We still haven't spoken and every single day, I think about him. I can't get him out of my head. Any advice appreciated. What do you think?

OK I'm sure this is going to sound insane but I really need some good advice. When I was 14 I met a guy that changed me forever. He was the biggest flirt I've ever met and the most conniving player with a history of physical and possibly sexual abuse from his father and a drug addiction. Low and behold, he set his sights on me. He knew how innocent and naive I was and at first, I had no idea how big of a monster he was. Every day at school he'd pay me more attention than anyone ever had. We kissed and talked and before I knew it, I was so intrigued by him, I would have done anything for him. I grew up in a verbally abusive family and to top it off I'd been raped a few years back which shattered any confidence I had so his attention made me feel whole. He got kicked out of his house and had to change schools because he was into drugs pretty badly (which I found out through others). He came over to my house one night. He finally said he wanted to be my boyfriend and I was ecstatic. Weeks go by and he doesn't call. Finally I call him and a girl answers. He tells me "don't call me on any of the numbers I've called you on." I'd had it and I told him it was over.

A few months later he comes back to school and like an idiot, I go back to him. We weren't, dating just kissing and talking at school. One day after school we're hanging out and end up messing around, not sex just foreplay. He immediately starts acting weird. He wouldn't even look at me and almost looked like he was going to cry. I tried to talk to him about it but nothing. The next day at school he ignores me, starts spreading nasty rumors about me and calling me names. I don't know how to deal so I completely ignore him. We both move on or so it seems and don't talk until graduation when I finally apologize to him. He gives me a hug, everything seems fine and…we never talk again.

Its been 5 years since I've seen him. I'm married to another man. I truly thought loving someone else would "fix it" but it hasn't and it kills me. He now has a baby and a happy relationship. We live on opposite coasts. We still haven't spoken and every single day, I think about him. I can't get him out of my head. Its gotten to the point where I can't hardly sleep and all I think about is "what if." I've tried EVERYTHING to get over him. Counseling, moving, even meditation. Nothing works. I guess I'm still looking for answers as to why he did what he did. What do you think? PLEASE any advice is greatly appreciated. I'm really desperate. THANK YOU!
We still haven't spoken and every single day, I think about him. I can't get him out of my head. Any advice appreciated. What do you think?
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