone, accusing you of cheating.
Well somebody has to date insecure people, and often the people that love them can help them get better by getting them to go see a professional about their problems. I mean the only insecure people that are really troubling are the ones that aren't willing to try for their loved ones. Im not saying im going out and looking for insecure people but if I learned someone is insecure and that they have problems then I wouldn't be like goodbye im out of here because that would definitely make things worse for them, I would try and help them get better as best as I can. Trust me I've dated a girl with insecurities and had all those symptoms and it lasted 8 months, I tried to make her get better but she wasn't willing for some reason and those are the worst kind of insecure people. But not all are like that.
Not everyone is like that though, its like a smoking habit. Some people can quit the first time they try through help or by themselves or it takes many times. Still as long as the girl is trying and making a solid effort id stay because its the good and compassionate thing to do, also hypthetically id probably really like this girl and want her to get better.
Many are though. I see it all the time. I WAS that girl, I AM that girl. And honestly, their effort was futile. Appreciated but futile because it really didn't matter how much they loved me, I didn't believe it. EVER. I didn't love myself and I wish guys would stop giving women like me attention because I have literally no incentive to change, this sounds bitchy but it's true. Inscecurity attracts men. They think it's cute and endearing until they have to hear me bitch about my small boobs everyday. It is enabling my behavior, and even if I did change with them, it wouldn't be genuine or for me. So I think thats why I kept reverting back to my extremely insecure ways.
But you did change didn't you? You say you were that girl and still are so you must've changed a little. Yes some girls aren't reluctant to change but some are and thats the hard part about insecurity, its all on you. But it shouldn't mean people shouldn't date and try to help insecure people. Sometimes it'll help and sometimes it won't. It all comes down to getting help, some people can get help on their on and finally realize they need to change and some people need to rely on another to give them some confidence to do so. YOU may have seen others and yourself not change but thats only a small portion of insecure people and that creates a bias.
No, I changed because I was tired of myself. Not saying Im there yet, but Im making progress. And I don't know, I think that "changing" others is futile, because it almost never works. Just like when girls romanticize "Bad boys" and think they can change them, it almost never happens. People just set themselves up for failure, because "changing for others" is not genuine and doesn't last. Changing for yourself does.
Some are more reliant on people and some aren't. You weren't but not every woman with insecurity can dislike what they are and just change themselves, some need the confidence to do so and some need to be pushed towards therapy. Thats how a friend or a boyfriend can help. But obviously it doesn't work all the time and they will change over time, hopefully. But I think comparing bad boys and insecurity isn't a good comparison. Guys are bad boys because they want to be, I don't think guys are bad boys because it's a mental disorder. Girls don't really want to be insecure I doubt, I don't even want to be insecure myself. I guess in essence is a lot of guys want to be protective and want to help a girl be better. It does have a romance feeling to it but at the same time its a nice thing to do, I don't think it should be looked in a negative light. As long as both parties are happy then why not? Sometimes it ends in failure and sometimes it doesn't. I don't see much thats wrong.
It is a good compariosn because both scenarios, the other person is delusional in thinking that someone will change for them. This almost never happens. Or the change doesn't last. I've seen too many relationships fail because one person was holding their breath waiting for their partner to change, but things spiraled worse and worse.
I mean relationships don't work for other reasons though, I think there can be a lot worse reasons a relationship fails. Also I was talking about changing people, you can't really change a bad boy but u can help change someone who's insecure by getting them to see therapy. But in reality insecurity or not there are always risks for every relationship. I don't think anyone should be ridiculed for taking a risk on a girl with insecurity.
That may be so, but I think I do remember a lot of stories about insecure girls getting better or finding happiness cause of the people they dated help them get there. Like I said it's possible for "fairy tail" stuff to be reality. Im not saying every guy whos getting with an insecure girl will live happily ever after, it obviously takes work and dedication, not every guy is fit to date an insecure girl. But im saying there's possibilities to make something good out of it.
