I'm curious how you guys view chivalry.

Question

Guy HONESTLY do you ever open the door for a girl etc. and if not is this because of a bad experience? I'm curious how you guys view chivalry or just being nice.

bersaba · Accepted Answer

I answered a question very similar to this recently. This is a bit of a copy paste job.

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Back when I was wooing my GF, I might buy her dinner and she'd think that was nice. If I tried to order for her she'd have thought I was a loser and walked out. (Some of the chivalry lessons are to order the meal for your partner).

I didn't open her car door, but I did used to run to the car in the rain whilst she stayed undercover at the movie theatre, then drive to the front and pick her up.

Then again, a good friend of the my GFs is a feminist (which I think means sexist female), and if you offer to pay for anything for her she gives a 10minute speach about how, despite not earning the same or being offered the same job prospects, she's more then capable of buying her own piece of chewing gum and she doesn't need a pair of testicles to do it.

(Yeah I don't really get along with her).

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I think a lot of guys are generally 'nice' (that is, this idea that all men are b-tards is not fair), and would probably be willing to open the door / pay for the meal / bring flowers etc. It's just that in this politically correct climate, a lot of us are afraid to do so. And yes, if we've been burnt, or even know of a (what my friend calls) feminazi, then it just turns us off the idea entirely.

It just really depends on the couple.

johnny_hustle · Accepted Answer

Well, to start off even to friends I hold doors open and what not(even if I open the door while I am lets say leaving and I see some other people coming on in, like at a restaurant, I will hold the door for them as well, and I will continue to do so till a specific girl gets upset because she doesn't care about the fact I'm being a gentleman, and thinks I'm just opening the door to show off my masculinity. which isn't the case. After something like that, I would stop opening the door and anything relatively nice for that specific girl. everyone else I will still be polite and be a gentleman. But I will not ever lay down my coat in the mud for a girl to walk over. That in my eyes is taking it too far. If it just a friend, I will open the door and hold it open if I am the first one to the door. However if its a girl I am dating, regardless of who gets to the door first, I will gladly open the door for her. same with getting in a car. I will not open the door for a lady when she is getting out of the car. that I think also is a bit too much. sometimes I wish I wasn't a nice guy because there are times when I get those disrespectful women like I said before, and I just want to open the door first then just close it behind me, or slam it in their face. But I guess you can call me a pansy or w/e because I don't have it in me to be that mean.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

it's really just about how the guy was raised and what his values are, as cheesy as that sounds.

for instance-- my guy is the very picture of chivalry. he's from a very wealthy old money line, and his family really values things like appearance and classiness. he opens doors for me, pulls out my chair, stands up and gives me his seat if there aren't any others open (or even if there are, and the one he's in is more convenient), buys me chocolates and roses, pays for me even when I try to insist he shouldn't (but otherwise is very serious about honoring my requests :P), etc. in fact, he does many of those things for other girls, too.

on the other hand, my best friend's boyfriend is an amazing guy as well, and he loves her and obviously tries very hard to please her, but he isn't as chivalrous or gentlemanly simply because he wasn't raised the same way.

haha hopefully that didn't just sound like a paragraph about how amazing my boyfriend is...

hockeyrulesforever · Accepted Answer

I think chivalry is great! It shows that the guy has a lot of respect for a girl. I mean I love it if a guy opens the door to lets say a building and lets the girl go in first. Also, if we are on the bus and there is an empty seat, he tells me to sit down even if he is really tired too. Stuff like that totally make a girl attracted to a guy. Anyways what I hate is when young guys sitting in lets say a packed bus and there are old people standing or even girls standing. I mean, they should stand up and let the girl or older people sit down even if they don't know them. That is chivalry. As paying for the movies and dinner... well maybe once in a while but I wouldn't like it for the guy to pay all the time because it wouldn't be fair to him to spend that much money.

sweetnothings · Accepted Answer

i love chivalry.. its very sweet and makes a guy seem even more manly and attractive to me... even when a guy friend opens the door for me I get a silly little smile on my face because it makes me feel special :) and when some random person (who I later found out is this random guy from my class) left a flower on my seat but didn't say anything about it and never did the rest of the semester.. his little gesture of sweetness made my day for that day and every day for the next week when I saw the flower in a vase on my desk :]

Meedo · Answer

well I am pretty confused about the subject because on one hand traditional chivaly can seem out of date and silly. certain liberated and assertive women might think I am stupid or old fashioned if I wanted to take her coat or draw the chair for her to sit or open the door.

