I cannot even count how many men are willing to go for girls that are self deprecating, insecure, and even self hating. Why? WHY? WHYYY? And no, it's not just "shy" awkward guys, even confident men. I shouldn't be complaining because I benefit from this, seeing as men would still be willing to date me like this when I can honestly say I don't think I could accept that of them. I mean, I don't want to date someone who is hating themselves 24/7 I have no clue how men put up with me sometimes lol It is sometimes even romanticized "oh, she's just so humble, its adorable". I'm not saying that being humble doesn't exist, but being inseucre =/=being modest.
So why? Like seriously? And no, you most likely CAN'T change her and help her "see herself better". Most change has to be done on people's own volition, or else they'll just revert back to it eventually whether or not you're there. My friend is dating an extremely insecure guy, and she is hating it. And it's funny, because a lot of these traits and behaviors are often attributed to women. "She's so jealous, what a crazy bitch." Um, no, she's insecure. "Why doesn't see how beautiful she is, oh she's modest and humble", um no, she's insecure. "She cannot get enough of me! Always texting to see who I'm with, what a clinger." Um, yup, you guessed it, insecure.
Please don't turn this into a gender bashing post "because men are desperate hehehee" or "because we're not stupid like women heehehe".
So why men? Why isn't confidence and a healthy self esteem a priority?
Why are so many men willing to date insecure women?
Okay something should be covered don't say don't turn this in to a gender thing when your question starts off with men and women because then your asking for the gender dinamic of it. You could have said why do people be date those who are bla bla bla. I'm sorry but honestly you can't have a gender neutral statement or answer for that matter founded on a gender specific question. See what I'm saying. As for why people date insecure people well sometimes men or women who are on the more dominant side prefer a partner who is more submissive by nature. It goes in a way hand and hand with a person's greed or selfishness. Now dominance it the only reason or even a reason in some cases a more confident person may fall for a lesser confident person for a few reasons one being that in there opposite nature's they balance one another out. Many relationships are founded also on the mentality of protector and protected a stronger person may see a weaker person and for what ever factor may be in the mentality of protecting said person in some way as to said person wanting to be protected which may lead to a relationship. The point is there are a lot of factors that lead two people to meet and once they do they may find that the initial reasons for meeting or coming togeather don't mater once they get to know each other personally. Sure the strength, selfishness, greed, protection, confidence levels, opposition, or any of the other millions of factors may be in place for the initial meeting of two people, but those factors fade when two people get to know each other. For you looking in you are one meak or shy or self depreciate person for the one who appears confident they don't see what you see or they do but also see much more on a personal scale. Plus keep in mind although someone may seem meak in company whom they do not know you have know Idea how they act or behave in more familiar or comfortable settings unless you just stock them twenty fore seven but then your just strange. My point is yes there are factors in play to how people meet and yes ones shyness and yes at times meakness can be just as important a factor as someones strength. Now it's good that you are a strong confident woman and those are great quality's, but let me ask you when was the last time you let yourself be vulnerable in front of someone or gave your everything to someone heart mind body and soul?
I tried it once, thinking that after some time and reassurance that she'd see I was genuinely into her. I thought she must've just been burned in the past, and that I could calm whatever fears she had by being consistent and caring.
None of that worked, though, and eventually the relationship drained my spirit. I gave everything I had, but it just wasn't enough.
So yeah, I learned my lesson. If I sense that a woman is overly insecure -- to the point of it being healthy -- I stay away.
That's not to say that they're lost causes or anything like that. I just think that they need to work on themselves in a big way before being ready to date/be in a relationship. We all go through the phases at one point or another, ya know?
I completely agree. I think lots of men romanticize insecurity like "oh! I'm so great for helping her get through it! Our love is so strong now!" but it is a lot harder than that.
For sure. Usually it's a trait that's attributed to women, but the truth is that both genders like the idea that they might be someone's arbiter for change. And of course, change don't work that way. lol
Once a dude (or, flipping the tables, a woman) goes through and dates a truly insecure person, I doubt they'd still see it the same way.