Well I think some girls getting changed by their loved one is better than girls going through their insecure stage without any guy willing to give them a shot. Who knows maybe even break ups because of their insecurity will get them to change, who knows. A few girls changing because of their boyfriend is better than none.
Insecurity doesn't only put men through hell. Like I said getting into a relationship is a risk any way you look at it, insecurity or not. When a man gets with a girl and he knows she has insecurity (I mean it will be pretty obvious or he will be told) it is his choice to get with her and he will know the risks and the things he will probably go through.
Still cruel to act like it he has a huge chance of helping her, when in reality, it's very slim. Same with women, I hear so many want to "tame" bad boys, I look out for them and tell them itll more than likely not happen. Do it if you want, but don't get your hopes up as people don't change for others, they change for themselves.
I mean i guess at the end of the day its a guys choice to take the risk of helping someone with problems. I for one will not turn down a girl with insecurities, maybe it'll end up bad or maybe it'll end up good, who knows. Only time will tell that stuff. It's just how I am and I guess other guys agree. I guess I can take one thing out of this, to not get my hopes up too high. Its not like I actively go after girls with problems anyways, it will probably just be by chance. Well good debate anyways, probably stop here though because this can probably go on forever LOL. At least it wasn't a full on argument or something mentally tiring. Thanks for not swearing at me :).
1) men and women value different things in partners
2) so many women are insecure that it's sort of hard to find one (and even harder to get with one) who's not
3) most of us have to compromise when it comes to partners and some men may choose to put up with an insecure but smart/hot/nice woman over one who's secure but dumb/ugly/bitchy.
@BuchitaBuchys It often can be negative. But more likely it will be in the realm of 'needy.' Guys want to be yearned for, desired for. We're not as driven for our physical being by women as vice versa, so we're more capable of settling for needy insecure girls.
They may fall in love for other qualities the girl has. If her insecurities become too of an issue they may leave, but people like other people not only because of their confidence.
I like to have a insecure woman in my life cause i have my own insecurities and usually this either turns out good or it turns out bad but I like to help a woman out with support in many aspects of her life and or situations where we can help each other i like things to be 50/50 it should never be one sided relationship etc..
If I had a choice I wouldn't! But most people in general nowadays are insecure
It's not some weird thing where we want to control the girl or something and prey on insecurity
Most young ladies got 1000000000 insecurities It's crazy
But we date them for their positives not negatives
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Anonymous
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1. Guys usually don't have the luxury of choice. They take what they can get 2. If they didn't date insecure women, there wouldn't be many women they could date
Being insecure gives off that the girl is more willing to comply/please. I think a lot of men like having the "macho, I can give you security" feeling. Also I think the stereotypical ideal woman, is a feminine, "relies on the man" type, so when guys see a girl is insecure, they get that feeling from them.
Because if we are slightly less insecure, we have enough confidence to ask them out. You have to understand that there is a world of difference between actual confidence, and creating an image of confidence. I am not at all confidence, bit most people see my performance side as a musician or illusionist and think I am very confident. I am confident as a performer, but I have never had the confidence to ask a woman out. It is easy to be confident when you can hide behind an instrument or persona.
So 98% of women? Also, most dudes aren't fortune tellers or mind readers. Kinda hard to know if a girl is insecure before hand unless you know her, which is sometimes the case. And for those who knew the girl before dating, probably have looked over said bullshit anyways
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Insecure men date insecure women... simple as that... insecure women are easier to control and manipulate...
I wouldn't date an insecure women... But not everybody is perfect... Most girls are at least bit insecure
A little insecurity is fine. But I'm talking about when you're more insecure than confident
Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud. Who are always the most popular guys? always the loud ones.
While personally I can't think of any girl I ever met who dosent have her insecurities, pretty much everyone do. In my own case I embraced the idea long ago that nobody is perfect, Im not either, just depends how people love you and what they choose to do. An insecure person isent the same as a reacting person, many are insecure in silence.
