Are men always keeping their options open?

[Anonymous]

This is not meant to be disrespectful at all so please dont take it harshly. Its just a simple question. Based off of what I have heard (and I have NEVER once heard a man deny) is that men are very sexually and visually driven. Men will always check out women around them even if they are in a relationship or they will fantasize about wanting more from their girlfriend - wanting her to be freakier in bed, have a bigger butt or bigger breast, be nicer or more fiesty or sassy or what ever. Even if they ARE happy with the woman they have, they will always crave the freedom and the variety of other women. Even if they don't physically act on it, they will (from what men say) always be receptive to other women. I may be wrong, and I don't mean to generalize. I know for a fact that this isn't true with ALL women because I am a woman and when I was in a relationship with the one boyfriend I had in my whole life, he was more than enough for me. More than one time guys who were more physically attractive or wealthier than him approached me. But their was always a barrier up, I didn't give any man the oppertunity to prove himself to be better in any way. I shut out all men, I didn't accept new male friends, I got off of social media for the entire relationship and I fully committed and convinced myself that although there were other guys, I (at the time) had found MY guy and shut off every oppertunity for anyone else to come into my life. It wasn't something that my (then) boyfriend asked of me nor did he even know that I had done all of this. To this day he still doesn't know how committed I had been to him. But I think I blocked other men and completely stopped being on the market. Now what Im asking is, how often do MEN do this for their girlfriends? How common is it that a man will meet a girl and block other women who are prettier, smarter, richer, and more popluar than their girlfrien Do men tend to keep their options open more often?

[MrOracle]

Men do exactly that all the time, with the exception being that they're still going to LOOK at other women. That doesn't mean they're going to pursue those women - hell, most of the time, even if the woman pursues him, he's going to shut her down. But the vast majority of men are always going to look, because are brains are just wired that way.

That goes back to biology and the male role in reproduction, which is: to spread our seed. Men are instinctually attracted to a variety of women, and have a drive to have sex with not just "many" women, but also DIFFERENT women. This drive comes from the importance of genetic diversity, because in-family or in-tribe in-breeding will lead to disease and birth defects.

When a man is in a relationship and in love, though, he largely walls off that part of him to anyone except his girl - EXCEPT the visual part - the part where he's going to LOOK at other women. There's simply no mechanism to shut that part of the male brain off - we can't do it even if we want to. It's also not something that women should be threatened by, because looking does NOT mean he's pursuing. 99% of the time, the guy will look, enjoy the look, and then the moment is over and he's forgotten about it 2 minutes later. He's not sitting there dwelling on it or plotting how to bang that girl he saw - he just admired her shape and beauty and then went about the rest of his day.

Yes, some men cheat, and some women cheat, but most people don't - most set boundaries more-or-less the same as you describe, except men's eyes will never stop looking at other women, because that's just how men work. Accept that, and don't be threatened by it, and you'll be much, much happier (and so will he).

[mwelkja]

This is a great response.

[Tdieseler]

I think men do... i can agree with that. because a lot of women are backstabbing snakes who set the stage up just to kick you off it. This "simple" question... is not as simple as you make it seem. Yea... you did all that extra.. blocking every other man just to focus on one... if my girl did that, im instantly booting her. I dont ever want to be option... i want to be a choice. shutting every male off because of me... thats scary... thats stalker scary. Thats a good way to push a guy away. speaking of which... this so called boyfriend... you guys still together?

Not every guy is the same... some guys will appreciate that you are willing to basically cut off all guys for them... those are the insecure morons that hate competition, and eventually will dump a girl because they are getting too much attention. Guys like me... we like our girls to be free... go out, explore... and know very well that You have the best one and you will come back to him (me). I ain't worried.
About options open... like i said... guys do that.. we ain't blind to what your fellow females are doing to males... maybe you should make yourself a choice... and not an option.

[anon1903]

a few of them might be doing this, but most of 'em don't. And yes, however guys deny that they don't check out other women even if they're out with you, they just do😉. The jock guys visibily flirt with eyes, while the nerds pee in their pants. But 92% of them do.

But then again, some women are ready to become a lifeboat, then to sail a committed relationship. Keeping men aside, such women would rather destruct somebody's relationship, then construct one for herself.

Even some women nowadays do that, tbs.

[VIVANT]

I’m same as you I just block them out. For me it’s not even hard , it happens automatic when I lile a guy I’m a special way 😉

[VIVANT]

In*

I knkw this doesn’t help you with guys I just related to what you were saying😊

[Asker]

I appreciate the comments tho. I think when someone is special its always been automatic for me, but I was also conciously doing it as well. I was committed to being someone who would be good to him when he wasn't even around

[VIVANT]

Same it’s both conscious and intent 😊

[lightbulb27]

there's a lot in there.
yes we are visual and visuals of others can trigger those thoughts, it depends how far he goes with thinking. I'd guess we all have that potential and its a choice. A good and healthy relationship I think keeps a lot of that at bay. When both peoples needs are met and happy, there is less need, time or energy for anything else.

