My boyfriend wants me to "dress up a bit"?

[BrunetteBabe1005]

I am really offended. My boyfriend wears sweatpants and band t shirts, and I never get on him about "dressing up" when we would go out to places, even if I thought he was under dressed. I just think it's rude. Well my boyfriend is in rehab for his alcohol problem. I'm suppose to see him today, well he left me a voicemail saying "hey uh... you'll be touring the whole rehab, and I'll be introducing you to my friends, and the staff. So I would come dressed up a bit, I mean you can do whatever you want, but I would dress up a bit because it's not just us in a room like it was before in the one rehab."

I cried because I think that was uncalled for. I don't ever tell him how to dress. I am a girl that only dresses up when necessary. I don't like to be told how to dress, especially seeing my boyfriend in a rehab? He should think I look gorgeous wearing band hoodies and leggings. That's what I was planning on wearing to go there anyways. I don't tell him how to dress when he dresses just as "bummy" as I do. He has no style. And I think it was absolutely rude to even say that to me, considering that it is a rehab, I don't need to dress up.

[truthbeknown]

I think you are mad because you are trying to be the good guy all the time and not voice your opinion of how he looks to him and he was the first to strike at you instead. I think you are over reacting a bit here anyway. I always try to look decent when I am about to meet people with my wife. I want to look good for her. I believe we all have a moral obligation to look and act as best as possible. It does become sad when we become too lazy and comfortable with each other that we stop trying to remain at our best. Yes, totally he is to blame as well, but maybe you let that bad behavior slide a bit too long. Remember, now he is rehab and has been retaught how to think has a higher regard for himself along with new found self respect. So maybe he realized how he dressed before was too bummy and has improved that too.

[PsychicDude94]

What a douchebag. Telling a lady and in this case your girlfriend to dress up. For what? To. impress the people at rehab and his co drunk "friends" ?

Seriously? Why do girls even date this types of "machos"/douchebags. While there are lots other guys with style and dont tell a woman how to dress...

This is absolutely ridiculous. Even beyond relationship standards.

You are suffering with this guy that tells you how to dress? I mean couldn't you get any worthy of you? Im so mystified

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Thanks. No, trust me. It's over. Because he shouldn't want to "show me off" I'm not a trophy/object. I'm a human being. And if I was in a rehab, I just would be excited to see him, I wouldn't care if he came in his bum wear, or he came looking like a million dollars. It's not about that. It's about seeing the person and just enjoying their presence.

[PsychicDude94]

He should be excited to see you, you were there to support him during difficult times, well. His fault that he got himself into that. But anyways. How dare he to tell you what to wear. Is he still down on alcohol?

He had no right to tell you anything like that because that simply bullshit. Its a rehab not a Miss Universe winning contest for dress

I'd be ashamed to tell my girlfriend to dress up and visit me in a godamn rehab full with alcoholics and co

[LittleRedKat]

It is one thing for your man to suggest wearing a dress if you are going some place nice or to let you know the occasion to be dressing for. But it is an entirely different thing to rudely ask your girlfriend to get dressed up to show her off to your friends in rehab. I'd tell him that the day he gets his shit together and goes an entire year without a drop of alcohol is the day you will dressup for him but until then he should be glad you're even there for him.

[SarahsSummer]

I wouldn’t take it personally. I think it was more of a suggestion so he can make a good impression to those in his rehab. as you are an extension of him.

[TingaTinga]

He should be grateful you're sticking by him through this and even taking time out to travel there and visit him. He can fuck off with that shit.

[progboy]

This may sound harsh but get rid of him. When he's behaving in this way and the way you've been describing in previous questions I'd be very wary of staying with him under normal circumstances. With the alcoholism on top of that then there really is no future in it or at least not one that's good for you. My ex-wife is an alcoholic and it's been absolute hell.

If you stay together and end up being together long term with kids and everything then it will be absolutely awful for you having to deal with that and an alcoholic. It really is like having another kid. Please just end it while it's relatively simple. I've been through it and I'm still going through it and I really wouldn't wish it on anyone especially someone as nice as you. I know it sounds cold and a bit cruel but it's best all round to just call it a day while you've still got your sanity.

[Genie23]

I second this!

[1995ALEX1995]

You should express your displeasure with that double standard. But I don’t know in this one instance that it is a double standard.

I think he's trying to set a good impression and this is something important to him. Maybe that's why he asked, and he's not trying to demand it. He wants to express this is important, but he doesn't know how to express that.

If he does continually tell you how to dress, I would definitely start digging into him. But I would express your feelings now and see why he said it and let him know what you think was inappropriate.

[QCpress]

he wants to show you off to all his friends. Show he wants you to look all glamorous so he can be like ," This is my girlfriend." All his friends will be like omg dude you're so lucky your girlfriend is hot.

Tada! If it bothers you tell him you will, " sure I will start doing it if you start wearing thongs" :)

[Tomic]

Look, it's kinda bad say it, but, you're a little responsible for that.
If his clothes bother you (the way you said it here, make it seems like you do) you should tell him right away.
And about his request, he was not thinking on any of this.
Did he already talk to you about your clothes?