Have you ever heard the "mysterious quiet type" many go for them, provided they're attractive of course
Some do yes, but lol, attractiveness is not needed for those I noticed.
There are lots of unattractive shy men in relationships too though lol
probably, but was referring to myself really, as the unattractive one, cause something I been called a lot in life, "mysterious", And I am pretty quiet. but I would say its relativily few still who prefer that sort of thing, might be more like a phase at times perhaps.
Personally, I've been insecure for a long time, and I was extremely unhappy in relationships. Even when I wasn't taking it out on them, I always had it lingering in the back of my mind, and it is very hard to get through it. It didn't really matter how much they loved me, it was really hard to believe it.
For us it is. In women, not so much. Like it or not, women seek safety and men seek validation. When you're insecure, we not only feel like we have to protect you, you feel a bit safer and we feel validated as guys who have women that are afraid of losing them. Its probably not the most realistic point of view, but its rather satisfying.
Why does all the girls think the reason is got control or manipulation or some other evil shit? Haha. Who the fuck hurt all of you guys to get the mentality all men are just fucking manipulative monsters? 😂.
I think the guys who are like are so because they may be insecure themselves, and are a bit more comortable if she is too. I'm sure most guys would find a girl with absolute and total confidence to be a little bit intimidating.
Hey, even men are saying that.
Jesus, Why do people on here think everything has to have some ultra evil and dark reasoning behind it? Fuck me this site is salty.
Personally, I feel some independent women don't make me feel needed and wanted enough in the relationship.
@Prof_Don aye. Exactly my point! It dosent have to be some bullshit reason like control or manipulation. It can simply be something innocent like that. I'm similar
@Prof_Don oh boo hoo... no one cares
why are women always trying to "save" a man or change him?
And whats your definition of insecure? Is it not liking the way you look or your body? So would that be wearing makeup, wearing push up bras or getting plastic surgery?
Or would it be personality? Like trying to be like the celebrity all the men drool over or that popular girl in school everyone likes?
Just because they're insecure doesn't mean they're not worthy of love.
And I'm sure those girls have other qualities that the guy falls for as well.
But to be fair, most people are insecure about some aspect of themselves. If no one dated someone who was insecure about something, almost everyone would be single.
I didn't say they aren't worthy of love. And having minor insecurities isn't bad, but being so insecure that you act obsessive, irrational and don't trust your partner is definitely bad.
@rgb008 "Just because they're insecure doesn't mean they're not worthy of love". Finally, a sane response. I agree 100% with you.
@VincentValens I never said that they aren't worthy of love. But it's very hard to love a person who doesn't love themselves. I speak from experience
@BuchitaBuchys I speak from experience as well. My girl hated herself. She would call herself ugly and unworthy of my love. It consumed the majority of our first months together, but we got through it. Now she trusts me more than anyone else, she's confident, she feels beautiful, sexy. She knows I love her for who she is and she feels the same for me. Our relationship grew stronger out of her many insecurities. Sure, it may be "hard" to get someone out of that state but when they do, the bond you share with that person becomes unbreakable.
@VincentValens
How would you like to be in a relatioship where:
-She NEVER takes a compliment from you, even insults or calls you blind or a liar.
-She gets angry and jealous EVERY time you look at another woman, even your cousin
-She is always asking you why you like her. And then lists reason why you shouldn't
-She cannot stand you having female friends, coworkers, or contact in general
-She hates her body and is always comparing herself to others. Even asks you if you like certain features, and calls you a liar anyways when you say yes
-Refuses to get naked because she thinks you won't find her attractive, despite you begging and reassuring her that you're attracted to her, she still refuses to believe it and you have sex always in the dark, and with at least a few garments on. You never actually see her naked despite dating her for years,
-Crying and starting a fight with you every time you dont pick up the phone, accusing you of cheating.