I can imagine her grin ( what a cute but retarded guy) .

Many women these days are very assertive ( not a bad thing really) but the more they ar eviewed as equal the more it become silly to think that you need to draw a chair for her to sit when she just came from a Marathon accross town or a shooting class or...

But there are somethings that I hold fast on ... I believe that still in every women there is a need for a man to tell her that he is there for her and that he is gonna take the first hit to defend her.. that he is gonna provide for her ( all if she is faithful partner ofcourse) .

Life is so hectic and everchaning that I don't believe that every man can 100% maintain old fashioned chivaly . Me personally might forget to take her coat or open the door, not on purpose really , just forget.

But I would never forget making her feel secure and holding her tight or stepping in when she is in trouble.

hope that helped

mbounds · Answer

we want to be, but nice guys are afraid of coming in last. Playing by the rules of chivalry has burnt many uh man. I think its better when you are an established couple or are really feeling each other and aren't playing games with each others minds anymore. I think most guys are holding back the nice stuff until we feel you have a genuine interest in us.  It really does make us feel good though, well at least me when I can do things to be considerate and help out a girl, show that we care and aren't total me me me  and more me type people.  I think if a guy try this stuff too early on it is believed to be an act by women and that once again us complete bstrd guys are only trying to get in your pants. The thinking too much has to go.

maximusprime · Answer

Yes, honestly, I do.  Pretty much any time I'm walking with girls/meet them at a door I'll open it and hold it for them.  I think chivalry is a great thing, even if it has roots a few centuries old.  I think it's changed though, as women aren't all helpless damsels in distress (there are many strong, independent women out there nowadays) but that doesn't mean we shouldn't still be nice to them.  I feel like it's just polite and respectful, why wouldn't I do it?  I don't go way out of my way to be chivalrous though, like sprinting ahead to open doors or whatever.  But if we get there simultaneously I'll take a quick extra step.  I pay for meals/treats/whatever if we're dating or together but not if we're just friends (unless I owe her or something.)

Brando · Answer

I think I also answered a question like this not too long ago. But to me, chivalry seems sort of dead and I'm not sure who killed it. If it were to be pulled off now, to me it almost seems like it is cheesy and forced. I really don't think the chivalrous "knight in shining armor" is popular anymore except in romance movies. The "bad boy" has taken over a lot of the spotlight and it seems that's what is the "in" thing. Who knows what will be next...

And the same as compliments or me being comfortable around you, chivalry has to be earned. I'm not the type that just hands it out. I learned my lesson being the nice guy too much ;)

Zingbat · Answer

Bersaba has a point.

The feminist is obviously a huge exception. I personally believe in chivalry, but only parts on opening doors, and ordering. Flowers rarely ever it at all...I'm not trying to buy your affection...If I played my cards right with you I shouldn't never have to buy you flowers or gifts of any kind unless a special circumstance like pre-agreed holidays.

Personally on the first few I would offer to get but ask if she would like to split because I would be fine with that. Which has extinguished any hate from fem territory. Personally I have no problem with someone's beliefs. If I do, I keep it to myself and they never find out about it.

-zing

CurlyHairedGuy37 · Answer

I open the door for my own mother. It's not dead it's just almost dead. :) And I do NOT do it all the time either. Reason is that I have seen women get so used to it that it goes un noticed and I want her to appreciate it whenever I do it. At the same time, it helps convey a message that she is worth the time and effort to do those things for. That she is special.

And I hate to say it but I do tend to subconsciously do it more for ladies who are a complete stranger who I find attractive. I don't know why, just tends to work out that way.

markml · Answer

I'm in favor of the concept, but I think it's harder to practice in today's society (at least in the obvious ways) without being misinterpreted.

I sometimes hold doors for women (we're talking strangers, not dates) but only if I can do it in such a way that it doesn't seem like a big deal...like she's following close behind me, and then usually I'll just hold the door for her until she reaches it.

It would've been much easier back in the day when men were EXPECTED to be gentlemen, but today you stand out if you try to be a gentleman...and you have to worry about being misinterpreted. Best case, she might think you're trying to hit on her...worse case, she's just plain insulted.