I'm committed in relationship and although I'd talk to other women as part of work or friends, I'd be clear I have a girlfriend when talk to them and share as often as I'd remember with my girlfriend so she knows. I blocked other pretty women and so have other men I know. It is a thought though of... is this what I want, did I really want the other person. I had that issue, especially early on as I didn't end the other relationships in my head.

Gee... wonder why some cultures totally cover up the women (Muslim) or hide them (Jewish). It's because those operate on emotion of honor as other men gauk at their women.

I see lots of men who commit and are committed. But as a man once said to me... I can always look, but look away fast and don't touch. he was married.

[MLGbreezy]

Honestly I'm not gonna do all that cause that just doesn't sound healthy im not gonna close my self off from making new friends and well living my life because of my girlfriend because i don't expect that of her and she shouldn't of me but that doesn't mean my options are quote on quote open whatever that means cause like all women aren't the same all guys are NOT the same. But if a check out an attractive women then okay she's attractive that doesn't mean anything to me at least. And let me set something straight if I've got my girlfriend and i want her to be sassy or a little more freaky that doesn't really have anything to do with my options if I'm happy with who she is then i don't need anyone else and to be frank i wouldn't be with her if i wasn't happy with the women I'm with freaky are not because there are other character traits that counter balance that and i look for the important traits first and foremost And to be honest most of the stuff you said can be applied if not all can be applied to many women just as much as men

[Lightning8]

I kept my options open the first two dates until I realized she really did like me and wanted more. Then I started closing everything off. To me yes there were prettier women but I wasn't gonna linger and flirt or shoot my shot. I didn't need to because I had somebody. I thought it was normal to do the kind of things you described: to not flirt or let someone of the opposite sex become closer to you than your s/o in any way (other than family), and to commit, to be actually exclusive once you're in a relationship. But apparently this isn't so much the case as many good people find themselves 'competing' with others for their monogomous partner. Women are guilty as well, perhaps equally so although attraction works differently for them. I think consumerism bleeds into romance and there is also a lack of incentive for marraige. So, people aren't actrually trying to commit anymore, either to prevent themselves from being hurt, or to upgrade, or it's just because they're a pig [gender neutral]

[FoxnEagle]

Any man worth their salt seems to do pretty much the same thing you do. There once was a social sciences theory that basically states what you are describing men doing, but it was realized that men and women also take into account the investment that they have put into their current relationship. So while men are definitely more prone to look at other women, we don't generally tend to want to ruin something that we already have. (However there is the factor where when each sex thinks they can get away with it, they're more likely to do it [go figure])

I think shutting out all men and not accepting any new male friends was actually to your detriment. Never cut off your ability to network unless you seriously feel that you would have cheated had you not done so.

[NatashaJ]

I don't get back up plans for people like the people you pick for a back plan up, how do you know they want you? like wtf you kinda need to ask someone first if they like you before you assume 10 years from now if me and Becky don't last I can pick Natasha, Tracy, Bertha after they are my top 3 picks etc like wtf lmao. If a guy tries that with me I be like and you never have a chance with me now asshole. It really does take a lot of arrogance and narcissism to be like that and I don't think all men are arrogant and narcissist.

[djmzes]

Simple
If you act as an option so you are an option. If you have nothing to offer to be a priority theb why should someone treat you as priority.
You choose to be someone that treat you like an option and not go for someone that will treat you like a priority.

Everything relies in ur choice cuz you are the only to be blamed as it was a choice.

[Kkaos]

Yes, it does happen quite a lot. In the pickup community we call it 'one-itis' which is kind of funny, because it suggests it's an illness and not normal. But then again for pickup guys it isn't normal because if they were prepared to settle down, they wouldn't be into pickup.

I've had it before with a girl I really liked. I'd notice other attractive women, but I didn't really think too much about them. My thoughts were occupied with only one. This remained even after we broke up, it took some time to start really feeling anything from other women. Nowadays I struggle to meet someone who I get 'one-itis' for.

[Athena374]

Smh.

[ROCKS128]

Nope.
Not all men are like that.
Dont think that you made a big sacrifice or something important.

We can control ourselves. I never heard of any guy or man leaving behind all girls coz he wanted to prove his commitment in the relationship.
But they do no care of others girls when they have their girl for everything.
I am a guy that accepted that my girlfriend was not very beautiful, but she was cute and also there were many hot & beautiful girls other than my girlfriend, i even confronted it to her, and i knew i wouldn't fall for lust, our relationship was good!

It could be that you are not confident on yourself...
Or you want ur boyfriend to do same as you coz you are not confident on him... Maybe.