I can go on and on but character limits
@VincentValens Also, this lasts for years. Not just the honeymoon phase, not just monhts. YEARS.
Every time you try to "fix" it. She pushes away. But doesn't want you to leave.
@BuchitaBuchys Yes, she was a lot of what you listed 😔. Like I said, it was difficult, there were many tears shed, there were so many times she told me I'd be better of leaving her for someone else. She wanted to be with me but felt inferior, she felt unworthy. We spent hours talking about it, it usually led to her crying, but at the end of each talk, she was laughing and saying how much she loves me and how happy she is with me. She was insecure, I showed her that she was secure with me. I love who she is, I helped her through that and now she trusts and loves me to no end, as I feel the same for her. Falling in love with someone insecure isn't for the weak, one must pry out every bit of strength to stay together no matter how many times they deny your love. And with that, I end my argument. When one is weak, the other must stay strong and stand by their side; that is true love 😌.
@BuchitaBuchys If you truly love the person, you will help them when they're down
@VincentValens But you said it was for about 8 months, mine lasted for YEARS. ANd his efforts were futile. Because I always went back to my ways. Honestly, I prefer men to not go for me this way, but men seem to prefer insecurity. It's all cute and endearing until I'm accusing you of cheating for talking to your aunt in Puerto Rico. I pretty much don't have to change being an insufferable, insecure bitch because there are so many men willing to give me a chance.
@BuchitaBuchys You will meet that man, that no matter how many times you deny his words, he will do his best to get you out of that insecure state. And no, they don't go for insecure girls on purpose. They like who they like. I didn't know my girl would be insecure, but I loved who she was. When she was feeling insecure, she wasn't herself, so I helped her out of it countless times. It only strengthened our trust.
@VincentValens I stated it beforehand, to both my exes and they STILL pursued me. Also, nope. I don't want to date until I'm not insecure anymore because I don't want to put anyone throuigh a living hell
@BuchitaBuchys My girl also told me that she was very insecure. She warned me on the first day of admitting we liked eachother in that way, I assured her I would not leave her because of that.
@BuchitaBuchys Just be patient, don't go looking for love. It will find it's way to you when you least expect it
@VincentValens Im not looking for love lol I already said I dont want to date because Im not confident in myself and it's honestly cruel, selfish, and inconsiderate to expect a guy to put up with my insecure shit.
@VincentValens And again, months doesn't compare to lasting FOR YEARS
@BuchitaBuchys If the guys you were with truly loved you, they would stayed with you to the end. It wasn't meant to be with either of them. The reason those relationships failed was because you weren't truly in love with them. When you truly fall in love, you will come to realize that what you had for those guys was just mere infatuation
@BuchitaBuchys And with that I end my discussion with you. True Love will come your way, just be patient.
@VincentValens No. I would have stayed had they not cheated.
And no, you can't truly love someone who doesn't love themselves in my opinion. Because you dont really know them. And you can't love someone you dont fully know.
@BuchitaBuchys exactly, they did not love you, they cheated, there is no more to be discussed about them. They are weak men that don't deserve someone like you, someone looking for true love
@VincentValens Itll come when I love myself first. Getting into a relationship while insecure is selfish, cruel, and pretty fucked up in my opinion
@BuchitaBuchys It's not f****d up, we're only human. And yes, learning to love oneself is a first step. You seem to think a lot about the past, which is good since you're learning from it, not living in it. You're an inquisitive individual, the man who truly falls for you will be a lucky one. Goodbye now, continue learning and growing as an individual, love will find its way to you in due time.
Depends what you think confidence is.
A lot of what women express that they call "confidence" is actually rather obnoxious. I think a lot of women call their arrogance confidence and project their attraction to confidence onto men, whereas it's not really that big a deal for guys honestly.
There's humble and the insecurity that floats around it. But then there's aggressive insecurity, that's the unhealthy type. When you're always questioning who they're with or getting super jealous, that's toxic. People feeling bad about themselves isn't really hurting them. Very different kinds of insecurity. I don't think many men will stick around with the crazy type.
