Does persistence pay off after being rejected?

[joecollege]

For Girls: Has a man you rejected ever gotten you by being persistent?

Updates

+1 y

By "gotten you" I mean for a relationship too.

[Anonymous]

I didn't date him earlier cause I actually had a boyfriend at the time and was "in love" with him. Also, I thought he was a dork and not very cute. I changed my mind b/c he became the most special person to me. I could tell he was the person that cared about me the most. When I said I didn't want to be his girlfriend he said, well can I at least be your best friend? And that's what he became. I could tell he cared about me more than anyone. We shared some friends and they would tell me that he was always gushing about me saying how great I was and how he wishes he had a girlfriend like me and blah blah blah. He was also the first one to talk to me first on special occasions.

For example on my birthday he called me right at 12 and was singing happy birthday to me and was like "I wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday." to make a long story short he was so special with me and did things I will never forget-He won my heart. and i'm not saying that its easy to win someone's heart-it's an art. and it takes a lot of time and patience and persistence. don't accept no for an answer. just look at her and think "she's mine" and make her yours if you are falling in love (not saying you were) don't ever left your love slip away-even if she's your "impossible love" because anything is possible if you believe. If you do everything you can, and it fails, at least you'll know it wasn't your fault, you did everything you could. A girl would like a guy if she saw he wanted her that badly, and that's what I saw-his persistence I knew that if he wanted me that bad, and was willing to suffer that much for me and was that special with me then I should give him a chance.

We broke up b/c he fell into a deep depression because of a bad situation, and I couldn't handle it. but now it seems that he has straighted all that out and we are still friends. I know he still feels the same as before...and if everything continues being as good as it is now, we'll get back together. Hope this answered your question, I know it was kinda long, hope I didn't confuse you.

[joecollege]

That was awesome, thank you so much for sharing. I gave out best answer already, but believe me you deserve it as much as well. Thanks, and good luck with you two.

[fivethreesevenseven]

Persistence can be seen as romantic and endearing, but it must be done in the romantic and endearing manner- as opposed to being creepy and stalker-ish. I love the idea of someone trying so hard to grab my affections, but in reality it always puts my guard way up.

Subtle persistence works much more effectively for me... someone who is always there, doing things for me etc.., BUT other persistent strategies (i.e calling me desperately 50 times everyday, following me, asking me out each day) appears pathetic, and no one particularly wants to get into a relationship with some one deemed pathetic.

Subtle persistence will have me wondering what I ever did with out this guy, rather than how I can ever get rid of him...

[iluvgiraffes]

This guy that I talked to for a while started liking me. I didn't really like him all that much. He was a good friend but noting more. I told him that too but he kept pushing it. It got so annoying that one day I just came up and slapped him right across the face because he didn't get the point and still to this day he keeps trying. It is kind of creepy (Please DON'T be like that).

So I guess what I'm trying to say is if she isn't into you and she tells you she isn't into you then just leave her alone. But if she is reacting and flirting back with you then I guess its paying off.

[joecollege]

No, I'm not like that. I say the word "rejected" in my question, but what used to happen was I would get mixed signals. for example: I flirt, she seems non chalant about it, I stop flirting to leave her alone, she flirts.

[joecollege]

I haven't been persistent for a while, but was curious if girls liked that so I wanted to ask.My experience has been what DeanW said. Even when I was younger, if a girl ever told me she wasn't into me I was gone. (or maybe genuine platonic friends depending)

[iluvgiraffes]

I wasnt trying to say you are being that way. I was just saying that being overly persistant won't get you anywhere. But don't give up just as soon as she pushes you off one time. Be persistant enough to show her that you care to be with her.

[joecollege]

Thank you iluvgiraffes. That is what I was looking for :) If I had a giraffe I'd give it to you.

[iluvgiraffes]

Haha that's good.. I'm glad I could help

aww well it's the thought that counts :)

[DeanW]

I'd be surprised if it did. There's an interesting article under the break-up category that might have some helpful information. It's titled "When Does Love Begin for Guys?" Despite its odd title (no offense to the author), it discusses the way men and women approach relationships and hits on a key fact that I think relates to your question, that being that women often decide that they like a guy before they really know him or have a reason (other than him being "attractive").

As much as we men get accused of being all about the hunt, women are at least as guilty of making snap judgments based on appearance and then, as LeAnn Womack sang, thinking of a reason later. My point here is that persistence is unlikely to pay off since women don't necessarily weigh all the facts before deciding if they like you or not.

Confidence rates a higher trade value than sincerity. As the anonymous user stated - "Oh and for some reason at bars or clubs etc. the cocky type guys can be a turn on unless they're perverted."

They'll like who they like and then they'll think of a reason later.

But don't feel bad; I think this is a lesson that we have to learn the hard way.

