Why is he interested in me sexually but not romantically?

[AnonB17]

I have been on and off friends with a guy since I was 15. We are now both approaching 20. I've had a crush on him for as long as I remember. Even now I still kind of do, but unfortunately my feelings were never reciprocated. Now I totally understand that there are guys who find some women dateable and find other women to be not so dateable, and only fuck-able. I'm not dumb. However there's something about the situation that makes it confusing. I am literally a carbon copy of every single girl he has liked and dated in the past, including the girl he likes now. Yet he refuses to consider me as anything other than a friend. He has asked to have sex with me multiple times. All of which I declined. He's obviously physically attracted to me enough to want sex, I have all the qualities of the girls he likes and we have good chemistry and history, so I don't know why he won't give me a chance as more then a friend. I'm exactly like all the girls he's dated, and exactly like the girl he likes now. I'm not a very confident or conceded person but I'd even go as far as to say that I'm better than the girl he likes. But even after all this years I still haven't managed to get him to see me as girlfriend material. So what's the deal?

Updates

+1 y

I'm exactly his type. I have everything he could ever want or need in a girl, yet he continually looks over me. What is it about me that's scaring him off if im exactly what he claims he's looking for in a partner.

Updates

+1 y

He does want a relationship, just with every girl he's like, except for me. And I doubt he's worried about jeopardizing the friendship. It never seemed to be something he cared about before.

[ninetynine]

You know that movie "He's Just Not That Into You?" We've all been there and it sucks, but try not to take it to heart. It's possible that he just doesn't feel that special connection with you for whatever reason.

It could also be that... He knows you have a crush on him, and feels like he has you to fall back on. Some guys (players, in particular) like "the chase," so this guy might feel like you're too "easy" (not in the sexual sense, obviously, but in the dating sense), and finds it fun to seek out new girls. I really don't know- this is just speculation.

Or, and maybe more likely, sex may be his main focus at this time. He may not want anything super serious. Even though he has dated girls and currently likes someone, he may just want to have fun with sex being his main goal. The other girls he has dated may have put out more of a sex-vibe.

My advice is to move on since feelings clearly aren't mutual. I mean he literally likes someone else. Try not to dwell on it and move on. Keep busy, better yourself (everyone can self-improve- getting better sleep, exercising, etc.), and try to stay positive! Meet other guys. And hey, this may even spark an interest from him in the future. :P

[bunanababa]

he doesn't want to risk the friendship incase things don't work out

[AnonB17]

We are not that good of friends

[bunanababa]

why don't you ask him then

[AnonB17]

He's made it clear he doesn't see me that way. That was the point of this entire question lol

[bunanababa]

yeah Im aware but did you ask him why?

[AnonB17]

No. I figure at that point I'd probably freak him out. I don't want him to think I'm obsessed with him or think "damn... why can't she just accept that I don't like her and leave it alone?" Does that make any sense

[bunanababa]

yeah it does make sense but it still doesn't stop you from wondering why :(

[Nojudge]

Well, you all have grown up and didn't have any feeling for him anymore... He only want to use you... Sexually exploit. Taken advantage of you. Bad girl.

I would suggest its time for both of you to move on and find somebody new elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

You are interested to him romantically not sexually?

[AnonB17]

I am interested in him romantically yes, and of course sexually however I refuse to give him anything sexual until he commits because I know that If I do give him sex he'll probably just disappear since he got what he wanted

[rushthesand]

tl;dr. Answer to the question: Cuz he's a dude.

[rushthesand]

He might not want a relationship right now. Or maybe he's just not feeling it with you emotionally for whatever reason. -shrug-

[rushthesand]

How do you know he wants a relationship?
Or, frankly, maybe you THINK you have all the qualities his exes had, but in reality you don't.

[AnonB17]

He wants a relationship because he's trying to pursue one right now with a girl who doesn't even want him because SHE doesn't LIKE BOYS... and I'm just saying. From what I've seen first hand he's into a very specific type of girl and I fit into that category

[rushthesand]

maybe he likes the chase? he doesn't like the fact that you're "available" to him if that makes sense.

[AnonB17]

I'm not. I haven't talked to him in over a year. He came after me last week asking to hang out. We did and the first thing he does is make moves on me claiming that he thought I wanted to have sex with him. I acted rather standoffish and told him that he wasn't getting sex. After I left he texted me for days and is still asking me to hang out even though I've been busy and playing hard to get

[rushthesand]

Okay. The only thing I can think of is, for whatever reason, you're not what he wants right now. I obviously can't say why as I don't know you or him, but that seems to be the only possibility from what you're saying. Unfortunately, there's probably little you can do to change his mind if that's the case.

[nomoreusernames]

Maybe he thinks ur sexy

[AnonB17]

Can you elaborate?

[nomoreusernames]

Well maybe he find you physically attractive

[Zanecyber]

Not every guy in the world wants a relationship

[AnonB17]

The girl he likes now he's wanted a relationship with. In the 2 plus years I've known him he's dated girls. He just won't date me

[insayn]

Hormones bro