That's the interesting thing, is that for women confidence is an absolute must-have in a partner. Guys usually don't care ANYWHERE near as much about confidence in a woman, he cares more about being wanted and desired.
@Prof_Don Agreed. I find the best word to articulate this is "acceptance." That's what guys are looking for. I'd wager women also expect to be desired on top of any demands about confidence. I don't think it's a matter of one or the other for them.
Would you consider it aggressive/toxic if a girl often needs reassurance that the guy likes her?
@askuser No. Men and women need reassurance. If it's needed a lot then that could be a sign of insecurity. And if a person is insecure, that can be perfectly fine. Reassurance doesn't get put straight into the normal toxic or category. Again, it really depends on what type of insecurity you're displaying. You can be a reasonable, not-crazy person that just feels a bit insecure and like they want a bit of extra reassurance, that's perfectly fine. But if you are the crazy girl who flips out when she doesn't get the reassurance or attention she demands from others, *then* you're toxic.
World just need more big jacked athletic dudes like me and less of desperate fags
Preach lmao
can i be considered big jacked athletic if i build muscle at 5'10?
@rogerthat123 don't ask him that lol
@polocrew is bae. there are only 3 people whose approval i seek:
a. @Polocrew
b. @PatrickMachionne
c. @RobGronkowski
@rogerthat123 lmfao machione made another account doe, It's his own pic now lmao
link me fgt
@rogerthat123 lmao it's his same name, Randomusername and random digits in end. Sww him on last night and forgot to message lmaooo dude still think ima let him in frat parties lmao
@rogerthat123 and he's still obsessed with that chick lmao we should screenshot and mail this to cops lmfao
lol man, go ahead
wtf... uh ok
Because sometimes the girl might seem worth it, because all other aspects seem to be a good fit.
Alternatively it could definitely be the helper-syndrome that men are - just like women - not exempt of.
And last but not least are those guys who want to be above their partner and thus pick insecure girls on purpose.
I guess it's like why women date bad boys, because they think they can change them.
Men tend to have a protective nature towards women, so an insecure woman may bring this out and make him want to protect her and make her feel safe.
Then there's others that just want to take advantage of that, since insecure women are easier to have them eating from your hand.
It's because im not shallow and don't back down from some problems a girl has. Just because someone is really insecure or has other problems doesn't mean they can't be really great people. I have problems myself and it would be stupid if I were to turn a girl down because if they have problems. I would be a huge hypocrite. Also you can help them by getting them to see therapy.
How is that shallow? Lol wtf. Y'all are getting ridiculous.
And I never said they can't be great people.
But sometimes it's something not for relationships. I feel that men romanticize insecurity but it is seriously one of the worst traits.
It might not be a good trait and sure it could be romanticized. But for a person like me with problems of my own and who have good patience, I don't mind girls like that. Sure it may be romanticized a bit but I don't mind being with those kind of people in general cause I know myself enough. Also i'm not saying that you dating a girl who needs therapy REALLY badly is a bad thing or shallow. Sometimes it's best not to date people who need therapy more than relationships. But if it's a girl with a little or some insecurity then it can be being shallow.
How would you like to be in a relatioship where:
-She NEVER takes a compliment from you, even insults or calls you blind or a liar.
-She gets angry and jealous EVERY time you look at another woman, even your cousin
-She is always asking you why you like her. And then lists reason why you shouldn't
-She cannot stand you having female friends, coworkers, or contact in general
-She hates her body and is always comparing herself to others. Even asks you if you like certain features, and calls you a liar anyways when you say yes
-Refuses to get naked because she thinks you won't find her attractive, despite you begging and reassuring her that you're attracted to her, she still refuses to believe it and you have sex always in the dark, and with at least a few garments on. You never actually see her naked despite dating her for years,
-Crying and starting a fight with you every time you dont pick up the phone, accusing you of cheating.
