Are men always keeping their options open?

Question

This is not meant to be disrespectful at all so please dont take it harshly. Its just a simple question. Based off of what I have heard (and I have NEVER once heard a man deny) is that men are very sexually and visually driven. Men will always check out women around them even if they are in a relationship or they will fantasize about wanting more from their girlfriend - wanting her to be freakier in bed, have a bigger butt or bigger breast, be nicer or more fiesty or sassy or what ever. Even if they ARE happy with the woman they have, they will always crave the freedom and the variety of other women. Even if they don't physically act on it, they will (from what men say) always be receptive to other women. I may be wrong, and I don't mean to generalize. I know for a fact that this isn't true with ALL women because I am a woman and when I was in a relationship with the one boyfriend I had in my whole life, he was more than enough for me. More than one time guys who were more physically attractive or wealthier than him approached me. But their was always a barrier up, I didn't give any man the oppertunity to prove himself to be better in any way. I shut out all men, I didn't accept new male friends, I got off of social media for the entire relationship and I fully committed and convinced myself that although there were other guys, I (at the time) had found MY guy and shut off every oppertunity for anyone else to come into my life. It wasn't something that my (then) boyfriend asked of me nor did he even know that I had done all of this. To this day he still doesn't know how committed I had been to him. But I think I blocked other men and completely stopped being on the market. Now what Im asking is, how often do MEN do this for their girlfriends? How common is it that a man will meet a girl and block other women who are prettier, smarter, richer, and more popluar than their girlfrien Do men tend to keep their options open more often?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Men do exactly that all the time, with the exception being that they're still going to LOOK at other women. That doesn't mean they're going to pursue those women - hell, most of the time, even if the woman pursues him, he's going to shut her down. But the vast majority of men are always going to look, because are brains are just wired that way.

That goes back to biology and the male role in reproduction, which is: to spread our seed. Men are instinctually attracted to a variety of women, and have a drive to have sex with not just "many" women, but also DIFFERENT women. This drive comes from the importance of genetic diversity, because in-family or in-tribe in-breeding will lead to disease and birth defects.

When a man is in a relationship and in love, though, he largely walls off that part of him to anyone except his girl - EXCEPT the visual part - the part where he's going to LOOK at other women. There's simply no mechanism to shut that part of the male brain off - we can't do it even if we want to. It's also not something that women should be threatened by, because looking does NOT mean he's pursuing. 99% of the time, the guy will look, enjoy the look, and then the moment is over and he's forgotten about it 2 minutes later. He's not sitting there dwelling on it or plotting how to bang that girl he saw - he just admired her shape and beauty and then went about the rest of his day.

Yes, some men cheat, and some women cheat, but most people don't - most set boundaries more-or-less the same as you describe, except men's eyes will never stop looking at other women, because that's just how men work. Accept that, and don't be threatened by it, and you'll be much, much happier (and so will he).

Tdieseler · Accepted Answer

I think men do... i can agree with that. because a lot of women are backstabbing snakes who set the stage up just to kick you off it. This "simple" question... is not as simple as you make it seem. Yea... you did all that extra.. blocking every other man just to focus on one... if my girl did that, im instantly booting her. I dont ever want to be option... i want to be a choice. shutting every male off because of me... thats scary... thats stalker scary. Thats a good way to push a guy away. speaking of which... this so called boyfriend... you guys still together?

Not every guy is the same... some guys will appreciate that you are willing to basically cut off all guys for them... those are the insecure morons that hate competition, and eventually will dump a girl because they are getting too much attention. Guys like me... we like our girls to be free... go out, explore... and know very well that You have the best one and you will come back to him (me). I ain't worried.
About options open... like i said... guys do that.. we ain't blind to what your fellow females are doing to males... maybe you should make yourself a choice... and not an option.

fonduegirl · Accepted Answer

a few of them might be doing this, but most of 'em don't. And yes, however guys deny that they don't check out other women even if they're out with you, they just do😉. The jock guys visibily flirt with eyes, while the nerds pee in their pants. But 92% of them do.

But then again, some women are ready to become a lifeboat, then to sail a committed relationship. Keeping men aside, such women would rather destruct somebody's relationship, then construct one for herself.

Even some women nowadays do that, tbs.

