What would you do? Is he a self absorbed person?

I'm starting to realize that the guy I'm seeing is kind of self absorbed. For example, this is our convo today and he didn't even ask me how my day was. We've been seeing each other for a couple of months and we always do things on his terms and on his time. I'm starting to feel like there may not be a place for me in his world because it's all about him. Would this change over time or is this probably who he is?What would you do? Is he a self absorbed person?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • ... sooo... okay... take astep back... soooo this guy has freedom to talk about himself and not include you... you have 2 options..

    1) talk about yourself too and include him in.
    Him: i did this this this and this.
    You: that remeinds of the time did this this this and this
    Him: my family abd i love this this abd that
    You: really, you should of seen how my sister did this this abd that.

    Giving him info about you, and vs versa.

    2) let him have his fun but let the convo linger. After hearing the 3 highlights. Let him be, say yiu have to go. And take your time getting back to him.

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    • I agree that it's ok to talk about yourself but the convo was a couple hours ago and he never bothered to ask about me?

    • People like that, you let them talk, after 3 topics im gone. Ill be back when i feel like it. as in a day or 2 away from him.

      Or not care and just tell him my day without him asking.

Most Helpful Girl

  • He's not self absorbed he's just not that into you. He seems like he doesn't want to get to know you. Otherwise he'd ask you questions back

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    • He usually does text me first but usually about himself.

    • Oh that's interesting, wel he should be trying to get to know you. It can't be all about his life!
      Maybe he's one of those people that just want an ego boost.

      Try ignoring him or disregarding him and see how he responds. Example say "how boring, you should step into my life!" Or "ok cool"

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 12

  • I'm a pretty self absorbed person and I try to compensate for that so I don't drive my girlfriend insane. Its not entirely a bad trait it makes me look at myself and what makes me happy and it turns out is my girlfriend being happy that makes me happy hence why I try to not upset her. The point I'm trying to get at is that I know I'm like this and if he doesn't he needs to be told so he can Improve himself as that is the ultimate goal of any non arrogant self absorbed person. If he is arrogant humility is the best cure.

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    • So should I mention it to him? Or now like say, "My day was good. Thanks for asking. " and see if he gets the hint?

    • I don't know him but I would hate that I'd rather if you told me straight up. Just say something along the lines of "hey its a little annoying how you brag it makes you seem egotistical that's okay but it makes me feel like you don't have time for me and I'm unimportant to you." I made some assumptions their but that seems like a polite way to tell him, if he's a sane rational person if he is told something with civility he will respond in a civil way.

  • its possible that he's busy, just first act normal and try to find out if he's narcisistic, if he's not only talking about himself, then you can openly and in a civilized manner tell him what bothers you, if he is... then you might just wanna rethink it all since if it bothers you a lot that its him him him im here to tell you its always gonna sray that way, so you are either gonna have to accept it or move on sadly..

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  • I agree, normally showing care is important so he could at least ask you back the same questions even if that would be annoying for me if i were your place.

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    • That's my thought too. I feel like I'm putting in more at this point and he's just being lazy

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    • I need luck too to move on with my life because sometimes it sucks lol
      http://gph.is/28Lyzn3

    • Good luck!

  • You get nothing from texting. Total fail.
    Who are 'the boys'? If he has kids you'll never be the most important, always well down the ladder.

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    • I don't want to be the most important. I have a kid too, so I get that. But he's always just talking about himself. And if he does ask about me, he only says things like, "Okay, got ya."

    • Seek a relationship where you are the number one most important thing to your mate. Otherwise it will always end up like this.
      Dating is to discern whether it's a match. The vast majority are not.

    • Good advice

  • he just seems boring

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  • really hard to tell from a text convo. he might have been busy too

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  • Many times it happen with anxiety patients. Actually he has ignored by someone now he has made a image in his mind that he will be try to happy alone. It is good but problem is there nobody can be happy alone. He is fighting with himself.

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  • Self absorbed people are really horrible. They only really think about themselves like 99% of the time. It will only get worse down the line if the guy is selfish.

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  • Haha! Wow, yeah this reminds me of me. If this is common, or does this consistently you may want to bring it up, and let him know how you feel, or he'll just keep on doing it. But mostly this is probably what you'll get, it's hard for people to change.