[roten27]

I could not agree more with you Dean

[Sweetfeetpeet]

I could not put it better myself. It's just how things go.

[joecollege]

I agree DeanW, I have noticed that the best girls I hit it off with right away. Some I leave them alone and forget about them and they decide they like me later. It's funny how all this works. At this point I don't worry about it and just go with the flow.

[Claretica]

I'd have to say it really depends on the girl.

Some girls would think you're an idiot for trying so much, plus it would freak her out.

Or some girls would eventually be attracted to this guy over time.

And others don't mind either way.

All in all I'd have to say most of the time persistence does pay.

[loveAnsweringOldQS]

I didn't date him earlier cause I actually had a boyfriend at the time and was "in love" with him. Also, I thought he was a dork and not very cute. I changed my mind b/c he became the most special person to me. I could tell he was the person that cared about me the most. When I said I didn't want to be his girlfriend he said, well can I at least be your best friend? And that's what he became. I could tell he cared about me more than anyone. We shared some friends and they would tell me that he was always gushing about me saying how great I was and how he wishes he had a girlfriend like me and blah blah blah. He was also the first one to talk to me first on special occasions.

For example on my birthday he called me right at 12 and was singing happy birthday to me and was like "I wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday." to make a long story short he was so special with me and did things I will never forget-He won my heart. and i'm not saying that its easy to win someone's heart-it's an art. and it takes a lot of time and patience and persistence. don't accept no for an answer. just look at her and think "she's mine" and make her yours if you are falling in love (not saying you were) don't ever left your love slip away-even if she's your "impossible love" because anything is possible if you believe. If you do everything you can, and it fails, at least you'll know it wasn't your fault, you did everything you could. A girl would like a guy if she saw he wanted her that badly, and that's what I saw-his persistence I knew that if he wanted me that bad, and was willing to suffer that much for me and was that special with me then I should give him a chance.

We broke up b/c he fell into a deep depression because of a bad situation, and I couldn't handle it. but now it seems that he has straighted all that out and we are still friends. I know he still feels the same as before... and if everything continues being as good as it is now, we'll get back together. Hope this answered your question, I know it was kinda long, hope I didn't confuse you.

[iloveyou]

No. Once I get rejected I move on. I think it's immature to keep trying. You can't force a person to feel the same way about you.

Now... if a guy wasn't clear about rejecting me, and I feel like there's still a slight chance, then I'll still hang on, which I usually regret in the end.

Be clear when you reject someone and don't ever reject someone just because you think it'll make them try even harder.

[mauggie]

It depends the guy I'm in that situation with but I think more guys should be like that because that lets us girls know you really really want to go out with us instead of just giving up that makes a lot of us think he's just going from girl to girl to see which one would finally say yes. I'm not saying all guys that aren't persistent do that but hear and there you will find a guy like that.

[Anonymous]

Yes only because I'm WEAK! I had a boyfriend who I felt, wasn't persistent enough, THAT's why he didn't get any nooky. I wanted him to make the first move and he didn't, so after dating for awhile we just stopped talking to each other! Oh and for some reason at bars or clubs etc. the cocky type guys can be a turn on unless their perverts.

[Anonymous]

Yea. This guy liked me (A LOT). He would ask me out every month. After a year and a half I said yes (on Valentines' Day). So for him it paid off. We went out for 2 years and we might be getting back together. The key is to not be overly aggressive. It's better to SHOW that you want to go out with her than to ask her 100 times a month

[joecollege]

How come you didn't date him earlier, and what changed your mind? And if you don't mind me asking, what did you break up for?

[Opinion Owner]

I'll answer this above since there isn't enough space

[LegallyBlondi]

Oh my. Never repeated, ask someone out. One of my best guy friends asked me out six times in two months, if i didn't say yes the first time, I wasn't gonna say it the 6th, once per every three months I'd say.

[nobodygirl]

You shouldn't just keep asking someone out. They'll think you're a total loser--even if they didn't before. You should talk and flirt with her, but don't ask her out until it looks like she definitely likes you.

[maureen]

NO. If you do not like someone right from the get go, being pushy just makes me want to stay away from you even more. It can be quite a turn off.

[Trice26]

So true. And when I do give in it is out of pity.

[Anonymous]

yes it has. this guy was a friend of mine, and believe me I was so far from liking him, I barely could stand him. but the more and more he pushed one day in the middle of a sentence he asked me if I'd go out with him and to my amazement I said yes. but yeah that developed into a relationship. ended badly but still.

[Anonymous]

Ok this is just me being honest, but with all my friends and myself, no, it is just creepy and annoying. I'm sorry but chances are if she doesn't like she doesn't like you and that's not going to change.

[Quester]

Never. I don't play like that, and if I initially turn down a guy, then I really mean it...