Because an insecure woman is easier to take advantage of than a secure one and they can get more from her that they wouldn't otherwise. For instance, I'm single and no dating prospects at all, but the men I've come in contact with have wanted me to do simple basic dumb shit like get rid of my dog, give them rides everywhere, have sex within the first couple weeks, take a day off work, and they do nothing in return and I'm not for that. So I get dumped pretty fast. But I have a lot of friends that do whatever their boyfriend commands them to do and that's why they're in a relationship. These guys cheat, they're mean, they've talked down to my friends, but yet, they have a relationship and I don't. Why? Because I'm not going to be a doormat. I'm not having sex because YOU want to. I'm not quitting my job because YOU think I should. I'm not taking birth control, something that physically alters my biologically calling, just because YOU don't feel like wearing a condom. I'm not going to bark at your command.
It's hard to explain in words, but there are things I'm not doing, especially for someone who is just 'boyfriend' and not even 'fiance' status. Like, no, kick rocks. But insecure women will do it all the time.
Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud. Who are always the most popular guys? always the loud ones. Why do girls go for insecure guys while thinking they're confident?
it can be from arrogance. they may see a woman and believe that despite her self hate and low self esteem, they have what it takes and what she needs and are what is missing in her life and they feel they can "fix" "help" "accent" her by being in her life. At the same time, it could also be mens own insecurity. They feel that they themselves cannot get any better so they settle for less and find women who are flawed like them more in their league. they may also be able to relate to her self hating issues since they might be feeling the same thoughts about themselves. and what's familiar is also what's comfortable
This guarantees he has the upper hand in the relationship. Some people are sick and want to control the person they are with. Just because the woman has low self-esteem does not mean she has any real reason to. Average women tend to be more balanced in that aspect. It's the really beautiful women *ironically * who can be very insecure, a woman who is not comfortable with her body, and someone who had a very dysfunctional upbringing and hostile environment. Some women with low intelligence/ street smarts are easily duped by these vile predators as well.
Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud. Who are always the most popular guys? always the loud ones. Why do girls go for insecure guys while thinking they're confident?
Loud in that saying means stands out more. Most girls don't go for confident guy's but cocky guys. Being cocky is a way to mask or hide your insecurities by being overly confident or loud so to speak.
Why are women so willing to date douchebags who are rich? Or just douchebags? We measure sexual value differently. Neither way is correct or incorrect.
The reason is that a woman doesn't need to have confidence. In the sexual/romantic aspect, they--in general--have very little they need to offer a man. Pretty much just a warm pussy. Any other good qualities are just icing on the cake, and negative qualities will only reduce the amount of time the male sticks around.
A romantic engagement is a male shotgunning, trying to find a woman who wil be interested in him; and, the woman sitting back and denying requests until she finds a sufficient request. Finding a partner is significantly easier for most females of moderate attractiveness. For males, competition is a lot higher. In addition, sperm vs egg means we lose nothing from a subpar partner. However, females must pick and choose potential partners much more strictly.
In essence, it's the difference between looking for a job and hiring someone for a job. You have to be a lot less picky when you're out of work. Likewise, it follows that if your skills are high in demand, then you can *then* choose to be more picky.
There is also the innocence/submissive factor. Males prefer younger females, as females prefer older males. Confidence is more of a masculine feature, in my opinion. Disagree if you like, just saying how I see it. And most males are more drawn to females in need of protection.
Ultimately, it all boils down to one thing. Males seek potential partners based off attractiveness, only. In my opinion. That is the only important quality. Males who won't settle for attractiveness either lie to themselves, because no woman is going to choose a man who openly states he's most concerned with attractiveness--or, they are a high quality male who has no issue getting women. This is not to say they do not prefer characteristics or. Again. It's the difference between supply and demand. Pussy is in demand, always. Dick is too widely available, and so is worthless without other qualities.
If you look at high quality males, they will be much more picky and will not deal with insecure women, because the cost of that woman exceeds her value, because he already has access to higher quality females. The same way you would pass up on ramen if you had access to sushi, but if you were starving, ramen would be heaven.