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  • you should ask him how would he feel if you didn't ask him about his day...
    n then make him realise that how you feel cuz of him...

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  • not post private conversations ffs

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  • Maybe time I add some space

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What Girls Said 10

  • I don't see how he's self-absorbed, I think that's you wanting him to initiate, and you're the one who's always doing it. There is nothing wrong with him, it's just that he isn't the type of person to initiate conversations. At least things that interest him. He was overall being polite. And I think you took this a little too personal. You're asking questions about him, he's just answering your questions about him. That's not being self-absorbed. He overall answered your questions: about him. If you wanted him to ask you questions about YOU, then talk about what you did and engage him in questions about you. That's what you do with his personality type. Make him feel that he should invest with you more.

    Here's a tip when dealing with somebody like this. I overall do it because I'm busy, bored, tired, exhausted or just not interested. But to not be rude I overall answer the question. It's not that I don't like them. I love people to bits. But I cannot always give my time to every and anybody and don't have any time for myself. Some people need extra space and energy to recuperate. For me, I say this is just me being an introvert. And many introverts are not engaged in small talk. In fact, I think it's safe to say that I can speak for most of us when I say 'we hate it.' No seriously, we do. Not to hurt your feelings, but we get no stimulation from it. NONE. So what you do?:

    -Talk about the things you've learned.
    -Explain how you would like to engage in more meaningful conversations and would like to know more about his interest. Whatever he shares, try to find something to relate to.
    -When somebody is like this. DO NOT be AFRAID to speak your mind. Whatever is bothering you, say it. But NEVER assume. Ask politely and let them know how it makes you feel. The more he engages about your emotions in a concerning and positive light, this is a good sign. It means he's willing to improve communication with you.

    WARNING: If he shows that he doesn't care either way about what you think and feel. This is a major red flag. This is a sign of a self-absorbed person! What it could be also, is that he is emotionally unavailable and he can't give you his time. If that's the case, don't hold it against him. Just calmly tell him that you feel like he isn't emotionally invested in what you have to say. And that he needs to please speak up if you're boring him or feel that he isn't ready for an emotional relationship with you. It could be, sadly that you're a mix match.

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    • And both of you would have to work hard to maintain it effectively. My guess is he is a rational thinker and you're an emotional feeler, and you don't feel emotionally fulfilled in this relationship. Am I right? If so, let that be the next convo the next time you speak to him. That way, if you both feel the relationship is not improving you can always end it.

  • mm I don't think thats him being self absorbed. You asked him questions about his day and whats he's doing, so he just replied and let you know.

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    • Yes he is at least replying but it doesn't seem he is interested in her or wanting to keep the conversation going, whether it really is that he's not interested or just doesn't like texting who knows.

  • Been in a situation like this before. I stop contacting him then he started hitting me up more and more. I let him lead the conversation and everything. it didn't last much longer after that.

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  • he doesn't seem interested honey. maybe you shouldn't text him, and wait for him to text you first.

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  • You asked him questions, he answered them. He may not be self absorbed but just rather preoccupied with his children at the time. It doesn't seem like the conversation of a real close relationship though.

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  • I would say really be careful what you say to others that you do not know well and if this keeps happening turn down the convo

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  • Yeah, it sounds like he's preoccupied with himself...

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  • Depending how he acts in person and just going of what I have read it seems like he isn't interested in anything serious.

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  • I'd stop texting him. If he's not asking any questions in return, he might not care at all. I wouldn't bother messaging him and see what happens

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  • how long have you been dating?
    i normally let my boyfriend contact me first daily...

    don't contact him anymore.
    couple of months is a long time to talk like that...
    i should appreciate my boyfriend more for giving so much love and effort and care...

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    • A couple months. I usually do wait for him to text me first.

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    • That's how I'm feeling too. Which is why I feel like I should move on. He's not making me his girlfriend or starting to make more time for me. I just don't think there's a place for me in his life.

    • smart move...
      guys don't like to be the "bad" guy to "break" things off...
      so your gut feelings are right.

      hope you meet mr. right soon :)
      i met mine here on GAG :P

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