It's a topsy-turvey upside-down world we live in...for some reason, women today think they're being respected when some thug rapper is objectifying them. And YET...if a guy tries to be gentleman he risks being portrayed as sexist bastard.

johnny_vegas · Answer

I think the whole chivalry issue needs to be viewed contextually. I think chivilry when done out of a place of supplication and reactance like most classically defined "nice guys" is not cool. Basically those guys do it because they want the girl to see how nice they are in order to get something from the girl (dates, love, affection etc). When it comes from a place of that just what you do (i.e. the outcome is irelevant) then that's cool. I'm chivalrous at times when I feel like it, other times I'm not. I just personally think a lot of times guys do it coming totally from the wrong frame of mind...

x Johnny

TimeAndTimeAgain · Answer

I feel like opening the door sometimes, but they never let me. :( I always walk side-by-side with them, and sometimes she just goes in first and it would be a hassle if I stopped her JUST so I could be the one do open the door. Or if I do go in first, it's one of the doors that I push in, and it'd look retarded if I turned around as if to show her I opened the door for her. It's common sense to HOLD the door for her, which I do. But come on... does that even count? xD

But well, I don't know what else can be considered chivalrous, but I just try being polite when I can, especially with the girl I'm with, but I don't exaggerate because there are some times where I think being chivalrous would make me look kinda silly. For instance, she drops her purse, and she's like 10 feet away. Having me sprint over to her just to pick it up for her, is kinda... silly. >.>

darkknight1x · Answer

I would open the door for women on a date and pull the chair out...etc. However, I would only do that so I can get more dates and eventually get into her pants. I don't really like doing that stuff for most women.

I don't understand why women expect us to do these things on dates. When I go on dates I need to know if she's worth being treated so nicely and being treated like she's special or like she's a princess. The only women that I want to treat nicely and like a princess are women that I know are amazing and deserve to be treated like they are royal such as Britney Spears,

Ashley Tisdale,Reese Witherspoon Ivanka Trump, and Valerie Poxleitner.

gtex1991 · Answer

in what context are we talking about, just general or in a relationship

personally I never give more than I receive, as harsh as it may seem people these days don't appriciate well mannered guys. so a girl has to earn my goodness and chivalry

now if we are talking about general stuff, if I open a door and theirs a lady behind me ill let the door open until she passes

another example is when I'm at the grocery store in the queue and I notice a lady who less items to buy than me like 2 things ill let her go aheard it makes no sense to make someone wait as they scan my stuff which will take longer

imo a girl has to earn it

frankiefrank · Answer

I love chivalry, and I like it when girls expect it (so long as they aren't being mean or unreasonable). It's one of those easy, simple things that men can do to show a woman that he might be worth a damn, for me it's the same as smiling when you say hello.

ukrainetrain · Answer

Kindness is the way into a girls heart and the best way to show it is chivalry at least it what I believed, it hasn't really worked for me though high school girls seem to like 'd***s' better maybe I should change my ways

now tell me this how do girls HONESTLY feel towards chivalry

Pati3nc3 · Answer

the guy I dated before always opened the door for me. it was weird at first because to be honest that's a rare quality that most guys don't have. But after awhile it was like second nature. Now I look at a guy crazy if I have to open the door myself. lol

Anikaj · Answer

I still do it but I swear there is no point to it anymore lol. I'm not saying this off non experience but women have become quite nasty sometimes, you'll do it and they won't say thank you or acknowledge that you did it. Older people ride our a**es all the time about how young people dress and act or whatever but I have opened the door for older women and most times they act like the door magically opened itself

unexperienced101 · Answer

yes, but not overtly. that is, I always stand back to let girls go in before me and open doors for them etc., as well as generally helping them out if they need it. Admittedly, and unfortunately, I often find myself doing this for those I find attractive more than the ones I don't :/, but I try not to.

GIntrovert · Answer

I see it as being nice. I am stronger then everyone around me. If I see my sister, brother, father, mother or girlfriend struggling with something heavy, I go and pick it up for him/her.

I only hold the door open for people who it would benefit (someone holding something, or in a wheel chair etc). I will step through the door, and hold it for the next person to take so it doesn't slam on them, that's about it.

Wassup · Answer

I'm pretty old fashioned like on a date I'll pay for the girl and do stuff like that. I also open the door for girls too. But I hate girls who rant and rave and say "oh well I'm fully capable of buying my own meal" or "I can open the door myself". Us guys are just trying to show women respect it's not like we don't think they're equal.