You're reducing our choices to very few if you think we should be going for outwardly confident women. Most young women are just a bundle of untaimable nerves and crazy. It's brain chemistry. That being said, insecure women are cute because they worry about inane shit that a guy would never even think about and when a man is able to successfully calm a woman down, it releases positive chemicals in his brain (the same way you would act like you didn't get something in school so his dumbass could solve it for you. It makes him feel useful to you which is an evolutionary trait). Also, women that think their shit don't stink are usually pretty obnoxious and expect a lot. They are very high maintainance which is not attractive. You know that song Little Moments? There's a reason that exists. That poor girl's a goddamned mess and he can't help, but get enough of it. It's actually why the opposite spectrum is true. You're friend probably hates the little spit fuck because he's not a very fit mate. Nature rules males provide strength, stability, protection and in return females bare and raise the next generation. He can't provide his side of the bargain, so he looks like a less attractive mate. Societal rules may say contrary to this sometimes, but 200,000 years of evolution and mating gender roles don't give a fuck about your societal roles. Hope that helps a bit.
Studies have shown that the pursuers in a relationship (generally men) are less picky than the ones being pursued (generally women). When the roles are reversed, women become less picky and men become more picky.
So you have basically the entirety of human civilization where men are conditioned to have less priorities when it comes to finding a partner and women are conditioned to have more.
Simply put, when it comes to relationships, women have always been pickier than men.
Females of all species value security of all types as incredibly high when it comes to partners. From financial security to emotional security to physical protection.
Men have always been in a position to be relied upon to provide those securities to their partner, so it's not something they tend to value in a partner nearly as much as various other traits.
So, I would say that while men generally can't change an insecure women, he is conditioned to at least attempt to provide the emotional security needed to possibly balance her out a bit.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Because a manly man's role is to provide his woman with security. Insecurity makes us men feel wanted, needed. Of course, it can go too far, and often does. But if it's a choice between a mildly insecure woman, and a mildly bullish woman, the vast majority of us men would find the former a lot more attractive than the latter. Because we know from our own insecurities, and from our lonely struggles to cope with them all on our own as men, that insecure people CAN most likely be changed- that sometimes, all that it would take would be just one person's appreciation and acceptance to help someone "see themselves better". Most change DOES have to be done on people's own volition, or else they'll just revert back to it eventually whether or not you're there. But most change also needs a catalyst. And when you're talking about changing people, and allying their insecurities, then It's nigh-on impossible for anyone to do it alone, without someone there to support them. We men feel compassion towards those insecure women, and contempt for those people who ingrained those insecurities into them through bullying and peer pressures. Why can't you feel any compassion? Emotionally healthy people don't need to be emotionally healed, don't need emotional support. Is there something wrong with wanting to provide your love interest with emotional support and healing?
Well then, you're pretty selfish, and you only want 'perfect people'. Do you seriously think that there's a single guy out there, in the entire world, who doesn't have any insecurities whatsoever? And that such a guy could ever possibly exist without being a self-obsessed, supremely arrogant asshole, as a result of his total lack of any insecurity? Self-doubt is what makes us sentient, what makes us human. If you're not prepared to accommodate that, then you're saying that your partner's very humanity is undesirable in your eyes. Well guess what- it isn't undesirable or unattractive in the eyes of men for women to be inhuman. We can accept and accommodate women's doubts and insecurities, because we care about them more for being genuine, being human. Why is humanity unattractive in your eyes? Do you want your ideal partner to merely be your machine, your rock, or your beast of burden?
Because those are not things which the vast majority of us men want our ideal women to be, and we don't try to force women to be these things for us. Insecurities make people more human, more interesting, easier to relate to and empathize with. A woman with no insecurities whatsoever would be an absolute bore, and there'd be no grounds upon which to form an emotional attachment at all- one might as well date a robot.
I never said I want a perfect person. I've dated men who were far from perfect. And you're exaggerating up the ass lol I don't mind a few insecurties. But if it's more insecurtiy than confidence, that's a turn off. It destroys a relationship.
Do men not know that you can be confident without being arrogant? Or is it one and the same to y'all? Because y'all do realize that arrogance is insecurity? It is basically overcompensation.