I can go on and on but character limits
Well somebody has to date insecure people, and often the people that love them can help them get better by getting them to go see a professional about their problems. I mean the only insecure people that are really troubling are the ones that aren't willing to try for their loved ones. Im not saying im going out and looking for insecure people but if I learned someone is insecure and that they have problems then I wouldn't be like goodbye im out of here because that would definitely make things worse for them, I would try and help them get better as best as I can. Trust me I've dated a girl with insecurities and had all those symptoms and it lasted 8 months, I tried to make her get better but she wasn't willing for some reason and those are the worst kind of insecure people. But not all are like that.
And after years where she tried and then reverted back to her insecure ways?
Not everyone is like that though, its like a smoking habit. Some people can quit the first time they try through help or by themselves or it takes many times. Still as long as the girl is trying and making a solid effort id stay because its the good and compassionate thing to do, also hypthetically id probably really like this girl and want her to get better.
Many are though. I see it all the time. I WAS that girl, I AM that girl. And honestly, their effort was futile. Appreciated but futile because it really didn't matter how much they loved me, I didn't believe it. EVER. I didn't love myself and I wish guys would stop giving women like me attention because I have literally no incentive to change, this sounds bitchy but it's true. Inscecurity attracts men. They think it's cute and endearing until they have to hear me bitch about my small boobs everyday. It is enabling my behavior, and even if I did change with them, it wouldn't be genuine or for me. So I think thats why I kept reverting back to my extremely insecure ways.
But you did change didn't you? You say you were that girl and still are so you must've changed a little. Yes some girls aren't reluctant to change but some are and thats the hard part about insecurity, its all on you. But it shouldn't mean people shouldn't date and try to help insecure people. Sometimes it'll help and sometimes it won't. It all comes down to getting help, some people can get help on their on and finally realize they need to change and some people need to rely on another to give them some confidence to do so. YOU may have seen others and yourself not change but thats only a small portion of insecure people and that creates a bias.
No, I changed because I was tired of myself. Not saying Im there yet, but Im making progress. And I don't know, I think that "changing" others is futile, because it almost never works. Just like when girls romanticize "Bad boys" and think they can change them, it almost never happens. People just set themselves up for failure, because "changing for others" is not genuine and doesn't last. Changing for yourself does.
Some are more reliant on people and some aren't. You weren't but not every woman with insecurity can dislike what they are and just change themselves, some need the confidence to do so and some need to be pushed towards therapy. Thats how a friend or a boyfriend can help. But obviously it doesn't work all the time and they will change over time, hopefully. But I think comparing bad boys and insecurity isn't a good comparison. Guys are bad boys because they want to be, I don't think guys are bad boys because it's a mental disorder. Girls don't really want to be insecure I doubt, I don't even want to be insecure myself. I guess in essence is a lot of guys want to be protective and want to help a girl be better. It does have a romance feeling to it but at the same time its a nice thing to do, I don't think it should be looked in a negative light. As long as both parties are happy then why not? Sometimes it ends in failure and sometimes it doesn't. I don't see much thats wrong.
It is a good compariosn because both scenarios, the other person is delusional in thinking that someone will change for them. This almost never happens. Or the change doesn't last. I've seen too many relationships fail because one person was holding their breath waiting for their partner to change, but things spiraled worse and worse.
I mean relationships don't work for other reasons though, I think there can be a lot worse reasons a relationship fails. Also I was talking about changing people, you can't really change a bad boy but u can help change someone who's insecure by getting them to see therapy. But in reality insecurity or not there are always risks for every relationship. I don't think anyone should be ridiculed for taking a risk on a girl with insecurity.
No, it is delusional to go for a bad boy or insecure chick thinking that your "love"is some Disneyland shit that'll fix others.