VIVANT · Accepted Answer

I’m same as you I just block them out. For me it’s not even hard , it happens automatic when I lile a guy I’m a special way 😉

lightbulb27 · Answer

there's a lot in there.
yes we are visual and visuals of others can trigger those thoughts, it depends how far he goes with thinking. I'd guess we all have that potential and its a choice. A good and healthy relationship I think keeps a lot of that at bay. When both peoples needs are met and happy, there is less need, time or energy for anything else.

I'm committed in relationship and although I'd talk to other women as part of work or friends, I'd be clear I have a girlfriend when talk to them and share as often as I'd remember with my girlfriend so she knows. I blocked other pretty women and so have other men I know. It is a thought though of... is this what I want, did I really want the other person. I had that issue, especially early on as I didn't end the other relationships in my head.

Gee... wonder why some cultures totally cover up the women (Muslim) or hide them (Jewish). It's because those operate on emotion of honor as other men gauk at their women.

I see lots of men who commit and are committed. But as a man once said to me... I can always look, but look away fast and don't touch. he was married.

MLGbreezy · Answer

Honestly I'm not gonna do all that cause that just doesn't sound healthy im not gonna close my self off from making new friends and well living my life because of my girlfriend because i don't expect that of her and she shouldn't of me but that doesn't mean my options are quote on quote open whatever that means cause like all women aren't the same all guys are NOT the same. But if a check out an attractive women then okay she's attractive that doesn't mean anything to me at least. And let me set something straight if I've got my girlfriend and i want her to be sassy or a little more freaky that doesn't really have anything to do with my options if I'm happy with who she is then i don't need anyone else and to be frank i wouldn't be with her if i wasn't happy with the women I'm with freaky are not because there are other character traits that counter balance that and i look for the important traits first and foremost And to be honest most of the stuff you said can be applied if not all can be applied to many women just as much as men

Lightning8 · Answer

I kept my options open the first two dates until I realized she really did like me and wanted more. Then I started closing everything off. To me yes there were prettier women but I wasn't gonna linger and flirt or shoot my shot. I didn't need to because I had somebody. I thought it was normal to do the kind of things you described: to not flirt or let someone of the opposite sex become closer to you than your s/o in any way (other than family), and to commit, to be actually exclusive once you're in a relationship. But apparently this isn't so much the case as many good people find themselves 'competing' with others for their monogomous partner. Women are guilty as well, perhaps equally so although attraction works differently for them. I think consumerism bleeds into romance and there is also a lack of incentive for marraige. So, people aren't actrually trying to commit anymore, either to prevent themselves from being hurt, or to upgrade, or it's just because they're a pig [gender neutral]

FoxnEagle · Answer

Any man worth their salt seems to do pretty much the same thing you do. There once was a social sciences theory that basically states what you are describing men doing, but it was realized that men and women also take into account the investment that they have put into their current relationship. So while men are definitely more prone to look at other women, we don't generally tend to want to ruin something that we already have. (However there is the factor where when each sex thinks they can get away with it, they're more likely to do it [go figure])

I think shutting out all men and not accepting any new male friends was actually to your detriment. Never cut off your ability to network unless you seriously feel that you would have cheated had you not done so.

NatashaJ · Answer

I don't get back up plans for people like the people you pick for a back plan up, how do you know they want you? like wtf you kinda need to ask someone first if they like you before you assume 10 years from now if me and Becky don't last I can pick Natasha, Tracy, Bertha after they are my top 3 picks etc like wtf lmao. If a guy tries that with me I be like and you never have a chance with me now asshole. It really does take a lot of arrogance and narcissism to be like that and I don't think all men are arrogant and narcissist.

djmzes · Answer

Simple
If you act as an option so you are an option. If you have nothing to offer to be a priority theb why should someone treat you as priority.
You choose to be someone that treat you like an option and not go for someone that will treat you like a priority.

Everything relies in ur choice cuz you are the only to be blamed as it was a choice.

Are men always keeping their options open?

Kkaos · Answer

Yes, it does happen quite a lot. In the pickup community we call it 'one-itis' which is kind of funny, because it suggests it's an illness and not normal. But then again for pickup guys it isn't normal because if they were prepared to settle down, they wouldn't be into pickup.