And you're romanticzing insecurities. THIS is why so women prefer to be this way. Because men LOVE it. THEY LOVE us hating our bodies, hating ourselves, refusing to get naked during sex, getting jealous every time he looks or interacts with anohter woman, even relatives. Y'all claim that it is terrible, but y'all seem to love it.
It simply isn't. It's like asking how we can date women who can't play the violin. Playing the violin well is a lovely trait and shows a lot of skill and discipline but it's not something that even occurs to me to care if a partner has.
And that's pretty much how I feel about her confidence, unless it starts holding back our sex life.
To us the mystery is why women care so much. You know all these whiny 'nice guys' who can't understand why a girl won't date them? They are serious. Because most guys would happily date a sweet but emotionally weak girl and be fine with it.
I don't know how much is cultural and how much is innate but women clearly value confidence much much more than men do. I think men value sweetness more than women so. Arguably both are good qualities in a partner. I think that's probably besides the point however. I suspect women are selecting for good fathering genes without even realizing it, and men are selecting for good mothering genes without realizing it. The fact a woman might benefit herself from a stable partner or a man from a sweet one is actually incidental.
Well half the time you don't even know they're insecure until later down the road and some guys like myself just don't care whether she is or not, if she isn't great no issues. If she is well I'll help her the best I can and we'll see what happens, but insecurity is just part of life, everyone the face of the earth has been through it at one time or another and if they haven't they will eventually.
*shrugs* just one of those things you have to deal with, besides I'm not so shallow that I would deny being with someone just because of a little insecurity, most people now a days in our lovely, messed up society of ours are insecure.
Also by denying someone because of their insecurities only magnifies those insecurities even more and makes it a bigger problem for the person in question or the next man or woman who comes along that might be their partner.
It's better to just be with them and help through it and show them that it can be beat and that they can rid themselves of them. then to toss them aside because of them and only help with the problem more. Of course there are exceptions to that were they're just so insecure that they are unable to be in or function in relationships but that's another story for another time.
That's just how I see it.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Really good question. I myself have a girlfriend that is a little insecure and almost all of my ex's have been that way. I have yet to meet a person in my life that is totally confidant about everything and has no insecurities at all. What i find with girls that are insecure is that they display their real selves. Like my current girlfriend gets anxious about her potential in life and whether she can succeed at something and i find that incredibly attractive that she acknowledges here insecurities and wants to share that with me.
The problem in MY experience with confidant girls is that they hide their insecurities behind this false facade of confidence and when i sense that it turns me off completely. My girlfriend is not very confident about the way she dresses sometimes and she comes to me and talks about it rather than displaying a "i don't give a F about what others think and i'm confidant" attitude... which i really admire in her for acknowledging her insecurities and INVOLVING me to help her get past them. Most girls that have been brainwashed to show this "bitch type confidence" is such a turn off for me its not even funny.
In addition to that i find women that feels comfortable in acknowledging her insecurities and that she wants a partner to help better herself as a whole very attractive and its so much easier to build a stronger emotional attachment to her and for some reason the sex is way better too... it feels less mechanical and more passionate.
I think confidence in a women is great, but DEFINITELY NOT when she uses confidence to "COVER UP" her insecurities (which i tend to see in far too many women these days)... then i'm completely turned off even if she is a 10/10 girl.
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16 Reply
Opinion Owner
+1 y
oh and i just read some of the girls comments... some girls seem to think that we as men like insecure women to control them. Hmmmm... might be for some men, but for me its not the case at all. I never want to control my girl, i want her to be independently and think for herself.
No, arrogance is a way insecurity manifests itself. A lot of men seem to think that arrogance and confidence are the same. That's not what I'm talking about because it's insecurity and men STILL prefer arrogance over confidence
I'm merely saying that be grateful that she's either bottling everything up, or isn't too insecure. Because trust me, it's not healthy or as cute as y'all men think.
She's probably at a balance of confidence and insecurity. So it's not a huge issue between y'all. Or, she is bottling it up. I don't think this is the case as it's been 4yrs.
No. You shouldn't leave as soon as things go bad. I'm not advocating this at all. I'm just warning men who think that they can change us. Most likely won't happen, if it does, you're the exception not the rule
Just admit it, it makes you feel powerful when you see insecurities in a girl. It gets you off that's why you enjoy it. And no, women don't "fake" their confidence. Some of us are actually truly confident, we know what our flaws are, but we embrace them instead off chastising ourselves for having them.