[Mack111]

Hey, firstly cool down. It's not tht serious.
May be he wants to introduce u to a unique/different kind of people which r undergoing rehab...

Or may be he wants to show those people tht his girlfriend very cool & sexy & has a good dressing sense...
Although u took his words in other way ,
I don't think , he meant to hurt...

[Finchie40]

I think that is disrespectful , he should be happy with whatever you come dressed in and shouldn't care what other people think , if he loved you that is , I wouldn't tolerate that shit , I wouldn't show up to see him and when he says how come just say I had nothing nice to wear then dump him

[Duskofdawn]

It sounds to me like there are some deeper problems at play here. If your boyfriend asking you to dress up offends you this badly, it's probably time to find a new boyfriend. Also, your boyfriend probably wouldn't mind being asked to dress up for something.

As a side note, he wants you to dress up not because he doesn't think you're good enough, but because he wants to show you off. He's proud of you.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

I don't know. I just find it very objectifying and rude. He should want to show me off even in my comfortable wear. He should always think I'm beautiful. He never dresses up or has any style, so I never got on him even when he had to dress up to dress up and wear something else. I find it to be rude because if you love the person you shouldn't care. He should think I'm beautiful in my leggings and my hoodie. He shouldn't want to show me off like I'm a damn object/trophy.

[Duskofdawn]

I don't think he cares. I think he thinks other people will care. If I were him, I'd want to make all my guy friends jealous with how beautiful my girlfriend is. Now, to do that, the girlfriend has to look beautiful to them, not just to me. Like I said, I think there are deeper problems at play here because in a relationship, one person requesting something one time shouldn't be an issue.

[Deanblair06]

You both need to sit down and talk about this and work out a policy to follow in the future. If my girlfriend asked me to dress up i don't have any problem with it and visa versa. If you dont communicate about it before hand then it will continue to come up as a problem.

[Anonymous]

Don't feel bad, that is not something you should be hurt about. In my opinion he wants you to look your best because he wants to show you off to his friends in there. I also think that you should tell him if you get dressed up that he needs to start dressing better too. A relationship is about communicating. Don't get hurt just talk about things.

[winterfox10]

I get why this bothers you, but he is also telling you that you don't have to get all fancy. Just wear jeans/leggings and a halfway decent top. You're visiting rehab, not going to church.4

[Anon-ymous1]

What does him being in rehab have to do with anything?

Anyway, yeah if HE doesn't dress up, then why should you? You both could/should, if you want to.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

I'm making the point t that it's not a family function, it's not a business party, it's not a function that requires a dress code. It's a rehab, so everyone in there look like bums. Nobody is going to be all glamed up. It's rude and unnecessary to tell me to "dress up a bit" for HIS own reasons. Not the facilities standards. And you're exactly right. He never dresses up for anything, and I was quite embarrassed when we had to go to functions where he would still wear his sweatpants and band tees, but I never got on him about it and still loved him for him. I wanted to on many occasions say "hey dress up man!" But I didn't because I find it to be rude. That's his style, and I have no right to tell him what to do, neither does he. Unless the rehab has dress codes is the only way I would dress up. I'm not gonna dress up for his own reasons. It's not fair and he should love me being in comfortable clothes. Like how I love him in his comfortable wear.

[Anon-ymous1]

It's not rude, unless you say it that way. Bluntness is generally not as great as people think it is. Instead, saying something like "You know, I really like going out with you and I wish that both of us could dress up a bit more often, you know?" is actually the good way to go about it, not just "dress up man." That will do absolutely nothing.

[didigo182]

Alcoholic and demands how the way you have to dress or not...

While there are better guys out there without addictions, nice and and who has responsibilities.

Congrats, you have a Great Boyfriend :)

[mac_daddy416]

Don't listen to him. Love goes both ways tell em ur add ain't that attractive with sweat pants. I don't need my vajaja saying mmmmm I want u. So why should you be blamed?

[Philyouup]

"Well my boyfriend is in rehab for his alcohol problem" My Opinion, Get a new boy friend that doesn't need to be told to dress like a human.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Might have to. He's just fucked up for telling me how to dress. It shouldn't matter. I don't tell him, and if I want I will but I shouldn't be forced to dress up because HE wanted to. It should be on MY terms.

[Philyouup]

Take pride in yourself, demand better for you! You deiced how somebody, ANYBODY, treats you.

[PaulMarrow]

Who knows. If he doesn't kick the booze habit you better kick him though.

[CrazyLilGirl]

I had the same problem, especially because I didn't look or act girly at all. I'm not a tomboy but I know that I'm a girl and I'm straight.

He wanted me to change and it wasn't really my cup of tea so I threw that tea away and dumped him.

[mac_daddy416]

Smart woman

[SirHaberdasher]

Bahaha

[Chaz269]

I didn't see a question.
Is there a question?
Did I miss it?

[aikonwin]

Apart from this did he ever told you to dress up? If not then there may be a reason and you should talk to him about this.

[hornymike6969]

he just wants to see you looking little more sexy. so go in there wearing mini skirt stripper boots thatll get his attention lol

[Shaft50]

Sounds like he was trying to show off his girl to his new mates...