I've had it before with a girl I really liked. I'd notice other attractive women, but I didn't really think too much about them. My thoughts were occupied with only one. This remained even after we broke up, it took some time to start really feeling anything from other women. Nowadays I struggle to meet someone who I get 'one-itis' for.

ROCKS128 · Answer

Nope.
Not all men are like that.
Dont think that you made a big sacrifice or something important.

We can control ourselves. I never heard of any guy or man leaving behind all girls coz he wanted to prove his commitment in the relationship.
But they do no care of others girls when they have their girl for everything.
I am a guy that accepted that my girlfriend was not very beautiful, but she was cute and also there were many hot & beautiful girls other than my girlfriend, i even confronted it to her, and i knew i wouldn't fall for lust, our relationship was good!

It could be that you are not confident on yourself...
Or you want ur boyfriend to do same as you coz you are not confident on him... Maybe.

dontgofalling · Answer

As you probably know, men are all different...
Some are weak, some don't care, and some are strong and do care...
I personally do not keep my options when I have a girlfriend (even if it's not official)... but, when there's a girl I thought I kind of liked but then I see a girl I'm really attracted to, by personality and look wise... then I will maybe not care to try it out...
But if there are two girls, who I've accidentally acted like I'm into them, while actually liking both of them and not wanting to hurt the other... well... then it very much confusing..., And I'll probably not do anything since I wouldn't want to hurt any of them...

Friendship_7 · Answer

I feel that men want to be happy and will always be available to other women - If their current girl is failing them in some way. We men just do not value a girl as much, that sounds cold - But It is the truth. A girl should always judge a man --- not by what he tells her, but by how he treats her. - That is advice for girls about men from a man. - And it is fair to everyone.

TrustOfWorthington · Answer

Wow.. you have collected a lot of useful and important intimate knowledge about male humen... or humans? .. whatever..
Umm... I am very impressed about your commitment! Although as a boy I know that it is always important to still stay in contact with the outside world... but if you only blocked out the much more sexually oriented, the boys, i guess there are many girls that should learn from you...
And umm I for example will/would be too deep in love, to be interested in anyone else... sure the sexual attractions stay... but if I fell in love there would be no danger of me acting on interests in other girls...
I don't know if thst helps... umm... yeah

Gentle_Jess · Answer

It depends on the person, and isn't just a masculine trait. I always keep my options open. I cannot even begin to comprehend monogamy. In a relationship I am looking for trust, and ambition... not fidelity. If you hook up with someone else and I find out, dont lie about it to me. If she's attractive, game on. I will probably want details.

btbc92 · Answer

A lot of them are. But that depends who you're attracting and is attracted to. If your involved with a person who doesn't have eyes for you, then yes, they are looking for the 'next big thing'. This, however, isn't about sex/gender. Both men and women do this. You shouldn't even BE on the market. Market dating will just hurt you. If you want genuine relationships, its okay to be picky. Only be friends with guys who actually prove themselves being there for you and think about your well being.

alex515 · Answer

I think it's normal for both women and men to notice when another person is attractive. Being attracted to someone isn't a bad thing, it's normal and doesn't make you any less dedicated to the partner you're with. The only time it is an issue is when a line is crossed and someone acts on it. Or if it's someone you know you're attracted to and you let yourself get really close to them but say it's just friendship. Aside from that I think friendship between men and women is normal and I think noticing that someone other than your significant other is attractive to you is normal too. Just don't cross any lines or act on anything if you're in a committed non-casual relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

In terms of keeping in touch with colleagues by cell phone or whatever, I don't see stuff like that as an issue in of itself so long as the person I'm with is transparent about what it is they're talking to this person about (and making sure that certain boundaries aren't crossed -- it works both for my partner and the person they're interacting with). If they cannot get past certain temptations, however, they need to make the decision they feel is appropriate (which may mean breaking it off from the person they're interacting with or not wasting my time). Relationships are based on trust.

Aenetoo · Answer

I'm not like that. I'm dedicated. It's surprising how many women will come on to a guy if they know he's taken. When I was married, it was a weekly occurence. What's a guy supposed to do? He can't tell his girl cuz she'll just get upset. It's not about keeping options open. It's about keeping the one option open that matters: my girl.