I dated a very insecure woman in my past. Why? Because she had all the other qualities. We matched very well. Common interests, goals and so on. As I have seen in these comments: "Because it makes it easier to control her" , I believe it's actually even harder. With her insecurities she will doubt of your actions and become very defensive sometimes. But I guess we man have that protective instinct of trying to make her feel better and overcome her insecurities. And this usually happens when you are in fact "In love" with the girl. Sadly many times as much as you can try to do to help, the thing won't go away. Those problems have to be overcome by the person who has them.
I guess it's because men are generally attracted to a female that they feel like they can "protect." Insecure women probably come off as more needy of a masculine figure in their life and these men gladly jump in to the "I'm a protector" shoes when it's pretty easy to do so and requires less effort. Or at least that's how it seems to them.
For me, it's because girls who are self-deprecating and somewhat insecure don't come across as self-entitled. They are more feminine and beautiful in a way. Also, a lot of men like to be the solution to a problem.
Many girls nowadays say "I expect this, I expect that, he ain't getting a second date if this" and to be honest, it's flat out unattractive and annoying.
A lot of us fully understand that insecure women come with their own baggage, but it's still better than the latter.
I don't know... when I went on a date and a girl told me she was not interested because I didn't buy dessert... sounds pretty shallow and arrogant to me
One thing I have noticed is that it's actually the girls who would be considered less attractive by a man's standards that are at the top of the "bitch" spectrum. Part of me believes it's because they are envious of their more attractive counterparts that are getting more male attention.
But if the girl doesn't go overboard with the insecurity... well it can be attractive in a cute feminine way. Consider physical aggression in males: obviously it is frowned upon. However there are many women who are incredibly aroused by aggression in males nonetheless. Ironically just a few minutes I go I noticed a girl posted about how she was aroused by fist fighting between males.
Lol but you assholes have your own list of demands but girls can't have their own? You just like low quality women who have no standards so your lazy ass can get some.
Men date insecure women for the same reason women date asshole guys: because they think there is something worthwhile in that person, and that, with the power of their love and compassion, you can take that person who was damaged goods, and make them whole again.
For the same reason so many women are willing to date Chad Thundercock and then wonder why their heart got broken in the end. People do not always make the most rational decisions, especially when dating is concerned. Plus, most men are not afforded the same luxury as women to be able to be picky. This is something that most women cannot comprehend. It is different for men. We do not have multiple options or the privilege to be picky or patiently wait for the perfect match. If we are able to hook an attractive woman, she may very well be the only attractive woman we ever hook in our lives. The stakes are that much higher for men.
I think it mostly comes down to being picky. This days so many women play hard to get or complicate things which makes many men to lover their standards and go for someone who is just normal and easy to communicate with despite their flaws, lol.
well speaking for myself, i'm not interested in a girl who has 0 confidence. Guys do this largely because most guys are willing to take whatever they can get. I don't think its because they find these traits particularly attractive, as im sure if they had the option of a fairly confident women of similar looks and such, they'd probably go with her
A lot of men who have a lot of money aren't actually that great with women, because they believe like most men do that all you need is to flash your cash and women will drop their panties. When they see that it doesn't usually work that way, they too settle for whatever they can get. I think they are either looking for easy sex (damaged girl easier to manipulate in their minds) or they just want to have a girl that won't oppose them in the relationship in any way, shape or form.
And as to your last statement, no. Look at these responses, most men are romanticizing insecurity in women. "Oh, she doesn't see her self worth! How cute" "I can help her and she'll love me more" "it's so cute when women question themselves".
These men have no idea how terrible it is to date someone when you hate yourself. For the insecure and the partner.