[dontgofalling]

As you probably know, men are all different...
Some are weak, some don't care, and some are strong and do care...
I personally do not keep my options when I have a girlfriend (even if it's not official)... but, when there's a girl I thought I kind of liked but then I see a girl I'm really attracted to, by personality and look wise... then I will maybe not care to try it out...
But if there are two girls, who I've accidentally acted like I'm into them, while actually liking both of them and not wanting to hurt the other... well... then it very much confusing..., And I'll probably not do anything since I wouldn't want to hurt any of them...

[dontgofalling]

I mean that if I had a girlfriend or a crush she would be the only one I'd think of

[Friendship_7]

I feel that men want to be happy and will always be available to other women - If their current girl is failing them in some way. We men just do not value a girl as much, that sounds cold - But It is the truth. A girl should always judge a man --- not by what he tells her, but by how he treats her. - That is advice for girls about men from a man. - And it is fair to everyone.

[TrustOfWorthington]

Wow.. you have collected a lot of useful and important intimate knowledge about male humen... or humans? .. whatever..
Umm... I am very impressed about your commitment! Although as a boy I know that it is always important to still stay in contact with the outside world... but if you only blocked out the much more sexually oriented, the boys, i guess there are many girls that should learn from you...
And umm I for example will/would be too deep in love, to be interested in anyone else... sure the sexual attractions stay... but if I fell in love there would be no danger of me acting on interests in other girls...
I don't know if thst helps... umm... yeah

[Gentle_Jess]

It depends on the person, and isn't just a masculine trait. I always keep my options open. I cannot even begin to comprehend monogamy. In a relationship I am looking for trust, and ambition... not fidelity. If you hook up with someone else and I find out, dont lie about it to me. If she's attractive, game on. I will probably want details.

[bklynbadboy1]

@Gentle_Jess well said lol Well said!

[btbc92]

A lot of them are. But that depends who you're attracting and is attracted to. If your involved with a person who doesn't have eyes for you, then yes, they are looking for the 'next big thing'. This, however, isn't about sex/gender. Both men and women do this. You shouldn't even BE on the market. Market dating will just hurt you. If you want genuine relationships, its okay to be picky. Only be friends with guys who actually prove themselves being there for you and think about your well being.

[Asad1ONE1]

Btbc92! Correct, but once again contradicting herself. Lol

[btbc92]

@Asad1ONE1 And how am I contradicting myself? I'm talking about other people, not myself.

[alex515]

I think it's normal for both women and men to notice when another person is attractive. Being attracted to someone isn't a bad thing, it's normal and doesn't make you any less dedicated to the partner you're with. The only time it is an issue is when a line is crossed and someone acts on it. Or if it's someone you know you're attracted to and you let yourself get really close to them but say it's just friendship. Aside from that I think friendship between men and women is normal and I think noticing that someone other than your significant other is attractive to you is normal too. Just don't cross any lines or act on anything if you're in a committed non-casual relationship.

[Anonymous]

In terms of keeping in touch with colleagues by cell phone or whatever, I don't see stuff like that as an issue in of itself so long as the person I'm with is transparent about what it is they're talking to this person about (and making sure that certain boundaries aren't crossed -- it works both for my partner and the person they're interacting with). If they cannot get past certain temptations, however, they need to make the decision they feel is appropriate (which may mean breaking it off from the person they're interacting with or not wasting my time). Relationships are based on trust.

[Aenetoo]

I'm not like that. I'm dedicated. It's surprising how many women will come on to a guy if they know he's taken. When I was married, it was a weekly occurence. What's a guy supposed to do? He can't tell his girl cuz she'll just get upset. It's not about keeping options open. It's about keeping the one option open that matters: my girl.

[Anonymous]

Men are individuals just like women.
Some are incredibly faithful, some put themselves in situations where cheating can happen and others actually seek out ways to cheat.
They're just like some women.
In reading your list of things, I can relate to wanting my ex to be nicer.
I got to a point where I was vulnerable to any woman who was kind to me.
I didn't ever cheat, but there were nicer women that I fantasized about at times.

[Anonymous]

My impression to be honest is that men seem to be happier with partners imperfections than women are.

Did you know the majority of men who cheat do so with a woman who they report is less attractive?

Men... on a gut level value a woman being “his” more. So a reasonably attractive woman who is “his” he’s happy with. Women seem to more hypergamous. This isn’t to say women cheat more - men probably do by a small margin. But it’s a female instinct to think about getting something better.

[ryryryan]

Any man who doesn't have the freedom to engage with a woman he is interested I feel truly sorry for, because as everyone here agrees u can't deny attraction exists and there is definitely a direct relationship between the options a man has and his happiness. Having a meaningful relationship means having your freedom to fulfill your desires and them supporting that. Monogamy blows actually

[Gentle_Jess]

well said

[Northern_star]

i can't fully agree on this one dear. i mean we truthfully do have a tendency to feel attraction to hot women (whereas "hot" in itself may vary) MrOracle wrote that vrry good.
BUT once we find a real symbiotic partner who has good looks aaanndd we can also respect her because of her true personality.. i personally dont mind other woman then at all.