Anonymous · Answer

Men are individuals just like women.
Some are incredibly faithful, some put themselves in situations where cheating can happen and others actually seek out ways to cheat.
They're just like some women.
In reading your list of things, I can relate to wanting my ex to be nicer.
I got to a point where I was vulnerable to any woman who was kind to me.
I didn't ever cheat, but there were nicer women that I fantasized about at times.

Anonymous · Answer

My impression to be honest is that men seem to be happier with partners imperfections than women are.

Did you know the majority of men who cheat do so with a woman who they report is less attractive?

Men... on a gut level value a woman being “his” more. So a reasonably attractive woman who is “his” he’s happy with. Women seem to more hypergamous. This isn’t to say women cheat more - men probably do by a small margin. But it’s a female instinct to think about getting something better.

ryryryan · Answer

Any man who doesn't have the freedom to engage with a woman he is interested I feel truly sorry for, because as everyone here agrees u can't deny attraction exists and there is definitely a direct relationship between the options a man has and his happiness. Having a meaningful relationship means having your freedom to fulfill your desires and them supporting that. Monogamy blows actually

Northern_star · Answer

i can't fully agree on this one dear. i mean we truthfully do have a tendency to feel attraction to hot women (whereas "hot" in itself may vary) MrOracle wrote that vrry good.
BUT once we find a real symbiotic partner who has good looks aaanndd we can also respect her because of her true personality.. i personally dont mind other woman then at all.

AynonOMouse · Answer

I never let someone else try to get close if I am in a relationship. And the "trading up" thing is more common for women because they often want a man with more money. Especially if the guy ever loses his job, then she starts looking to trade up pretty quick. Not all women, but many are like that.
Guys don't eve care about wealthier women. Someone that works at fast food making minimum wage is just as good as someone that makes 5 times as much in a man's view.

Anonymous · Answer

"Even if they don't physically act on it, they will (from what men say) always be receptive to other women."

No. You were right up to that point. But no, just because you look doesn't mean you're receptive.

Men certainly wouldn't isolate themselves the way you did. That seems like you don't trust yourself to be near other men or something.

A man wouldn't do that. He'd just trust himself not to act on it.

thecheesypenne · Answer

I would give you a simple answer. Everyone or most of us gender neutral will remain like you in their first relationship. It's later the shit starts happening. Then they know some things and don't want to adjust and start wanting more. But then, if they meet a great women who can please him with her humour, everything blurs out again! :)

LeoElias · Answer

Not all guys can keep their options open because they take what they can get. Only some dudes can keep their options open, the one who know how to play the game. I don't have relationships. I only have hook ups. So my options are always open because I'm not committed. Even if I am out with someone I like I still keep an eye out for other women. Because I'm not looking for anything serious anyway, it shouldn't matter if I look or not.

CT_CD · Answer

Women are the ones who do that. They're the ones who have a 'Plan B' man

3rdSrike · Answer

From experience, its usually women who have a backup plan and keep some guys on the side (or at least in their mind) in case it doesn't work out.

ashole men do indeed exist, men who can never be satisfied but the majority of men i know are more than happy with one woman only, regardless of her breast or butt size, my two friends broke up with their gfs a year ago and to this day they just dont feel its right to go out and meet other women.

Rambler221 · Answer

First off, if women never kept their options open, how the fuck are there women who cheat? Whom I have witnessed, by the by.

And second, no, we don't keep our options open in the manner in which you describe. Maybe at the very beginning of a new relationship, but we commit quickly, and unless (like all people who would consider infidelity) there is a serious problem with us or our relationship, our girl is more than enough.

Daniel3035 · Answer

Not really. Men choose a girl and stay committed. With vague lists innthe back of their head of women they’re interested into. But guys usually treat relationships as a priority it’s only when things are perfect but that mental list wasn’t finished / experienced does cheating happen.

Billjant · Answer

If a man feels satisfied he'll never cheat. Many men start thinking about cheating when their wives stop wanting to have sex as often or are so busy with the kids they never make time to spend together with their husbands.

crazyluv263 · Answer

To all the guys saying it’s because of women. Neither gender can be trusted. Too many men be on games. I feel like society makes guys feel having a lot of baddies on their arm should be rewarded Mack daddy of the year 😂. Usually if someone has a backup plan it’s because everybody else had backup plans in the past 🤦🏽‍♀️

ManOnFire · Answer

There are definitely a lot of men who do what you say, I've even known some personally. I think it's sad. Personally though I think women do cheat more than men and like how it feels to be desired by many men.

