Would it be wrong to ask boyfriend to let me see his phone and check it or I’m leaving the relationship?

[Anonymous]

He is a great guy in all other aspects, but He is doing some sketchy things when it comes to social media. Facebook, Snapchat, messenger etc. I can’t say 💯 that he is guilty of talking or entertaining other girls but something doesn’t feel right. One reason is because he was entertaining other girls when we first starting talking (2 months into relationship) He has a passcode on his phone and refuses to share that with me, even though my phone is wide open and I leave it around because I have nothing to hide. He only gets on his Snapchat when I’m not around. I just don’t want to be hurt again and I feel like something isn’t right because of his social media behaviors.

Updates

+1 y

Let me clarify that I have proof of him previously talking to other girls and he still denied it, even with proof in front of him. He also deleted me from Snapchat. I don’t want to get hurt but I don’t want to lose him.

[Anonymous]

No it's not ok. You don't trust him as it is so just leave. He shouldn't have to share his code w you its his phone not yours. You have trust issues as you have established from previous relationships, maybe you should work on that first before getting into another relationship. If I was him is probably walk.

[wiseyoungman]

Either trust him or don't. This thing with going through each other's phones is completely not ok, and I see a lot of young women talking about this. Wake up. I'd leave a girl in a heartbeat for even asking to go through my phone.

[Asker]

I’m not young, I’m 34. Which is the problem! I have never had to deal with social media before in a relationship. He is younger than me so social media is his thing. In my previous marriage social media was NEVER a problem. All this is new to me.

[wiseyoungman]

Lol I consider 30s to be young still, but maybe that's just me 😂. Either way, the phone is just like any other private space. If you want someone that will allow you to beach their private space, you can be sure you'll end up with a person that has issues. No healthy well-adjusted people allow their S/O to violate their privacy like that

[Anonymous]

If I did that to my boyfriend he would simply say, "Close the door quietly when you leave". I know he has nothing to hide, but if I challenged him, that would be it.

If it feels wrong, then it probably IS wrong, so maybe give it a go. I think you will find you have very little to lose.

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for MHG!

[Repa33]

Dont. It tells him you have no trust and that would hurt him.

[Asker]

I don’t trust him fully because of previous times I found out he was using Snapchat to talk to other girls

[Repa33]

Ohhh. Well that changes things

[Asker]

Yes! And he denied it even though I had proof! He has since deleted me from Snapchat so I couldn’t see his score. We live together and both have kids involved, so this isn’t like a “teenage boyfriend relationship” I just don’t want to get hurt but I don’t want to lose him either

[Repa33]

Talk to him. Tell him you have trust issues and he shouldn't have anything to hide

[Asker]

Unfortunately I have, doesn’t work. That’s why I was wondering if I should just give him an ultimatum so this don’t continue to drag on.

[Repa33]

I meam he's done it before and clearly is hiding something

[brittslitt]

You sound stupid and if I were him I'd dump your insecure ass

[brittslitt]

Then leave stupid. Duh

[spartan55]

It would take me about a minute to dump you if you pulled something like this.

[Asker]

Even though I had proof where he messaged another girl when we first started dating and he denied it? If you have nothing to hide why hide your phone? That’s what he does.

[spartan55]

Your update was after my reply. This is all so stupid.. if you don't trust him, why are you with him?

[Asker]

Because I started trusting him and felt things were great! Now I love him and our kids are involved so it’s hard to just walk away.

[spartan55]

Well now you don't trust him, so you are on borrowed time in your relationship. There is no way around this, believe it.

[winterfox10]

There's no way to undo something like that... I think that if you're making a comment like that, you are probably already on your way out any way.

[winterfox10]

Well if you have proof of him talking to the other girls, then it's obvious that he's cheating on you by his behavior. It sounds like you already have what you need to leave him. Stop trying to salvage a relationship that doesn't work

[David-95]

You should talk to him about it instead of secretly checking his phone.

[Asker]

I have talked to him about it. He said he wasn’t doing anything wrong, although a girl he has messaged on tinder contacted my friend (who she knew) and said she recognized seeing pictures of him and a girl (me) on her Facebook. He denied everything

[David-95]

I don't know... if you still don't trust him maybe it's better to end it.

[Asker]

It’s so hard because he is a great guy! I just think he was single for 2-3 years and he is having to adapt. I hate that I’m making excuses for him. 😢

[Philyouup]

If you did that to me, I'd open the door and ask you if you needed help carrying anything out.

[Philyouup]

I might slow down enough so you won't get hurt when you exit the car..

[atheistaredumb]

get out cause I would never show you my phone or any of it

[Anonymous]

It'd definitely damage your relationship.

[outside_Toronto]

No, not ok