They like the idea of it, until they have to actually deal with it. Her constantly calling you a liar or blind when you compliment her. Her crying and calling, texting you accusing you of cheating when you take more than a minute to respond. Her getting livid when you even glance at another woman. Her getting upset with any female contact, coworker, classmate, friend, cousins even etc
well... if you say so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But a large number of the guys on here are insecure themselves, and their hope is that girls will accept them for their insecurities as they do for women. Bandit's first sentence of his response is what im talking about. There's a hope in the back of some guys minds that women will reciprocate
Yeah, it kinda sucks that women aren't as accepting of insecure guys 😢
Personally, I dont really care if she is confident as long as she has the other traits I am looking for. Like I wouldn't date an unnatractive, insecure girl who bores me. However, if she is attractive, smart, and interesting then Im not going to let her go just because she feels bad about herself. I don't know why but there is something almost cute or heartwarming about it. It makes me want to hold her closer and comfory her. I guess it also kinda makes me feel needed.
How would you like to be in a relatioship where: -She NEVER takes a compliment from you, even insults or calls you blind or a liar. -She gets angry and jealous EVERY time you look at another woman, even your cousin -She is always asking you why you like her. And then lists reason why you shouldn't -She cannot stand you having female friends, coworkers, or contact in general -She hates her body and is always comparing herself to others. Even asks you if you like certain features, and calls you a liar anyways when you say yes -Refuses to get naked because she thinks you won't find her attractive, despite you begging and reassuring her that you're attracted to her, she still refuses to believe it and you have sex always in the dark, and with at least a few garments on. You never actually see her naked despite dating her for years, -Crying and starting a fight with you every time you dont pick up the phone, accusing you of cheating.
Ok, that's more extreme than what I had in mind. I consider myself insecure but I dont express it that agressively.
If I knew she was like that from the beginning, I probably wouldn't get unvolved. However, if the extent of her insecurity was hidden initially, then I may become attached and stick around longer than I would have otherwise. Still, I think I would eventually break up with her.
@Bobbyhill1 I have to let men know exactly what insecurity is. Because many here are romanticizing it as if its some cute endearing thing. Its not. Its a living hell, not just for the insecure person, but for their partner as well.
uh, no you really dont. Because there are passive and assertive insecure people. There are also passive and secure people with big egos, so instead of bashing women who dont have much confidence its best to point out that it goes both ways.
actually by chance this guy also stated the same thing I did. Thats aggressively being insecure, being aggressive either way is not a good thing. Insecurity isn't the problem here its AGGRESSIVENESS
yeah and many aren't, there are many controlling people who aren't insecure. its actually more common in this day and age to find a narcissistic girl who controls people than a girl who controls people because she does not think high of herself. at least, in western society. We can see this with how many men are abused verbally and physically by controlling women (yes its possible lol) So are we going to say people who aren't insecure is part of the problem? lol. It is just aggressiveness but its mostly people who have a fed up ego.
you are putting words in my mouth. where did I say anything about bottling up anything? Passive does not mean ''bottling up''. a insecure person who is Passive will not take their problems out on you. NOBODY should take their problems out on you, so in this case it is better to be passive than a controlling jerk. If she wants to get help thats up to her, and I will stand by it. If she wants to be aggressive with her insecurity then I will simply dump her. The same goes for someone who is narcissistic about themselves
no its a type of personality disorder, which insecurity isn't. insecure people aren't narcissists that is a oxymoron. It has nothing to do with being insecure. people who have this are usually enabled by ego boosters. This is why it is common with many famous people. If you ego boost someone for a long time what will happen to that person? he will walk around with a big ego and it can only get worse. thats why when you deal with them the best thing to do is to ignore them and not feed their egos. With insecure people, its the exact opposite. You have to show insecure people that they are worth something. Why are you trying so hard to make insecure people seem so bad? ironically you seem kind of insecure yourself lol
@Bobbyhill1 I am insecure. That relationship I described was mine. It's honestly cruel, selfish, and inconsiderate to expect anyone to date someone like that. Obviously, not every person is 100% confident. but if they're more insecure than confident? THat's definitely not a good thing.
as long as you are no aggressive it will not post a big problem. the question is, does he know? are you willing to help yourself feel better about your thinking?
see you are putting words in my mouth again, I already told you to admit that you have a problem a while back but putting your problems on other people is just so stupid and selfish. If I knew I had a problem I would admit it, but I would never take it out on other people.
My theory is that the genders are largely blind to each other in some areas.