MusicMayhem · Answer

Well guys have to settle most of the time so they are rarely truly happy with who they have. So yeah they like to see what else is out there in case a rare occassion happens when someone their equal finds them attractive.

JSmuve · Answer

Well
1) I wouldn't get into a relationship if I knew that she wasn't the best out there for me
And
2) I don't chase after girls so those prettier, smarter, richer, more popular girls would have to come to me which we know ain't gonna happen

Rexxx · Answer

Attraction to other isn't the same as being unsatisfied in a relationship.

Lance1965 · Answer

The smart men do but they are only doing the same thing most women do. Most women have another man in their sights if their current realtionship doesn't work out.

Rangers · Answer

If you mean I talk to more than one person at once when not in a relationship, yes. But if you're suggesting that I even entertain the idea of being with multiple people at once, you're wrong.

dreamstar72 · Answer

I guess most men are like a child in a toy store and told to pick one toy. The choice is great for them and they finally pick their favorite but they still wonder

scotty01 · Answer

I don’t have back up woman. I just know what I’m after in a woman and if we both have things in common with each other with out fighting then that’s what I want with out any ex’s hanging around her to would be nice

Aynsof · Answer

Well a lot of men do that yes but to be fair a lot of women do it as well it isn't so much a gender issue
Not all men do that though there are plenty men who when they are with someone they have no interest on anyone else whatsoever

Raven_76 · Answer

I'm not sure. I would if I didn't meet a girl I really wanted to be with. I'd focus all my attention on a girl I really liked but that would just end up with me getting hurt, that's how it usually goes unfortunately.

Athena374 · Answer

Yea, a lot of these hoe guys do. Even with a girlfriend. Smh.

Wammu · Answer

Yep, mainly because keeping to one girl hasn't rewarded me enough in the past, no in fact it has punished me so far.

Factshurt90 · Answer

From my experience. Yes, most people keep options open though.. I even knew women who did it.

Asad1ONE1 · Answer

That is a DEAD FALSE and outdated myth. And who so ever believes it is nothing more than a fool. In fact, there is evidence to suggest of women being far more visually driven and less monogamous, which I don't believe either. Lol

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on how far you go in the relationship. If he's committed and deeply in love with a woman, he wouldn't and shouldn't be keeping his options open.

hbtgv · Answer

First of, good job on being faithful. Secondly, most men keep their options open, I believe you have the right idea though in my opinion, so look for someone who has the same view. Good luck

Dchrls78104 · Answer

I don't know or care. I just know what I want in a woman.

Kemil_Zhoki · Answer

No. The truth is that it is usually women who have a backup plan.

skeetskeetskeet · Answer

You got it right pretty much... If your with a guy he's with you because your the best thing available at that time...

Skateranon · Answer

As soon as I met my now fiance I shut out all women that liked me and I deleted numbers and even blocked girls on Instagram that had an interrest

Anonymous · Answer

They will keep denying it when we all know that they are all the same.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes they keep their options open You should do the same until you are married.

Anonymous · Answer

No, hypergamy is a female thing. When men fall in love we actually fall in love with every prt of us. Women generally are always on the look out for something better.

Cookie8888 · Answer

Well that's just greed; human nature. It's healthy.

Bianca914 · Answer

Blocking is a bit extreme if he's committed you will know by his behavior

Sabretooth · Answer

no, but you should bring it to our attention. men are very visual-we could easily stare at another woman without even realize it

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

Guys and girls do this why does everyone think this is a guy trait

MrCrewCut · Answer

I wouldn't block them out, that is just rude. I would still make friends but be loyal to my girl!

Anonymous · Answer

Ffs this is so dumb. Why do men chase women anyway? If the women doesn’t respond to your texts. She was never interested. If she doesn’t come out with you the same principle applies.

Anonymous · Answer

We both have backup plans and yes i myself have a list of girls and i'm pretty sure that every guy do it but there's always this girl than is ranked nb.1 on our minds. Although girl do this more often then men:)

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