Gregs · Answer

I only do it for the girl I'm dating but as far as doing it for women I don't know, nope never again, it's because of a woman that screamed at me when I tried to give her my seat on the bus when I was young but its actually workout better for me because its a stupid thing anyway, now I can relax on the ride home from work in my seat and have fun watching women pushing some of those really big doors you find in the city

Confused614 · Answer

As others have said I open doors for everybody. Just trying to be nice. I can say that I have none girls that expect it I will have no interest in a girl just friends and they will stop in front of the door and expect me to get it. No it doesn't work that way if your in front of me you get the door don't wait for me to come get the door for you. Such a turn off for me. Probably other guys as well.

Totts · Answer

Depends on the girl.  I'm still pretty young, so most of them have been raised the same way I have been, with men and women being equal.  Now, I'm all for doing chivalrous things, but a lot of times they just seem like they'd slow things down (she's walking in front, no reason for me to stop her, go to open the door, and then walk through after her) and be more annoying than nice.

MrAmazing · Answer

I always use chivalry if it deals with my girlfriend. I try my best to be a good person to others around me as well but I don't always do that. I just think it's respectable, and I appreciate when chivalry is used for me. I think everyone respects men who practice chivalry.

Eugene · Answer

Usually I'm opening doors and stuff like that for everyone, no matter who they are. I'm neutral about this.

However, if I see that some guy is skipping around like some medieval knight with dumb unnatural smile on his face in front of girl, it makes me laugh. He looks like a novice pimp.

Anonymous · Answer

i usually do it every opportunity I get. it's most likely just how a guy is raised. and I don't just hold a door open for girls I do it for everyone. people should just try to be nice to everyone... not just someone they're trying to get with lol.

tex151 · Answer

I open the door if I am the first one at the door, but I won't run up to the door just to hold it open. I also will open the door for anyone, especially old people. I don't see that as being chivalrous, more along the lines of common courtesy.

Louise123 · Answer

A lady who does not appreciate good manners is not a lady.  Any real woman loves being treated special. Your Mom should have taught you that as a very young boy - opening doors, pulling out chairs, helping with a coat, etc.  That shows respect.

Nightmare · Answer

I always open a door for a girl and treat them with the utmost respect, I listen to they're problems and even help solve them, I'm really nice guy and that is who I try to be... but because of this I've been walked on over again and again. In fact the last girl I was with told me.

Bottom line; after time and time again things do take its toll and my apologies if I'm not as nice as before.

nate18 · Answer

i hold doors open all the time, old person or young person. I figure that at least if I do I'm not gonna get my head bit off for no reason, but if I do then I look good to. I guess its just the way I was raised.

Andyrawr · Answer

I'll keep the door open for anyone just behind me, but now that you can't tell how chivalry will be received I just don't bother unless its with someone I know.

Jpalms56 · Answer

Chivalry is just another way of saying be a good guy. I agree with it, but even if I hadn't heard of it, I would still do all the nice stuff I do for my gf

Xenophobia · Answer

Chivalry is a thing of the past. Most people do not have respect for anyone anymore, let alone themselves.  It's very far and in between.

DegenDen · Answer

I always open doors for girls whether I'm with them or not. If your guy stops doing that type of stuff he is either losing or has lost interest

coffey46 · Answer

I personally make it a point to use chivalry when I am with a girl. I open the door for her, I pay for things such as dinner or a movie ticket. I also keep doors open for people at the gas station or at school if they are close enough.

martyfellow · Answer

These days I only open doors for girls if I'm going to pinch her as she goes through it.

Anonymous · Answer

I support chivalry. I tell women who think of it as lowering that it's a form of respect because in my opinion it is. I am showing my feelings and care for the specific person.

snackeyg · Answer

I've actually never had the chance to open a door for a girl not counting family. I'm sure I would though.

glowboy · Answer

this is like the 5th post on this topic in the last few weeks. do a search.

GeminiEmpath911 · Answer

I always hold the door for ladies but feminists find it offensive.

Anonymous · Answer

chivalry is complete bullsh*t. if you treat a girl well because you care about her, she looses interest. gotta be a d***

Solvara · Answer

I open the door for everyone it doesn't matter to me. I just try to be a nice guy to everyone.

Anonymous · Answer

It's either Chivalry or Biology as to why us guys always have to be date initiators.

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly I get a bit of a buzz from being chivalrous. While others may do drugs, I'll open a door or give up my seat for a girl anytime. I guess it's a British thing...

chiefnavarro · Answer

im very chivalrous.

I'm curious how you guys view chivalry.

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