That may be so, but I think I do remember a lot of stories about insecure girls getting better or finding happiness cause of the people they dated help them get there. Like I said it's possible for "fairy tail" stuff to be reality. Im not saying every guy whos getting with an insecure girl will live happily ever after, it obviously takes work and dedication, not every guy is fit to date an insecure girl. But im saying there's possibilities to make something good out of it.
Im saying it's the exception though, not the rule. It's more likely to not happen, than it is to happen.
Well I think some girls getting changed by their loved one is better than girls going through their insecure stage without any guy willing to give them a shot. Who knows maybe even break ups because of their insecurity will get them to change, who knows. A few girls changing because of their boyfriend is better than none.
And many men going through hell just to help those few girls is good? No, it's selfish and cruel
Insecurity doesn't only put men through hell. Like I said getting into a relationship is a risk any way you look at it, insecurity or not. When a man gets with a girl and he knows she has insecurity (I mean it will be pretty obvious or he will be told) it is his choice to get with her and he will know the risks and the things he will probably go through.
Still cruel to act like it he has a huge chance of helping her, when in reality, it's very slim. Same with women, I hear so many want to "tame" bad boys, I look out for them and tell them itll more than likely not happen. Do it if you want, but don't get your hopes up as people don't change for others, they change for themselves.
I mean i guess at the end of the day its a guys choice to take the risk of helping someone with problems. I for one will not turn down a girl with insecurities, maybe it'll end up bad or maybe it'll end up good, who knows. Only time will tell that stuff. It's just how I am and I guess other guys agree. I guess I can take one thing out of this, to not get my hopes up too high. Its not like I actively go after girls with problems anyways, it will probably just be by chance. Well good debate anyways, probably stop here though because this can probably go on forever LOL. At least it wasn't a full on argument or something mentally tiring. Thanks for not swearing at me :).
1) men and women value different things in partners
2) so many women are insecure that it's sort of hard to find one (and even harder to get with one) who's not
3) most of us have to compromise when it comes to partners and some men may choose to put up with an insecure but smart/hot/nice woman over one who's secure but dumb/ugly/bitchy.
Men crave attention, and insecure girls are more likely to give that attention.
Hmmmm, good assumption to be honest here.
It's not healthy attention but I guess negative attention is better than no attention
@BuchitaBuchys It often can be negative. But more likely it will be in the realm of 'needy.' Guys want to be yearned for, desired for. We're not as driven for our physical being by women as vice versa, so we're more capable of settling for needy insecure girls.
They may fall in love for other qualities the girl has. If her insecurities become too of an issue they may leave, but people like other people not only because of their confidence.
I like to have a insecure woman in my life cause
i have my own insecurities and usually this either
turns out good or it turns out bad but I like to help
a woman out with support in many aspects of her
life and or situations where we can help each other
i like things to be 50/50 it should never be one sided
relationship etc..
If I had a choice I wouldn't!
But most people in general nowadays are insecure
It's not some weird thing where we want to control the girl or something and prey on insecurity
Most young ladies got 1000000000 insecurities
It's crazy
But we date them for their positives not negatives
1. Guys usually don't have the luxury of choice. They take what they can get
2. If they didn't date insecure women, there wouldn't be many women they could date
Pretty much
Being insecure gives off that the girl is more willing to comply/please. I think a lot of men like having the "macho, I can give you security" feeling. Also I think the stereotypical ideal woman, is a feminine, "relies on the man" type, so when guys see a girl is insecure, they get that feeling from them.
Because if we are slightly less insecure, we have enough confidence to ask them out. You have to understand that there is a world of difference between actual confidence, and creating an image of confidence. I am not at all confidence, bit most people see my performance side as a musician or illusionist and think I am very confident. I am confident as a performer, but I have never had the confidence to ask a woman out. It is easy to be confident when you can hide behind an instrument or persona.
So 98% of women? Also, most dudes aren't fortune tellers or mind readers. Kinda hard to know if a girl is insecure before hand unless you know her, which is sometimes the case. And for those who knew the girl before dating, probably have looked over said bullshit anyways