For example women are strongly attracted to confident men. The problem is a lot of women don't seem to be able to tell the difference between someone who doesn't care about them at all, or someone who is to socially dumb to be embarrassed by their behavior. To men these guys are very obviously users or low quality but a lot of women are totally blind to it.
I suspect the same sort of thing happens to men with insecure women and bitchy women.
I have absolutely no idea i find it so manipulative, like you figure out their insecurities and you play them and BAM they find you the sweetest guy ever.
Nah, confident women are way hotter. If they are insecure its a turn off. Of course everyone can have an insecurity about something but if its over the top its over the top.
i am insecure and it shows in jealousy and honestly it's not something you would like to have, it's hard to deal with the thought that you are not good enough and wondering why the hell someone likes you when there are millions of prettier and funnier girls it's so hard to get rid of insecurities because i guess something or someone harmed your psyche, it's not like people want to deal with insecurities and it's not something superficial like skinny girls who post pictures and say "omg i am so fat", it's like you really don't see the value of yourself no matter what you do or what people tell you so basically now you're saying insecure people are less lovable than normal ones, which actually enforces insecurities
but then again it's due to my first love why i am like that, he liked my best friend first but she did not like him, then he kinda liked me but then my second best friend flirted with him although she never liked him that way and then he ended up being in love with her, finally he liked me again, we were together for 7 months and he ended up cheating on my -> this whole story definitely coined my perception of myself, i guess ever since i feel like i am never good enough to be someone's first choice
Feelings are nothing more than illogical thought. Most people's insecurities are how they feel about themselves and not what they logically think about themselves or see within themselves. Don't rely on your feelings so much.
1. For some they feel stronger dating an insecure person (gender being immaterial) 2. I don't know about others but according to me insecurity is almost incurable & the root cause of destruction of more than just the relationship between two people 3. It induces a false sense of superiority, perfection etc
it saves them the work of trying to make her insecure so he can control her she won't leave and shell have anal even if she doesn't like it.
I don't know if you've noticed this whole dominate submit dichotomy between men & women that people -mostly men- are so obsessed with. but a lot of guys WANT insecure partners. gives them the illusion of control and feeling they are not insecure if only by comparison.
Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud. Who are always the most popular guys? always the loud ones. Why do girls go for insecure guys while thinking they're confident?
Men date insecure women because they think that those women will be more grateful for having a guy in their life and they will be more adoring, loving, and faithful partners. Some guys just want to have the power in a relationship.
I generally like your point of view, but I have to disagree harshly and stridently with this. Sure, some guys to do that, just as some girls do date terrible people because low self esteem tells them they are getting what they deserve. But I doubt that is a majority.
Both my father, and then, a dozen years later, my brother, dated women who were drug addicts, with serious problems. From both of them, I heard the same thing. "I've seen her. The real her. The person she is when she is clean. I know that person is inside her. I know I can help her. I can heal her. I can make it so she doesn't need the drugs anymore. I can put her life back together. Yes, she is damaged... but aren't we all, in our own way? What she needs is someone she knows will be there!"
One OD'd on crack. The other abused opiates while pregnant. Neither healed, after years. And neither man was motived by a need for power. Nothing makes you feel powerless like watching someone self destruct.
No, I really didn't. His point, to me, reads "Men who do this do so to feel needed, and thus to feel powerful, to women who are beholden to them." What I wrote was "Men who do this seek to make these women whole again." Maybe the desire is "If I help her, she'll have to love me more," but it isn't about power. You can have a desire to help people, people others think may be lost causes, without that desire being rooted in an ulterior motive of being powerful, and being able to hold that over the head of the person you "helped" that they would not be there without you.
@ksoma On the surface, men say "I am going to help her," and they may convince themselves that this is their motivation. However, guys who do this tend to do it repeatedly; every new girl is a broken, needy female. Their subconscious motivation is that, if I fix her, she will be so grateful that she must love me, i. e., I can take advantage of these circumstances to make her love me. That is about power.
This explanation is not palatable to you perhaps because it expresses a belief that is dark and does not simply accept rescuers as white knights. I am only telling you what I have observed from 61 years on this planet.
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